Just an Illusion, Side A: Side A

by D. Kelly

  He’s lying. I know he’s lying, but I want to believe him because anything else is unthinkable and unforgivable. And I don’t want to hate Sawyer.

  “I like him, a lot. I’m not that girl anymore, Sawyer, and you testing me or whatever the fuck it was you just did is not part of my job description. You don’t get to talk to me like that, and if it ever happens again, I’m going straight to the label. Sexual harassment is real, Sawyer, and you are an asshole. We’re done for today.”

  After storming off to Noah’s room and slamming the door behind me, I throw myself on the bed. I hear Sawyer scream “Fuck” and then there’s nothing but silence. This is exactly why I didn’t want to get involved with any of them. Close quarters and sexual tension don’t mesh well. And I can’t tell Noah what happened. He and Sawyer are already at each other’s throats. Maybe he was telling the truth and he was looking out for Noah. I couldn’t blame him if that’s what he was doing. God knows it’s hard to trust anyone in this industry.

  I’ve earned his trust by now, haven’t I? He’s told me things he’s never told anyone outside their circle. I’d never break his confidence. Maybe he’s regretting his choices, maybe he thinks I’m going to betray him. I don’t know if I should try to get closer to him or stay far, far away. Whatever happens, Noah can’t know what just went down. I don’t want to be the girl who comes between them; they can’t go through that again.

  It’s been two weeks since my falling out with Sawyer. The first few days, I pulled away from Noah, mostly feigning sick. He was beyond attentive, insisted I take his room, brought me soup, and completely doted on me. Then the next few days, I claimed I had lots of work to catch up on to explain my distance. I even pulled the whole “I could be contagious for up to ten days” line to get him to agree to sleep in his room after I scrubbed it down—not that it needed it. I was fine, just emotionally drained.

  Finally, when he was as fed up as possible about me sleeping in my bunk, I blamed my period. Last night, my period stopped—perfect timing since we pulled into Las Vegas a few hours ago.

  “Mel?”

  I look up to see Noah standing in front of me with a dozen beautiful red roses in a crystal vase. I can’t help but smile at him.

  “Yes, Noah?”

  “Are you feeling better?”

  It’s his way of politely asking if I’m done being a bitch and off my period.

  “I am much better. Thank you for asking.”

  “Good,” he says, finally handing me the flowers and taking a seat next to me.

  I pull them to my nose. “Mmm, they smell amazing.”

  “I’m glad,” he answers with a small smile, and I take them and set them on the desk in the office area. When I come back, he’s squeezing the edge of the mattress with his hands. I take the seat next to him and turn toward him, giving him my full attention. “So I was wondering … would you be okay sharing my suite while we’re here? I mean, we can totally get you your own, but I was just hoping …”

  I place my finger against his lips. “Shh,” I tell him and lean in for a quick kiss. “I’d love to share a room with you. I don’t need my own.”

  “Are you sure? Because it’s not a problem. I know things have been strained between us lately.”

  “Noah, I want this with you. Truly. I’m sorry things have been off. I’ve just been working through some things, but those things have nothing to do with my feelings for you. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.”

  He nods and a grin peeks up from the corners of his mouth.

  “Mel?” he asks again.

  “Yes?”

  He pulls me close so our lips are only a whisper apart. “Can I make love to you tonight?”

  “God, yes.” His mouth captures mine, and I exhale softly when our tongues meet. Noah kisses with every ounce of his being. I pull away before I climb up into his lap and take him here and now.

  “Noah?”

  “Yes, Mel?

  “Is that suite ready yet?”

  He laughs loudly and pulls me into a hug while walking backward into the living area of the bus. “Not yet, but soon. Pack your stuff so we can go have some fun first. Besides, I want to take you on a date tonight. Bring something sexy.”

  “Can I bring B.O.B.?” I ask, teasing him.

  He growls and pushes me onto the couch, climbing atop my body. “After tonight, you won’t even remember B.O.B.’s name.”

  “Poor B.O.B.,” I whisper softly.

  “Indeed, because when I’m through with you, the only thing you’re going to crave is my cock. B.O.B. will be a distant memory.”

  Fuck if his dirty mouth doesn’t turn me on like crazy.

  “I’m going to hold you to that, Weston. You better be able to back up your game.” He pushes against me, hard and ready, and I wrap my legs around him and pull him close just as the guys all walk onto our bus.

  “Uh, we came to tell you the rooms are ready, but maybe you don’t need one after all,” Wyatt says, avoiding looking me in the eye.

  “About fucking time. If Noah and Princess don’t fuck soon, their sexual tension is going to blow this bus apart,” Sawyer tells them. He’s not making eye contact with us, either, but his underlying tone indicates he’s happy we’re together.

  “Tell me why Belle isn’t flying out here this weekend again? Vegas is only a forty-five-minute flight from L.A.,” Darren grumbles.

  “Because … she’s wrapping up the next issue so she can have the whole week to spend with us … well, mostly you … at Thanksgiving next week. Would you rather have two days or a whole week?” I ask sweetly.

  “Both, I want both.”

  “Here we go again,” Sawyer groans.

  “Darren, Belle likes you, and if you want something serious with her, you have to make it clear. She’s not the kind of woman who is going to assume a man wants something more with her. She’s happy to have variety in her life. But that’s not to say she won’t be in a committed relationship, either. You’re the rock star, so the ball is pretty much in your court.”

  “Is that like saying Belle wants a man to tell her what to do?” Sawyer asks, and I finally sit up and shake my head.

  “No. It’s basically like this. Darren could have any woman on the planet he wants. Belle knows this. She’s not going to put her heart into a game where she’s one of many players. That’s not how she works. If you want her, you have to show her the only players in this game are the two of you.”

  “That makes sense,” Wyatt tells him with a pointed stare.

  “Sometimes it sucks having to be the guy. Why can’t a girl just say what she wants?” Darren whines.

  “Darren, you do realize you’re a mega star, right? I know deep down you’re just a guy. But Belle has her head on straight. She isn’t going to jump in heart first for you, as much as she may want to. You’ve got to guide her to you so she knows you want her as much as she wants you.”

  Wyatt nods in agreement. “Yeah, what she said. Besides, haven’t you always complained about wishing you knew a girl wanted you for you and not because of what your status might be? I’m pretty sure Belle wants you for you or she wouldn’t be keeping you at a distance.”

  “That’s true,” Darren mumbles as he types furiously on his phone.

  A few minutes later, his phone goes off and right after his, mine does as well.

  Belle: Booyah! Skype sex tonight!

  There’s no way I can hold back my laugh, and from the blush that creeps up Darren’s cheeks, he knows exactly why I’m laughing.

  “Good job, Romeo,” I tell him as I type a message back to her.

  Mel: You’re not the only one excited. Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing, it’s working.

  Belle: I’m just being me. Love you! Can’t wait to see you next week. Xoxo

  Mel: Love you, too. Miss you bunches.

  “Are you done yet?” Noah asks, peeking over my shoulder with a smirk on his face.
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  “That depends … are we getting out of here?”

  He nods, and I hop up and start walking to my bunk. “I’ll be ready in ten minutes.”

  Their laughter follows me to the back of the bus.

  “You’re whipped, man. And I can’t even say you’re pussy whipped because you haven’t hit it yet.” Sawyer’s words are said in jest, but based on Noah’s reply, Sawyer has pissed him off again.

  “So what, Sawyer? Maybe you should stop being a douche and let someone into your life. Then maybe you’ll get it.”

  I look up in time to see Sawyer storm off the bus.

  “Yo, Noah, you’ve got to let this go,” Darren cautions him.

  “Yeah, I hate to be the one against you, but Sawyer didn’t get high on purpose. If you keep pushing him, he might just get high to piss you off,” Wyatt adds.

  “It’s more than that, but it’s not something I want to discuss right now,” Noah whispers to them, but I can still hear him. This bus isn’t that big.

  “Alright, man, you know where to find us if you want to hash this shit out,” Darren says, standing and patting him on the shoulder as he exits the bus.

  “Later, dude. I’m off to pick up Anna,” Wyatt adds as he leaves. After grabbing some things out of the bathroom and throwing them into my bag, I zip it up and throw it over my shoulder.

  “Ready,” I call out and flash Noah a smile. We’re going to have fun tonight if it kills us. Enough with this heavy stuff lurking over our heads.

  Noah stands and pulls the bag from my shoulder. He’s always the gentleman.

  “Ryan is going to be our security for the weekend. I’m sorry, but Vegas can get out of control real fast. It’s also a place where we might go unnoticed the entire weekend. It just depends. He’ll keep as much distance as he can.”

  Bodyguards—it’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with them, but I understand their importance.

  “It’s okay. I get it.” We exit the bus and walk out to the waiting SUV. The entire time, Noah keeps his hand on my lower back. It’s the best feeling in the world, so subtle but so intimate. The Vegas sunshine beats down on us, and I pause for a minute to pull my sunglasses out of my bag. While I’m at it, I grab my lip balm and swipe it across my lips. Noah leans down and kisses me softly when I’m finished.

  “Tasty,” he says with a smile.

  “Melon,” I toss back over my shoulder while climbing into the SUV. They’ve got tonight off and then they have shows the next four days. I’m thrilled to have some alone time with Noah this weekend. Maybe it can help me sort out all the uneasy feelings I’ve had about keeping what Sawyer did away from him. I know it’s for the greater good. I just have to keep reminding myself of it.

  Vegas Vacation

  We’re staying at the Hard Rock Hotel. When we arrive, we’re ushered into the VIP registration area. They’re expecting us, and everything is ready and handed to Noah in a matter of minutes. We’re in the Nirvana Suite which is a penthouse suite. The woman checking us in bats her fake eyelashes at him but remains professional.

  Ryan leads the way, and once again, Noah guides me with his hand on my lower back. It takes a few minutes for Ryan to check out the room, but when he returns, he gives us the all clear. Our bags are already inside, and Noah lets Ryan know we’ll be here for a little while and he’ll call when we need him.

  I’ve been in nice hotel rooms before, and this one is no exception. It’s massive, over two thousand square feet, with two bedrooms. Floor-to-ceiling windows give us an incredible view of the strip. I bet it looks amazing at night.

  Noah comes up behind me as I’m looking out over the city and wraps his arms around my waist.

  “Do you like it?” he asks, softly nipping at my neck.

  “Mmhm, it’s gorgeous, but are we sharing it? It’s huge!”

  “Hell no. I wanted something where we could be together but you could still have your own space if you needed it.”

  I relax in his arms and lean into his kisses. His warm lips feel so good against my skin. “The last thing I want right now is space. I’m excited to be here with you.”

  “Me, too. I mean, I’m excited to be with you, Mel.”

  I turn around in his arms and wrap my arms around his neck. He lowers his mouth to mine and kisses me softly.

  “How about lunch? We can order some room service and go sight-seeing or get a movie?” he says hopefully.

  “Are you a gambling man?”

  “That depends. Do you want to gamble?”

  I nod excitedly. I love Vegas and the excitement in the casino. He laughs and pops a quick kiss on my lips.

  “Okay, room service for lunch and then gambling before our night out.”

  We quickly browse the menu and order lunch. While he takes care of that, I explore the suite. There’s a massive shower; it could fit probably six or more people with room to spare. It’s all glass and has multiple knobs and showerheads. You could shower and look out at the strip. Outside, on the terrace, it’s fully furnished and there’s a heated plunge pool which could be fun, but it’s pretty cold outside. Even heated, I think I’d still freeze. My body does not like the cold; probably a side effect of being a California girl. Three bathrooms, a large great room, a bar—the only thing missing is a kitchen.

  This entire situation is still so surreal to me. Somehow, I ended back where I started. It’s like karma is saying, “You can run but you can’t hide.” But this time around, it’s different. I’m with a functional band on a farewell tour. This isn’t my future, only my present, and in a way it’s my chance to say a proper goodbye to my past.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  I turn around and go sit next to him on the sofa. “Just about how strange life can be sometimes.”

  He nods. “I get that. I thought I was going to want to do this forever. Be in a band with my friends, my brother, and travel the world. Then suddenly it stopped being my dream. Stopped being enough.”

  “What’s your dream now? I mean, you’ve accomplished more in twenty-eight years than most people do in a lifetime.”

  “I want a life. A domesticated one. My sister Diane and her husband Rob are happily married. My nieces are the light of their lives. I want that. I want a legacy, kids to love and carry on my life cycle. I want to grow old with someone and take care of them during all the shit life throws our way, knowing she’ll take care of me, too. I know it sounds morbid, but it’s easy to love someone through the good times, but the ultimate test of love is making it through the bad and coming out on the other side stronger than ever.”

  “It’s not morbid. That’s as real as it gets. Too many people give up, they don’t fight, and they let go of the best part of their lives so easily. In the heat of the moment, everything seems so black and white, but life isn’t black and white at all. It’s in those shades of grey where we all get lost, question our morality, make the bad choices that affect the rest of our lives. Those make-or-break decisions are the crux of our being, and having the right person by your side is everything.”

  Noah leans over and crushes his mouth to mine. I open to him immediately, and our tongues meet stroke for stroke. He releases my mouth and tugs my head back by my hair, lowering his lips to my throat. Biting his way down my neck, he soothes the sting with the swipe of his tongue, fueled by my needy whimpers.

  “I need you, Noah,” I cry out just at the doorbell rings. He pulls away breathlessly and cracks a grin.

  “Saved by the bell,” he says, jumping up.

  “What do you mean, saved?”

  He smiles down at me as the bell rings again. “Coming!” he yells.

  “I wish,” I mutter, and Noah laughs as he walks to the door. He answers and signs for the food. The delivery guy is probably in his early twenties. You can immediately tell he knows who Noah is, but he remains professional. When Noah hands him the payment pouch, the kid checks it quickly but discretely to be sure he f
illed it out.

  “Have a good day, Mr. Weston. Please let us know if you need anything.”

  “Hey, kid,” Noah calls out, and the delivery boy stops in his tracks and turns around.

  “Yes, Mr. Weston?”

  “Are you a fan?” He looks torn, like he wants to answer but is afraid to.

  “Yes, sir, who isn’t?”

  Noah laughs and points to me. “See my girlfriend over there? She’s not a fan, but I think she’s slowly coming around.”

  His mouth drops as if surprised there could be such a thing as a non-BAD fan.

  “That was pretty much our reaction when we found out. Anyway,” he says, pulling something from his pocket and handing it to him. “Here are two tickets to our show. They’re my personal tickets so you can use them whichever night works for you. The date is open.”

  “Thank you so much. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Just do something nice for someone else someday when you can,” Noah tells him, and my heart melts into the biggest puddle of mush.

  The guy nods up and down excitedly. “I can do that. I can definitely do that.”

  Noah pats him on the back and walks him out. His excitement still lingers when he’s gone.

  “Why did you do that?” I ask as he wheels the cart over to the couch.

  He shrugs. “I always try and do stuff like that. Especially for people who work jobs where they take care of others. Sometimes it’s a meal, sometimes it’s more.”

  My heart flip flops in my chest. Any chance of not falling in love with Noah Weston is officially gone. I’m pretty sure I’m head-over-heels already.

  “What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever done?”

  A blush creeps into his cheeks as he chews his French fry.

  “The biggest, or the most meaningful?” he asks thoughtfully.

  “Both.” Now he has me intrigued.

  “I have a good financial planner who’s made good investments over the years. I’m a planner, always have been. So I guess the most meaningful are the accounts I’ve set up for my family. My nieces will never have to worry about college, and no one in my immediate family will ever have to worry about retirement. They don’t know it yet, but when it’s time, they will.”