Just an Illusion, Side A: Side A

by D. Kelly

“I’ll help, too,” Rory pipes up, so I show her how to slice the potatoes once they’re peeled.

  “Mel, is this normal?” Noah asks, looking down at his hands. His fingers are stuck together and they’re turning a bit orange.

  “Completely. It’s all the natural juices seeping into your skin.” He flashes me a devilish smile.

  Rory bumps me with her hip. “You two are adorable, even when the conversation is not sister friendly.”

  “Don’t encourage them, Ror. They’re nauseating on a good day,” Sawyer mutters.

  “He’s just jealous he hasn’t found his ‘one’ yet. Ignore him. So how long have you been dating, exactly?”

  “About two months now, Noah?”

  “No, it’s closer to three,” Noah remarks, and I’m confused. He must notice because he clarifies. “Alright, I guess, officially, it’s been two. But I knew the night we met she was all I wanted. And since we flirted constantly from the minute she got on the bus, I count from then, which puts us at about three months.”

  Rory smiles and continues peeling the potatoes. She and Noah switched jobs when she realized it’s tiring cutting through uncooked sweet potatoes. They’re harder than you’d think. While they finish up the potatoes, I start mixing all the other ingredients into big Pampered Chef baking bowls. Noah watches in fascination as I melt and stir and spice up each bowl. When they finish, I show them all the steps and laugh when they gasp at the amount of bourbon I use in them.

  “Are those kid friendly?” he asks.

  “Absolutely. It will all bake out between today and tomorrow.”

  “Don’t tell Diane, she’ll shit a brick,” Noah remarks.

  “No, she won’t. Are you kidding, Noah? She’ll give them double helpings and hope they’ll pass out. Dealing with a two- and a four-year-old at the holidays isn’t easy. Hell, any day. But it’s what she wanted. Did you hear they’re trying for a boy?”

  “It’s what I want, too,” Noah says softly so only I can hear. Tingles flood my body, and for the first time ever, I can understand the appeal of romanticizing love and family. “No, I hadn’t heard, but good for them. Diane’s always wanted a big family.”

  “So have you,” she points out, and he shrugs. I try and ignore their conversation and focus on mixing up the potatoes. The doorbell rings again while Noah is washing his hands and Rory goes to answer it. Everyone else moved into the living room when we started cooking. It’s an open floor plan, so we can still talk to and hear them, we just have to speak up to do it.

  The sound of running feet precedes two of the cutest little girls I’ve ever seen. “Uncle Noah!” the oldest one calls out, and he turns around and scoops her up, kissing her all over her face.

  “Saylor! I’ve missed you.” He tickles her belly. She giggles like crazy and squirms in his arms. Her little sister is standing in front of me, looking up at me with big, blue eyes.

  I kneel down to her level and smile. “Hi, I’m Mel. What’s your name?”

  “Emme,” she answers proudly. Noah puts Saylor down and picks up Emme, giving her more of the same treatment he gave her sister.

  “Are you Uncle Noah’s new girlfriend? My mommy said she’s happy you’re not … not a …” She’s searching for the word, suddenly being scolded at the same time she remembers.

  “Saylor!”

  “A gold digger! What’s a gold digger, Uncle Noah?” she asks innocently. Noah is furious, Diane is blushing, and I’m laughing. From the mouths of babes.

  “Emme, Saylor, let’s go see Uncle Sawyer!” Rory gets them excited again and leaves us to deal with the aftermath.

  “Yay!” they cry out as they run to the living room. When I see how excited they are to jump into Sawyer’s lap, and how happy he seems to see them, it gives me butterflies. I guess I never thought of Sawyer as a family man. I don’t know why, other than he prides himself on being rough around the edges. It always surprises me to see a softer side of him.

  “Diane, what the hell are you telling your kids about my relationships?” Noah bites out under his breath so they don’t accidently overhear.

  “Nothing, Noah. She overhead me and Rob talking. Sawyer told me about Sara showing up in Vegas, and once you went public about your relationship and Mel obviously has her own money, I was just relieved. That’s all.” She raises her hands in surrender, and Noah thaws a bit. “Now, can I please have a hug? I missed you.”

  He pulls her into his embrace and they hug tightly. An attractive man walks in and watches them affectionately. He must be Diane’s husband. When Noah releases her, she leans against the counter as her husband joins us. Noah wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close. “Diane, Rob, this is my non-gold-digging girlfriend Amelia.”

  Diane shakes her head as she shakes my hand. “I’m never going to live that down, but I guess I deserve it. It’s nice to finally meet you, Amelia.”

  “Likewise,” I reply and shake Rob’s hand as well. He seems quiet. Rob is one of those men who wears dark eyeglasses and looks hotter because of them. He’s got the sexy geek look going on. Diane is tall like Noah and Sawyer, with dark hair like her dad and Sawyer. She doesn’t have their green eyes, though; her eyes are hazel, but they’re still gorgeous.

  “Come on. Is Mel going to get all the attention today or what?” Sawyer asks as he walks into the kitchen. Diane rushes over to him, and he hugs the hell out of her. She actually has tears in her eyes.

  “I’ve missed you, baby brother,” she chokes out on a sob as Sawyer rubs her back to comfort her.

  “I’ve missed you, too, but we haven’t been gone that long,” he reminds her subtly.

  “Long enough,” she retorts, wiping away her tears.

  Noah squeezes my hand as I watch them in awe, my mind spinning on a way to work their family relationships into their book. I want people to know them, who they are inside and outside of the spotlight.

  While everyone is catching up and the potatoes are in the oven, I take a moment and excuse myself to use the restroom. When I enter, the sight of the condom box just sitting on top of the bed for the world to see makes me laugh. If it were me, I would have tucked them into a drawer and covered them with socks or something. Not like I’m a prude when it comes to sex at all, but I guess I just don’t need everyone knowing my business.

  After using the restroom, I take a moment and sit on the edge of the bed. His family is nice, but it’s all a bit overwhelming. There are a lot of them. I haven’t been around that many family members since I dated Eli, and I was young then; it didn’t faze me like it does now.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Noah asks as he closes and locks the door behind him, his concern apparent.

  “Of course. I’m just taking a breather.” That might have been an inappropriate word choice.

  “From my family or from me?”

  “I feel like that’s a trick question, but it’s definitely not from you.”

  Noah lies down on the bed sideways and pulls me with him. “They’re just excited to meet you and to see us. We’re kind of a lot to handle because we don’t see each other much, so there’s always tons to catch up on.”

  “I’m not complaining, but you guys talk to them all the time. It’s good, it’s just different than anything I’ve ever known.”

  “Is it off-putting?” He seems concerned, but I wish he wasn’t.

  “No, it’s just a little overwhelming. I’m happy you’re close with your family, although it seems like you and Sawyer each have favorite sisters.”

  Noah brushes my hair away from my face and then his fingers dance a trail down my arm. “I guess we do. When everything happened with Jordan, Diane became a mother hen to Sawyer. And because my mom was so frazzled with everything going on with Jordan and getting his life straight, I helped out a lot with Rory. She was just a toddler back then.”

  “I guess we should get back out there. The potatoes are probably almost ready to come out of the oven.”

&nb
sp; “Not yet.” He drops his mouth to mine. “Thank you,” he whispers after kissing me breathless.

  “For what?”

  “Putting up with my family. Not hating me for torturing you with the condoms. For loving me. I could go on and on. There’s an endless list, really.”

  “Is that so?” I remark with a laugh.

  “It is. Well … maybe not endless yet, but I’m sure I could find enough things to go on about.”

  “Of course you can. I am pretty amazing, after all.” He laughs and pulls us both into a sitting position. “But right now I could really use a drink. How about some bourbon and egg nog? Or will your parents frown at my needing a drink this early?”

  “Are you joking? I bet my dad’s cup is already filled with wine or whiskey. It’s a longstanding joke we’re not together often because we drive each other to drink. It’s the only other thing we do as much as joke and hug.”

  He’s kidding, but I’ll take it. After he opens the door, he laces his hand in mine and we walk out to have more family time.

  “Mid-morning nookie already?” Sawyer jokes, and I instantly blush.

  “Nah, there was no screaming,” Jordan pipes in.

  “It was too fast. Noah doesn’t move that quickly,” Rob adds, and I’m officially disturbed and mortified.

  Noah flips them off as Sawyer follows us into the kitchen.

  “Where is everyone?” I ask while I pull the egg nog and bourbon out. Sawyer eyes my goods and pulls out two glasses.

  “I came in for a beer, but that looks better.” I nod as he hands me the glasses and get to work making the drinks. “They took the kids down to the beach to tire them out a bit so they’ll nap.”

  “Do you want one, Noah?” I ask, but he’s already got a beer and is tipping it to his lips. Lucky bottle. His eyes never leave mine, and only when Sawyer comes back in the room does he stop eye fucking me. Barely. It’s sexy as hell and has me wishing we had taken time out for mid-morning nookie.

  Sawyer tosses a pack of Pop-Tarts to Noah and then opens his and holds it out to me. “Pop-Tart, Princess?”

  “Thanks.” I pull one out of the pack. Jordan and Rob are watching the scene play out with sideways glances to each other. Guess they’re not used to Sawyer being nice, either. Noah still seems surprised Sawyer shared with him, but as he rips open the package and takes one out, he actually acknowledges the olive branch Sawyer extended.

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t get used to it. I’m just in a good mood. Holidays and shit,” Sawyer grumbles back, and Noah laughs. It’s the closest thing I’ve seen to normal between them since the drug incident. Sawyer leaves and takes his seat next to Jordan, who promptly points to the hallway, and the three of them disappear into one of the bedrooms.

  I lean against the counter with Noah and squeeze his hand. “Good job.”

  He shakes his head and sips his beer, licking his lips before speaking. “I’m not going to stay mad forever. As much as he irritates me sometimes, we did share a womb. I’m pretty fucking attached to the guy.”

  “Is that what it is? Irritation?”

  He releases a sigh. “No, it’s also disappointment. We were in such a good place for so long and lately, I feel like we’re slipping back into how things were after Marilyn. I just wish we could fix this rift.”

  An uneasy feeling settles into my stomach. I know their rift has to do with me, and other than giving Noah up, there’s nothing I can do to help. Even then, we’re too deep. It wouldn’t work; there would always be some sort of blame. All I can do is encourage them to get past it and keep my mouth shut about the inappropriate side of Sawyer.

  “Give it time and keep being nice.”

  Noah puts his beer on the counter, and then pulls my drink from my hand and sets it next to his. When he plants one hand on my hip and the other weaves into my hair, I know I’m in trouble.

  His lips crash against mine, his tongue meeting mine with a passion I’ve never felt. He exhales into my mouth and breathes new life into our kiss. My responding whimper is met with his sensual moans. It’s taking all my willpower not to throw my legs around his waist and fuck him through his clothes.

  This kiss is everything.

  Until it’s not.

  “Mommy, why is Uncle Noah eating Mel’s face?”

  I don’t think having a glass of ice water being thrown on me could have cooled me off and made me pull away any faster than Saylor’s words. At first, Noah groans and then he laughs as he crosses his arms and waits to see how Diane is going to explain this away.

  Their parents are wearing matching smirks, and Rory is smiling broadly as she holds Emme and plays peek-a-boo with her. Diane looks uncomfortable until she finally smiles, too.

  “He’s not eating her face, sweetie. Uncle Noah was kissing Mel the way grownups sometimes do when they’re in love.”

  She crinkles her little nose and walks over to Noah. “Uncle Noah,” she begins, and he drops down to her level.

  “Yes, ladybug? What can I do for you?”

  Ladybug. My heart sighs.

  “Um … that kiss was kind of gross. Don’t kiss me like that, okay? And not my mommy or my sister, well, just Mel, okay? Please?”

  You can see Noah’s heart melting with her words. “Promise, Saylor. Only Amelia, and I’ll try not to do it when you can see. Deal?”

  She exhales a huge sigh of relief, and I wonder momentarily if I’m looking at an Oscar win in her future. “Oh good,” she replies, and then cups her hand around his ear and whispers loudly, “Because that was kind of scary.”

  Karen’s hand goes over her heart as echoes of “aww” sound around the room when Noah pulls her into a hug. Maybe my eggnog buzz is contributing to the sudden appearance of motherly feelings stirring inside of me. But my biological clock can go suck a dick because my mental capacities are in control, and there’s no way I’m ready for all this domesticity and all that comes with it. One step at a time, and right now I’m basking in loving Noah and him loving me back.

  Suddenly, there’s a commotion. The moment is broken up by Darren, Belle, and his parents as they come through the door. Belle looks like she could use some of this egg nog, and because sometimes I can be a bitch, I hold up my glass in a salute to her and down the rest of my drink.

  She sneers at me and then rolls her eyes because she knows I’m joking and she can’t drink anyway. Before there are any more introductions, I refill my glass.

  “Did you hear the news?” the woman squeals incredibly loud as everyone looks at her with baited breath. “I’m going to be a grandma!”

  Commence the cheering and many, many rounds of congratulations. People begin to come out of the woodwork. People as in Wyatt and Anna—who have probably been off having sex this whole time—and Sawyer and all the guys who disappeared with him a little while ago. Their whole mood seems somber, but Sawyer makes his way back to me and holds up his glass for a refill. I refill his and top mine off as well, even though I’ve only taken a sip since I filled it. But I can already tell it’s going to be one of those days.

  Later, after all the pre-made food was tucked away and we’d all toasted the new baby, new beginnings, health, and anything else possible you can toast and celebrate when a large family gets together, we all called it a night.

  Belle seemed to get along with her future in-laws and she was glowing all night. I’m not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones or just the relief of finally getting her true feelings for Darren out in the open. He even joked about getting a tattoo that says “Jolt” but no one understood the reference except me and Belle. I think they all just chalked it up to too much booze and let it slide.

  Now, I’m sitting on our bed after overhearing a conversation I definitely wasn’t supposed to, trying to figure out what to do. Rory is in our shower, and Noah is in the garage studio with a few family members playing some of the live recordings from the tour. My heart aches, and all I want to do is sc
ream into a pillow or something as I think about what I just heard out in the hall.

  I walked toward Sawyer’s room, hoping to use his bathroom since mine is occupied right now. The guest bedroom on the right side was dark, but the door was cracked and I heard hushed voices. Not loud enough to carry far but definitely loud enough to carry into the hall. I wasn’t really paying attention to them until I heard my name.

  “Amelia!”

  “You must have misunderstood, Rob,” Diane tells him, unconvinced.

  “No, not at all. I know a man in love, and Sawyer is in love with her. He all but admitted it.”

  Her laugh echoes through the room. “I’m sorry, but I know Sawyer wouldn’t admit to being in love with his brother’s girlfriend. Especially after what happened last time.”

  “Okay, he didn’t exactly say that, but still, after all these years, I can read your brother. He’s got feelings for her.”

  My heart races. He’s not saying anything I hadn’t already thought myself, but it’s nothing I want to acknowledge or be a part of. Knowing Sawyer has feelings for me makes me think my relationship with Noah has an expiration date, and that’s not an idea I want to entertain.

  “I’ll talk to him,” she promises.

  “About his Princess?” he points out.

  “Yeah, your point is noted. None of us can go through this again,” she answers on a sigh.

  And with those words, I turned around and came back to my room. God, I swear Rory is taking the longest shower known to man, but I know what to do. I get up and make my way into the kitchen. Thankfully, there’s no one out here; everyone seems to have either gone to the garage or to their respective bedrooms.

  Once I’m in the kitchen, I pull out the bourbon and a tumbler and fill it with ice. The only light is coming from the under-cabinet lighting. It’s eerie for the house to be this silent, especially when it’s filled with this many people. The bourbon is smooth and warm going down. It’s exactly what the doctor ordered.

  I know coping with alcohol isn’t a solution, but right now it feels pretty damn good. Rory paddles out in a robe and slippers and joins me.