Let Me Love

by Michelle Lynn

  Once I insert the key in my door, my phone begins to ring from my pocket. Barely entering, I fumble in my doorway, turning on the lights. I roll my eyes when I see who it is.

  “I’m at home,” I tell her and I already know the words that will come out of her mouth before they do.

  “You better not be alone,” she states, silence in the background.

  “Yes, alone.” I toss my purse and keys on the table, and shrug my coat off as I make my way to the living room.

  “What happened? You should have been halfway to third by now.” She laughs, and I hear Caden join in behind her. “I thought you said this guy knew his way around women?” She giggles again.

  “Nate showed up at the bar,” I inform her, and her giggles cease instantly.

  “Why the hell was that bastard there? Please, tell me he didn’t have the nerve to come up to you.” Anger overriding over her humor now.

  “Oh, he had the nerve. Came right up to me and even sat in the booth. Lucky for me it was right before the last song, so Trey came down all alpha male and demanded him to leave. Knowing Nate you know he had to get the last word. So, he told—,”

  “Trey that you slept with him. What a fucking asshole,” she seethes through the phone, and I hear Caden asking her who and what. “Did you hit him? For the love of God, tell me you hit the prick,” my sister continues her rant on Nate.

  “No, Jen,” I say, rolling my eyes at her very different personality than mine.

  “You should have. You should’ve kneed him right in the nuts. That’s what I would’ve done.”

  “We all know what you would have done,” Caden yells in the background, and I laugh.

  “Besides the prick, why aren’t you in those tattooed arms instead of sitting on the couch ready to pop in Leap Year for the millionth time?” I toss the DVD out of my hand.

  “It’s complicated, Jen.” I don’t want to make her feel guilty for things out of her control. Not to mention, nothing means more to me than her, Caden, and the kids. They’re my family.

  “Kai, you’re twenty-two. Get out there and have fun. I know we ask a lot of you—” she starts her usual speech about having fun with guys my age. Play the field, but isn’t that how I ended up in Nate Gibson’s bed to begin with.

  “I wouldn’t change anything, Jen, other than—.”

  “Me not dying. Yeah, me too. I know you like this Trey guy, Kailey, and don’t let what’s happening here deter you from dating him. You deserve happiness.”

  “Thanks, sis,” I say. “I was going to call you tomorrow, but since I have you, I’m bringing him over tomorrow to meet you, Caden, and the kids.”

  “WHAT!” she screams, and I pull the phone away from my ear. “I thought you liked him. Are you trying to make him run for the hills?” Her humor slash concern fills the receiver.

  “If he’s going to break my heart, I want it to happen now when it’s not completely his yet. Does that make sense?”

  “Yeah, sweetheart, it does. So, what time should we expect you?” Jen relents, knowing what an important move this is for me.

  “He’s meeting me at the park at ten, then we’ll walk over. It might only be me,” I say, taking a deep breath.

  “From what you say, I doubt it will be. Caden will prepare something for lunch.” She yawns into the phone.

  “Tell him not to go to too much trouble. Good night, Jen,” I say into the phone.

  “Hey, baby sis!” Her voice stops me right before I press end.

  “Yeah,” I quickly answer.

  “Don’t overwork that rabbit tonight, imagining it’s Trey.” She laughs hysterically as the line disconnects.

  Rolling my eyes and giggling to myself, I finally end the call. Lying sprawled on my back on the couch, my thoughts go to my sister, how much I love her and already miss her even though she’s still a phone call away—for now. Unsure of what Trey’s response will be tomorrow when I finally divulge about my sister and my plan to stay with Caden and the kids after she leaves us to make the transition as smoothly as possible. I could never blame him if he decides this is all too much for him. He might say I’m the reason his heart beats with excitement, but I doubt that’s enough to change your life for.

  Chapter 8

  Trey

  I walk up to the park and there’s no sign of Kailey, so I take a seat on a park bench, pulling my phone out. The playground is filled with kids laughing and running around while their parents appraise me skeptically. I guess some guy with tattoos and piercings all by himself in a park full of children could make people uneasy. Checking my watch, it’s ten after ten, and still no Kailey.

  After she walked away from me last night, leaving me alone on a different park bench, I did something I haven’t done in forever, I went home by myself on a Friday night. Leaving the lights off, I walked through the dark hallways and up the staircase to my room. Shrugging off my clothes and climbing into the shower, I allowed my body to succumb under the warm stream of water. From her non-verbal language, whatever she had to tell me was serious, and it scared me that we’ll be over before we really even began. I grabbed a pair of boxers and slid under my covers, wondering what the hell she was going to reveal to me, realizing I’ll have to be straight with her. If she can share with me, I better have the balls to share back. If she thinks she’s worried about how I’ll react to her news, she has no idea how scared shitless I am just thinking about revealing my past actions.

  “Finally,” I mumble when I see that brown hair shining with so many auburn streaks from the sunlight it was almost red coming towards me. Her body tenses and straightens until her eyes reach mine. Instantly, her lips turn up, and I wish I could say whatever she has to say, doesn’t matter. I’m hers, no matter what comes out of her mouth.

  “Hey,” she softly says and takes a seat next to me on the bench. Wrapping my arm around her, I take my other hand and place a finger under her chin and kiss her.

  “Good morning,” I whisper. See that, parents, I’m not some pervert spying on your kids.

  “You want to go for a walk, there’s a trail?” She points her finger toward the wooded area.

  “Sure,” I agree and stand up, holding my hand for her to take. Her shaky hand clasps mine, and I hold it firmer and tighter.

  Pine needles and stray branches break under our feet as we follow the gravel path. Silence remains between us until we’re a little further into the wooded surroundings. The path is void of activity, except for the sounds of animals scurrying from tree to tree. “So,” her voice shaky, “I want to start off by saying, I like you, Trey.”

  “Feelings mutual,” I chime in, but she stops walking and turns towards me.

  Her lips turn up in a small smile and uneasiness surrounds me that she brought me here to end this between us. “My sister Jen, is dying. She has a rare form of liver cancer called Fibrolamellar-Hepatocellular Carcinoma.” Her voice steady while she lets the statement roll of her tongue, sounding like she just introduced herself to a twelve step program. She turns and starts walking again.

  My feet move a little faster, trying to catch up to her. “I’m sorry, Kailey.” I lightly clasp my hand on her elbow.

  “I know, everyone is,” she says while her eyes remain forward. “Before you ask, there’s nothing else we can do. No more surgeries, or chemo. Me being her closest living relative, I’ve been poked and prodded every way imaginable, and I can’t even help her.” Her voice shakes, and she wipes a lone tear from her cheek. “That’s why I was in Colorado, there’s a medical team starting an experimental treatment. It was the last hope, but the results came back Monday and according to them we don’t meet the criteria. I’m sorry for lying to you,” she apologizes as her eyes find mine. Those green gems focus in on mine like always to find out exactly what I’m thinking. The trouble is for once, I don’t know what to say. I’m sure she’s heard sorry a zillion times. Searching my brain for something more meaningful to say, I stare down at her, and her pleading eyes tell me she wants s
omething, anything from me.

  I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her smaller frame. Her body starts to shake and her breathing stutters. Keeping my lips sealed, I comfort her while she releases all the pent up emotions, figuring we’ll finish this conversation when she’s ready. Without skipping a beat, she pulls back and brushes her hand against the wetness of my hoodie. “I’m sorry,” she repeats again.

  “Hey, don’t be sorry about anything. I wish I knew what the hell to say. Believe me, I wish things were different for you.” I reach for her again, but she shuts me down and turns back toward the path. The sun streams down through the trees, and I stay grounded, watching the girl who just finished taking my heart. In such a short time, she took hold of it, and I’ll never get it back the same way—not that I want it back.

  “You don’t understand, Trey. The doctors say a few months at most. Six if we’re lucky. She has a family, a husband and kids. My responsibility is to them. That’s why this thing between us, I don’t know what will happen,” she continues talking, even though I’m a few steps back. “I won’t have time. I’m barely hanging on right now between school, picking up the kids, and work. Caden, her husband, does what he can, but he has to work for the benefits and money. We’ve made plans that after Jen...passes, I’ll move in with Caden and the kids temporarily.”

  “I’ll help you,” the words leave my mouth before I can even debate if she would even accept it. Hell, you can see how she’s barely living. All of her actions from the last two weeks finally begin to come together. At this point, staring at her so torn apart, I’d let her screw me for fun and toss me aside, leaving me in a wake of heartbreak. It might kill me in the end, but if it made her happy for even a moment, I’d gladly participate. I’ll do anything to make this girl happy, anything to make her life a little easier.

  She stops and looks at me again. “Thank you,” her sincerity clear, “but I can’t ask you to do that. The reason I asked you to come here is, if we continue this—relationship,” she says, and I think damn right it’s a relationship, “you have to know, I can’t always go to your shows or out to the bars. We won’t be like a normal dating couple. That’s not to say, I don’t want to try. I do. But I completely understand—.”

  “I do,” I say simply. “We’ll find ways to see each other. Even if it’s just a movie with me massaging your feet at two in the morning.”

  She smiles up at me, the first true one to grace her lips since last night. “Okay, but if at any time you want out, tell me. I’ll understand.” At that statement, words won’t be enough. So, I grab her by her shoulders and pull her into me, letting my lips be the first contact. Leaning her against the thick tree truck, I bring my hands up to her face and pour everything I feel for her into this kiss. Hoping it allows her to realize she’s all I want, and I’ll take her anyway I can have her.

  We remain tongue tied for a few minutes and when I pull back, I commit the smile spread across her face to memory. “Thank you, Trey,” she whispers.

  “You have nothing to thank me for, being with you could be the most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my life. Trust me, Kailey, I’ll take you anyway I can get you,” I say back, and when my lips beg to be on hers again, I don’t deny them.

  After making out, like teenagers hidden from their parents in the woods, I grab her hand and start to walk out of the park. “So, there’s one more thing,” she devilishly smiles up to me.

  “What?” I ask scrunch my eyebrows.

  “Do you want to meet my sister and her family?” Her lips turn up so high, there’s no way I’d decline the offer, even if all the blood just drained from my veins.

  “I’d love that,” I tell her and squeeze her hand in mine.

  “Good, they’re expecting us for lunch,” she says as a small giggle escapes her mouth when I stop in my tracks.

  “Now?” I clarify, and she bites her lower lip and nods her head. “Why the hell not? Sister has to be better than the parents, right?” I joke, still scared slightly.

  “I guess,” she shrugs. I pick her up, toss her over my shoulder and smack her ass. “Hey now!” she squirms.

  “Now that I’m your boyfriend, I get to smack this fine ass as much as I want,” I arrogantly tease her, trying to ignore the bewildering stares of the parents.

  “It’s all yours,” she places her own hands on my ass, slapping it like she’s playing the drums. “Just remember, what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine,” she jokes before grabbing my ass, making me wish I was taking her home rather than to her sister’s.

  “After your sister’s, I’ll be showing you what’s mine,” I tell her seriously, stopping outside my car, letting her body slide down mine. “Thank you for trusting me,” I change our fun moment to serious, and she cups my cheeks, her eyes remaining on mine.

  “Something tells me you’re worth it,” she says and rises up on her tiptoes to kiss me. When I open my passenger side door and she scoots in, I secretly pray she’s right.

  Kailey instructs me down the two side streets. There’s a beat up white Honda outside the house and she tells me to park behind it. The small beige two-story All-American house, it even displays the requisite American Flag hanging from the pole attached to the siding. The small front porch is decorated in an Easter theme of pastel bunnies and eggs. It’s the dream home little girls probably envision when they’re younger. That living happily ever after shit with a husband, two kids, and house in suburbia. Kailey pats my leg, similar to what I did that night she was going to hang out with the gang in Breckenridge. Giving her my best smile, I try to keep my nervousness at bay. I open my door and walk around to open hers. As she steps out, the front door swings open and there’s the little girl from the airport, running out of the house.

  “Chloe!” I hear a man’s voice yell from inside and the guy who picked Kailey up from the airport appears in the doorway. Seeing Kailey, he waves his hand and walks back into the house.

  “Hey, girly,” Kailey bends down and allows the girl to run into her arms before wrapping them tightly around her.

  “I’ve been waiting for you,” she sighs to Kailey.

  “I’m sorry, do you want to meet my friend?” Kailey picks her up and faces me.

  “Hi, Trey!” The little girl says without introduction. Kailey looks at her in disbelief. “What? You talk about him all the time,” the girl continues, much to Kailey’s chagrin.

  “Hi, Chloe,” I say and raise my hand for a high five and she slaps it right away. “It’s nice to meet you,” I tell her and I notice her eyes roaming my body.

  “You have a lot of drawing on your body.” Kailey laughs, and I chuckle.

  “Yeah,” I agree, having no idea what else to say. I’ve never had to be around little kids before.

  “They’re called tattoos,” Kailey informs her, and Chloe just continues her stares. “Let’s go in, there’s two other little ones for you to meet.” She rustles the hair on Chloe’s head and lets her down. Once her small feet hit the grass, she’s off and inside the house.

  “Sorry, kids have no filter,” Kailey says, taking my hand in hers.

  “No problem.” I become more nervous the closer we come to the house. You can do this, Trey Michaels, you lo–like this girl.

  Once we get on the porch, I suck in one more deep breath and follow Kailey into the warm and welcoming house. My body instantly calms when I enter, noticing all the pictures of family that fill the walls. Seriously, I’ve never seen so many pictures in all my life. Most look to have been taken recently, and I half wonder if it’s because her sister is dying. “I just recently surprised Jen with a photo shoot I did of the kids,” Catching me checking out all the pictures, Kailey whispers to me.

  “They’re amazing,” I say, allowing my hands to graze across one of all three of the kids surrounding a woman a few years older than Kailey. The uncanny resembles evident, telling me exactly what she’ll look like in ten years. “I had no idea you were a photographer.”

  She
laughs. “I’m not, but it was for class. Jen hasn’t had time to unpack all of the family photos since they moved in, so I did it for their anniversary.” She winks at me, obviously remembering our project that I had to beg Professor Hodges to be allowed to make-up. Crap, which reminds me I only have until Monday to finish it. “You want to borrow my camera?” she asks, noticing my rambling thoughts about my project.

  “The pictures I want to take can’t be seen by anyone, but me.” I mention, pulling her closer and kissing her neck. “But if you’re up for it, I won’t complain,” I whisper, and she pats my chest.

  “I’m sure something could be arranged,” she teases and scurries out of my embrace.

  “Oh young love, isn’t it great, Caden,” the same woman from the pictures says, walking into the room.

  “Remember those days, sweetheart. Before diapers, bottles, late night feedings, screaming—” Caden says.

  “And Cancer,” Jen adds and the room goes silent. “Ugh, they never appreciate my jokes,” she says directly to me, holding her hand out. “Jen Campbell,” she introduces herself.

  “It’s nice to meet you. Trey Michaels.” I present my best smile her way.

  “So, I’ve heard.” She loops her arm through mine. “Come in, let me show you some embarrassing pictures of Kailey.” She giggles, rising her eyebrows in Kailey’s direction, who just shakes her head, allowing her sister to take me away.

  We walk further into the house to what I assume is the family room, filled with toys, a large screen television, and an oversized couch. Blankets and pillows fill a recliner to be a make shift bed. She passes that and takes me right to the couch with Caden and Kailey in tow. “So, Trey, tell me about yourself. I already know the easy stuff, you’re an architecture major from Oberlin, and my favorite–play drums in a band called The Invisibles. Which by the way, kind of a lame ass name, you boys couldn’t come up with anything better?” I chuckle at her straight forwardness and catch Kailey’s eyes. “Oh, she’s no help, so don’t bother looking her way. All she tells me about is your body.” Her eyes appraise my body, like I’m a Chippendale dancer, and she looks at Kailey. “Great description, sis. His arms might not be as big as you described,” her hand clasps around my bicep, “but that face. Mmm—a girl could lost in those eyes.”