Let Me Love

by Michelle Lynn

  My body shifts uncomfortable of her talking this way with her husband ten steps away. “Oh don’t be shy.” She scoots closer again. “Kailey, didn’t you tell him?” Kailey focuses her attention to us and scrunches her eyebrows while Caden snickers in the kitchen. “The reason you brought him...” she tries to trigger her memory, but Kailey still appears dumb founded until she nods, signaling a light bulb just came on.

  “I told him, Jen,” Kailey clarifies and nods.

  “Good, so after the kids go to bed,” she teases her fingertips along my thigh, “we’ll swap.” Her voice steady and nonchalant. My head snaps to Kailey, and she shrugs her shoulders casually. “It’s my dying wish,” she whispers in my ear, her heavy breaths tickling my earlobe.

  My eyes bug out, like I’ve been electrocuted. The thought of thousand bolts of electricity running through my body suddenly seems a hell of a lot better alternative than what’s being suggested right now.

  Then Kailey bellows with laughter, pointing her finger at me, and her sister joins in. “You girls are evil.” Caden comes in and hands me a beer. “Well-deserved.” He clinks his bottle with mine. The two sisters continue to laugh until the sound of a crying baby screams out of the white speaker on the table next to me.

  “I got it, Jen,” Kailey says when her sister slowly starts to get up. Jen sits back down as Kailey leaves the room, and Caden turns on baseball. At least I know I’ll have one thing in common with him. Of course, it only makes me remember I have to tell Kailey my secret once we’re alone tonight.

  “I’m sorry, Trey. I couldn’t resist, you looked so nervous standing there,” Jen says, still trying to stifle her giggles. “So, while she’s not here,” she looks down the hall before continuing, “Caden and I want her to get out and have fun. You seem like you like to have fun.” Her eyes cascade over my tats, just like her daughter did outside moments ago. “She takes on way too much around here, will you do me a favor?” She waits for me to nod. “Have fun with each other, but don’t break her heart, okay? Okay.” She stands up gingerly and walks into the kitchen without my answer, although it would have been yes, so I guess it doesn’t matter. I’m really liking her though—a lot.

  “My wife has her own way of making people feel welcome,” Caden says, continuing to watch the Tigers play the Indians. “Run!” he hollers at the television, and I relax into the comfortable cushions, taking a swig of my beer.

  “She’s funny, I can appreciate that,” I respond while keeping my eyes glued to the television.

  “Yeah, I think her humor has increased with her sickness,” he mentions, and not sure how to respond, I remain quiet. The silence doesn’t seem to bother him. “Unlike my wife, though, I need to ask a little more of you than her.” This time he turns his head my way. Unsure of what he’s talking about, I sit up straighter. “See Kailey’s like my sister. I’ve known her since she was eleven. I know she’s been straight with you because that’s Kailey. She’s not one to play games or hide. It took a lot for her to tell you about Jen, so I ask that if you honestly can’t be there for her, just end it now because it will only be harder later. At least if you end it now, she’ll have her sister to console her. Later, she might only have me.” He turns his head to the side, breathing before facing me again. “I won’t be enough for her and it could break her, losing her sister and a guy who didn’t care enough.” He pauses again. “Listen, I’ve been around guys like you my whole life, fun loving, carefree, and uncommitted. So, I might not be as strong as you, or as fast, but believe me when I say, rage can be powerful,” he finishes and relaxes back to his chair watching television. I guess he doesn’t want to hear it, just wants me to prove it.

  Taking a long swig of beer, I watch the Indians score a double until the two small girls come through the patio door and Kailey comes down with the little boy in her arms and brings him over to us after stopping at her sister briefly. “So, this is Drew,” she introduces me to the drooling baby, who fixates on the stud piercing under my lip. As his hand reaches to touch it, Kailey swings her hips to keep him away. I wouldn’t mind the little guy playing with it, especially if it makes him like me. Chloe and a smaller blonde girl rush over, clasping onto Kailey’s legs. “This is Tara. Tara, can you say hello to my friend Trey?” The small girl just continues to hide behind Kailey. “She can be kind of—.”

  “Shy,” Chloe finishes. “Do you want to play with us?” she asks me, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, so I do what comes natural.

  “Sure,” I say, and she grabs my hand, taking me to the corner. Pulling a game from one of the shelves, she tugs my arm until I sit down on the ground. Tara and she sit on either side of me, while scrambling to get the game put together. Kailey sits Drew down on the floor with a pile of toys in front of him and smiles down at me before walking into the kitchen to join her sister.

  “Pretty, Pretty Princess,” I mumble, reading the box on the floor.

  “Don’t you girls think Trey has enough earrings,” Caden jokes from his seat and everyone starts laughing. I really hope he’s one of those guys that makes fun of the people he likes.

  “They’re all gray, now you can have pink or purple,” Chloe picks up a pink plastic earring and widens her eyes as though I should be amazed.

  “How about blue?” I counter, and she relents, giving me the blue board piece.

  “I’m purple,” Tara softly says, but grabbing the pink piece, and Chloe just smiles and takes the green. Not sure what I’m supposed to do, Chloe explains the game, and Tara spins first since she’s the youngest.

  Once we’re done, I have two blue earrings, a ring and a necklace. Tara won by collecting all her jewelry and the crown. Kailey comes over and snaps a picture. “For class,” she adds, turning back into the kitchen.

  “Alright, girls, put the game away, it’s time to eat,” Jen says from the kitchen.

  I help the girls put it all away, and when I stand up, Tara grasps my hand in hers. I stare down in astonishment, since she’s said maybe two words to me the whole time I’ve been here. The same matching green eyes as Kailey and Jen stare up with a wide smile on her face. “I made dessert,” she tells me.

  “Really? I can’t wait,” I say with excitement. She leads me to the table and stops me right next to her chair.

  “You sit here,” she points, “and I sit here,” she points to another chair with a purple foam cushion on it.

  A giggling Jen comes over and sits across from me, smiling at Tara, who has now grabbed my hand, while beaming up at me. “You might have some competition, Kailey,” she hollers to her sister, who’s getting the food ready to serve.

  “I thought he liked brunettes,” she jokes, bringing a salad to the table. I scoot my chair out to help, but she waves her hand down, signaling me to stay put.

  “It’s the green eyes, they entrance me,” I chime into the good-hearted conversation, focusing only on her. A slight pinkness hits her cheeks, and she turns back around.

  “Charmer,” Jen raises her eyebrows at me.

  Damn straight almost escapes my lips, but there are children present. Caden puts Drew in his high chair, and Jen places some puff things from a can on the tray with a cup. Drew picks it up immediately, tilting his head back, like he’s taking a shot. Man, that kid’s gonna be fun when he’s older. The cup slams down on the tray table, and he’s all smiles. Yep, future life of the party sitting right there.

  Laughter fills the small table, even with kids’ whines and complaints, it’s fun hanging out with Kailey and the Campbells. They remind me a lot of my own family. I finally began to ease up, making jokes back, and it seemed to make them like me even more. Here was a family after my own heart. Even with the underlying tone of death, they’ve embraced it and decided to live normally until they’re pushed into facing the inevitable.

  Kailey and I do the dishes while Caden and Jen watch the rest of the game. Once we finish, Kailey leans in asking me if I’m ready to leave. “I want you alone, Trey Michaels,” she murm
urs against my lips.

  Adjusting myself a little, I follow her into the family room and notice Drew is asleep on Caden’s chest and a sleeping Tara lays by her mom’s side on the recliner with the blanket wrapped over them. Chloe’s busy in the corner coloring, but turns and smiles at us when we enter.

  “We’re gonna get going,” Kailey whispers to her sister. “Don’t get up. I’ll be back tomorrow.” She kisses her cheek, and then walks over to Chloe.

  I say my good-byes, shaking both their hands and thanking them for the meal. “Anytime, Trey. You’re welcome anytime,” Jen says and winks at me, “isn’t he, Caden?” She raises her eyebrows at him.

  “Of course, our home is always open.” He smiles at me before turning toward the television again.

  Chloe surprises me with a huge hug around my legs, and I bend down giving her a high five again. “Come back, you can be pink next time,” she tells me, and I chuckle, nodding my head.

  “Yeah, I’ll be pink next time,” I tell her, ruffling her hair like Kailey did earlier.

  We leave the house happy, and I’m relieved to have the whole dilemma of meeting the family over with. But for the first time, I realize, there’s a certain part of Kailey I don’t know. “Kailey?” I stop on the porch. She turns my way, curious. “Where are your parents?”

  Her green eyes lose their happiness. “They’re dead,” she says and turns around to walk to the cars. Crap, my heart tightens.

  Chapter 9

  Kailey

  I purposely didn’t tell Trey about my parents. How many horrible things can you inform someone about your life before they cross you off, thinking you’re bad luck? Starting a conversation with ‘I lost my parents when I was ten due to drunkenness, and, no, it wasn’t someone else’s fault but my fathers’, isn’t the best way to keep someone around. There was no one to blame, except the first man I ever loved. The same man that taught me to ride a bike and fly a kite. He’s the one who left me an orphan due to a careless decision to drink too much at a holiday party and wrap his car around a pole with my mother inside.

  Lucky for me, my parents had Jen and me so far apart; I didn’t go into foster care, but was able to live with my sister. She turned her life upside down for me, leaving the college she had been attending and coming back home to care for me. We made it work, though. She transferred to Western, and during the first few summers I stayed at Aunt Holly’s while she took a full course load to try and graduate early. She got a part-time job in the library. That was how she met Caden. He’s was in the reference section of the library, doing research for his thesis, when he stumbled across my sister looking a little bewildered. He smoothly asked her if she knew where a certain reference could be located, knowing it didn’t exist. But the wild goose chase turned into coffee, which turned into dinner, and the rest is history.

  After that first summer at Aunt Holly’s, I got off the plane to find Jen waiting with Caden by her side. She’d mentioned him briefly on the phone, but to find him there with his arm wrapped around her was surprising. A small giggle hits me remembering how mean I was to him. Jen would hire a babysitter for them to go out, and I would answer the door telling him she was gone, or sometimes just slamming the door in his face. My sister was all I had left, and he was interfering. If I was being truthful, I was scared she would leave me like our parents. Oh poor Caden, what a trooper he was.

  “I’ll bring you back tomorrow,” Trey’s voice tears me out of my memories. I pick up my head and must look confused because he clarifies, “For your car.” He motions with his head.

  “You assume I’ll be sleeping over,” I joke, my best defense mechanism, but he just gives me a tight smile and opens the door for me.

  Before he shuts it, he reminds me, “You said you wanted me alone. The stipulation is in my bed for the night.” He chuckles quietly and the door clicks shut, leaving his last statement hanging in the air.

  See, he gets me. I needed humor in that moment and he understood it. We make the drive back to the house they all share in silence. I’ve only ever heard about it, I’ve never actually stepped foot in there. When he pulls his car in the driveway, there’s a line of cars and a feeling of dread, not able to be alone, comes over me. “We live so close to downtown, we walk a lot. They might not be home,” he assures me, getting out of the car.

  We enter through the back door into the kitchen, and he’s wrong because a group of guys is sitting around the table, slinging back shots with a pile of cards in front of them. I spot Dex, but I don’t recognize the others. They all stop what they’re doing and eye us at the door.

  “TREY!” a guy yells.

  “About time, grab a chair,” another says.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” Trey says to one of them with dark spiky hair. Instantly the guy stands and walks toe to toe with him.

  “Isn’t she a little too girl next door for you?” The guy stares me up and down, making me inch behind Trey slightly.

  “Fuck off, jackass,” Trey places his arm in front of me, scooting me the rest of the way behind him.

  “Give it a rest, Rob,” Dex says from his position shuffling the cards.

  That’s Rob? Jessa’s ex Rob? Man, he’s an ass, but a hot ass. Not that I would ever tell that to Trey. But the guy’s got a jaw line that could crack marble. No piercings, but just as many tats as Trey.

  “Hey, Trey’s never been opposed to me looking at the goods before. What’s up, Michaels? You’ve gone all soft, like Brady? Shit another one loses the battle,” he calls out as he makes a check mark in the air with his finger, and the table of guys laugh. He peeks around Trey, staring directly at my chest. “She might be worth it–might,” he sneers, and Trey’s hand leaves my hip and cracks him across that perfectly lined jaw.

  He stumbles back before catching his footing, cupping his chin. “Get used to seeing me, Michaels, since Jessa’s living with her Frat Boy, I’m back in.” He gives Trey a condescending smirk and sits back down, turning his attention to the game.

  Trey grabs my hand and two beers before pulling me to the stairs. “I’m gonna fucking kill Brady,” he mumbles as we get to the top of the stairs. And this is exactly my reason for not living with your best friends. Don’t get me wrong Kim and I are acquaintances and go out occasionally, but for the most part, we live separate lives. Unlike this house where all their lives intertwine somehow like a labyrinth.

  “Kill me, huh?” Brady appears at the top of the stairs with Sadie two steps behind. If those two ever do anything separate, I’d be floored.

  “What the hell? Why would you allow him back in?” Trey shakes his head in disbelief.

  “Trey—,” Sadie starts, but Brady places his hand on her arm.

  “Listen, Jessa’s living at Grant’s now. He’s down, the band threw him out. I’m sure he’ll find another band soon and leave. I know he’s done some questionable things, but haven’t all of us,” Brady tries to reason, and, surprisingly, Trey relents.

  “Don’t expect me to be here much then,” Trey says over his shoulder, walking to his room.

  “You have to leave what happened between him and Jessa between them. She’s forgiven him, you should too,” Brady adds, and I just give them an uncomfortable tight smile while being pulled by Trey into his room.

  Trey slams the door after we’re both in the room, cracking open the beer, he guzzles half of it down before resting it on the nightstand. Not sure what to do, I stand there in front of his bed, shifting my feet from side to side. “Sorry,” he mumbles, “that guy just knows what buttons to press with me.” He quickly stands and places his arms around me. “This isn’t how I planned this night to go.” Me neither, I think to myself.

  “Why do you hate him so much? Other than his vulgar mouth,” I ask, knowing there’s something with Jessa, since they used to date.

  “Mostly Jessa, the way he treated her when they were together. The way they broke up, it’s unacceptable the way he treated her,” Trey begins to tell me, but stops and sha
kes his head. “Enough about the dickhead, I finally have you alone in my bedroom, willingly,” he chuckles.

  “Are you telling me you had thoughts of dragging me up here against my will?” I saunter over, positioning my legs on each side of his.

  “The idea of tossing you over my shoulder and locking you in my room might have crossed my mind a time or two,” he admits while his hands grab a hold of my ass, pulling me to him.

  “I might not have objected,” I say, keeping my voice low and sultry. My hands reach around clasping at the back of his neck. The stubble of his short dark hair rubbing against my palms.

  “Let’s not waste any more time.” His hands roam up my back, bringing chills in the wake of his path. Then his tongue licks across his lips before bringing my face to his. At first he’s gentle and soft, letting our lips graze over each other. His teeth tug on my bottom lip, dragging it down, teasingly. My hands firm against his neck, not wanting him to stop. He releases my lips with a pop and smiles up at me before licking his way down my jaw line and up to my earlobe. “I want you tonight,” he whispers and the chills reappear, making my body shiver.

  As though he knows exactly what he’s done to me, he tightens his arms against me, hugging me into him. “I’ll be right back,” I say and stand up, laughing at Trey’s baffled expression. “I need to use the bathroom,” I embarrassingly admit.

  Still puzzled to why I pulled away, he points me to the door. “Make sure you lock the other door, it leads to Dex’s room.” He sits back on the bed.

  I escape into the bathroom, thankful that the panty liner is void of any sign of my period. A smile creeps across my face that it’s over, and I’ll be able to finally be with Trey tonight. As embarrassing as it was to leave in the middle to go to the bathroom, it would have been worse for him to find out another way. Going over to the sink to wash my hands, I let my eyes wander over the contents. His toothbrush, toothpaste, hair gel, and razor are all positioned neatly across the counter. So different than Dex’s side, whose toiletries are strewn across the counter, as though he lays it down wherever he is when he finishes using an item.