Let Me Love

by Michelle Lynn

  The high school student studies Kailey and I before stamping our hands with some form of invisible ink. “Why can’t I see it?” I ask the young girl.

  “So you don’t take the wrong kid,” she explains, but I look around the building at the screaming uncontrollable children running around and then back to the three calm ones next to me.

  “You don’t have to worry about that,” I inform her.

  “It’s more so no one takes one of ours,” Kailey chimes in, and then it all clicks in my head. Of course, one of these parents would want to trade these darlings for one of their devils spawn. Not going to happen, my friend.

  Ordering some pizza and buying tokens for an ungodly amount of money, we find our seats. Nestling into a booth, I grab a highchair for Drew, and Kailey gives him some crackers to keep him busy until the food arrives.

  “Trey, let’s play,” Chloe says, pulling on my hoodie sleeve.

  I look over to Kailey, and she nods. “Go ahead, I’ll let you know when the pizza comes,” she instructs. Her calmness over this place amazes me.

  Grabbing the small bucket of tokens, Tara and Chloe file out of the booth after me. I bend down to give Kailey a kiss, and she surprises me when she pulls me down to whisper something in my ear. “Don’t worry about the tickets. You’ll get the top prize tonight.” When I pull back, she winks my way. God, I love her. In those few short words, she’s calmed me down from the panic of this germ infested kid zone.

  Chloe takes my hand and leads me over to a basketball game. Taking a token out of the bucket, she inserts it and starts playing. I gotta say, the girls got skills for five. While she’s busy playing that, I get Tara set up on skee ball. Instructing her on how to roll the ball, instead of throwing the ball, is harder than it should be. The fearful employee’s scared shitless face when the ball went flying towards his head, has me biting my lip to hide my laughter. Once she’s got it going, I scoot back over to Chloe, who has found her way over to a driving game.

  An older boy is hovering over her while her legs stretch to reach the pedals. She’s a determined little girl that’s for sure, but the game is a bit complicated and probably too advanced for her. Tara runs over. I scoop her up, and we watch Chloe ranking sixteenth out of sixteen, dead last, but she’s happy and loving it. She snags another token and puts it in to play again. Then the boy who’s probably twelve or so decides to speak up.

  “She’s too young to be playing,” he spats, and my head turns his way.

  “She’s fine, don’t worry, you’ll have your turn,” I assure him, kindly hoping he shuts his mouth.

  “It’s a waste. She’s holding everyone up. As her dad, you shouldn’t allow her—,” the smart mouth kid continues.

  I place Tara down on the ground, who instantly stands next to Chloe, watching her smash into walls and rocks and whatever other obstacles are in her way. Walking up, so I’m looking down at him, intimidation is key. “Listen, she’s going to play the game, and if she wants to play again, I have a bucket full of tokens. We’ll stay here all night. So go play some other game while you’re waiting,” I say, shooing him away with my hand.

  “Trey!” Kailey appears with Drew in her arms, but I don’t change my stance, waiting for the kid to disappear.

  “Whatever, Trey, why don’t you listen to your baby mamma,” he sneers.

  A chuckle escapes me from the balls of this kid. God, he reminds me of myself a little bit.

  “Nah, I think the little girl wants to play again, maybe even her sister,” I casually shrug my shoulders and turn around toward the girls, who are now staring at the scene unfolding in front of them. Their big eyes darting between me and the punk. “Chloe, you want another token?” I hand her one, but she shakes her head.

  “No, I’m done,” she says, hopping off the chair and walking toward another game.

  I stand there in disbelief that she’s not even staying out of the pure will to make this kids life hell. Kailey giggles behind me, and I shake my head in disbelief while the now smug kid makes the move for the seat. I’m half tempted to squeeze in before him, shoving my token in first. Then my Zen counterpart comes along side of me. “Come on, baby daddy. The pizza’s ready,” she swings her arm through mine, laughing the whole time. Even Drew’s bottom two teeth are sticking out in amusement to the little showdown.

  The girls and I eat the pizza, while Kailey nibbles on hers and feeds Drew small pieces. Once I finish, I instruct her to eat while I handle Drew. Playing a little game of zoom zoom airplane, landing small pieces of pizza on his tongue while he laughs in delight, we end with a few games of peek-a-boo. Chloe and Tara grow restless, so we give them some tokens and let them venture out to the games around us.

  Watching Kailey keep her eyes on them and what’s happening around us, tells me mother’s instinct aren’t something that automatically comes after you push the kid out. Sometimes it’s just brought on. She’s not only these three kids’ aunt, she’s their second mother. Jen could never be replaced, but Kailey’s a great substitute.

  Kailey and Drew finish and the three of us join Chloe and Tara. Watching the excitement in all their faces makes coming to this insane rave like atmosphere for children halfway okay. Kailey and I do a little competition on the basketball game ourselves, and I find out where Chloe gets her nothing but net shot. Except neither have anything on me. I beat out Kailey not once, but twice. It rolls off her back no problem, another reason I love her, she’s as laid back as me.

  Then out of nowhere, Tara starts whining for a token. When I tell her we’re out, she throws herself onto the floor, screaming. Shit, they must pump something into the vents to make the kids go bat crazy. This is foreign behavior for Tara. I bend down to her level to attempt to rationalize with her, mistake one. Tears stream down her face, and I’m about to buy another crap load of tokens when Kailey says, “Time to go. Pick her up. She’s just tired. She’ll fall asleep on the way home.” How the fuck does she know that?

  I wrap my arms under Tara’s to pick her up. Her legs kick and her arms flail as though she’s drowning in the crumb filled disgusting pool of carpeting. Then the aliens have completely taken over her little body. Screams bellow out of her small lungs as her feet leave little bruises all over my legs. “Let’s just buy some more tokens,” I shout over to Kailey, who’s putting Drew’s coat on. I guess that’s a no from the death stare she returns my way. Maybe I should mention I’m not asking for a three way, just to give this little three headed monster some coins. Keeping my mouth shut, I grab my jacket from the bench, throw Tara’s in between us. Lucky for me, Kailey’s handling Drew and Chloe. However, even with this two to one ratio, I think I got the raw end of the deal. Actually, I’m sure of it as I watch the trio ahead of me calmly walk through the front doors while Tara’s screams become louder screeches the closer we get to the front door.

  That teenage girl stops me with some sort of black light, waiting for our wrists. Kailey stands on the other side of the rope, and I sigh, pulling my wrist out, holding Tara out with one arm. Can this little bubblegum chomping girl not tell I’m about to get kicked in the nuts if I don’t control her legs? After we’re cleared to leave the premises, I turn back around and say, “You should really think about selling alcohol.”

  “Oh sir, we don’t want any responsibility for parents driving—” she starts her most likely well-rehearsed Showtime Palace response.

  “Not for me, for ones like this,” I interrupt and point to Tara. The young girl looks at me confused, no doubt those tight clothes are cutting off the circulation to her brain. “Yeah, never mind.” Realizing she’s not getting my joke.

  “Oh, I gotcha,” she laughs as the door shuts behind us.

  “Trey, she’s probably still trying to put it together.” Kailey laughs. With a calming Tara in my arms, her cries still there, but slowing, I stare down at Kailey. I love her so much. I’d put myself through this hell every day for the rest of life, with one stipulation; she has to be with me. “What are you stari
ng at?” She knocks me with her hip.

  “The most beautiful girl,” I say and wink at her.

  “Oh, Trey,” she looks up at me with those sparkling eyes and love induced smile.

  “Did you catch her? She just turned the corner,” I tease, and laughter erupts out of her.

  “And here I was being all arrogant thinking you were talking about me.” She ventures to her side of the van and after we buckle everyone in, we stare at each other from both open doors.

  “Be arrogant, be smug, be confident, baby. To me you’re the top number one billboard hit of all time; that one song that people try to redo, but nothing compares to the original. The first version is so amazing and beautiful that no one can even come close.” She smiles widely over to me, and climbing into the seats we shut the doors.

  “You’re number two on that list, babe.” She winks, strapping herself in.

  “Hey, can’t we be tied,” I joke.

  “There’s only one number one, you said so yourself,” she teases, giving me that heart melting smile.

  “That I did, baby—that I did,” I agree and we look into each other’s eyes for a few beats, knowing how lucky we are.

  “Can we go now?” Chloe pleads from the backseat.

  Giving Kailey a wink, I start up the soccer mom mobile.

  One thing can be said for Showtime Pizza Palace, it might be a few hours of hell, but you get rewarded tenfold when they all crash. The low music plays in the van with nothing but silence from the passengers. Kailey and I don’t talk, and I wonder when this became so comfortable. It’s only been a short few months and I’ve already turned in my black book for a chore chart. The astonishing thing is I love it.

  When I think about Jen and her impending death, it ties me up in knots. I can’t imagine knowing I have such a limited time to be with my children and leave them in the hands of others. I’d rather go quickly and not have to think about it. Kailey and I will definitely be there for these three kids and Caden when Jen passes, but I hope, on some level, Kailey and I will be able to build a family together as well. Of course, stay close to her family. I would never take that away from her or the kids. Eventually, Caden will want to start again, maybe remarry. Right? Then again, I’m most certain if Kailey died, I’d never recover. Shit, not that we’re married now, although some days it feels like it.

  With me starting the job and her moving in with them, our lives have shifted. Our time is more limited, but that doesn’t stop me from loving her or wanting her. I see her pulling away more and more every day as the inevitable comes closer. She’s always talking about my exciting job and how all she did was take the kids to the park or found some new craft to do with the girls. The worry etches in her face as our lives move in two directions. I enjoy hearing about what she did; it only makes me wish I was with them. She doesn’t see that, though. All she sees is the difference between our days.

  The house is dark when we pull up, and we quietly open the doors. I grab Chloe and Tara in my arms, while she gets Drew out of his seat. The sound of the television comes from the family room, as we walk the kids upstairs. I drop Tara off and she splays across her pink canopy bed. Thankfully, she doesn’t have her jacket, since she was in a fit of rage when we left. I toss a blanket over her and turn around. Next is Chloe, in her purple room and she tries to kick me when I take her shoes and jacket off. Slowly waking she buries herself under the covers. “Sing to me, Trey?” she softly requests. Racking my brain for a lullaby, I only have a song that’s been embedded into my mind for a while lately. I sit down next to her and clear my throat a little before starting “Elderly Woman Behind a Counter In a Small Town” by Pearl Jam. As her eyes begin to droop, I lower my voice and slow my vocals until I know she’s fast asleep. When I stand up and turn toward the door, Kailey’s leaning against the frame, peering in at us. The light from the hallway halos her perfect body. She’s gorgeous and she’s mine. How great is my life?

  “What a beautiful song? What’s the name?” she asks as I quietly shut Chloe’s door. I tell her the name of the song, and she shrugs her shoulders. “I had no idea you could sing.”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” I say, leading us to the staircase.

  “You sing beautifully, baby,” she tells me, leaning into me. I guess I should plan on serenading her one day.

  We quietly make our way downstairs where Jen is laying propped up against Caden. They both turn our way when we take a seat on the loveseat. It still amazes how quickly this house became like a home to me. The uncomfortable feeling from my first time had vanished by my return. “So Trey, how was your first time at Showtime Pizza Palace,” Jen mimics the talk of the character bear.

  “Holy shit, how come none of you warned me?” I ask. Kailey brings her legs under her, resting against my body.

  “You have to experience that place to really know what it’s about,” Caden proclaims. “Thank you,” he sincerely adds.

  “No problem.” I nod.

  “What did you guys do?” Kailey asks, and they laugh lightly to themselves. Yeah, I’m guessing Jen wasn’t too tired.

  “Why don’t you two go out?” Jen mentions, and I glance at the clock. It’s only nine o’clock, shit where did my carefree life go. A few months ago, I wouldn’t even be pre-partying yet.

  Peering down at Kailey, she kind of perks up a little. “You want to?” I ask her, and she shrugs her shoulders. Kailey gives Jen a kiss on the cheek, and we leave. We climb into her Honda to drive over to my house.

  The house is bustling, and I wonder when it became the party house. Oh yeah, when dipshit Rob moved back in. He and Dex have been partying day and night. Besides the small reprieve we had during graduation weekend, he’s been here all the time. That’s why I usually keep Kailey and myself holed up in my room, stopping his prying eyes from staring at her.

  When we walk in the back door, half-naked girls and guys are sitting around the table laughing. Beer bottles have begun to pile up on the counter. We obviously interrupted a game of strip poker or some crazy game I would have had a part in back in the day.

  “Hey, man,” Dex nods at us. “Hi, Kailey” he greets her with a half-naked girl straddling him.

  “Dex,” Kailey says curtly. I’m sure she’s disgusted by the look on her face. Looking around the room, I’m happy there’s no Rob anywhere.

  “You guys want to join us?” Dex asks, laying down a fan of cards and everyone sighs before beginning to disrobe another piece of their clothing.

  “Nah, we’re going out in a bit,” I tell him. “You guys staying here for the night?” Crossing my fingers he answers no. I’m shocked Brady has let this go on as long as he has.

  “Nope, heading over to Billy’s, Rob’s band’s playing. Y’all gonna come?” he asks, like I would even consider it.

  “Sure,” Kailey excitedly agrees next to me, and I whip my head her way.

  “Why the hell would we go that hell hole?” I ask her.

  “It will be fun.” She shrugs her shoulders.

  I’m not quite sure why she wants to go out with these guys, and I definitely don’t understand why she would want to go to Billy’s, but like everything else she wants, I don’t deny her.

  “I guess we’re in,” I say to Dex.

  Chapter 15

  Kailey

  I gasp at how beautiful Jessa looks as she walks down the aisle in her white satin gown. The wedding dress conforms to her body, displaying her curvy but slender figure. Grant’s face lights up, like a kid on prom night, when she stops at the edge of the chairs. My eyes can’t stop from watching as her dad holds out his arm, and she slips hers through his as they share a look of pure love between them. He pats her hand, and they make their way up the aisle. Once she reaches Grant, her father releases her with a kiss on the cheek. No veil to lift up, no train to hold. This is the simplest wedding I’ve ever attended, but the most romantic by far. All the guys line up behind Grant. Brady, Trey, and Dex bringing up the rear. Dressed in new matching grey suits w
ith white shirts but each sporting a different tie. As I’m appraising all the good-looking men, my eyes stop on the drop dead gorgeous one that’s all mine. He winks and gives me a sly smile before turning his attention back to the pastor.

  Once the ceremony is concluded and more than a few tears are shed, Mr. and Mrs. Grant Bishop walk down the aisle as a married couple. Brady puts his arm out for Sadie, and Trey and I follow suit before Dex and Sam bring up the rear. “Yes. I gotcha now, babe,” Jessa says to Grant once we’re all together congratulating the newlyweds. “No escaping me,” she pushes up on her tip-toes, and he rests his hand across her cheek, looking at her with nothing but love.

  “I’ve never wanted to escape you, I’ve only ever wanted to draw you closer to me,” he softy says and kisses her briefly before pulling back. “I love you, Mrs. Grant Bishop,” he murmurs.

  “I love you, Mr. Jessa Harrison,” she giggles.

  “Yeah, I guess I kind of am,” he chuckles to himself and shrugs his shoulders in agreement.

  I can’t help but feel like the six of us are intruding on what should be an intimidate moment between newlywed’s. Trey pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head. The heat from his hand resting on my own satin gown brings shivers up my spine. Visions of Trey and me in our own world after we say our ‘I do’s’ flutter to life in my mind. Would we have a big wedding or prefer to elope somewhere? Or would there never be a wedding, Trey isn’t exactly in favor of that certificate to prove your love thing. Lately, he’s changed so much, maybe that will too.

  A few butterflies flutter around as Grant and Jessa walk hand in hand and climb into their limo. “Whose lame ass idea was it to do these butterflies?” Dex asks, and Sam elbows him the stomach. Immediately, he straightens his body, glancing down at Sam, annoyed and confused.

  “Mine,” Sadie lowers her eyes to the cement ground, staring at the scattered dead butterflies and Brady wraps his arm around her.