Let Me Love

by Michelle Lynn

  “It was a great idea, it was beautiful, baby! Right, Dex?” Brady’s stern fatherly voice requests Dex to agree.

  Dex shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah,” he mumbles and Brady kicks his foot. Dex raises his annoyed eyes toward Brady now, “It was, Sadie, really,” he attempts to make up for his foot in mouth comment, but everyone knows it’s forced.

  “Jeez, Dex, manners?” Sam maddeningly spouts, and Dex holds his hands out at his waist as though he has no idea what she’s talking about. She swings her arm around Sadie’s shoulders, and they walk off to the cars.

  “Dipshit,” Brady murmurs under his breath as the rest of us follow the two.

  “What? How was I supposed to know it was her idea? It would have been beautiful—if they were all alive.” Dex places his hands in his pocket, shaking his head.

  “Enough,” Trey tells him, “just let it go,” he attempts to help him out from the hole he’s currently digging himself into.

  “Come on, guys, it’s funny.” Dex stares up and raises his hands walking backwards. “I can’t be the only one that sees the humor in this,” he continues, and Trey chuckles slightly while Brady narrows his eyes before cracking a smile himself.

  Sadie and Sam quickly turn around watching the four of us lowly laughing. Their hands on their hips and astonished looks, we each try to stifle our humor back. “I just wanted it to be beautiful. I ruined their wedding,” Sadie admits, covering her face. Brady jogs over to her while Sam consoles her.

  “It’s not your fault. It’s the damn place you ordered them from. What’s the name? I’ll go find them and kick their ass myself,” Brady pretends to crack his knuckles, and Sadie shakes her head.

  “Stop it, Brady,” she says through sobs.

  “I mean it. They hurt my girl, I’ll hurt them.” All of us burst into full out laughter. Sadie picks up her head, staring at each one of us. Finally, her lips turn up, and she punches Brady in the chest. He grabs her hand and pulls him into her. They embrace until Sadie picks up her head. “We owe them an expensive wedding present,” she mentions.

  “Um...no. They wouldn’t even know each other if it wasn’t for us. Believe me, we gave them the once in a lifetime fucking wedding present,” Brady reminds her and luckily it appeases her.

  We all climb into our separate cars. Trey opens my door, and I slide in. After he starts the car, he looks my way. “You are beautiful.” He puts the car in reverse, and I wish I knew how we got to this point. I wanted today to be different. I desperately wanted to forget all my responsibilities and enjoy it being just me and him.

  I tried to have us do the typical things people our age do. That’s the only reason I pushed Trey to go to that condemned bar named Billy’s two weeks ago. I wanted to show him, we could have it all. We could take the kids to Showtime and go out with friends and drink until dawn. But all that happened was we became edgy with each other from being exhausted. We were tired and cranky. Eventually we decided to leave the bar at midnight, went back to his place and fell asleep. It was the first time I laid side of side with Trey instead of entwined in his arms. From that night forward we forked off from one another. He’s been so busy with the early stages development on the building that I haven’t seen him except for one night this week. Since it happened to correlate with the very same night Caden had a night class, we spent the few hours together, feeding and bathing the kids, filled with silence between us.

  Jen has only gotten worse. A hospital bed was delivered and set up downstairs in the den where she mostly sleeps. The kids are confused, and I have no idea what to tell them. Caden walks around like a zombie, not talking to anyone unless asked a direct question. When the kids hop on his lap, he listens to them and smiles when he should, but the blank facial expression confirms his mind is somewhere far, far away from us. The inevitable is coming, and it has encompassed all of us, even Drew. For the first time in a while, the ping of fear that Trey and I won’t survive this consumes me. The path we’re on is separating farther. Soon our hands and love are bound to tear apart.

  A tight squeeze of my hand pulls me from my nightmare, and I look up at the restaurant. “You okay?” he asks me. His brown eyes stare over with clear concern if I’m happy or sad today. He cares about me, and I’m not going to waste these few free hours we have, thinking about ‘what ifs’ in regards to our future.

  “Perfect,” I say, and a huge smile brightens his face. The best sight I’ve seen in the past two weeks. “I love you,” I whisper when he bends down to kiss me.

  “I love you. Let’s just relax and have fun tonight. It’s me and you, all right?” he cocks his head to the side, awaiting my agreement.

  “Yes,” I mumble, and when his lips hit mine, I’m transported to our first kiss. He pours all his desire for me into our kiss, and it covers me in a warm and loving blanket. All I want to do is nuzzle up to him and savor the ocean scent that’s Trey.

  When he parts from me, my body chills, and I push all other thoughts away. My door opens, and I take his hand, climbing out of the car.

  The atmosphere blankets the room with love, and emanates through all of us. The small round tables are lined with white linens and small lit votive candles. Silver packages that we wrapped are perfectly placed on top of each plate. The room looks elegant and simple, just like Jessa.

  Trey’s hand is either in mine, or resting on my knee, throughout most of the dinner. We talk about reality television and drinking games. I miss this carefree life of a college student. Sam and Dex can’t keep their hands off each other, constantly roaming and kissing. Every time she gets up, he smacks her ass and she jumps in reaction. Although I envy the way Dex doesn’t hide his attraction to her, neither one of them shows much romantic affection toward one another. It’s grabbing and swatting, but no caressing and lingering kisses. I wonder if maybe, in fact, they are just fuck buddies, like Dex refers to them as.

  Envious of their public displays of desire, I begin to let my hand explore up Trey’s pants leg. As I continue talking about Vanderpump Rules with Sam, I grab his package, feeling it start to bulge against my palm. He quickly places his hand over mine to stop me, but I’m persistent, searching for his zipper. Just as I grip it with my fingers and begin to lower it he tenses in his chair, and I worry the table will pick up on the little game of cat and mouse we’re playing.

  The hotness of his crotch hits my hand as I weasel it through the opening. As soon as I reach my destination, he takes my hand and places it back in my lap. Shifting in his seat, I know he’s discretely zipping himself back up, trying not to draw attention. A rush of emotions detonates within me; embarrassment, guilt, but most of all self-doubt. He just knocked all my self-esteem out the window with the push of his hand. I slowly become more enraged the longer I sit and talk about a show that follows a group of servers and bartenders that appear more like enemies than friends. Excusing myself from the table, I escape out to the lobby.

  Tears threatening to break at any moment, I pep talk myself to quickly become composed. This is your night off, enjoy it, I repeat to myself. But it’s no use, the one tear escapes before I can stop it.

  Seeing the ladies sign, I make determined steps to reach that door before it all crashes down. With both hands on the door, I’m abruptly grabbed by my wrist and dragged out the back door. The sweltering heat immediately has sweat starting to drip down the crease of my breasts. My back hits the brick wall before Trey’s fuming face fills my complete vision.

  “What the hell, Kailey?” he asks me, anger filling every word.

  “Forget it, Trey,” I push him back with my arms, but he takes my wrists and pins them up against the wall. The brick scratches my wrists as I attempt to wiggle out of his grasp.

  “Why the hell are you mad?” His nostrils flare while his eyes question me.

  “I was trying to be spontaneous, sexual. Make you want me,” I admit, still wiggling and shifting any weight to get the advantage in this conversation.

  “I want you every minute of eve
ry day. Actually, scratch that, every second.” His hands loosen, but he doesn’t let me go.

  “How come you’ve taken girl after girl against a bathroom stall or a dark corner? Hell, you’ve probably received fucking hand jobs in lecture halls. But with me, it’s all hand holding, hand on the small of my back until we get behind closed doors. I get it that I’m not as sexy as your other conquests, but I don’t think I’m some hideous monster either.” I take a deep breath, surprised by own response. That I just divulged all my insecurities about my being enough for him sexually.

  He releases my grip and walks to the other side of the alley, tossing his hands over his head. After minutes of silence he marches up to me and pushes me against the wall again. “Is this what you want, Kailey? You want me to fuck you against this wall, like some groupie slut?”

  “NO!” I screech. “I want you to want me so badly you can’t wait until we get home. I want to enflame your body so much that you desperately need to get inside of me, unable to hold off. I just want to be irresistible to you,” I yell back into face.

  He thrusts his crotch forward. “Do you feel how hard I am right now? That’s you, Kailey.” His voice still emanates anger, but is beginning to calm. “I put myself through pain every day, so I don’t throw you over every damn piece of furniture or car. You deserve better than that.” He takes a deep breath. “Jesus, Kailey, you’re more to me than some cheap fuck in a filthy alley. I thought I’ve made that clear. I fucking love you. I didn’t love those girls. Hell, half of them I didn’t even like.” He backs up and places his hand on my cheeks. “But you, you’re the reason I get up in the morning. You’re the one I can’t wait to lay in my bed with, so I can savor every moment I have with you. Please, don’t take my reserve to mean anything but selfishness to explore your gorgeous body longer. I enjoy taking my time and savoring the taste of every inch of your skin. With you, it’s not just getting off, it’s feelings and emotions. Things I never had with anyone else.” His eyes continue to peer down at me, waiting for me to respond. What the hell do I say to that? The urge to bury my head in my hands and walk away embarrassed are tempting.

  “I just thought—,” I start but he places his finger in front of my lips.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I should have made this clear a long time ago.” He absolves me of my self-pity. “Since we’re out here and everyone thinks we’re fighting, how about we make the most of it?” He slyly smiles and all that anger surrounding us dissipates with it. How did I get this man? His head turns left and right, perusing the surroundings. Soon he grabs my hand and tugs me toward a dark corner. “So, I owe you one quick screw against a wall, but don’t get used to it, babe, okay?” He flirtatiously smiles my way.

  “It’s really fine, Trey, let’s just go inside,” I reply.

  His hands start pulling the fabric of my dress around my middle. “Nah, you started it. I’m hard and,” he inserts a finger into my panties, “you’re wet. Let’s not waste time, love,” he finishes and grabs my ass, holstering me up against the brick.

  He propped me up with his one hand and leg while unsnapping and zipping his pants. Soon the heat of his bare bottom half hits mine, and there’s no way I’m saying no. “Shit!” he hollers right as the tip of his cock is at my opening. “I don’t have condoms,” he sighs.

  “What?” I question in disbelief.

  “I stopped carrying them around when I met you. I could go ask Dex but—,”

  “Go ahead, Trey, I trust you,” I instruct him.

  “Kailey,” his exasperated breath tells me between his past and the chances of another pregnancy, we’re done.

  “I’m on the pill, go ahead,” I divulge. I feel bad for never telling him earlier, but I’m not about to pass up on this incredible desire right now.

  He waits no time before thrusting himself into me. When his hardness busts through my folds, I clench around him, squeezing him tightly inside of me. His warm breath tickles my neck. “You always feel so fucking good, Kailey,” he tells me, and I contract harder around him. “If you want to finish, you’ll have to loosen up for me, baby,” he says softly in my ear. Even when he has me pressed against the wall, he’s sweet and loving.

  I begin to loosen, and I feel my wetness smearing down my thighs when he slides in and out of me at an excruciatingly slow pace. What happened to that guy I would see at the bars? Shit, there he is; he slams into me, and my back hits the rough surface. “God, Trey, more,” I softly say. His hands are squeezing and pushing my ass into him. I wish we could strip our clothes off and feel our naked bodies against one another. I guess Trey has a point, with the slow and devour version he prefers.

  “Baby, come for me, I’m not going to last much longer without anything between us,” his voice staggered and breathless.

  I grip his shoulders, digging my nails into his crisp linen shirt in order to drive down on him. Holding his head in my hands, pressing it against my neck, I move my hips up and down on him. He groans and grunts. Hearing the noises erupting out of him has me wetter and becoming more aroused with every syllable. The same noises he makes in bed. I’m just on the brink of letting it all go when I take his face and bring it to me. I smile. He opens his eyes and alluring brown eyes capture mine. We focus on each other, until we both come, and his body pins me against the wall to stabilize himself while he catches his breath.

  “Shit, maybe I should reconsider my earlier argument,” he jokes, breathing heavily in my ear.

  “You had your eyes closed,” I remark, and he scrunches his eyes in confusion. “You usually have them open.”

  “Really?” he questions, releasing me to the ground. My heels find the potholed filled drive, and my dress falls to the ground.

  “Okay, you know when I told you I’d seen you with girls at Aces?” I swallow hard that I’m about to share this bit of information with him. He nods, pulling up his pants and buckling his belt. “You always had your eyes open, looking around the room as you would make out with them.” I bite my lower lip and a slow smile creeps along his lips.

  “I never knew you were checking me out that much,” he teases with pure pleasure in the fact.

  “You were hard to miss,” I say, smacking his shoulder.

  “Oh, babe, I love that you were that into me. But—,” he corners me with his arms right before we’re about to walk back, “do you finally believe me? That you’re different.” He kisses my nose, and I glance at the small, dark corner we just christened. Well, I’m sure we weren’t the first ones.

  “Yeah, I do,” I honestly answer.

  “Remember, I’m yours,” he reminds me, and we open the doors.

  As we make our way back over to the table, I realize Trey’s right. I don’t even feel close to completely fulfilled as I do when we take our time. Smiles in place and hands entwined, we must look like a love sick couple. Tonight I want to dance with him close and smell the scent of spring of his body wash. I want my head to rest on his chest and hear the beats of his heart as he sways me and back in forth to the music. I want to toast champagne and kiss him any time I desire. I want to forget what tomorrow will bring and relish in everything that’s us.

  He pulls my chair out, and I take a seat, carefully smoothing my gown down. Everyone around the table peers over at us with conspicuous glares, coming to their own conclusions to our disappearing act. I’m sure my make-up is smeared, and Trey’s pants look a bit more wrinkled. Instantly, the warmth of his hand brushes along my satin covered thigh and a burn ignites in me again. I briefly ponder if I’ll ever have enough of him. Will we ever be that couple that gives a quick peck on the lips and rolls onto opposite sides of the bed? God, I hope not.

  “I’m going to get a drink. Do you want anything?” he whispers in my ear, but I shake my head, happy with the glass of wine. “I’ll be right back.” He kisses my temple. I watch his backside as he walks away for a few brief seconds.

  “Man, you guys have it bad,” Sam teases and moves to the empty seat on my left
.

  Not really knowing how to respond, I decide a smile is enough. Most likely the blush that’s currently rising up my cheeks should be a good indication of how much I love that man.

  “So, tell me. Are you guys serious, like marriage, kids, and the whole caboodle? Or, are you two just having fun like Dex and me?” Not really interested in thinking about my hopes and dreams of a future with Trey recognizing I might never get that wish granted, I decide to turn the tables.

  “Is that all you and Dex are?” She turns his way and then back to me. There’s no longing love gaze, but there isn’t a frown either, just indifference.

  “Yeah, we live hundreds miles from each other. It’s fun while we’re together, and he can make me come through the phone, so bonus there. Oh, on those nights I come home half plastered. Instead of bringing some guy I don’t know with me, I just dial Dex, and he gets me to the point of exhaustion all through the receiver of my phone.” I’m surprised she’s so willing to share this much information about what they do with each other. Does she know she’s not his only girl he shares his ‘words’ with?

  “Oh, well every couple is different.” I smile and glance over my shoulder for Trey. He’s chatting with Grant and Jessa, the happy couple. “So, when do you graduate?” I ask her, and she begins rambling about the classes she’s taking for the summer. At least this is a topic I can converse about.

  Trey slides back down next to me and takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. Out of the corner of my eye I see them wheeling the cake into the center of the room. Grant and Jessa get shuffled over, and the buzzing of my phone alerts me. Trey heavily sighs with assumption that more than likely our night just ended.

  Excusing myself from the table, Trey’s eyes divert from mine. Not that I try to meet his either, but his blatant glare the other way tells me all I need to know. “Hey, Caden,” I answer. I hear Jen’s moans in the background. “What is it?” My voice quickly becomes frantic.

  “I’m taking Jen to the hospital, she can’t stop throwing up, and her fever is rising. Mrs. Altman is watching the kids, but do you think...” He releases a long sigh. “I’m sorry, Kailey, I hate to ask. I know it’s their wedding, but if the kids wake up...” His voice filled with sadness for me when he should only be concerned for his wife at the moment.