No Matter What

by Michelle Betham

  She held tightly onto his hand as an idea formed in her head. Maybe it was the only way she was ever going to get things into perspective. Maybe it was what she needed to do to get her head straight. A rash decision made on the spur-of-the-moment but it suddenly felt like the right thing to do.

  “I’m going to go to England, Michael.”

  He looked at her, narrowing his eyes. “England?”

  “For a visit. I really want to do this, Michael. I’ve got a few days spare before I need to be back at work and I haven’t been home in so long. I think it’d be good for me.”

  It wouldn’t be the first time she’d been back to the U.K. since moving to L.A., but she’d only really been back for promotional work and premieres and it had always been London. She’d never been back to Newcastle and the North East coast, she’d never been back to her hometown.

  “But ... on your own? I don’t understand, India …”

  She stroked his fingers, looking into his eyes, pleading with him to try and get why she needed to do this.

  “Things are changing, Michael. The baby, us, it’s all changing and I need to take some time out. It’s important I do that, it really is.”

  “Is something wrong? Honey, if you want to talk about anything ...”

  She hadn’t meant to alarm him, she hadn’t wanted to do that and she reached out to touch his face, smiling.

  “No, baby, no. Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get my feet back on the ground for a few days. I love L.A. but it’s a crazy place and I need to remember where my roots are. I need to remember where I came from because … look, I know I’m probably making no sense to you but this is really important to me.”

  He had no idea where this had come from but he could tell from her face that she was serious. She really needed to do this. And if that’s what she wanted then he’d go with it. He couldn’t say it would make him feel comfortable, or that he was happy about it, but he couldn’t really stop her from doing whatever it was she needed to do. Even if she did feel the need to do it thousands of miles away.

  “Ok.” He smiled that smile and her face relaxed, her own smile getting bigger. “If that’s what you want to do, honey, then you go ahead and do it.”

  She squeezed his hand tight, the smile not leaving her face. “Thank you, Michael. This means a lot to me, it really does.”

  “An unannounced visit to the U.K. might cause a bit of media attention though, if people get wind of where you are. Are you ready for that?”

  She just shrugged. “I’ll deal with it if it happens. It’ll be fine.”

  Her sudden excitement was infectious and he couldn’t stop smiling either. “This is a crazy idea, you do know that, don’t you? It’s a crazy, crazy idea.”

  “I used to have crazy ideas, Michael. In the beginning ...” She’d wanted to say when she’d been with Kenny, but that wouldn’t have been right. It wouldn’t have been fair on Michael. But it was true.

  Michael leaned over to kiss her gently. “Come on, come and dance with me.”

  She looked up at him. “Dance?”

  He took her hand and pulled her to her feet, looking her up and down, taking in every beautiful inch of her as she stood in front of him in a simple strapless white dress and heels, her hair piled up on top of her head, loose strands falling onto her tanned shoulders. She wore minimal make-up, just a little mascara, a touch of gold bronzer and pale lips. He’d watch her put it on, watched the way she could effortlessly do it in minutes and he didn’t think he’d ever loved her as much as he did right now.

  “I told you we were going dancing, didn’t I?”

  She smiled, letting him lead her onto the dance floor, pulling her into his arms, one hand resting in the small of her back as his other hand held onto hers.

  “I’m not very good at this, Michael. I’ve never done this before.”

  He pulled her closer against him. “You’re doing fine, baby. You’re doing just fine.”

  She rested her head on his shoulder, knowing this would never have happened with Kenny, knowing that just a few months ago she would never have dreamed of doing anything like this, it hadn’t been her, but now - with Michael it felt right.

  He was singing quietly, his mouth close to her ear, his breath warm on her cheek and she didn’t think she’d ever felt so calm. These past few days in New York had been like heaven. It’d put them back in that little bubble she loved to be in when they were alone, just talking, making love, making plans. She wanted it to last forever, but she couldn’t get past the fact that she still wanted it to be just the two of them. And that time was fast running out.

  “I love you, India Steven.”

  She looked up at him, feeling his fingers tighten around hers all of a sudden.

  “You know that, don’t you? You know I love you.”

  “Hey ... of course I do. And I love you too, Michael. I love you like crazy.”

  He kissed her slowly, their bodies pressed together, and all of a sudden she felt as though they were the only two people in the world.

  “If you’re going to desert me for a few days, can you do one thing for me?” he whispered, his mouth almost touching hers as he spoke. “Marry me.”

  She looked at him again, studying every inch of his face, looking deep into his eyes, not sure if she was dreaming but if she was then she really didn’t want to wake up. And then she smiled a smile she honestly thought she’d been waiting to smile since that night in Palm Springs when she’d first realised she loved this man.

  “Ok.” Like the emotional wreck he’d turned her into she felt tears start to cloud her eyes. “I’ll marry you, Michael. Of course I’ll marry you!”

  His smile was as big as hers, his face lighting up as she said the words he’d dreamed of hearing her say for so long. Too long. But now she’d said them. She’d said them, here in this perfect place, she’d said she’d marry him.

  He held her as tight as he could, their mouths touching in a long, deep kiss, slow dancing to a song he’d been singing along to before but now couldn’t even remember the name of. Because his mind was on overload. India Steven, one of the world’s most beautiful, most talented, most sought after young women was having his baby. And she’d just agreed to become his wife. What else was there to concentrate on?

  “You have no idea, India, no idea how you’ve made me feel.” She watched as he let go of her hand, pulling a small black box out of his jacket pocket and she suddenly realised now why he’d been so distracted before. This wasn’t spur-of-the- moment. He’d had this planned.

  He opened the box and there, nestled in black silk, was the most beautiful platinum solitaire ring. One diamond, one perfect diamond, and India felt the tears really start to fall now as he took it out of the box and slipped it gently onto the third finger of her left hand, kissing away her tears as he did so. It was a perfect fit and she couldn’t stop staring at it. Despite everything she thought she’d wanted with Kenny, despite the fact that, at the time, Vegas weddings and spontaneity had been all important to her - part of who she’d been back then - she wasn’t that person anymore. She was in a very different place now. With a very different man.

  “Michael ... it’s beautiful!”

  He tilted up her face to look at him, kissing her mouth quickly. “So are you, India. You’re the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me and I need you in my life.”

  This was like some kind of fairytale and she was right in the middle of it - an English princess who’d just found her American prince. She was going to become Mrs Michael Walsh. Maybe then she could start to believe that this family was what she really wanted because, at the minute, she was still more than a little confused. She loved Michael, she knew she wanted to be with him, she knew all of that. So why was the one person she suddenly wanted to speak to more than anyone else Kenny Ross?

  CHAPTER 21

  “They’re back,” Kenny said, as Terry closed the door of Kenny’s beach house behind him. They were practically neig
hbours, which probably went a long way to explaining the reason why they were becoming closer friends. They’d started to hang out a lot over the past few months.

  “Who?” Terry knew he couldn’t mean India and Michael. They were still in New York as far as he knew.

  “Charley and Jimmy. They’re home.”

  “In L.A.?”

  Kenny nodded. Terry leaned back against the wall, pushing a hand through his hair. “Ok ... so, what happens now?”

  “To be honest, I don’t know. But one thing I do know is that we have to be careful. Jimmy Cash is a dangerous man and I don’t want to get caught up in the middle of any of his shit.”

  “But, what if he takes her away again, Kenny? What if we lose her?” Terry surprised himself with the desperation in his voice. All of a sudden he just wanted to see Charley again. He wanted more than anything to know that she was safe.

  “We don’t rush into anything, Terry, do you hear me? I mean it. He doesn’t operate the way the rest of the world does, he’s fucking crazy, and he doesn’t care who he hurts. So we think about this. Ok?”

  Terry nodded, sighing. “Ok.”

  Kenny wasn’t convinced Terry was totally listening to him but the ‘phone ringing stopped him from any further lecturing.

  “Grab a beer from the fridge, I’ll just get this.” Kenny picked up the ‘phone. “Yep?”

  “Kenny? It’s me.”

  Kenny smiled at the sound of her voice. “India, baby, how you doing? How’s New York?”

  “New York was amazing, yeah. But I’m not in New York anymore.”

  “You back in L.A.? When did you get home?”

  “No, we’re not in L.A. either, well, I’m not ... I’m in England.”

  “England?”

  That made Terry look over. What the hell was his sister doing in England? Kenny just shrugged at Terry’s questioning look.

  “What you doing over there?” Kenny asked, pulling himself up onto one of the bar stools as Terry continued to stare at him.

  “I guess I just had a moment of spontaneity,” India replied. “Is Terry there with you?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Because you keep pausing as though you’re acknowledging someone else.”

  “Jesus, you don’t miss a thing do you? Anyway, like I said, what you doing over there?”

  “I wanted to go home, Kenny. I just wanted to go home.”

  “You’re in Newcastle?”

  Terry looked even more surprised now. Why in the world had she decided to go back there now? He hoped to God it wasn’t anything to do with their mother.

  “Is Michael with her?” Terry asked.

  “India, is Michael with you?”

  “No. He had to go back to Los Angeles ... Kenny, look, can I talk to you? Please? Can you just tell Terry I’m fine and everything’s ok but ... I really need to talk to you.”

  “Sure ... hold on ...”

  “What’s up?” Terry asked. “Is she alright?”

  “She’s fine. She’s ok. Look, take the bike and go grab us some Chinese food, I’m starving.”

  “She wants to talk to you alone, huh?”

  Kenny smiled and nodded, throwing Terry the keys to his bike.

  “Ok. I know when I’m not wanted ... hang on, it’s after two 0’clock in the morning over there, are you sure she’s ok?”

  “She’s fine. Just let me talk to her. Go on.”

  Kenny watched him go before turning his attention back to India. “It’s after two in the morning honey, what’s up?”

  “I just wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hear your voice.”

  Kenny felt his stomach flip over. Sometimes he didn’t realise how much he missed her. “You sure you’re ok?”

  She paused for a second and Kenny just knew something was coming, something he wasn’t going to like.

  “Michael’s asked me to marry him.”

  He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t say anything. He should have known it was on the cards, now the baby was on the way, but he just hadn’t expected to hear the words out loud.

  “Kenny?”

  “I’m here, I’m still here ... and ... and what did you say?” He needed a drink and got up, going over to the cupboard, finding a half empty bottle of whisky, not bothering to look for a glass.

  “I said yes.”

  Kenny leant back against the cupboard and closed his eyes.

  “Kenny ... I need to see you. I really need to see you.”

  There was something in her voice he couldn’t quite work out. Indecision, maybe? Confusion?

  “You can see me whenever you want to, baby, you know that. India, come on, what’s wrong? You can’t bullshit me, you didn’t ring me at two in the morning just to tell me you and Michael are getting married, you could have done that tomorrow.”

  She went quiet for a second and he just wished he could reach out and hold her. Something was going on and it was so hard to get the whole story over the ‘phone.

  “I need it to stop, Kenny. I need it to slow down, I need it to stop. Just for a little while.”

  “You need to start making sense, babe; you need to tell me what you mean.”

  “It’s all going too fast, Kenny. All of it. The baby, the engagement, it’s going too fast and I’m confused. My head’s all over the place and I don’t know what to think, what to do ... oh God, Kenny, I wish you were here.”

  Her voice was cracking and he knew she was crying and he couldn’t hold her, he couldn’t put his arms around her and tell her it was all going to be ok. But then, was it?

  “So, why did you say yes when he asked you to marry him? India, baby, talk to me. Come on.”

  “I love him, I do, I love him ... shit! This is so hard. I don’t even know if I should be doing this ... I don’t know …”

  “Know what? India, you’re really not making sense.”

  He heard her sigh heavily, the tears still evident in her voice.

  “Why don’t you just come home?”

  “No, I can’t, not yet ... Kenny, come out here, please. I really need to see you.”

  What the hell was going on? He’d thought she was happy, thought she was settled and when it all came down to it, all he really wanted was for her to be happy, even if it was with Michael.

  “Will you come over, Kenny?”

  “I’m there, baby. I’m already there.”

  He almost felt her relief from all those miles away, and he listened as her voice got stronger as she told him where she was, where she wanted him to meet her, and all he wanted to do was get out there and see what was going on for himself because he was as confused as hell right now.

  He managed to find a flight out of L.A. in two hours time so when Terry arrived back he found him throwing clothes into a holdall and rooting through the drawers for his passport.

  “Where the fuck are you going?”

  Kenny looked up, finding his passport and throwing it into his bag. “England.”

  Terry put the food down and looked at him. “Ok. What’s going on?”

  Kenny didn’t know quite how much to tell him. He didn’t really want to worry him unnecessarily, because, until he got out there himself, he had no idea what was really going on inside India’s head.

  “Nothing’s going on. India’s fine. Really.”

  “So, why are you suddenly flying over there the second you get off the ‘phone to her? What’s she said, Kenny?”

  “She just wants a friend, that’s all. Michael’s back here working and she’s had enough of her own company. Simple as that.”

  Terry knew it wasn’t anywhere near as simple as that, did Kenny think he was stupid? He also couldn’t help wondering why she never wanted her brother. He rarely spent any time with his sister alone and sometimes he missed her. But he knew how close her relationship was with Kenny and he wasn’t about to rock the boat on that one. Besides, with Kenny out of the way he could concentrate on finding Charley without him always on his back telling him to be
careful. He knew what he was doing. He could do this without any help. It might even make things easier.

  “I take it you’ve got a flight out tonight then?” Terry said, putting the keys to Kenny’s bike down on the breakfast bar.

  Kenny nodded. “Got to be at the airport like, now ... look, stay here, help yourself to anything you like and you can use the bike if you want. I’ll get India to call you ... there’s my cab.” He grabbed his holdall and flung it over his shoulder, turning back to look at Terry. “Oh, and not a word to Michael if you see him, ok? He doesn’t know I’m going out there and he doesn’t need to know.”

  “Is that what India wants?”

  “That’s exactly what India wants.”

  Terry didn’t really want to know anymore. This was all getting too complicated and his mind was somewhere else right now.

  “And as far as Charley’s concerned, don’t do anything until I get back, do you hear me? I’m serious, Terry. Don’t go doing anything.”

  Terry shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded, but in his head he knew exactly what he was going to do. Kenny could sort India out, whatever was going on over there he’d make sure she was ok, leaving him free to do whatever it was he needed to do to get the girl he once loved back to safety. And he’d do everything in his power to try and make sure he had a head start on that before Kenny was back on American soil.

  ***

  Kenny would be arriving soon and India was nervous, scared even. Not to mention the feelings of guilt that just wouldn’t go away. Infact, guilt was very much the overriding feeling as far as she was concerned. It’d been there ever since she’d put the ‘phone down on him yesterday and it was showing no signs of abating. Why couldn’t she just have told Michael that she’d asked Kenny to come over? Why couldn’t she have done that? Because she didn’t really know the reason why she’d asked him over herself just yet. All she knew was that she needed to see him, alone. Just the two of them. Right now she needed her best friend. Of course she knew this was risky, technically she was lying to Michael by not telling him Kenny was here, and maybe she hadn’t thought it through but it was done now. She’d acted on impulse, on a gut feeling she just couldn’t shake. Kenny was on his way.