No Matter What

by Michelle Betham

  “You’ve got to tell her sometime, Reece. And considering what’s going on around here, I think sooner’s the more sensible choice.”

  And Reece couldn’t help but agree with him.

  ***

  Jimmy Cash wasn’t a happy man. And when Jimmy wasn’t happy everybody suffered, and that included Charley. He’d been told someone was watching Charley, someone was following her and he didn’t like that. He didn’t like not knowing what was going on, and if someone was watching Charley he wanted to know who and he wanted to know why. He was aware that she had connections to India Steven, aware that she used to be involved with India’s brother. Infact, there wasn’t a lot Jimmy didn’t know about Charley Miles. He wasn’t stupid, he knew she wanted out, he knew she wanted to be away from him, and if he found out that whoever it was who was watching her had anything to do with that, well, Jimmy Cash didn’t like to be made a fool of.

  He had eyes and ears everywhere. He was a very powerful man in certain circles and nothing got past him. Nothing. He’d find out what was going on and he’d make sure it stopped, right now. Charley wasn’t going anywhere and the sooner she got used to that idea, the better.

  ***

  Michael had been there at the airport to pick her up, a smile on his face and a single white rose in his hand. He’d swung her up in his arms, so pleased to see her and evidently with no idea that Kenny had been over in Britain too, let alone what had been going on over there. And the guilt India had felt had been overwhelming.

  He’d taken her straight to their favourite restaurant for a quiet lunch. He’d asked what she’d been up to and she’d told him nothing but lies. He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve any of it but she couldn’t get Kenny out of her head. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d touched her, the way he’d kissed her, the things they could say to each other that they couldn’t say to anyone else.

  But when she looked at Michael she saw a man who loved her beyond anything else, a man who could give her the security she needed and she knew that she loved him too, she did, she loved him like crazy but Kenny - Kenny wouldn’t go away. And that was bad news but she couldn’t leave it alone. Even with a million nagging voices in her head telling her that’s exactly what she should do.

  She was almost relieved when Michael had to go back out to work after lunch, relieved to have a bit of time to get her head around everything, a bit of time to take in just what had happened over the past few days. She’d had a wonderful trip to New York, she’d got engaged, she’d visited her home town back in the U.K. and started an affair with her best friend. It was crazy! But then, this was her life now. It was all crazy.

  She was in the TV room, flicking through CD’s and trying to find some music to take her mind off things when Kenny turned up. She could have said no, she could have said she was tired and needed some rest but she would have been lying. Even if she’d been dead on her feet she would have still let him in, and he was no sooner through the door before he’d pushed her up against the wall, a long, deep kiss making her feel like everything was right with the world again, even though that very act was turning it all on it’s head in the worst possible way.

  “I’ve missed this,” he said, his hand sneaking up under her shirt, resting on her hip. “I’ve missed you.”

  She pushed his dark hair back off his face, stroking his still bearded jaw line as she looked into his eyes. “I’ve missed you too,” she breathed, even though they’d only said goodbye to each other a matter of hours ago.

  “How’s Michael?”

  She pulled away from him and walked towards the kitchen. Just hearing Michael’s name had somehow killed the mood. But guilt had a habit of doing that, didn’t it? Killing the mood. “Can we please not talk about Michael? It doesn’t feel right.”

  He followed her, grabbing her hand and turning her round. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to know ... does he have any idea?”

  She looked up at him and shook her head. “No. He hasn’t said anything anyway.”

  The look of relief on his face was evident and that made India slightly agitated. “This isn’t some kind of childish game, Kenny. Michael really doesn’t deserve this. He hasn’t done anything to either of us.”

  “He took you away from me.”

  “No, he didn’t. You lost me, all by yourself. Just you.”

  Kenny looked away for a second, pushing a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”

  She came back over to him, sliding her arms round his waist, kissing his mouth quickly. “So am I. I’m just so wound up at the minute. Seeing him this morning ... it was hard. He was so happy to see me, and all I did was lie to him and that kills me.”

  “Are you sure you still want to do this?”

  “I can’t walk away now, Kenny, I can’t let you go. I can’t do it.”

  He gently touched her face, stroking her cheek. “How long’s he gonna be out?”

  “He won’t be back until later tonight. He’s got some post production work to do, then he’s got to go to some seminar he’s speaking at over in West Hollywood.”

  “We’ve got a few hours then?” His mouth was moving closer to hers and, even though she knew it was the most stupid thing they could possibly do, to make love here, in the house she shared with Michael, she wasn’t going to stop it from happening. But not in her and Michael’s bed, not even anywhere upstairs. That just felt too close for comfort.

  “Come on,” she said, taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen, into the seating area at the far end. “Let’s make the most of the time we’ve got.”

  “India …”

  She stopped and looked at him. “I’m sure, ok? Now just shut up and let’s do this.”

  That was all the reassurance he needed. Once again they were best friends with benefits, and he intended to make the most of every benefit she was willing to give him. No matter how wrong that may be.

  ***

  Michael was worried about India. She’d seemed quiet over lunch, a little distracted even, but maybe she was just tired. It’d been a long flight, and she was pregnant so it was bound to take it out of her. He still couldn’t stop smiling at the thought that he was going to become a dad, the thought that he was engaged to a woman most men would kill to get near. He couldn’t stop thinking about the wedding he wanted to give her, the life he had planned for the three of them. If she wanted the world then he would try and give it to her, he loved her that much. They needed to talk about the wedding though. They needed to start planning, start deciding whether to get married before or after the baby was born. He didn’t much fancy a long engagement himself but he’d talk to her. He’d put one night aside this week, take her out somewhere special and they could finally get around to enjoying this engagement.

  Everything had moved so fast since their trip to New York and he felt like they hadn’t had five minutes together to talk about anything properly, and they needed that. They needed to start making plans for this coming year because a lot was going to happen. He just wasn’t aware how much.

  ***

  Charley looked in the mirror and gently touched the bruise around her left eye. It didn’t hurt. She’d got so used to them over the years that she’d almost learnt to zone out from the pain. Sometimes Jimmy would just lash out for no reason, use her as a punch bag in which to take out his various frustrations but she knew that, this time, he’d had a reason. She’d seen him too, recognised him, even from a distance. She’d seen Terry, sitting there across the street, seen him and known why he was there and that in itself had filled her with an undeniable feeling of warmth. And hope. Something she hadn’t had much of lately. He knew, so India must have told him and now he knew she needed him. He was trying to save her from this hell she’d got herself into, but at the same time he was playing with fire and she knew that more than anyone. The reason she had this bruise, the reason Jimmy was lashing out this time was quite obviously because he knew Terry was around and that was something Charley knew woul
dn’t please Jimmy at all.

  She also knew that she should never really have involved India, or anyone else, in any of this, knowing what she knew about Jimmy. But she’d had no choice. She’d really had no choice. She knew Terry could be in real danger if he continued to hang around in the way that he was now that Jimmy had got wind of it, but what could she do? He was her only hope, her only chance of ever escaping this. And she’d already made up her mind that, the next time she saw Terry, she was going to make that escape. Before it was too late to even try.

  ***

  “I really should be going,” Kenny said, leaning back against the kitchen counter, arms folded as he watched India clear away plates and glasses into various cupboards.

  She looked at him. “Somewhere you’ve got to be?”

  He pushed a hand through his hair, smiling as she came over to him, slipping her arms round his waist.

  “No, not really. But Michael could be home anytime, you know that.”

  “It’s not unusual for you to be here, Kenny. He knows you’re my friend. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s come home to find you here.”

  “It’d be the first time he’s come home to find me here not long after I’ve had sex with his fiancée. I’d just feel more comfortable not being here when he’s home. For now.”

  She smiled and kissed him quickly, sliding her hands up under his black t-shirt. “Ok. I guess I’m just being greedy.”

  He pulled her against him, not really wanting to go but knowing it was the most sensible thing to do, even though she was right. Michael had come home many a time to find them both trawling through CD’s or playing guitar in the TV room, it wasn’t an unusual occurrence, but today - today felt different. Well, the circumstances were different weren’t they? He just wasn’t sure he could look Michael in the eye just yet and not show what he really felt for India. He wasn’t sure he could do that.

  “One more kiss,” India whispered. “Before you go. Just one more long, slow kiss.”

  He smiled again, his hands moving down to her lower back, stroking it gently as he lowered his mouth down onto hers and gave her that kiss, that long, deep kiss. Her fingers stroked the back of his neck, her body pushing hard against his until it felt like every inch of them was touching the other and everything he’d ever shared with this woman came flooding back, everything he’d ever felt for her, it all came flooding back. Along with the pain of this not being perfect, of her not being his anymore, of being second best but he’d take that, he’d take anything just to be close to her again.

  “Well ... it looks as though your brother was right.”

  Reece’s voice made them both jump apart, but it was too late. He’d seen them. He’d seen all the evidence he’d needed to see to know that they were more than just friends. Again.

  “Reece ...”

  “What? What are you going to say, India? That you can explain? That it wasn’t what it looked like?”

  “Hey, come on, there’s no need to be like that with her, it’s not just her fault …”

  Reece looked at Kenny. “Oh, believe me, I’m very much aware of that.” He turned back to India, who was desperately trying not to cry but she suddenly felt like a little girl who’d been caught playing with somebody she shouldn’t. And in reality, wasn’t that exactly how it was? “Terry told me he suspected this was happening but I was willing to give you both the benefit of the doubt, knowing how close the two of you are. I honestly thought he was jumping to conclusions, but it seems I owe your brother an apology. He obviously knows you better than you think, India.”

  She couldn’t say anything, she couldn’t find the words because what could she say? That she was sorry? That it wasn’t what it looked like? No. Because it was exactly what it looked like.

  “What do you think you’re doing, India?” Reece continued. “You’re pregnant, for Christ’s’ sake ...”

  “What’s that got to do with anything?” Kenny asked.

  Reece just stared at him. “Is it your baby?”

  Kenny looked away and pushed a hand through his hair.

  “Reece, please,” India begged. “This was my fault ...”

  “India, no ...”

  “Kenny, maybe it’d be best if you went now,” India said, looking at him, knowing she couldn’t sort anything out with him still here. And if Michael did come home now, how was she going to explain this? She just couldn’t handle this being any worse than it already was.

  “I think that’s a good idea,” Reece agreed, leaning back against the kitchen counter, folding his arms.

  “Is that what you want?” Kenny asked India, looking right into her eyes.

  She nodded. He sighed, grabbing his jacket from the back of the stool and walking towards the door, turning round to look at her again. “Are you gonna be ok?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll talk to you later.”

  She just nodded again, and Reece watched him go before turning back to her. “Why, India? Why start this up all over again? Why now?”

  She sat down on one of the stools by the breakfast bar and looked at Reece. “Everything’s moving so fast. I got scared.”

  “Of what?” His voice was quieter now.

  “Michael, he ... he asked me to marry him, when we were over in New York.”

  Reece sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a minute. “Jesus, India ... and you said yes?”

  She nodded.

  “You said yes, and then two days later you’re asking Kenny Ross to join you in Britain while your fiancé’s back in the States? Did you sleep with him? Kenny? Did you sleep with him?” Even as he asked it he knew it was very much a rhetorical question.

  She looked up, not entirely sure this was any of his business and she suddenly started to feel a little trapped by a situation she felt he didn’t need to be involved in.

  “That’s my business, Reece, not yours.”

  “No, you see, you’re wrong there, India. It’s my business too because I care about you and I’m not going to stand by and watch while you make a mess of everything.”

  “I’m not making a mess!” She was trying to stay calm but it was hard. She was suddenly very tired and not in the mood for lectures. Even if she did deserve them.

  Reece gave a cynical laugh. “You’re not making a mess? You’re engaged to Michael, you’re expecting his baby and now you’re having an affair with your ex-husband? What the hell is that if it’s not a mess? What in the world has got into you? You seemed so happy with Michael ...”

  “I am happy with Michael.”

  “How can you say you’re happy when you’re sleeping with another man?”

  She stood up, kicking the stool back as she did so, more than slightly agitated now. “Look, I’m not entirely sure what makes you think you’ve got the right to come in here and lecture me on my life. I know you care about me, I know that and I’m grateful, but I can look after myself.”

  “Can you? Can you really? Because you’re not doing that great a job of it at the minute, are you?”

  “I don’t need this. You may think you can act like my father, Reece, but you’re not, ok? So don’t treat me like some kid that needs pulling into line because you’re not my father.”

  “But that’s exactly what I am, India!” He stared at her for a second, his eyes locking onto hers. The words had just fallen out, he hadn’t been able to stop them.

  She stared back, unable to register what he’d just said, a look of total confusion on her face. “What … what did you say?”

  It was out now. The truth. It was out and there was no going back. “I am your father. You ... you’re my daughter, India. You’re my daughter.” His voice was extremely calm and measured, something he hadn’t expected it to be when he’d said those words. But the look on her face was a look of anxiousness mixed with pure and utter confusion and it scared him.

  “I ... I don’t understand. How ... how can you be my ... my dad? Reece? How can you be my dad?” She felt te
ars pricking her eyes. This was crazy, this was surreal. She’d known him for years, he’d always been there for her; was this why? And yet he’d only felt the need to tell her now? Why? Why now? How long had he known? She had so many questions and she suddenly just wanted Michael. She wanted her wonderful, strong American man to come home and tell her this wasn’t happening, none of this was happening, and that everything was going to be ok, it was going to be just like it was before. She wanted that more than anything because she couldn’t deal with this right now.

  “No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “No ... you ... you can’t just come in here and do this. You can’t just ... just walk in here and tell me that ... you can’t. You can’t do that.”

  “India, please, listen to me ...”

  She was still shaking her head, backing away from him. “No. I’m sorry, but ... but I can’t do this right now. I can’t do this.”

  “Please, India, we need to talk.”

  She laughed out loud. “That’s the bloody understatement of the year!”

  “We need to talk,” he repeated, trying to reach out for her hand but she pulled it away. “There are things you need to know, circumstances you need to be aware of ...”

  “I can’t do this,” she said, her voice almost a whisper. “I just … I can’t …” She could hear something outside in the hall – was Michael home? - and a feeling of relief washed over her as he walked into the room.

  He stopped and looked at them both. “What’s going on?” he asked, all too aware that something was happening. It was obvious. “India?” Getting no joy from her he looked at Reece, but all Reece did was turn his attention back to India.

  “I need you to go now, Reece,” she said.

  “That’s not a good idea, sweetheart. You should know the full story. I can’t leave it like this.”

  Michael walked over to India, looking at her tear stained face. “Is somebody going to tell me what’s going on here?”

  “India, please.” Reece was almost begging her now. He couldn’t leave it like this, he couldn’t walk away from her now.