No Matter What

by Michelle Betham

  ***

  “Everything ok?” Reece asked, as India arrived back inside the marquee, taking Ethan from him and kissing his little cheek.

  “Everything’s fine. Why?”

  “Because you said you were going to get Ethan a bottle and you’ve come back without it.”

  “Oh Christ, I knew there was something ... I’m just tired. It’s been a long day, I got distracted ... I just forgot. I’ll take him inside now.”

  “Distracted by what?”

  She looked at him. “Nothing.”

  “You got distracted by nothing?”

  “Is there a point to this line of questioning? I got distracted, I forgot his bottle. I’ll go get it for him now. It’s not a problem.”

  “I’m worried about you, India.”

  She started walking out of the marquee, glad to see that people were starting to drift away now. She really just wanted this night to end. Her head was starting to pound and all she wanted was to curl up and sleep.

  “I can look after myself, dad.”

  “I’m not sure you can, sweetheart, the mess you’ve got yourself into.”

  She couldn’t help but let out a cynical laugh. “Jesus, if you think it was a mess before then you’ll love the next instalment.”

  The minute she’d said that she knew she should have kept her mouth shut.

  Reece stopped walking and grabbed her arm, swinging her round to look at him. “What are you talking about? What’s going on, India?”

  She sighed, sitting down on the nearest chair, Ethan now flat out in her arms. “Michael knows, dad. He knows about me and Kenny, he knows about Ethan and the fact he could have been Kenny’s ...”

  “Whoa, hang on, India, slow down will you.” Reece sat down next to her. “Ok ... you say he knows ... how does he know? Have you spoken to him?”

  She shook her head, looking down at her sleeping baby as she stroked his face. “I found something in his study. It was just lying on his desk, dad ... just lying there. Maybe I shouldn’t have picked it up, but ...”

  “You’re doing it again, sweetheart. Can you start making some sense? What did you find?”

  She looked at her dad. He didn’t deserve to be mixed up in all of this. All he’d ever done was love her and all she’d done was bring worry to his doorstep. He should have left her there in England all those years ago and he wouldn’t have this stress.

  “DNA test results.”

  “Oh Jesus, India.”

  “I don’t know what to do, dad. It’s like everything’s falling apart and it’s all my fault. I’ve been so stupid!”

  “Did you look at the results?”

  She nodded.

  “What did they say?” Reece asked, taking Ethan’s tiny hand in his and rubbing it gently.

  She felt the tears start to stream down her face again as another wave of tiredness hit her. “Michael’s Ethan’s father. He’s his daddy. Oh God, I can’t believe this is happening.”

  Reece didn’t know quite what to do either. The relief of finding out Michael was indeed Ethan’s dad was outweighed by the uncertainty surrounding how he knew about India and Kenny in the first place, and it worried him. She had to talk to her husband, it was the only way to deal with this increasingly complicated mess she was in, and all Reece could really do was be there for her if she needed him.

  She looked at him again and his heart almost broke. She looked so tired, so vulnerable, like a little girl who’d lost her way and if he could take away all the pain she was feeling, erase all the stupid things she’d done then he would. But he couldn’t. She was going to have to face this head on. For the sake of her own child.

  “You have to talk to him, India. You know that, don’t you?”

  She nodded, still looking at him, letting him wipe away her tears as he leaned over to kiss her cheek.

  “It’s the only way to sort this out, my darling.”

  “I love him so much, dad. What if all of this ... what if all of this tears us apart? I don’t think I can handle that.”

  “Just talk to him, India. It’s all you can do.” He moved closer, hugging her, wiping more tears from her face. “Now, you get this little one inside, try and get some sleep, and maybe in the morning we can start to sort things out. Ok?”

  She nodded again, standing up and lying Ethan over her shoulder.

  “I’ll deal with everything down here, go on,” Reece smiled, trying to reassure her. “Get yourself inside. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “I love you, dad.”

  He smiled again. His little girl still needed him and he only wished he could do more to make it all better. “I love you too, sweetheart. I love you too.”

  He watched her leave, feeling as though someone was tugging at his heart. He hated seeing her like this, hated seeing her so confused and scared but he’d told her to stay away from Kenny Ross. If only she’d listened to him.

  “Is she alright?” Martha asked, coming over with a nightcap for them both.

  Reece pushed a hand through his hair and sighed, taking the much-needed drink from Martha. “I think you’d better sit down.”

  “What’s happened?”

  He looked at her. “This whole mess has just got a whole lot more complicated. That’s what’s just happened.”

  ***

  Layla Boyd was, on the whole, pleased with the way her evening had gone. Ok, it hadn’t gone exactly according to plan - Kenny Ross had left without her, Michael didn’t seem interested in taking up where they’d left off, but India, well, she’d soon know, wouldn’t she? And, in the grand scheme of things, that was all Layla had really wanted. That had been her original plan. Oh, another night with Michael might have been nice. For an older man he was great in bed with a body that belied his age, but that chapter of her life may not be completely over. She’d just have to wait and see on that score.

  Kenny Ross not wanting to come back with her and stay the night, that had been a bit of a disappointment, though. After giving India the disc she’d felt quite elated, excited almost, and a night of wild sex with Kenny was just what she’d felt like, but he’d disappeared. She hadn’t been able to find him anywhere. So it was home alone but she wasn’t all that bothered. She could amuse herself. On all levels.

  As she sank down into her bubble filled bath, a glass of champagne by her side, candles flickering on every surface, she smiled. Michael Walsh may think he’d got away with it, but he had a surprise coming his way that he couldn’t possibly be aware of. And she knew as well as anyone the one thing Michael Walsh hated more than anything. He hated surprises.

  ***

  India sat on the bed, hugging her knees to her chest as she lay her head on them, just staring at the wall, a wall which had a picture of her and Michael on their wedding day hung on it. She couldn’t help smiling as she looked at it, despite the confusion running round in her head. He looked so handsome, all tanned and relaxed with his dark hair and those blue eyes and that mouth she never tired of kissing. A mouth that she’d always known their son had inherited.

  She wasn’t going to say anything to him tonight. She was too tired. She wasn’t thinking straight, it would be pointless to have the conversation they needed to have right now. No, tonight she was going to bury her head in the sand again and forget what had happened. Whatever he knew, however he’d found out it could wait. She wanted it to wait. Tonight she just wanted to pretend it was all alright because things she found out in the morning might mean that they weren’t, and she wasn’t sure if she could handle that.

  She looked up as Michael came into the room, throwing his jacket down onto a nearby chair and loosening his tie. He smiled at her and she felt like crying. This man had managed to crawl into every inch of her soul and take her over completely and she wasn’t ready to lose him just yet. Not yet.

  “Hey, baby. Here you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

  He came over to the bed and leaned over to kiss her gently, and she automatically reached
out and grabbed his shirt collar, pulling him down again for another kiss.

  “I was shattered, Michael. I just wanted to get to bed.”

  “Is Ethan alright?”

  “Yeah. He’s fine.”

  He smiled. “Give me five minutes, honey, and I’ll be right with you.”

  Michael went into their en-suite bathroom and she hugged her knees closer to her chest as she listened to him brush his teeth, looking at their wedding picture again. How had it all got so complicated? She knew why, of course she did. Kenny Ross. That’s how it had got so complicated, and it was all down to her. She was the one who couldn’t walk away from him when she knew that she should. She was the one who couldn’t say no to him. She was the one who’d caused all of this.

  “Are you ok?” Michael asked, coming back out of the bathroom. She looked distracted. But, oh God, she looked beautiful. She’d obviously had a shower, her damp hair loose over her shoulders, and he wanted her so bad as he looked at her, sitting there in front of him. He wanted her like he’d never wanted anyone before.

  India looked up at him, smiling a smile she hoped would convince him she was fine. “Yeah, I’m ok.”

  He sat down on the bed, tucking her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers run lightly down over her shoulder as he leaned forward to kiss her mouth. She tasted of cherry lip balm, her mouth soft against his as he moved closer, and he just wanted to be with her, to be inside her and love her and hold her because today had been hard. It had been really hard.

  “If you’re too tired ...” he said, but she shook her head.

  She needed him tonight. She needed him so much she couldn’t even begin to explain, and if they got through this then she would never, ever let herself be weak again. She would never hurt him the way she had done in the past. She would promise him that, she would tell him she was sorry. But right now she just wanted him to love her.

  “Are you sure?”

  She reached out and touched his face, stroking his cheek as she looked into those blue eyes of his. “I need you, Michael. I need you to make love to me, I need that right now.”

  She needed him. That was all Michael wanted to hear, all he needed to know. She needed him. Not Kenny. Not anybody else. She needed him.

  “Close your eyes, baby,” he whispered, slowly slipping the robe she was wearing down off her shoulders and she did as she was told, closing her eyes and letting him push her back onto the bed.

  His skin was warm against hers, warm and familiar and everything she wanted. How could she ever have thought Kenny could make her feel this way, because he couldn’t. He never had done, not once, because he wasn’t Michael. And how could she ever have thought he could match up to what she felt for the man making love to her now she didn’t know, she couldn’t understand. She’d been stupid, she’d played a dangerous game and she regretted every second of it because this was the man she loved. This was the man she cared about, the man she wanted to be with, and as she held onto him, as she felt his body move against hers, felt him there inside her, it was all she could do to stop the tears from falling again. If she lost him, if all of this meant the end then she knew she’d never be able to accept it. Never. She loved him, plain and simple. She loved him. She always would, no matter what. No matter what, she would always love him.

  CHAPTER 49

  She hadn’t been able to sleep. They’d made love twice and afterwards she’d lain in Michael’s arms, her head resting on his chest as she’d listened to his heart beating and she’d tried to close her eyes, she’d tried to get to sleep but there were too many things going round in her head. In reality she’d been too scared to fall asleep. She really hadn’t wanted the morning to come because when the morning came so did the talking, and no matter how much that thought terrified her she knew it had to be done. For too long there’d been too many secrets, too many lies, too many things done, too many decisions made for all the wrong reasons. It had to stop.

  She got up at 5am, taking a wide-awake Ethan down to the family room in the kitchen, curling up on one of the huge sofas with him and she just sat there, looking at him, looking into his beautiful blue eyes – eyes that were so like Michael’s. How hadn’t she seen that before? He had the same dark hair, the same blue eyes, the same mouth. There was no doubting he was Michael’s son.

  Switching on the television, she flicked onto one of the entertainment channels for some background noise as she rocked Ethan back to sleep, but a piece on Kenny’s new movie just brought everything she didn’t want to think about back to the forefront of her mind, so she switched channels and stood up, resting Ethan on her hip as she walked over to the window, looking out at the garden. Sometimes, when she had things on her mind, she’d get up really early because she loved this time of day – that time between the night ending and the new day beginning. It could be so peaceful, so calming, almost as if she was the only one in the world who was up and about. It gave her time to think, but today she didn’t really want to think about the things running through her head. She just wanted them to go away.

  She looked down at Ethan in his tiny white baby pyjamas with his shock of dark hair, his blue eyes now closed and she smiled, taking his little hand in hers and kissing it. “Come on, baby. Let’s go see daddy.”

  Michael was still asleep when she walked into the bedroom, lying on his back with the covers down to his waist. He might be fifty-one but he had the body of someone much younger. He’d never put on weight, he was always toned, always working out when he had the time but India didn’t care about any of that in reality. She just cared about him. He was the man she loved, the man who’d helped make this gorgeous baby of theirs. The man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

  “Shall we wake daddy up?” she whispered, kissing Ethan’s forehead.

  “Daddy’s already awake,” Michael smiled, sitting up and pushing a hand through his hair. “I thought Emma was looking after him?”

  “I couldn’t sleep so I took over.”

  She sat down next to Michael, handing Ethan over to him.

  “Is everything alright, honey?” he asked, kissing his baby son.

  She wished it was. She really wished it was. “It’s fine. I just thought I might as well get up rather than lying here doing nothing.”

  He smiled at her again. “You could have woken me up earlier you know. I’m sure we could have found something to do together to stop you getting bored.”

  She couldn’t help smiling back. “You were sound asleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. Listen, can you look after him while I grab a quick shower?”

  “Sure. Of course I can. We’ll be ok, won’t we, kiddo?”

  India ruffled Ethan’s dark hair and leaned over to kiss Michael, a slow kiss, a beautiful kiss, and given half a chance, and if their baby boy hadn’t have been there, she would have got back into bed and let that kiss take its course so badly did she want anything to distract her from having to do what she had to do today. But there’d been enough pretending, enough burying of heads in the sand. It was time to get everything out in the open. And she’d never been so scared.

  ***

  Kenny woke up with a banging headache, dragged himself out of bed and went straight to the bathroom, stepping under a freezing cold shower to wake himself up. He wasn’t aware he’d even drank that much yesterday but his head seemed to tell him otherwise.

  He stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror, wincing at his reflection. He looked like crap, and that cut on his lip didn’t make him look any better. It was covered in dried blood and it stung like hell. A nice reminder of a conversation with Michael Walsh. He had one hell of a punch on him, Kenny couldn’t deny that. The only surprising thing to Kenny was that Michael had waited so long to say anything. If he’d known for all those years, as he claimed he did, why wait until now? But he’d given up trying to understand the way Michael Walsh worked.

  He wondered if he should talk to India. He didn’t give a fuck what Michael had or
hadn’t told him to do, Kenny’s only concern was India. Her husband didn’t scare him, no way. He couldn’t care less what Michael did or didn’t feel, or what he wanted to happen, all that bothered him was making sure India was alright. He didn’t know if she was filming today, but it would be easier if she was. It might mean he could get her alone without Michael being around.

  He quickly dried himself, grabbing his ‘phone and texting a message to India asking how she was and if she was on set today. He had some publicity work for his new movie this morning but he could make time to see her. He wanted to see for himself that she was alright.

  He’d just pulled on his jeans when the doorbell rang and he ran down to answer it, hoping it might be India but, flinging it open, his heart sank.

  “Layla. What’re you doing here?”

  “Oh, you really know how to make a girl feel special, Kenny.”

  “Did you want something?” He really wasn’t in the mood for her this morning. He wasn’t in the mood for her, period. He still hadn’t taken anything for this headache and the sound of her voice was making it worse.

  She stepped forward, giving him no choice but to let her in. “I want you, Kenny. You disappointed me last night. I really hoped we’d go home together. I had such big plans for you y’know.”