If I Was Your Woman: A BBW Camden Love Story

by Mz. Toni

(Shante)

  Damn it’s been four months since the shit went down with my mom and that dude. I see her every now and again and sometimes I feel bad and give her a couple dollars, but she ain't worried about getting clean so why should I. Kasan got my locks changed the next day, got me all new furniture and replaced all of my clothes. He has been a godsend and I'm so thankful to have him in my life. He is actually one of my best friends, we've grown so close since that first night and yes, we are strictly friends, nothing more. He has his little girlfriend, Camille's cousin; she doesn't like me at all. She thinks me and Kasan too close, I could care less how she feels because I don't like her gold digging ass either. Everybody sees she ain't shit but Kasan’s dizzy ass, but like me and Cammy told her, if she hurts him we gonna hurt her. Yeah I’m a little in my feelings but ain't shit I can do, you can't make somebody want you, so best friends is what we will be. I've never disrespected their relationship, if he's happy, I’m happy. I can tell he ain’t really on her like that; he introduces her as his friend.

  My birthday is in four days, I will be 21 damn I’m hyped. This has been a really good few months for me and I’m just glad to see another year, I thought as I sat on my couch and turned on my iPod. While listening to “Best friend” by Ravaughn on repeat, Kasan popped in my head, this song was officially my anthem. I decided to text him and see what he was doing.

  Me: wyd big head

  Kasan: shit you must've been reading my mind open the door punk.

  I went to the door and sure enough, he was leaning on his car looking sexy. He had on black jeans, a black thermal and a leather jacket. His ear was shining and so was his wrist and neck. To top it off, he had his black Yankee fitted real low, simple and sexy.

  "Why you leaning on ya truck like you about to do a photo shoot?" I said laughing.

  "You were staring licking your lips and shit, I was waiting for you to start snapping pics like the paparazzi," he said coolly. I blushed embarrassed that he caught me staring.

  "Whatever its cold so are you coming in or are you just gonna stand there?" he walked up my steps, kissed my cheek and hugged me.

  "Why you ain't at school?" he asked.

  "Why you ain't at school?" I asked right back.

  "I asked you first punk," he said grabbing some grapes out of my refrigerator and sitting on my couch.

  "You know it's still winter break stop playing all ya life and stay out my kitchen," I said laughing.

  "This song hot!" he said listening to the words. Dammit I forgot I had it on repeat, I jumped and turned my iPod off.

  "Why you do that I was listening to it?" he said.

  "Because I didn't want to hear it and it's mine!" I said laughing nervously.

  "Sing it for me," he asked. Nobody really knew I loved singing and could blow except my mom and Cammy, maybe I could use this as an excuse to tell him how I felt through her words.

  "Aight I will," I said shocking him and myself.

  "Girl stop playing and turn it back on, I don’t need you fucking up my eardrums, I need my hearing," he said laughing.

  “I know you got that perfect 20/20 baby, No need for no glasses or no contacts. So tell me why, tell me why, why can't you see every time your kissing her in front of me. It hurts I’m human baby, it hurts. I’m not ya fucking best friend I been sitting on this bench too long while ya playing with them basic fake chicks, then come complaining when it all goes wrong, if open your eyes and give sense a good try. I'll be all you need and more, than a fucking best friend, was I ever an option on the phone talking 2 o'clock in the morning, asking me to fix what’s broken opened up my heart and then you stole it, those random times I cross ya mind do I give you butterflies, cuz baby I got chills every time I chill with ya," I sang my heart out to him. I got lost in the music, lost in my feelings; this song was my life with Kasan. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me.

  "Stop looking at me like that," I said laughing.

  "Your voice is beautiful," he said hugging me.

  "Thanks. Singing took me away from my reality when I was younger," I said honestly.

  "So were you singing those words for me?" he asked stroking my face.

  "Kasan you know how I feel about you, but I'm not gonna force you," I said with pain in my voice. He just looked into my eyes then kissed my forehead.

  "I gotta go handle some shit I'll be back later," he said preparing to walk out.

  “No wait!” I said grabbing his arm and singing the last verse.

  “And you can't tell me I’m crazy for feeling this way and maybe it’s the wrong time but I'm in the right place and while you got me here look me straight in the eyes and tell me everything I feel is a lie why can't you see it could be me and you.”

  He didn't even reply, he just pulled away from me and walked away. I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes. I don't think anyone can prepare themselves for the pain that rejection brings. I’ve never loved anyone and I can honestly say I am in love with that man. I didn't want to be alone so I called Camille.

  "What’s up mama?" she asked.

  "Nothing what you doing, are you home?" I asked.

  "Yeah what's wrong bestie you sound sad?"

  "Can you come over the door is unlocked!" I said hanging up. Five minutes later I laid on the couch with my head in Camille's lap crying. I told her what went down and she just shook her head.

  "It’s alright mama, you got to stop being so vulnerable, he got a girl get you a dude," she said seriously.

  "Cam I love him, I've never felt this way about anybody. I love him so much it hurts," I said crying.

  "But he don't need to know that shit Tae, he really don't, this is exactly why I didn't want you dealing with him."

  "Man miss me with the bullshit Cam, this shit was inevitable. We just friends and I'm still falling for him."

  "That's why I'm saying you need to just chill, meet some people, and go out on some dates. I know a few niggas that been asking about you."

  "I don't want nobody else but I guess it wouldn't hurt to get to know a few guys," I said to shut her up.

  "Good because I have the perfect guy. He is cute and he's sweet, he'll be perfect," she said getting excited.

  "Calm down, I don't know about this shit Cam. I don't like the thought of going on a date with someone I never met," I said worried.

  "Please bestie for me?" she said poking her lips out.

  "Alright alright Cam damn but he better not be crazy."

  Chapter 11

  (Camille)

  As I consoled my best friend I couldn't help but feel sorry for my girl, she actually fell for someone she knew wouldn't be with her. I love Shante, but I think he needs to stay with my cousin Keisha: she's built for a hustler. I hooked them up two years ago after she begged me to put her on. See Keisha was a get money bitch fucking and sucking her way to the top. She didn't mess with corner boys, you had to have status. She only went for six digit niggas so she called them. She tried to hip me to game, but ever since I could remember I've been Team Mark. I care about money, no doubt, but I don't care about his money and that's what makes me different from my cousin. If my man down then imma look out for him because I can do that. If Keisha man down then they both assed out and believe you me, she ain't sticking around long if he fall off. I’m so happy to have Mark back in my life and I just want my bestie to be happy too so imma try and play matchmaker, her birthday in four days. I planned a party for her at Mark's club on his dime of course. Him and Kasan spared no expense for her and this party, it’s gonna be hot. My girl is going to love it and hopefully this will make her feel better.

  "Thanks for coming over, I know your back with Mark so thanks for still making time for me," Shante said.

  "Girl you're my best friend, my A1 since day one, I’m gon always be here for you no matter what," I told her kissing her cheek.

  "I got something I need your help with after your bday," I said smiling.

  "What?" she asked excited.

  "I
will tell you after your bday, I promise," I said.

  "Please, I need something to make me smile Cammy," she said pouting.

  "Don’t do that, making that face and shit," I said laughing at her.

  "Aight then I guess I can wait," she said sadly.

  "You wanna go to Palmers for ya bday?" I asked her.

  "Yeah we can do that because Kasan is taking me out that day so I’m free that night," she said excitedly.

  "Aight bitch and I’m not playing, you better turn up!"

  "I definitely will. I got too much going for myself to be sad if he doesn't see what a catch I am then it’s his loss," she shrugged and smiled confidently.

  "Yassssss bitch that’s my girl welcome back. I'm buying and picking out your outfit for Friday too," I said hyped.

  "Oh my God, don’t be having me all tight bitch," she said laughing.

  "Naw don't play imma have you looking lethal, Kasan gonna eat his heart out," I said doing four snaps. I’m glad I at least got her smiling a little.

  “You are so fucking crazy,” she said cracking up.

  "Come on cry baby, let’s go to Corrine’s Soul Food," I said getting up.

  "Aight let me throw my coat on," she said walking away. Once she was ready, we headed to my car. Yeah I upgraded, Mark bought me an all-black 2015 Camaro, I loved this car.

  "Oh my God, I hate this small ass bumblebee transformers car," Shante said complaining.

  "Bitch shut up and get in, you just mad because ya tall ass be smushed," I said laughing.

  "Girl my neck be all crooked and shit, legs on the dashboard," she said faking mad.

  When we got to Corrine’s I was so excited to be eating. I've gotten greedy as hell fucking with Mark. My mom said love make you fuck and fucking make you eat, so please believe a bitch was starving lately.

  "Welcome to Corrine’s do you know what you want?"

  "Yes, can I have a large oxtail with baked mac n cheese and cabbage and can you give me extra cornbread," I said with my mouth watering.

  "Damn girl ya skinty ass is hungry, you sure you ain't knocked up," she said giving me the side eye.

  "Girl bye, stop talking and texting on your phone and order your food."

  "Can I get the same thing she got and I would like another order of beef ribs, baked mac n cheese, collard greens, white rice, extra gravy on the side and extra cornbread," Shante told the waitress.

  "Girl why you get all that food?"

  "Mind ya business, I'm a big girl I like to eat," she said looking at her phone.

  Once our food was ready, we paid and headed back home.

  "Aight mama, I’m going inside to eat, text me and we can go to the mall," I said walking in my door.

  "Aight love you and thanks for cheering me up," she screamed as she headed in her house. It was real convenient that we lived directly next door to each other. I loved it because of times like these.

  "Camille is that you?" I heard my mom ask.

  "Yeah it’s me mom, you alright?"

  "I’m fine sweetie but we have to talk," my mom said with a worried expression.

  "Aight what's going on? The last time you said we needed to talk dad left," I said seriously.

  "Here take this," she said handing me a bag.

  "What’s this for?" I said looking at her like she was crazy.

  "Don't fucking play with me Camille, you know damn well what this is for now go in the bathroom and use it," she said losing her cool.

  "Damn it mom I’m not pregnant but I will take it," I said getting up. While she waited in her room, I snuck out and ran next door to Shante's house. Out of breath, I flung the bag on her lap.

  "Girl is you crazy, I ain't the Virgin Mary, I know I ain’t pregnant," she said looking confused.

  "I know bitch I’m pregnant and I don’t want my mom to find out before I have a chance to tell Mark!" I screamed all without taking a breath.

  "Oh my God bestie, imma be an auntie," she said jumping up and hugging me.

  "Look I need a favor, take this test for me so I can give it to my mom to get her off my back," I begged looking scared.

  "I think you should just tell her, she loves you Cam don't be sneaky," Shante said pissing me off.

  "I ain't telling her shit so either you got my back or you don't," I said snapping.

  "Uh huh bitch don’t be spazzing on me because yo ass knocked up and scared! I got your back and your front so don’t try it," she said going to the bathroom with the bag mad as hell. When she came out she handed me the negative test, I jumped up hugging her but she pushed me off.

  "Don’t be mad at me bestie, I’m sorry I’m just stressed," I said while pouting.

  "Whatever trick I’m tired of you doing that. Whenever I tell you you're wrong or give you my opinion, you snap on me. If I’m your friend I should be able to keep it a hundred with you," she screamed and I couldn't even be mad because she was right.

  "Damn I said sorry Shante don't be like that."

  "No you don’t be like that. Now take that pissy ass test and get out," she said with an attitude. I grabbed the test and walked to the door feeling bad that I snapped on her for keeping it real with me.

  "When you ready to tell ya mom you know I got your back, I love you bitch," she screamed out. Turning around, I ran and hugged her, told her thanks and ran out the door. When I got back in the house, my mom was asleep on her bed so I sat the pregnancy test on her nightstand and tried to creep out.

  "Where ya sneaky ass going?" she asked scaring me.

  "Nowhere, I thought you were sleep, the test is right there," I said pointing to the pregnancy box.

  "Yeah and where did you run off too? You think I’m stupid don't you little girl, but I been doing this since before you was born," she said opening the box.

  "You always think somebody being sneaky, I was nervous so I went to Shante house to take the test," I said hoping she bought my lie. She looked in the box and breathed a sigh of relief at the negative pregnancy test. She stood up and hugged me tight.

  "I’m sorry baby you haven't bought pads in months. I thought you were hiding it from me."

  "That's my biggest problem with you mom. I’m 19 almost 20 and you still treat me like a child so what if I was, I’m grown and me and Mark love each other," I said agitated.

  "I know you're grown but you're all I have, you will always be my baby Camille, it’s my job to make sure you’re ok. As far as that damn drug dealing thug, you can do so much better, why not go to school like Shante."

  "Because I’m not Shante and I never will be. I love Mark and I’m happy, why isn't that good enough?"

  "How long do you think that boy will keep you happy? That boy is trouble and the sooner you see it the better!” she screamed.

  "That's why I don't talk to you because your opinion of him will never change, all you can see is his way of life and mistakes he made years ago," I said shaking my head and walking out. I swear that woman stresses me out. I understand she loves me but I’m grown and happy and if loving him is wrong let me find out on my own. She didn't listen to her mom when she told her my dad was no good, but I’m supposed to listen to her.

  Chapter 12

  (Shante)

  I can't believe Cammy actually snapped on me like I wasn't trying to help her out, she makes me so fucking mad sometimes. "Damn it, fucking with her I forgot to text Kasan," I said out loud to myself while grabbing my phone and calling him.

  "I’m outside is the door unlocked?" he asked as soon as he answered.

  "Yeah Cammy just left so it’s open."

  "What I tell you about leaving your door unlocked?"

  He took off his coat and I just stared at him, damn he's fine. He had on a red Polo sweat suit with a white v-neck underneath and some red and white Jordan’s. I swear this nigga looked good in everything he wore.

  "You ain't my damn daddy so leave me alone!" I said with an attitude.

  "Who you talking to?" he said getting in my face.

  "Kas
an ain’t nobody playing with you, get out my face!"

  "Oh the baby mad," he said tickling me.

  "Stop Kasan! Ain’t nobody mad, but you not gonna be telling me what to do like I’m your girl."

  "Cut it out, you know I just be worried about you, I need you to be safe."

  "Well like I said, call ya girl and make sure she's safe because I can take care of myself," I said passing him his platter from Corrine’s.

  "So you ready for your birthday?"

  "Hell yeah I’m ready!"

  "You know I’m proud of you right."

  "Why?"

  "What you mean why! You've come a long way. I know it couldn't have been easy putting your mom out."

  "It wasn't easy, but it was necessary. After the shit she pulled that night it really opened my eyes."

  "So what’s up with your sisters? Have you spoken to them?"

  "I speak to Shana a lot but I ain’t got shit to say to Angel. I’m so confused I don't know what I've done for my own mom and sister to hate me so much!"

  "You didn’t do anything, some people are so miserable they want company, but like I told you that night don't let that shit get you down," he said finishing his food.

  "Can I ask you something?"

  "Go head."

  "Have you ever messed with Cammy?"

  "Fuck you mean messed with her, that's my cousin’s girl," he said offended.

  "I only ask because of the way she's been acting lately when it comes to me and you."

  "Naw, I never fucked her, I think she just looking out for you."

  "Yeah that’s what I said but I assured her me and you were only friends and she still acting funny."

  "You sure it ain't you who she wants?" he asked looking serious.

  "Boy bye," I said laughing.

  "Well I don't know what the fuck is going on with her. Are you ready to go back to school?" he asked changing the subject.

  "Yeah I love school, I go back on the January 5th, I can’t wait!"

  "I can't believe you're a new year's baby. That shits crazy; I would get double fucked up."

  "That’s cause you an alchy," I said shaking my head.

  "Foreal that’s how you feel," he said tickling me.