All We See & Seem (Timber Wolves)

by Blackwell, Tammy

  The sock monkey turned his little head to Talley and nodded. She nodded back. Then, she slowly and deliberately raised a finger on the hand that wasn’t controlling Guido and starting inching it towards Jase. As he watched it drawing closer and closer to his skin, he imagined letting her do it. What would it be like for her to know everything going on inside his head? Would it be one of those and-the-truth-shall-set-you-free moments? Or would she be repulsed by what she Saw? Could he survive it if it was the second? Was it worth the risk if it was the first? He made his decision with only two inches separating Talley’s finger from his bare arm.

  “Okay, okay. I give. I’m sorry for being such an ass and saying ‘ass’ an ass-million times.” The finger came an inch closer. “Okay! Fine! You win. No more potty words. Pinky-promise.”

  Once Talley’s finger moved out of the danger zone, he leaned over so he could be face-to-face with the monkey. “You do realize it’s totally unfair to make Tal do your dirty work for you, right?”

  Guido leaned in. “You do realize you’re having an argument with an inanimate object, right?”

  The force of Jase’s laughter was enough to topple him onto his side. On any other bed in the world it would have been okay, but Jase figured the guy who had his mattress last year must have weighed at least 500 pounds and slept on the very edge of the bed. As a result, it had absolutely no support, which sent Jase on a collision course with the floor. On instinct, Talley reached out to stop him, and in attempt to avoid her touch, Jase twisted himself away mid-fall. He wanted to be impressed with his awesome Shifter dexterity, but he was too busy stringing together a collection of the world’s greatest non-cuss-word exclamations to describe his feelings about landing in the middle of the open pizza box.

  “Sorry,” Talley said, her hands doing some strange dance in front of him, desperate to help but unable to do so without touching him. “Oh, Jase. I’m so sorry.”

  Jase stood up and peeled a slice off his butt. “Stop saying you’re sorry. It’s not your fault I’m an idiot.” Talley was always apologizing for crap she didn’t do, and it drove him insane. Why on earth she felt the need to bear the problems of the world was beyond him.

  Actually, no. That was wrong. He knew the exact reason; she felt like she was always the one to screw up, and one of these days he was going to make sure to thank her mother for that.

  “I don’t suppose you know whatever my mom’s secret trick is to get grease out of clothes,” he said, pulling his jeans down over his hips.

  A yelp had Jase turning to see what was wrong. He found Talley with both hands over her face.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Taking off the Pizza Pants of Shame.” He looked down to make sure he hadn’t accidentally jerked down his underwear in the process. “I’m wearing boxers, Tal. It’s okay. I’m fully covered.”

  “No you’re not.”

  Once again he looked down, making sure everything was staying in the appropriate article of clothing.

  “I’m one hundred percent covered. Promise.”

  Talley peeked through her fingers and quickly sealed them back together.

  “Jase, you’re standing around in your panties. Get some pants on. Now.”

  “I am not wearing panties. These are boxer shorts. Very manly boxer shorts. They’ve got the Incredible Hulk on them, who is like the living embodiment of testosterone. He would smash you for suggesting otherwise.”

  “That’s not the Incredible Hulk. It’s Captain America.”

  Jase chuckled. “So you looked?”

  “I didn’t— I wasn’t—-” Talley tucked her head into her chest. “It’s not like I could help it. You’re the one who dropped trou without any warning.”

  “Is ‘dropped trou’ smart people talk or hillbilly talk for ‘took off your pants’?”

  “It’s English for ‘put some clothes on, heathen.’”

  Jase shuffled around for a minute and then declared, “It’s okay. I’m clothed now.” The moment Talley dropped her hands he started gyrating his hips and singing Rod Stewart’s “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy”. The look on Talley’s face, and her frantic attempt to locate a pair of jeans in the mountain of somewhat clean clothes piled at the end of his bed, sent him into a fit of hysterical laughter. His side felt like someone shoved a piece of jagged glass into it by the time Talley stood in front of him, a pair of jeans in her hands, and her gaze resolutely on the floor between them. Once he had the pants over his hips, he leaned down to catch her gaze.

  “Forgive me?”

  Talley took in his jean-clad legs and finally raised her head. “No. You should really see someone about this exhibitionist problem you have. It’s probably an indication of some major mental defect.”

  “I will never apologize for sharing the joyous vision of my bare legs. But I am sorry for being a jerk earlier.”

  “You weren’t being a jerk.”

  “Yes, I was. Beyond one, actually. Withholding information wasn’t just jerkish, it was, to borrow a word from my dad, damn foolish.”

  “That’s two words.”

  He cut Talley a look. “Are you going to let me finish?”

  “Depends. If you’re just going to keep trying to convince me that you’re a jerk, then no. But if you’re done with that nonsense and are finally ready to tell me about your phone call earlier today, then please, keep going.”

  She sat pertly on the edge of his bed, the magic of her natural goodness bending the laws of physics to keep the mattress of doom from dumping her into the floor. Her bright blue eyes were shining up at him, and a small smile tilted up the corners of her perfectly shaped mouth. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but instead he said, “If she wasn’t the Alpha Female, I’d sue Sarvarna for sexual harassment.”

  Jase woke up with a profound sense of peace. The dream had been perfect and so vivid his lips tingled. He licked them, wishing he could taste her there. He was disappointed, of course, but at least he got to carry her scent with him into the waking world. It was so strong it was almost as if she was lying beside him…

  Oh crap.

  Jase jerked his hand back from where it had been dangling off his bed and onto her shoulder.

  “Talley,” he whispered, although he wasn’t exactly sure why. Sure, girls weren’t allowed to sleep over in the dorms, but it wasn’t exactly like the housing authority would have been able to hear him.

  After Jase relayed his conversation with Sarvarna, word-for-word, and assured Talley that he’d warned Toby, the two of them settled down to watch a few episodes of QI, a British TV show about random facts. Talley thought it was hysterical, and Jase watched it to hear her laugh and so he could feel smart when he was able to throw out odd facts every now and then in conversation. Sometime during the third episode he felt himself nodding off since he couldn't understand a word the Irish panelist was saying, certain Joshua would wake them both up by calling from the front desk to remind him visiting hours were over, just like he always did.

  Obviously, he was wrong.

  He was contemplating how to wake her up without touching her again - and cursing himself for not taking a moment to memorize the feel of her - when she scrunched herself up into a tight ball on the floor.

  “No.”

  It was only one word and barely more than a whisper, but he knew. He knew where she was and what she was Seeing, and he knew he had to get her out.

  “Talley.” He stepped over her huddled form, and after only a second’s deliberation, grabbed ahold of her shoulder. “Tal, come on. Wake up.” She flinched and a single tear seeped out from her clenched eyes and splattered onto the hoodie she was using as a pillow. “Come on, baby. You gotta get out of there.” She moaned, and the sound was so painfully wrong he jerked her shoulder. “Talley, wake up. Now!”

  Talley’s eyes flew open, and for a brief, selfish moment, Jase wished they hadn’t because he didn’t want to have to face all the fear and horror he could see in them.

  “Good m
orning, Talley Anne.” His face hurt from being forced into a smile.

  “She’s dead. We didn't do anything. We just stood there, and let Sarvarna kill her.”

  Jase wanted to gather her into his arms and never let her go, but instead he moved his hand off her shoulder and leaned back on his heels.

  “It hasn’t happened yet, Tal. We’re still at school, and Scout is still God knows where with Liam. No battle, no stabbing, and no dying.” She blinked a couple of times, and he knew she was finally coming out of the vision. “See, you’re in a different kind of hell. This one is known as a guy’s college dorm room where unknown funguses and germs abound. At least, that’s what my best friend tells me.”

  Talley sat up. “I’m the one who has told you that. Repeatedly.”

  “Isn’t that what I just said?”

  He watched as Talley ran her fingers through her hair, attempting to tuck the now-too-short pieces framing her face behind her ears. He had been counting in his head, so he knew it took her exactly seven seconds to realize their predicament.

  “Oh my God, Jase. I slept in your room. I could get us both expelled!”

  For a state university in the twenty-first century, the school had some old-fashioned rules regarding co-ed guests, especially in the same-sex only dorms, which both of their parents had insisted upon. Talley’s mother was afraid of those evil boys defiling her daughter, while Jase’s parents knew the only way he was getting a diploma was if he had as few distractions as possible. Jase knew the rules were of the only-on-paper, not-actually-followed-in-real-life variety, but he also knew Talley would never see it that way.

  “Deep breaths, Tal. It’s no big deal. Joshua is still at the front desk—” But since fate had a sick sense of humor and hated Jase with a passion, his words were cut off by the sound of the lock turning.

  “Good God, man. Did you make her sleep on the floor?” Joshua said, as he took in the scene before him. “Miss Matthews, my sincerest apologies for my roommate’s complete ignorance on how to properly treat and respect a woman. Should you ever find yourself inclined to spend the night with him again, you are more than welcome to use my bed.”

  Talley rubbed at the pattern the hoodie had left on her cheek. “We were just watching TV and fell asleep. I didn’t mean to spend the night with Jase. Not that we spent-the-night-together spent the night together. Nothing happened. Nothing. He won’t even touch me.” Jase winced at the way the words sounded, and knew he deserved the look of absolute disdain Joshua was shooting him. “It was an accident. I promise. Please don’t turn us in.”

  “Turn you in?”

  “I don’t want to get kicked out of school. Please, Joshua. I’ll be your eternal slave.”

  “Eternal slave, you say?” Joshua rubbed his chin. “Would you clean up this room?”

  Talley looked at the clutter which probably did hide a few funguses and germs. “Would I get to wear gloves?”

  “Sorry, but no. In fact, I’m going insist you clean it with your teeth.”

  “Dude, you’re even grossing me out now,” Jase said, bouncing up and moving over to the window. He looked down at the tiny parking lot tucked in the alley behind the dorm. As he suspected, the spot marked “Hall Director” was empty. He was pretty sure the guy only came to crash once a week or so. “If you go out the back stairwell, you should make it out without being seen,” he told Talley. “Not that I think anyone actually cares, but if an RA sees you and says anything, just tell them that you left your notes for your nine o’clock class here and the guy at the front desk let you come up and grab them. Joshua will confirm your story.”

  She looked at his roommate for reassurance.

  “Buzzed you in and even walked up the stairs with you,” Joshua confirmed.

  “I hate to make you lie for me.” Lying was akin to murder in Talley’s mind, and Jase worried more about what would happen if anyone actually did pay attention to her absconding from his dorm in the early morning light than Joshua’s morals. He knew all it would take was someone asking what she was doing for her to break down into confession mode. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I’m the one who messed up. I’ll take full responsibility for my actions.”

  Or maybe she would go into full confession mode without getting caught. “Talley Anne Matthews, you will not go downstairs and turn yourself in. Do you understand me?”

  “I wasn’t—”

  “You were thinking about it.” She didn’t even try to deny it. That would be too much like lying. “You’re going to walk out this door, down the hall, down the back stairs, out the door, and go directly to your dorm. You will not mention to anyone that you spent the night here. Got it?”

  He could tell that she wanted to remind him he wasn’t really her Pack Leader, but she couldn’t really say anything with Joshua around, which was exactly why he did it. Talley was a traditionalist when it came to Shifter and Seer hierarchy. Since he was a Dominant, she felt obligated to accept his commands when an outsider was present, which meant she would do exactly what he said, even if it conflicted with her own personal beliefs.

  “I really appreciate you doing this for me,” she told Joshua as she gathered up her stuff.

  “And I really appreciate you,” Joshua said, giving Jase a look that said he thought he was the only one. “You’re worth appreciation. Don’t accept anything less from anyone, okay?”

  Talley froze mid-way to the door, turned back, and wrapped her arms around Joshua’s waist. “Thank you,” she said as Joshua returned her embrace. They stayed in that position for what felt like forever before Talley stepped back and finally left. Jase waited until the door clicked shut before facing his roommate.

  “Was that really necessary?”

  Joshua picked up one of the full-sized iPads off his desk and started pushing buttons. “Hey, she hugged me first. I can’t help it if you’re so terrified by your feelings for that girl that she has to seek comfort somewhere else.”

  “I don’t—”

  “You know, she’s really pretty. Like a natural kind of pretty. Most of those girls who parade themselves around here spend a ton of time and money to look good, but Talley can wake up from sleeping on the floor and still look edible.” He stopped fiddling with the iPad and sat it back in the stand on his desk where, as far as Jase could tell, it constantly resided. He wondered if the purpose of that one was just to be a bit of decoration. “Do you think she would go out with me? I mean if you’re not interested in her that way…”

  “Touch her and I will end you.”

  Joshua flopped back onto his bed, oblivious to the t-shirt and notebook now pinned between his back and the mattress. “I thought you didn’t have feelings for her.”

  “Of course I have feelings for her. She’s my best friend.”

  “You know, I’ve never looked at my best friend like I wanted to rip off his clothes with my teeth.”

  Jase wondered if the courts turned a blind eye on college students who murdered their roommates. Surely it happened on a regular basis.

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh, I think I do,” Joshua said, rolling onto his side and closing his eyes. “And I think if you don’t hurry up and claim that girl soon, someone else is going to.”

  Chapter 8

  Talley knew she’d felt worse in her life, but at the moment she couldn’t remember when. Sleeping on Jase’s floor had left her with aches and pains stretching from the crick in her neck down to the bruise she got where her ankle rested on Jase’s PS3 all night. She felt icky and gross since waking up thirty minutes late on the wrong side of campus meant she had to skip her morning shower, and she was pretty sure the cutesy barrettes she’d slipped in her hair weren't fooling anyone into thinking it was actually fixed. But none of that compared to the hollow, empty feeling in her chest where her heart was supposed to be.

  Her mom had called as she was walking to her first class of the morning, and as soon as she heard Talley�
�s voice, asked what was wrong. Talley told her it was nothing, but the exact opposite was true. Everything was wrong. Nothing was like it was supposed to be. Scout was running for her life, Charlie was in a hospital and living off a steady diet of morphine, and she and Jase were spying on the most powerful people in the world. And then there were the visions of dead Shifters and Scout’s ultimate murder that invaded her mind, the fact that someone was slipping Sarvarna information about Toby, and the feeling that her heart was in so many pieces it had crumbled into dust and blown away. It all left her with a hollowed out sensation that made concentrating on Dr. Pace’s lecture about the genius of William Faulkner utterly impossible.

  She shouldn’t have turned down Walker’s offer to give it a try. She realized that now. It was stupid to turn away the only guy who had ever shown any genuine interest in her. Who knows, after a while, she might have forgotten her feelings for Jase and actually have been able to make it work. Now, it was too late. He was probably halfway home by now, and even if she called him back, he would know the truth. She was in love with someone else. It didn’t matter that he would never love her back. She loved Jase, and nothing was going to change that.

  Her mind drifted to the dream she was having before she was ripped out of it and into the nightmare of her vision. In this one, she could see herself lying back on a bed. Her hair was long and fanned out around her face. There was a knowing smile on her lips, and even though the room was dimly lit, her eyes were clearly visible. It was as if they were glowing as they gazed up at him.

  “You are so beautiful,” Jase’s voice had said, and her heart nearly exploded at the words. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

  “About half as much as I love you?” she’d teased. She hadn’t noticed how closely they were pressed together until she felt his laughter vibrate through them both.

  “Try doubling that and sending it to the tenth power, and then you might be halfway there.” She was going to argue, but then her mouth got busy doing other things. It wasn’t possible for people to kiss that much in real life without fainting from a lack of oxygen, but this was a dream, and their lips and tongues could slide against one another for an infinite amount of time. It had been perfect until she slammed back into her own body and Jase disappeared. She had tried to snap out of the vision once she saw the ground littered with bodies, some of them in middle of the Change, and others covered in gore and unmoving. But like always, she had to stay until the end. No matter how hard she tried, she was forced to watch Scout approach Sarvarna. She screamed as they talked, but only silence came out. Then, Sarvarna would bury a knife in Scout’s stomach. And still, Talley was forced to just stand and bear witness until the knife was pulled out and Scout’s body slid to the ground.