All We See & Seem (Timber Wolves)

by Blackwell, Tammy

  You don’t have visions.

  Yet, no matter how many times her mother said it, Talley couldn’t deny the truth. Of the three visions she’d had of Scout, two had already come true. In April, her damaged body had been carried out of the woods, her blood saturating not only her clothes, but the skin of the man who held her. In August, she’d stood before a guillotine, awaiting execution. Both visions had started months before they happened, and when they played out, it was exactly as Talley Saw it.

  Talley was so startled she nearly fell over her own feet. It was only Jase’s Shifter reflexes that kept her laptop from crashing to the ground. “You know, I never took you for the kind of girl to have a one night stand and then completely ignore the guy the next day, even when he goes to the trouble of skipping a class to see you. I guess you never really know someone, huh?” His hair was getting too long, the curls flipping up over the edge of the baseball cap he had on.

  “What are you doing here? You’ve got math at eleven.”

  “You did hear the part where I skipped class to come see you, right?”

  The temperature and humidity had finally decided to take a vacation day and the promise of autumn whispered across Talley’s skin every time the wind blew. As she and Jase made their way down the hill that led back to her dorm, Talley noticed girls glancing in their direction. It was always like that when Jase was around. Girls couldn’t help but notice him. It wasn’t just that he was attractive - which was certainly true with his grass-green eyes and easy smile - but even people without a drop of supernatural blood could recognize his dominance. The same thing that made other guys naturally defer to him made girls want to see him with his clothes off.

  Not that Talley wanted to see him with his clothes off. That would be wrong. She was a good girl who had no desire to run her hands down his naked chest just like the dream version of her had. Nope. Not at all.

  Do you think people go to hell for lying to themselves? It wasn’t the normal my-thoughts-are-coming-to-me-in-Scout’s-voice voice, but a memory. Scout had asked her that question forever ago when she was finally coming to terms with her feelings for Alex Cole. Unfortunately, Talley couldn’t seem to remember what sage words of advice she’d offered her friend.

  “You shouldn’t skip your math class. You’ve got a low C in there as it is.”

  “Trust me, showing up for class isn’t going to help my grade. I don’t understand a single thing that woman says. I swear, I get dumber just by walking in the door.” He jogged ahead a couple of steps until he was in front of her and then turned around and started walking backwards. “Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. I’ve got to talk to you. Privately.”

  “Jase, you’re going to have to stop doing this. Someone is going to get hurt.”

  “Having private conversations with you is going to hurt someone?”

  An older guy was coming up the sidewalk, saw Jase, and had to step off into the grass to save himself from being run over. “No, you not watching where you’re going is going to hurt someone. You almost plowed over a nontraditional student just now.”

  “That wasn’t a nontraditional student. That was my history professor, and he totally deserves to be run over. The guy purposefully made a girl cry last week.” Still, he fell in step beside her. “We’ve got a problem, Tal.”

  Another one?

  “Did she call again?” she asked.

  “No, but I think I’ve figured out who has been passing her information.”

  “Do you have proof?”

  He nodded. “Not much, but it’s worth looking into.”

  Talley’s dorm was near the medical center. Normally she found the ambulances howling at all hours of the day and night a nuisance, but the noise was perfect for camouflaging their conversation.

  “Is it Makya?” He’d been on her mind a lot since talking to Walker. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate his talking her up to a nice guy. Even though the whole affair had left her bereft, she appreciated the kind gesture. The problem was, Makya wasn’t exactly known for kind gestures. In fact, his hatred for all things associated with Jase and Charlie was common knowledge. Since Talley was an unquestionable part of the crew that made up Makya’s Most Despised, it didn’t make sense for him to talk her up to anyone. Sadly, ratting out Toby sounded way more probable.

  “Are you kidding? That idiot doesn’t have the brains or guts to betray us.” He watched the street until another ambulance came barreling by them, sirens screaming. “It’s Joshua.”

  Talley was fairly certain she hadn’t heard him right. “Joshua? As in your roommate Joshua? The guy who buys candy bars in bulk once a week?”

  “Having an incurable sweet tooth and possible eating disorder doesn’t stop you from working with the Alpha Pack. Hell, they probably prefer their minions to embrace vice.”

  “I don’t know, Jase. Joshua doesn’t seem like Sarvarna’s type. It’s not exactly like the Alpha Pack is known for recruiting outside the world of Shifter and Seers, and Joshua isn’t a Shifter.”

  “But he could be a Seer. Liam told me there are guy Seers, but no one ever talks about them.”

  “I know. I was in on that conversation. But don’t you remember the part about how no one ever talks about them because the Alphas want to make everyone believe it isn't possible for a guy to See?”

  The muscles in Jase’s jaw jumped, and she knew he was getting frustrated with her.

  “You said you had some proof,” she prompted, trying to dial back the confrontational tone.

  His jaw muscles jumped some more, proving it hadn’t worked. “It’s not much.”

  “But it was enough to make you think that your adorably bizarre roommate is keeping tabs on us and selling our secrets to the Alphas.”

  “You think Joshua is adorable?”

  Why did that matter? “Are you going to tell me what you found out or not?”

  “Is ‘not’ an option?”

  “No.”

  Jase pushed his hat down further on his forehead. “He talked about you getting claimed.”

  “Claimed?”

  “You know, like a mate.”

  Of course she knew what claiming meant. She just couldn’t believe Joshua would know anything about it. “Like he said he was going to claim me as a mate?”

  Jase bounced on his heels. His hands kept finding their way to his cap where they would reshape the bill every few seconds. “He was warning me that someone would be claiming you soon. Obviously he knows what you are and about the never-ending parade of guys trying to get in your pants.”

  “No one is trying to get in my pants.” That was ridiculous. Like anyone would actually want her that way.

  “How is it that someone so smart can be so naive? What do you think Walker Helkamp was trying to do?”

  Okay, so maybe one person had wanted to get into her pants, but she’d put an end to that. “Walker Helkamp is a nice guy.”

  “Yeah, Walker is a saint, and Joshua is an adorable goofball. Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone is as good as you are? That there are actual bad people in this world?”

  “That thought did occur to me when a group of power-hungry egomaniacs tried to kill my best friend.”

  Jase paced away a couple of steps, his hands on his head. Just when Talley was convinced he wasn’t coming back, he turned around.

  “I don’t want to fight with you,” he said, the words spilling out in a rush of air. A ball of guilt took up residence in Talley’s stomach. She didn’t fight. She hated conflict in all forms, yet for some reason every time she was around Jase lately, she found herself prepping for battle.

  It’s frustrating to see something you want and know you can never have it.

  She wasn’t sure if it was a memory of something Scout had actually said or one of her own thoughts, but she knew it was right. Her unrequited love was the root of their problems.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s all my fault. I’ve been… edgy lately.”

 
; “Edgy? Really? I can’t imagine why. It’s not like ‘a group of power-hungry egomaniacs tried to kill your best friend’ or anything.” He smiled and moved towards her, and for a moment she thought he was going to throw an arm around her shoulders just like he always used to before she got her Sight, but he ended up just leaning up against the giant cement planter next to her. “Anyway, it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’m the jerk here.”

  “We’ve already had this conversation. You’re not a jerk.”

  “Of course I am. Everyone knows it. Watch.” He bounded off the planter and moved out to the main part of the sidewalk where three girls wearing various shades of Hollister shirts were walking past. “Excuse me, ladies. Can I bother you for a moment? My friend and I need your opinion on something.”

  Two of the girls gave each other an is-this-guy-for-real look, but the third said, “Sure. Why not?”

  “We just need to know, in your very educated opinion, which of us would you consider the jerk in this relationship?”

  The girls all looked at her and then back at Jase.

  “You,” said Pink Shirt.

  “You,” said Blue Shirt.

  “Definitely you,” said Green Shirt.

  After Jase thanked them and sent them on their way, he came back and hopped up onto the edge of the planter.

  “That proves nothing,” Talley said, hoping no one noticed how he was balanced on nothing more than an inch’s width of concrete. Although, to be fair, she didn’t know if that was a Shifter talent or a Jase talent.

  “That, Talley my dear, proves everything. I am a jerk, you are ridiculously gracious to put up with me, and any and all disagreements we have had or ever will have are my fault.” He smiled down at her. “If you’re still unsure of those facts, I could poll more people, maybe go door-to-door in the dorms to gather data.”

  Knowing Jase, he would do it, too.

  A blue bird perched on the crosswalk sign, and Talley watched its little head bop around as if looking for a friendly face in the crowd. “So, Joshua…”

  “I really think there is something going on there, Tal. There is just something not right about him. And I promise you, he was implying all sorts of things with that claiming statement.” He met her eyes. “You have to believe me.”

  “I do.” And she did. Jase had his faults, even as smitten as she was she could easily list half a dozen without even thinking about it, but tilting at windmills wasn’t one of them. If Jase thought something was up with his roommate, then there probably was.

  “What did you get off of him when you hugged him?”

  She thought back to that morning and couldn't remember even the briefest taste of an emotion coming through.

  “Nothing. I was blocking without meaning to. What do we do now?”

  “I don’t know. I was hoping you had some ideas.”

  She thought through it, but every idea she came up with sounded like it would end with the two of them being drug in front of the Alphas on charges of treason. There may have been a time when she could have come up with a solution, but her brain was tired of always being on alert and thinking everything through a million different ways before acting. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Jase asked. She must have been silent for too long because he was looking at her like he thought she was going to step off the sidewalk and in front of a bus.

  “Nothing,” she said, trying to force something other than apathy into her voice. “Just thinking about what we’re going to do about this Joshua situation.”

  Jase’s eyebrows tugged downwards. “No, you weren’t. I know your problem-solving look and that wasn’t it. You looked sad.”

  “I’m fine.”

  Jase studied her from the corner of his eye and there was something in that look that made her chest tighten. If she looked sad, then there had to be another adjective to describe how Jase looked because it was something beyond how she felt. The word “lost” came to mind.

  “Really. It’s nothing.”

  “If I were Scout, you would tell me.”

  “If Scout was here I would have considerably less reasons to feel sad.”

  Jase continued to look at her for a long time. She was starting to worry she had something gross on her face and he was trying to think of how to tell her.

  “I’ve got an idea,” he finally said. “Pretend I’m Scout.”

  “Jase…”

  “No, come on, Tal. This will work.” He pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes, glaring at everyone crossing from the parking garage to the hospital. “All these insipid people annoy me,” he said in the most bored voice he could manage. “Did one of them make you mad? If so, I’ll go punch them in the throat. Hard.”

  She thought about mentioning how Scout would punch him in the throat if she could see him.

  “You can’t punch life in the throat,” she said instead.

  “Life? Life has hurt my Talley?” Jase tossed his head and pushed imaginary hair off his shoulder. “I will not only punch life in the throat, but I will also knee it in the nuts. How dare life mess with my friends.”

  Talley laughed, but it sounded as empty as it felt. “She would, you know. Scout would try to punch life in the throat.”

  “She would do anything in the world for you.” Jase took a deep breath and licked his lips. “You know I would, too, right? If I could, I would beat the shit out of life for being so hard on you.”

  Tears stung in the backs of her eyes, but she beat them back with pure determination. “Life has been pretty rough on you, too. Maybe I should go out and hunt it down to defend your honor.”

  “And what exactly would you do once you found life?”

  Talley patted the bag she had slung over her shoulder. “I’m thinking a bullet to the kneecap would be in order.”

  Jase smiled down at her, and then it was like someone flipped a switch and his expression became completely serious. “Does it bother you that I won’t let you See me?”

  The question was so out of left field it took a minute for Talley to understand what he was asking. “It’s no big deal.” It was the same thing she’d been saying for a year now. No big deal. One of the people she cared about most in this world was repulsed by her touch and didn’t trust her enough to not dig into his head and See all his secret thoughts and emotions. Nope, not a big deal at all. “I understand.” At least that part was true.

  “I didn’t ask if it was a big deal or if you understood. I asked if it bothered you.”

  Why did he have to look at her so intently? She might have been able to blow off the question if he’d been even the tiniest bit distracted, but she knew he would see the truth in her eyes no matter what her mouth said. Her mother always said her eyes gave her away, and over the years, Scout, Jase, and Charlie had all made similar observations.

  “Maybe a little.” Or a lot. Whatever.

  He didn’t say anything. He just kept looking at her like he could See inside her mind, and then something in his eyes changed. It was a type of resignation, but Talley didn’t have any idea what he could have resigned himself to as he hopped down off the planter.

  “I’m ready,” he said.

  “Ready for what?” This conversation had taken so many twists and turns she wasn’t quite sure what they were talking about at this point.

  “Take whatever you want,” he said, reaching for her hand. “I want you to have it all.”

  “Jase, I don’t—” but her protest died the moment his hand grabbed hers.

  When she first came into her Sight a year ago, she’d had trouble filtering the information. Her first experiment had been with Toby. Not knowing that she didn’t have to try to See, she’d made an effort to pull information out of his head. What she’d gotten was a barrage of thoughts that sent her to her knees and left her with a headache for days. The only other time she’d come close to being that overwhelmed was when she tried to pull thoughts from Alex Cole’s h
ead on the first day of school last year.

  Both of those times looked like child’s play in comparison to what happened when Jase touched her. So many thoughts and emotions poured into her head that her brain shut itself off in self-defense. Her knees buckled, and she would’ve crashed to the sidewalk if Jase hadn’t caught her and slowly eased her to the ground. Some girl walking by told her friend, “And that’s why I don’t start drinking until after four during the summer.”

  “Talley? Talley! Are you okay?” Jase’s face swam in front of her. “Come on, Tal. Talk to me. Tell me you’re okay.”

  “Not your fault.” She had to fight to get the words out, but he had to know.

  “Actually, there is no way you could argue this wasn’t my fault. I’ve never seen you pass out from Seeing someone before.”

  “No, this is your fault.” He had to have been projecting as hard as he could when he grabbed her hand. “But not Scout or Charlie or Alex or any of it. It’s not your fault.”

  “Talley—”

  “It’s not your fault, Jase. Life sucks. We’ll punch it in the throat together.”

  “You’re not punching anyone, anywhere right now,” he said, putting an arm under her shoulders, helping her to her feet. “Come on. Let’s get you to your room.”

  He was no longer dumping the entire contents of his head into hers, but he wasn’t exactly being quiet with his thoughts. And now that her brain was back in the thinking game, she was Seeing him in all his beautiful, damaged glory, and it made her love him even more. How did he walk around every day with that much guilt and self-loathing and still make the world believe he was okay? If you would’ve asked Talley just minutes ago, she would have told you he was better than okay. He was Jase, for the love of all things shiny. Of course he was okay.