Hunger for You (Shadow Shifters: Damaged Hearts)

by A. C. Arthur

  Second, she was a human and I was a Shadow Shifter. No bigger taboo existed, at least not in the shifter world—the world in which I lived with one foot in and the other out, thanks to my mixed heritage. My mother had been a Shadow Shifter, while my father—the rotten bastard that had abused and raped my mother—had been a human. That should probably have made me hate the entire species but my mother had told me stories of other humans that lived outside of our village in the Gungi rainforest. They had been generous and compassionate to her, helping to clean her up after my father had brutally attacked her, and bringing her back to the Gungi. There had even been an old shaman that had come to our home to warn my mother about returning to the human village in search of my father. Apparently the old man with all his medicinal remedies and spiritual contacts had foreseen my mother’s fate. She hadn’t listened, led by the love for a man who had no use for her, and died for her efforts.

  Again, I should hate humans, but I don’t. In fact, the human named Zoe was even more intriguing to me. I couldn’t get her out of my mind, not the soft sway of her hair along her shoulders, or the vibrant color of her eyes, or the soft, yet firm tone of her voice. Each time I closed my eyes I could see her, when I tried to drift off into sleep I imagined her, and when I woke up with a hard-on each morning, I wanted her.

  With much futility I slammed my palms against the steering wheel, staring at the front door of the bar. It was closed but the lighted sign in the window right beside it stated the bar was OPEN. In another fifteen minutes that sign would switch to CLOSED and a half hour to forty-five minutes afterward, Zoe would come out. I knew her schedule now, knew the days she worked her seven or eight hours and got off at ten and the days she stayed until close of business. Tonight she was closing so I was waiting. What I was going to say or do when she came out I had no idea.

  The screech of tires on asphalt ripped me from my thoughts and I immediately shifted my attention to the front of the parking lot. A black Hummer came into the lot pumping the piercing lyrics of Maroon 5 into the air and at a speed that just about promised a collision with the front wall of the building. Before I could think better of it I was out of my truck, stopping at the bumper as the other truck also came to a halt. The passenger-side front and back doors opened quickly and out jumped two guys. They laughed, the first guy turning to bump his fist against the other guy’s before both of them headed toward the front door. The driver came out last, switching off the ignition but keeping the music playing loudly.

  It was Dex, I knew it the moment he came around the front of the vehicle and leaned against it. I stood at the front of my vehicle, not leaning, but staring pointedly at him. When I was out here three nights ago with Zoe there had only been floodlights at the back of the building. Tonight, when I pulled up I noticed that new lights had been added to the front as well. They’d stayed lit for about ten minutes after I’d parked my truck, probably enough time for someone to park their vehicle, get out, and walk into the bar. It was a good safety measure, one that they’d probably needed to have installed a long time ago. I wondered if Zoe had gone into work the day after our encounter and complained that she didn’t feel safe.

  With a frown, I dismissed that thought and kept my eyes on Dex as the light fell over his vehicle and his leather-clad shoulders. He wore those big boots again, fitted black jeans, and a blue T-shirt with faded writing on the front. He reached into his front pants pocket and pulled out a lighter. In seconds the cigarette was lit and at his lips, the strong and undeniable scent of marijuana floating on the air.

  After the first few puffs I wondered what the hell I was doing standing in a parking lot staring at some guy like I was going to rip his throat out—which by the way I totally wanted to do. I was about to turn away when I caught another scent, sifting slowly through the thick streams of marijuana odor and every muscle in my body tensed.

  Dex looked up at that second, catching my gaze and staring at me with the cigarette between his lips, his fingers poised to take it out so he could blow more smoke from his mouth. It was a complete stare down, like men did just before a duel, except I had no weapon and I was guessing neither did Dex. The stench intensified and I was struggling to identify it while still keeping my eye on Dex when the front door of the bar opened and out came Dex’s laughing cohorts, followed by Zoe.

  I took a step forward, to do what I wasn’t quite sure, but the sight of her now standing at the front of the vehicle with Dex and his goons right behind her, didn’t sit well with me. Dex grinned in my direction as he reached out and pulled Zoe by her waist up to him. Her hands went to his chest and she followed his gaze.

  It felt like she’d reached across the parking lot right into my chest to squeeze my heart. I opened my mouth to air that wanted release, clenching my fists at my sides when she shook her head at me. Dex continued to laugh, his hands on her ass now while behind Zoe’s back his two friends gyrated and clapped. I wanted to run across that street, to grab her and pull her away from them. She didn’t belong with Dex, didn’t belong in that big-assed truck that looked more like an army tank. She belonged with …

  Shaking my head, I broke all eye contact. Zoe did not belong with me. I belonged with myself, now and forever. It was safer for all concerned that way. The shaman back in Brazil had told me that. People that I felt like saving rarely wanted to be saved, he’d also said as he’d reflected on my mother. The parallel here was with Zoe. Like my mother, she had chosen who she wanted to be with, chosen the path she wanted her life to take. And no matter how much begging and pleading—or in this case, arguing and possibly fighting—I did, Zoe’s choice would still be her own.

  So I turned away. I climbed into my truck and I took myself home, trying my damnedest to ignore the raw scrape of emotions that burned my chest as I looked through my rearview mirror to see Zoe climbing up into Dex’s truck. I turned out of the parking lot, this time my wheels screeching over asphalt, and I drove away.

  Unable to breathe while anger and some unnamed sentiment clogged my senses, I rolled down my window to get some air and the stench that had searched for my attention back in the parking lot was there again, almost as if it were following me. It was slightly familiar, officious and raw and my eyes opened wider when I pinpointed exactly what it meant.

  Dex and his merry men were rogues.

  CHAPTER 4

  Zoe

  He hadn’t come into the bar again last night. This made a whole week since I’d spoken to Caleb. I’d seen him, three days after the night he’d blocked my car door, sitting in his truck in front of the bar. I’d walked out with Dex’s friends right behind me. Caleb looked at me and then pulled off.

  And I was one lame-ass goofball for keeping such meticulous track of these events. Pushing my cart through the dairy section of the supermarket, I tried valiantly to recall what I’d wanted this week. I’d been cooking since I was eight and had to pull the chair over to the stove to put on six eggs. Two for me and two each for my younger brother and sister. I waited patiently that day, sitting in the chair and watching the clock on the microwave until it was exactly fifteen minutes later. I’d seen on a cooking show that it took that long to boil eggs. From that day on, when my mother was too badly beaten to get up out of bed, I went into the kitchen and fixed something for me and my siblings to eat. After a while I became pretty good at it.

  That thought refreshed my memory and I picked up a container of sour cream for the new sauce I wanted to try with my pork chops tonight. Today was my day off so I had a lot of errands to run. Daydreaming in the supermarket was going to throw me off schedule, so I picked up the pace. I’d just cut the corner from the dairy section, going down the snack aisle when my cart collided with another one.

  The rattling noise scared me much more than it should have and I let go of my cart handle, both hands going to my chest in an effort to still my thumping heart. Then I looked up and swallowed the last couple of thumps.

  “Hope you don’t drive your car as recklessly as you’re
driving this cart,” he said, his voice smooth like honey. The sound rippled through me in warm rivulets.

  “I’m sorry,” I replied. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

  He nodded, his gaze darkening and going lower. “And are you paying attention to what you’re doing now?”

  I didn’t know what he meant so I looked down and goddammit! The fingers that were supposed to suppress the thumping of my heart were now cupping my boobs, which only added to the effect of his voice and now had my nipples hard. And as if I could not be any more embarrassed, I wasn’t wearing a bra. Again, goddammit!

  “Oh!” I gasped and yanked my hands down ten seconds too late. “Stop staring at me.” It was making me uncomfortable. No, that was wrong, it was making me aroused. Hotter for him than I had been previously was more like it. Not only were my nipples hard now, but my thighs were shaking as if they either wanted to clamp shut like they did the night he’d summoned this same response, or like they wanted to spread open wide for him. I felt my cheeks flushing at both thoughts.

  “Can’t,” he said with a shake of his head. “Nothing more enticing to stare at right now.”

  “Whatever,” I replied, grabbing the handle of my cart and maneuvering so I could pass him.

  I was intent on getting away from him, intent on stopping the storm of emotions that wracked my body each time he was in the vicinity. I took about three steps and then, because insanity seemed to be my state of mind when I was near him, I turned back only to see that he’d been staring at my ass. If I’d been properly dressed—meaning wearing clothes that I hadn’t fished out of the bottom of my closet and having my hair styled instead of in a messy braid down my back—I might have been flattered. But my yoga pants were a little on the small side and the jean jacket I’d thrown over the T-shirt was short and I just felt like I was a mess. A very hot and bothered mess. Apparently, Caleb felt differently.

  “You can go now,” I said with a huff.

  He had the audacity to smile. And if they could, my boobs would have sung a melodious tune at the sight. He wasn’t a cutie, not by a longshot. Instead he was a hottie, with a capital H and all the other letters all cap too! Something about the scruffy look of his beard and the hair that desperately needed to be cut and those bedroom eyes, and those arms that looked like cannons and … goddammit again!

  “I like what I see here,” he replied eventually.

  “You don’t have the right to look,” I said and wanted to bite off my own tongue. How juvenile did that sound? He could certainly look since there was no way I could stop him without gouging his eyes out, which would definitely be classified as overreacting.

  And the really amazing thing was that a big part of me wanted him to look, and possibly touch. I don’t know, it was crazy, just as I’d thought before. Caleb wasn’t my boyfriend, and yet, I kind of felt like maybe, what if he was?

  He shrugged. “It’s a free country.”

  I didn’t know what else to say or do. Considering the fact that fifteen minutes ago I’d been thinking about not having seen him in seven days, one would think I’d be full of conversation. But all I could think about was how well those jeans fit his legs and that shirt—even though it was a Pittsburgh Steelers shirt—looked draped over his chest.

  “Whatever,” I ended up saying again and quickly got the hell out of that aisle.

  Five minutes later I was in the automated checkout line trying to hurry up and pay for my purchases—which for the record were not everything I needed. I was stuffing things in my recyclable grocery bags and about to turn around and leave when I bumped right into a chest built like a concrete wall.

  “Need some help?” he asked.

  Oh boy, did I. I needed help keeping my raging hormones in check.

  “No. I’m fine. Thank you,” I said, my voice cracking on the last word. I swallowed hard to keep from saying anything else ridiculous, or at best not having my voice show how nervous he was making me.

  He only lifted a brow as he said, “I won’t be cliché and say that you are absolutely fine.”

  I closed my eyes, couldn’t help it, I loved his voice. I loved the way it was deep and smooth and sent tingles down my spine as if he’d actually touched me there. “No. Please don’t be cliché.”

  “But I will walk you to your car.”

  Damn, he was persistent and I wasn’t sure I could continue to attempt to ignore him, or the effect that he was having on me. “It’s okay, I can get there on my own. And it’s broad daylight so there’s no need for the extra protection.”

  He ignored my words and grasped my arm. Flashbacks flew before my eyes like a movie on rewind, hitting, crying, screaming, pain. All at once each memory slapped at me and I didn’t have time to stop the reaction, didn’t have a moment to take the deep breaths, to look at something else, to concentrate, to hold it all in.

  I screamed as if he’d smacked me, the sound echoing through the air. When my lips finally clamped shut, my teeth chattered and I looked around to see people in the market had stopped and stared. Caleb also stared, after he’d dropped my arm like it was a hissing snake.

  It was the moment I’d dreaded happening all my life, the instant that somebody, anybody might pick up on the signs and figure out that the life I’d pretended to lead was a lie. My heart hammered in my chest as everything around me, all the people gawking at me, even Caleb’s slightly confused glare, spun around me, making me dizzy, woozy, possibly about to faint. Knowing that would only prolong the embarrassment, I did the next best thing. I got the hell out of that store before the questions could begin.

  ***

  “He hurt you, didn’t he?”

  The voice that I thought I might be falling a little bit in love with sounded angry, and just a bit cold. I continued walking until I was near my trunk, using the key to open it without daring to look at him.

  “My arm got caught in the car door,” I said with a measure of self-disgust that I’d never felt before.

  I slammed my trunk closed after putting the two bags of food I’d purchased inside. Caleb stood right in front of me looking as angry as he had eight nights ago.

  “You’re lying,” he accused, his intense glare pinning me as if that would bring the truth out.

  I was determined to stand my ground, didn’t feel like I had any other choice really. “I’m not.”

  “You are, I can smell it.”

  “What? Who smells lies?” I held up a hand to stop his response. “Forget it. I told you what happened and now I’m leaving.”

  His eyes grew darker, his brows furrowing. There was no doubt he was angry, his next words only punctuated that fact as they were spoken through clenched teeth. “I told you I wouldn’t let him hurt you.”

  I felt like he was engulfing me, his words, that is. The way he’d said them, the way he’d looked at me was almost the equivalent of him wrapping his arms around me, shielding me from all that was bad in the world. It was breathtaking and a little frightening at the same time.

  “It’s not up to you to ‘let’ anything happen where I’m concerned. I’m not your girlfriend,” I told him because it was important that I kept reminding myself of that fact. It was imperative that we both knew what our boundaries were.

  Facts and boundaries be damned, Caleb came closer, using a finger to tip my chin upward so that I was once again staring into those smoldering eyes of his.

  “You shouldn’t be his either,” he said in a low, gruff voice that raked over my skin in the softest, hottest touch I’d ever experienced.

  I sighed, because there really was no reason to be angry with Caleb. Dex had slammed the door with my arm still in the way. He’d apologized profusely and said it was a mistake, but the smirk on his face as he’d looked back at his friends proved that was a lie. I could admit that, even if only to myself. Just as I had to admit that Caleb’s protective instinct toward me made me tremble and want to fall into his arms to shelter in said protection.

  “It�
�s not a big deal, Caleb,” I said, hoping he would finally believe me. “I know how to take care of myself.”

  At least I’d thought I did. I’d convinced myself that it wasn’t an issue, it wasn’t as if he’d slapped me or beaten me down to the ground until I was unconscious, as my stepfather had done to my mother on too many occasions to count.

  “It is a big deal because he’s hurting you,” he insisted. “I told you I wouldn’t let that happen.”

  “Why should you even care?” I asked one of the many questions that had been on my mind for the last week or so where Caleb was concerned. “I’m not your responsibility.”

  But I sure did like that he felt like I was, that he wanted to take care of me even though it was unnecessary. I also liked the feeling of his fingers on my skin, the warmth from his body transferring slowly into mine. He must have read my mind because he rewarded me by cupping my face in both hands. It was a possessive move so I should have backed away, should have felt compelled to run as I often did whenever Dex came closer than I liked. Instead, all I could feel was the balminess, the heat spreading slowly throughout my body as if his hands were actually implanting it there.

  “He’s bad, Zoe. He will continue to hurt you if you let him, if I let him.” His lips clenched and he shook his head slightly. “You’re right, I shouldn’t care, but I do.”

  And he didn’t like that fact. I could see it in his eyes, the disappointment. I figured it was for feeling the way he shouldn’t, only because I was feeling a little of that myself. I shouldn’t be attracted to this meddling, mysterious guy and he shouldn’t give a damn about some neurotic and confused girl.

  “I can take care of myself,” I told him again. “I’ve been doing it for a long time now.”

  At first he looked like he wanted to say something else. Then his head lowered, he came closer, and for one glorious instant I thought he was going to kiss me.