Lead Me Home: A Fight for Me Stand-Alone Novel

by A. L. Jackson

I peeked up at him as I wound him higher.

  Magnificent.

  His jaw clenched as he stared down at me, his chest wide, beard full on his immaculate face.

  All man.

  The man I held in my hands.

  Stroking him greedily, my breaths became pants. Need welled in me like the swill of the rising river.

  Higher and higher.

  Threatening to overflow.

  I squeezed my thighs together while his shook.

  Splintering control.

  “Feels so good,” he grunted. “Those sweet hands, Nik . . . they’ve always been so sweet. You always hid it with that smart mouth . . . but I knew. I knew.”

  His words were grit. Lined with a tenderness I felt brushing across my flesh like a lover’s caress.

  I leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the tip of his cock. I tasted the salty manliness of him. The intensity of who he was.

  My oldest friend.

  My first love.

  My only love.

  His fists were a petition where they wound in my hair. “Please, Nikki. Sweet girl. Take me. Suck me. Need to feel you.”

  Desperation spun, riding that tether that kept us tied. Binding.

  I pressed my tongue to his engorged, fattened tip before I sucked the crown into my mouth.

  “Yes,” he rumbled, jutting forward, urging me to take him. I laved at the purpled flesh, squeezing his fat base with my hands before I began to take him deeper.

  A coarse groan pressed between his lips. “I have always loved that mouth.”

  My heart squeezed.

  Love.

  It was so strong.

  So strong it made it hard to see.

  Deeper and deeper, I took him, my hands working the base, the feel of him overwhelming.

  Moans ripped from his mouth, low and guttural.

  Needy in a way I’d never heard this man be. “Yes, baby. Fuck. You feel so good. So damned good.”

  His hips began to snap, and I was nothing but an offering on my knees in front of him.

  Lost.

  Lost in him where he was lost in me.

  His hands moved to my cheeks, and I relished the feel of them as he started to rock and jut. Harder and deeper.

  Slow and measured before he picked up a rigorous pace.

  His grunts struck the air, and that energy crackled, licked at my skin, stirred the need into something potent.

  Compulsive and seductive.

  Inescapable.

  “Can you take it?” A question and a warning spoken in a low growl. I answered by moving my hands to his ass and hanging on.

  At his mercy.

  “Yes,” he groaned, fingers spread out wide, holding all of me he could.

  Then he fucked my mouth.

  Mercilessly.

  Wildly.

  Madly.

  Every thrust raw.

  Every rock needy.

  Possessive.

  Consuming me in a way I’d never before been consumed.

  I opened to him and took him as far as I could, my lips stretched thin around his hard, imposing length, jaw burning and my spirit soaring.

  “You . . . Nikki . . . You.”

  The words tumbled from him, jumbled and rushed and as clear as I’d ever heard him.

  My eyes welled with tears as I swallowed around him, taking him to the back of my throat.

  “Fuck . . . yes,” he hissed, and his hips snapped savagely.

  Frenzied.

  Succumbing.

  Just like me.

  Energy flashed.

  Colors painting the room.

  A river of emotion.

  A stream of lust.

  His teeth ground to hold back a roar when he came, pouring into my mouth, his gorgeous body bowed as he shivered and jerked.

  My beautiful, beautiful beast.

  I swallowed, wanting to drown in him, reveling in the sheer bliss etched in his expression.

  Streaks of pleasure tore through every tremoring muscle of his body.

  The man a mountain.

  A rock who’d just crumbled in my hands.

  Slowly, he pulled back, still holding my face, and he tenderly ran the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip.

  I was almost nervous, having no idea what direction we were going, terrified he would send me crashing into another brick wall until a smirk took hold of one side of his mouth.

  “Guess you really are the orgasm fairy,” he murmured, lifting me from under my arms and scooping me back into the safety of his hold.

  I tried to hold back the shock of surprised laughter. “I told all of you I was. No one believes me. I know a good match when I see one.”

  Chemistry.

  Ours pulsed through the air. Fierce and unrelenting.

  He climbed onto his bed and pulled me onto his chest.

  Oh God. And he thought I was going to ruin him?

  He gentled his fingers through my hair. “Hmm . . . guess I shouldn’t complain about getting on the receiving end of that, now, should I?”

  My teeth raked over my bottom lip, warmth heating my cheeks, loving that this lost boy wanted to play. “Definitely not. There are some gifts that should never be shoved in a closet or returned.”

  I began to casually tick them off. “Heirloom jewelry. A child’s handprint set in plaster. Orgasms. Orgasms should never, ever be considered anything less than the gift they are,” I said, the quiet tease playing from my tongue.

  A thrill of shock vibrated through me. It felt like a dream that I was with him like this. Closer than we’d been in so many years.

  My fingertips trailed over his chest. “Well, unless you give one to yourself,” I ribbed. “No orgasm fairy required. My services are rendered totally useless.”

  That was like buying yourself a fake engagement ring.

  He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. “Don’t doubt that you caused a few of those, too, Nikki. All these years, thinking about you . . . wishing it was you.”

  Chills.

  They flashed across my skin. My voice quieted, and I scratched at the beard on the side of his face, “I wanted it to be you, too.”

  He pushed his fingers into my hair, somberness stealing into his expression as he stared up at me. “What if I hurt you?”

  My tongue swept across my bottom lip. In hesitation or need, I wasn’t sure. “You keep sayin’ that, Ollie, and I’m just gonna keep tellin’ you not to. Treating someone the way they deserve to be treated is as simple as making the choice to.”

  His head minimally shook on his pillow, and he tightened his hold on me.

  I didn’t want him to ever let go.

  “Sometimes life doesn’t give us the choice. Sometimes it takes from us. We have no control over that. No say no matter what we give up to change it.”

  My voice softened, close to a plea. “And sometimes it’s as simple as how you handle what life gives you. How you treat the people around you. How you treat yourself.”

  “You deserve better than me, sweet girl. Don’t you see that yet?”

  Scooting up, I pressed both my hands to either side of his head and stared down at him, hoping he could see. Hoping he could feel what I’d always felt for him.

  “You’re right, Ollie. I deserve to be loved. To be held and cherished. To have the family I’ve always wanted. I deserve everything this life has to offer. To make the most of each day. And you . . .”

  The words became a wisp from my lips. “You just have to see that you deserve all that, too. That you deserve to be loved and held and cherished. To live life for all it’s worth. Every single day. Whether that’s with me or not.”

  Silence swam between us. As heavy as when we’d lay by the lake at night and stare at the sky. When we’d felt so small and still so incredibly brave. Stars strewn out across the black canvas, promising there was more out there than a vast expanse of nothingness.

  He trailed his fingers down my cheek. “I want to be that guy, Nikki. Just not sure
who you see is real. Think he went missing the day his sister did.”

  Old grief whipped through my spirit. “I know, Ollie,” I said, affection thick. “That guy got lost. But I know he’s real. That he’s right here.”

  I reached down and set my palm flat against his hammering heart. “You just have to find him.”

  He pressed my hand tighter. “We need to stop doing this until I do. Until I know I won’t hurt you again. Because I do cherish you, Nikki. Don’t ever doubt that. I cherish you, but I’m still not sure I deserve to keep you.”

  His words slashed and cut and healed.

  A searing hurt and the sweetest solace.

  I gently pressed my lips to his.

  Tenderly.

  With all I had to give. “Let me help you discover him.”

  He shocked me with his slight nod, our lips gently brushing. “I need you to be patient with me because I refuse to be the guy who hurts you again.”

  Then he pulled back, eyes going hard as he gripped me by both sides of the face. “Need you to stop keeping secrets from me. I have to figure out how to be the guy you really deserve, but more than that, I need to know you’re safe. Keep you safe. And I can’t do that if you don’t let me in.”

  “I told you where I was going tonight for a reason, Ollie. Because I trust you. Because I want you in my life.”

  He grimaced but didn’t reject it before he continued, “How did that punk get your grandpa’s old car?”

  A sad, slow sickness rolled through me. My grandma was sick, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with that.

  My mama was worn out.

  And my sister . . .

  I tucked the thoughts down and focused on what Ollie was saying. “I don’t know.”

  Contemplation rode heavily on the exhale from his nose. “He said your uncle was selling off some stuff . . . they needed money quick.”

  Unease slithered through my consciousness.

  Ollie’s voice hardened. “Tried to get in touch with you to make sure it was legit. Needed to know this kid wasn’t trying to pull some shit over on us. Bought it either way. Too many memories in that heap for it to go anywhere else.”

  Heat bloomed at the center of me, a welling of memories. “I’m glad you did.”

  He caressed his thumb beneath the hollow of my eye. “Yeah . . . me, too.”

  My head shook. “I’m not sure exactly what’s goin’ on over at my grandma’s. What I know is things . . . aren’t good. They could very well be selling stuff off, although I’m not sure how Caleb got involved.”

  Sorrow took over that confession.

  “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

  “I know . . . it’s really hard.” I paused for a beat before I continued, “I’ll go over there this week and find out the details of what they’re planning. All’s I know is after my grandpa passed, Grandma went through what was left of their savings pretty fast. Wouldn’t surprise me if they’re needing to get rid of a few of her things to pay for some of the expenses. Mama said it’s been a struggle. But I’ll find out. You don’t need to worry about that. I doubt it’s a big deal.”

  “Everything’s a big deal when it comes to you, Nikki. I’m sorry if I ever made it seem like it wasn’t. Like I didn’t care.”

  I forced a grin onto my mouth. “Oh, I knew you cared. No mistaking it when a big, overbearing brute constantly puts his nose in your business.”

  He grunted like he was exactly that.

  A beast.

  “That’s because you are my business.”

  I traced my fingertips along the swishes of color written across his chest. “Thank you so much for being there tonight. For being there for Brenna and Kyle. Being there for me.”

  “I promised you that I’d always take care of you. Right?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  I was okay with that.

  He tugged me all the way on top of him.

  On all things holy, he was not helping things. A tiny moan escaped my throat at the feel of his bare body beneath mine. Strength bristling as our hearts mended.

  Going back to not being able to touch him was just plain cruel.

  Pretending again.

  But this man was worth the wait.

  He deserved patience.

  Understanding.

  He deserved me.

  And God, every part of me knew I deserved him.

  20

  Ollie

  I woke with a start.

  Un-fucking-prepared to find the girl nestled in my arms.

  Unprepared for the way my heart took off racing, drumming with satisfaction.

  Unprepared for that voice inside me that shouted that this was the way it was supposed to be.

  Hell, only a moron would think waking up next to Nikki Walters was anything less than paradise.

  Didn’t mean I wasn’t assaulted with a ton of images flying through my brain.

  Sydney.

  Sydney.

  Sydney.

  The weight of my debt.

  The truth of what we’d done.

  I blew it out on a harsh breath and strained to listen to the voices that filtered through the walls.

  Brenna was quietly talking to her son, who was blabbering back.

  So damned cute.

  My insides twisted with a swell of protection.

  I jerked with the shrill sound of my phone ringing from my nightstand. Reaching behind me, I swatted for it, trying to silence it before it woke up Nikki, considering we’d gotten all of three hours’ sleep.

  The second I saw who it was, I peeled myself away from Nikki’s body and sat up on the edge of the bed. “Seth.”

  “Hey, man, I’ve got good news.”

  Relief gusted from me. “Yeah?”

  “Caleb was in front of the judge this morning for his intake hearing. He willingly accepted the offer to go to inhouse rehab for ninety days, plus anger management and parenting classes. In exchange, the restraining order violation charges will be dropped. We still don’t have proof of the break-in, so none of that was taken into consideration.”

  My guts curled.

  That little fucker was getting off.

  Still couldn’t stomach the idea that he’d been in Nikki’s apartment. Trashing it. Following her and putting notes on her car.

  That he might hurt Brenna and Kyle again.

  “Is that supposed to be good news?” It was close to a growl.

  Seth chuckled like he was fully expecting what I was going to say. “A whole ton better than him hitting the streets this morning, don’t you think?”

  I scrubbed a palm over my face, glancing back at Nikki, who’d rolled over in my bed, looking like the fucking best thing when her eyes fluttered open.

  She smiled at me.

  Sunshine.

  “Yeah, man. You’re right. Just hope it makes a difference.”

  21

  Nikki

  I pulled up in front of the small house. Even though I felt a huge amount of relief that Brenna and Kyle were safe, anxiety still held me captive.

  My hands clammy.

  Heart racing.

  Stomach twisting with the kind of nausea I felt all the way into my soul.

  Twilight held fast to the sky, a purpled gray that hugged the earth. The hurricane lamp hanging on the wall at the side of the front door welcomed the approaching night with a soft glow.

  A single, mammoth tree stood proud in the yard. Broad branches stretched out as if they were arms of protection. Leaves green and dense and full.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I cut the engine and stepped out onto the walkway, trying to keep my feet steady underneath me. Still, I wobbled as I headed up the sidewalk and climbed the steps leading to the porch.

  Through the walls of the small house, I could hear the distorted sound of Penelope crying, the echo of movement around the house.

  Quietly, I rapped at the door. Praying the gentle sound would let my sister know I wasn’t there to hurt her, but there was no
chance I could respect her petition for me to turn a blind eye.

  To pretend as if I hadn’t seen her at that meeting.

  For the moment, it might have made it easier on her.

  But in the end, I knew it’d be nothing less than a disservice.

  Shuffling resonated from the other side of the door, the little cries getting louder the closer the footsteps came. A sheer drape covering the long, vertical window that ran the side of her door rustled. I could feel the way she froze.

  Hesitated.

  Debated.

  The longest second passed. I knew that was all it was. But in it, all my sister’s reservations and fears pummeled me.

  Stone after stone.

  I was gasping by the time metal slid, the lock gave, and my sister peeked out the crack in the door.

  She didn’t ask what I was doing there. She already knew.

  “Sammie,” I whispered.

  A tear leaked from her eye, and I could see that she was bouncing Penelope, holding her tight while the little thing fussed.

  “I asked you not to come here like this. I can’t do this with you.”

  A lump grew thick at the base of my throat. I tried to swallow around it, but still, the words stuck. “How could I ignore it? Ignore you?”

  Old wounds lashed across her face. She seemed almost frantic as she dipped down and pressed a bunch of kisses to Penelope’s forehead, the tiny girl’s fussing increasing to an-all out squall, obviously hungry, little fists reaching for her mama.

  Sammie bounced her a little more. “I’m not ready yet, Nikki. I’m not ready. Not yet.”

  “But you went to that meeting looking for help. The last thing I want is to get in the way of that.”

  A tremble ran through her, and my chest ached. God, I wanted to reach out and take it away. Hunt someone down. The hardest part was not knowing who or what I would be looking for.

  I dug out the business card I’d tucked into the back pocket of my jeans and held it out for her. “Take this. Her name is Kathy. She’s been my mentor. She’s amazing. You can trust her, and I promise you that she won’t tell me a thing. Just . . . call her.”

  With a shaky hand, Sammie reached out and took it, and then she wrapped her arm right back around her baby, card still in her hand.

  Relief surged.