Lead Me Home: A Fight for Me Stand-Alone Novel

by A. L. Jackson

  I took a step back. “I’m sorry . . . for whatever is going on. For whatever happened. But I want you to know whatever it is? I’m here for you whenever you’re ready to talk about it. You don’t ever have to be ashamed. And that is not the counselor talking . . . that is your sister, who will always, always be here for you. No matter what.”

  Tears soaked her face. “Thank you.”

  I nodded quickly and took a step back, letting her know I was giving her space, but that she wasn’t alone. “I’m . . . I’m just gonna go check on Mama and Grandma. It’s been too long since I stopped by there.”

  Sammie blanched, but nodded.

  I started for the steps before I paused to look at her over my shoulder. “Call her, Sammie. Please.”

  “Soon,” she murmured, hugging her daughter close, eyes meeting mine intensely before she stepped back and snapped the door shut.

  Leaving me standing there wanting to break through that wall of wood to find her. Fight for her. Hold her up.

  All I could do was pray the little nudge I’d given her would be enough.

  Headlights cast a dingy illumination on the secluded area as I wound down the bumpy dirt road. It was only a half-mile outside of town, but it felt like a million miles and another world away.

  Trees lined the path on both sides and reached for the heavens where they had been planted along the barbed-wire fences that marked the property boundaries. It isolated the entire ten-acres from the country road that ran along the river and closed it off from the neighbors that sat on either side of the land that had been in my family for as long as anyone could remember.

  Oh, my grandma could tell some stories about that. I never knew what was true or exaggerated or plain made up. What I did know was I’d spent what felt like half my childhood listening to her go on about them while my little sister and I baked and sewed and ran the property.

  So many of our summers had been spent here.

  Sydney and Ollie always in the midst.

  How many times had we raced our bikes down this lane, shouting that the last one there was a rotten egg?

  Apparently, I stunk, considering I always came up short.

  Funny how I’d always had a smile on my face while doing it.

  Nostalgia rippled around me like the small waves that lapped at the shore of the lake as I made it to the clearing and pulled up in front of the old house.

  The historic structure oozed a vintage charm, even though it was rundown and needed a whole ton of TLC.

  The porch planks were warped and worn and the paint peeling, not to mention all the junk that sat around the property—broken-down cars and machines and sheds filled with who knew what.

  No wonder they were wanting to unload some of this crap.

  Turning off the ignition, the headlights cut and the interior light glowed as I snapped open my car door. I climbed out and was smacked in the face with the overwhelming scent of honeysuckle and the river and decaying earth.

  The dirt was rich and heavy, as heavy as the air and the overhead canopy of the darkened sky that was smattered with twinkling stars.

  In the distance, a dog barked and bugs trilled in the trees.

  Inhaling deeply, I held the warm familiarity of it all in my lungs and ambled up the creaking steps and onto the porch.

  I didn’t knock at the door, I just turned the knob and poked my head inside. “Hello, anyone home?”

  My mother appeared at the top of the stairs. “Nikki. What on earth are you doin’ here?”

  “Thought I’d stop by and check in.”

  “Well, it’s about time. Think it’s been an age since the last time I saw you. I don’t even recognize you.”

  Light laughter filtered free.

  This was exactly the reason I’d come here.

  For the warmth.

  After everything that had been happening, I just needed to see my mama and grandma. The two women who had been there for me through thick and thin.

  There had been so much upheaval in my life.

  I started for the wide set of stairs. I slid my hand along the railing as I climbed. “Now, don’t go exaggerating. It’s been a whole two weeks since you’ve seen me. Not all that much has changed.”

  That was a lie.

  It felt like everything had changed. Ollie and my sister and my world. I was struggling to make sense of it.

  She sent a playful smile my way. “Two weeks is like an eternity when it comes to your kids.”

  “So, you’re saying you missed me?” I teased as I mounted the last step. “Guess people really just can’t get enough of me. I am kind of amazing, aren’t I? My being around just makes everything better.”

  I leaned in and dropped a kiss to her cheek.

  She reached out and cupped mine. “Totally amazing.” Then she hitched up a grin. “You are my daughter, after all.”

  I laughed. “My, my. Someone is full of herself.”

  She swatted at me. “Just tellin’ it like it is, just like you. No reason to be coy when everyone knows it anyway.”

  My heart squeezed. Love overflowing.

  The truth was, my mama was amazing.

  Through and through.

  And she was a load of fun, too, always laughing and joking and teasing.

  Taking life by the reins and leading it where she wanted it to go.

  But Ollie was right about some things.

  Sometimes, life didn’t give us the choice, and tonight, there was no missing the strain that lined my mother’s face.

  “How’s Grandma?” I whispered.

  Mama smiled. “Ornery as ever. Why don’t you go see for yourself?”

  Buoyed, I grinned and moved down the narrow passageway for the master bedroom at the end of the hall. The door was open, and the television blared as it blipped and threw colors across the room.

  Affection pulled tight across my chest, thick with nostalgia. Pausing in the doorway, I tapped at the wood. “Hey, Grandma,” I called.

  She snapped her head my direction. She was sitting propped against a bunch of pillows in her bed. Frailer than she’d once been, but all that vigor still glinted in her eyes. She grabbed the remote and lowered the television volume. “Well, there’s my knockout of a granddaughter.”

  I made a scoffing sound. “Which granddaughter is that you’re talkin’ about?”

  A wide grin pulled across her wrinkled face. “What? You think I’m senile and blind like the rest of this bunch does? Don’t go writing this old lady off just yet.”

  I crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. I kissed her forehead. “Never.”

  She wrapped her hand around mine. “As if I wouldn’t recognize you. Tell me you’ve been tearing up the town and bringing all those boys to their knees.”

  A soft giggle slipped out. “Oh, you know that I am. None of them know what hit them.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “And how’s the boy?”

  A quiver rolled down my spine, belly tipping and my pulse giving an extra kick. “I have no idea what boy you’re talking about,” I said, just as innocently as I could.

  Probably about as innocently as the day Ollie’d brought over a bunch of firecrackers and we’d accidentally set the back lot on fire.

  “I think you know exactly what boy I’m talkin’ about. Your boy, trouble maker that he is.” She reached up and cupped my cheek. “Tell me he hasn’t been causing trouble in your world.”

  Well, hell.

  Was it written all over me?

  Guessed it must have been because heat went rushing across my flesh and rising to meet with the hand she held on my face.

  “Who, Ollie? No,” I defended a little too quickly.

  Amusement danced across her face. “Think he’s always been the one causing all your troubles, hasn’t he?”

  I attempted to suck down the emotion that followed the blush and painted a big smile on my face. “No, Grandma. He’s just a friend. That’s all he’s ever been.”

  She patted my chee
k. “It’s always the one who causes the biggest commotion inside us who leaves the biggest mark. Isn’t that right, Megs?” She turned to look at my mom, who was watching us just inside the room.

  She started our way. “Sure is. And that boy has been nothing but a commotion since the day Nikki met him.”

  I waved them off. “You two are ridiculous. He wasn’t anything of the sort.”

  “Ha,” Mama said, starting to clear up Grandma’s dinner things that were on a tray. “You were the shyest thing in the world and then those Preston’s came in and shook you up.”

  I frowned, and she continued, “Now don’t go looking at me like I said that was a bad thing. Those two had you soaring. Not a lot of us get to say we had friendships like that.”

  “That they did,” Grandma agreed before she lowered her voice conspiratorially, “Bet that boy sends you soaring now.”

  She winked.

  I swatted at her. “Grandma.”

  Mischief sparkled in her eyes. “What?” she defended as if I was crazy. “Have you seen him lately? Whoo-ee. Now that’s one fine-looking boy.”

  On all things holy.

  How did I stumble down this rabbit hole?

  “Grandma,” I scolded again. “That’s my friend you’re talking about like he’s a piece of meat.”

  As if I hadn’t ogled him like he was every time I watched him slinging drinks behind his bar.

  So sexy.

  Powerful.

  Beautiful.

  Hell, I’d straight told Lillith I wanted to eat him up at least ten-thousand times.

  But this was my grandma we were talking about.

  “Besides, he’s not a boy.”

  Memories from last night flashed behind my eyes. Hitting me hard and fast and hot. Heat gathered in my belly, pulsing low.

  I inhaled a sharp breath.

  He was all man.

  Grandma grinned like she’d just won the lottery. “That’s what I thought. And the fact he’s no longer a boy just means it’s time to make him your man.”

  “I don’t need a man to make me happy, Grandma.”

  I just . . . wanted this one.

  To fall into his safety and care because I knew I’d always belonged there.

  She waved me off as if I was silly. “I know, I know, you modern women livin’ it up by yourselves. Bet that gets lonely after a bit,” she said, eyeing me from the corner of her eye, knowing she was hitting it just right.

  Dishes clinked as my mama picked up the tray and set it on the desk by the window. “Now, now, Mama, think our Nikki here knows what she needs. Don’t give her too hard of a time.”

  A huff left Grandma’s mouth. “Is it too much to ask for another great grandbaby before this old girl rides off into the sunset? That sweet Penelope could use a cousin to run around and get in trouble with. Nothing would make me happier than seeing a new generation taking over before this one blinks out.”

  I brushed my fingers through her hair. “Don’t talk like that.”

  “You know it’s true . . . not gonna be around forever.”

  Somberness moved through the room, and Grandma patted my hand. Not the teasing way she’d done my cheek. But with such tenderness it brought moisture to my eyes.

  “I’m just playin’ with you, girl. Not about to pressure you into something you don’t want. But I sure would be happy to kick your tail in the direction that you actually want to go.”

  Sydney’s voice moved through my mind like the softest breeze.

  “I think it’s the things that hurt the worst that mean the most, don’t you? Good or bad. That’s what’s gonna shape us. Make us into who we are. Guide us on the path to what we want the most. I think we’ll know it when there’s no other direction we can go. And I’m not going to be afraid of walking it anymore.”

  “Some things are just worth the wait, Grandma.”

  I felt compelled to at least give her that.

  She smiled. “Mm-hmm . . . just don’t let him drag his feet too long.”

  I wondered if she could possibly know how complicated our lives had been. What the tragedy of losing Sydney had done to both of us.

  She sighed and settled deeper into the pillows, and I adjusted the blanket higher on her chest. “So, Grandma, I wanted to ask you . . . did you sell Grandpa’s old Bel Air?

  A small smile lit at the corner of her mouth. “Yeah. Todd came back to take care of me the way your mama has been doing. He’s cleaning up this place, getting it back into shape. Lord knows, I’ve let it go to rot these last few years. Gave him the go ahead to sell whatever he wanted since he dropped his job to come out here and fix up the house.”

  I smiled at her. “It’s good he’s here. How long’s he gonna be staying?”

  Her lids drifted closed. “Probably as long as I last. As long as it takes him and your mom to get rid of this place.”

  Grief.

  Stark and quiet and resounding.

  It echoed through the room, from the clench of my heart to the flinch of my mama where she fiddled with something across the room, her back to us as if she was giving us privacy.

  “Did you go through that box with your sister yet?” Grandma asked, her words starting to jumble, her pain medicine surely kicking in. “Wasn’t ever rich, but everything I’ve ever had worth anything I put in there where I kept it in the attic.”

  I cringed, unable to confess someone had taken it. I didn’t know what would be worse. Admitting that or the fact my apartment had been broken into in the first place.

  I smiled softly. “Not yet. We will soon.”

  The lie fell so easily.

  I just didn’t know what else to say.

  “Want you and your sister to do it soon. See what you might like.”

  She peeked an eye open at me. “As long as it doesn’t lead to the two of you getting in one of those fist fights like you used to have over those dolls. No hair pullin’, now.”

  A light chuckle rippled free. “Nah, I’m pretty sure we can handle ourselves. Unless you have something extra awesome in there.”

  I winked at her, and she laughed, the sound hitching when she began to cough.

  “You two . . . find the important stuff. Keep it. That would make me happier than you know.”

  I couldn’t bring myself to respond. Instead, I eased forward and kissed her cheek. I pulled back a fraction. “I’ll let you rest.”

  She gave a small nod before she was already drifting off.

  Reluctantly, I stood, watching over her as she got swept away into a deep sleep. I turned to face my mama who was watching me. Slowly, I approached her and wrapped my arms around her.

  She stuttered through a deep breath, doing her best to quiet a sob that clawed at her throat. I just . . . held her while she cried, knowing there were no words that would make it better.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered in my ear after a minute.

  My head shook. “Nothing to be sorry for, Mama.”

  She nodded, and I held her out by the arms, voice serious. “If you need to rest, call me. I’ll be happy to sit with her.”

  Regretfully, she looked at her mother before turning back to me. “I think I’ll take all the minutes I have. They’ll be plenty of time for rest later.”

  Quiet sorrow moved between us. “Okay,” I said, wiping the tear that escaped my eye. “Just . . . promise you’ll call if you need me.”

  “I will.”

  “I’ll be back soon.”

  My worry for my sister was right there, hovering in my spirit, wanting to be released.

  No matter how heavily it weighed, I wouldn’t break my sister’s trust that way. I had to let her come to me—to us—on her own time.

  “I love you, Sunshine,” she said, and I almost blushed at the way Ollie’s nickname for me had spilled over and clung to the rest of my family.

  “I love you more,” I told her, backing away.

  “Not a chance.”

  We smiled at each other as I edged across the
groaning planks before I turned in the doorway and bounded back downstairs.

  I shrieked when the door suddenly burst open just as I was reaching for the latch, my hand flying up to cover the thunder that was suddenly pounding my heart. I stepped back, still rattled. “Uncle Todd,” I said, trying to force down the nerves that spiked in my body.

  I hated that I was still on edge after everything that had happened.

  “Well, if it isn’t Nikki Lou.”

  He stood there, years older than I remembered, looking so much different. Lines creased his face, and a few more pounds were around his middle.

  But the oil and grease staining his hands wasn’t new.

  “It’s nice to see you,” I said.

  “Good to see you, too. It’s been way too long.”

  “It has.”

  Awkwardness spun around us, and I hesitated before I said, “I just wanted you to know my friend bought that old Bel Air. I’m glad it’s going to someone we know.”

  A frown pulled across his brow. “The Bel Air?”

  I smiled at him. “It’s fine. Grandma told me she is having you sell off some stuff since you left your job to come here and help out. It’s good you’re here for her.”

  Unease moved around him, and he nodded, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to take the praise. “It’s not a problem.”

  I gestured for the door. “Well, I was just leaving. We’ll have to catch up more soon.”

  I sidestepped around him.

  From behind, I could feel him swivel around to look at me. “Which friend was that?” he asked.

  I peeked back at him. “Ollie.”

  He grimaced and then gave a tight nod. Without another word, I ducked out into the night, wondering why it was that I felt so off-kilter.

  22

  Ollie

  Seventeen Years Old

  A pebble pinged against the window. When it got no response, he picked up another and did it again, feeling impatient and antsy as he stood outside of Nikki’s grandma’s house in the middle of the night.

  Heart in his throat, he picked up another and did it again. This time the pebble he picked up was a whole lot closer to being a rock. He cringed when it clanged against the glass, then breathed out in relief when Nikki’s face appeared in front of the drape.