Love Inspired March 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: North Country FamilySmall-Town MidwifeProtecting the Widow's Heart

by Lois Richer

  Rick caught her eye and smiled. His face shone as his voice blended with the boys’ in a mellow tenor. Sometimes he dipped into harmony. At others his voice spiraled with the melody, worshipping. His eyes closed as the last voice died away into hushed silence until nothing but the whine of the wind outside was audible.

  “Thank You, God, for these boys, for Lives Under Construction and for Your love. We ask you for a restful sleep and bright hope for tomorrow. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” Rick opened his eyes and smiled at each boy. “Good night, guys.”

  The reverence of the evening seemed to linger as the boys expressed their thanks then filed out. Laurel hurried to find quilts for Teddy and Rick, claiming there was no way they could get back to town with the almost whiteout conditions that now whirled outside. Teddy left to check that everything was okay outside, leaving Cassie alone with Rick.

  “I never fully appreciated what an amazing talent you have,” she said sincerely.

  “It’s a sweet time with God when hearts are in harmony.” He put away his ukulele then sat down beside her and studied her. “You look pensive.”

  Cassie studied the lean lines of his face, the heart-stopping splendor of his emerald eyes and the way his smile revealed his inner joy. She decided this wasn’t the moment.

  “Come on, Cassie. You can tell me anything. I’m a minister, remember? I’ve heard it all.” His hand closed around hers and gave it a squeeze. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m concerned about Noah,” she said, easing her hand from his as she tried to quell the tremors his touch aroused.

  “We all are,” he agreed.

  “This is something different. Something to do with you.” With Rick studying her so intently, Cassie hated saying the words, but the facts hadn’t changed. “Noah’s getting very attached to you. His face when he realized you’d arrived—” She gulped, shook her head. “I don’t want him hurt, Rick.”

  “I’m not going to hurt Noah, Cassie.” Rick looked stunned as he said the words, as if what she was concerned about was a complete impossibility.

  “You won’t be able to help it,” she shot back, angry that her tears were so near the surface. “You’ll leave, move on to something better, as you should. You have your life to live. But Noah.” She stopped, swallowed, then continued. “I believe Noah will be devastated when you go.”

  “I’m not leaving, Cassie,” Rick insisted.

  “Not yet,” she responded.

  “Well, I won’t say not ever because none of us knows the future. But as far as I know, I am staying here in Churchill.” He ducked his head so he could peer into her eyes. “Is this wishful thinking on your part?”

  There was a hint of humor in his question but Cassie ignored it. She was deadly serious. “Noah’s beginning to look up to you, Rick. He talks about what you say all the time. I can hear in his voice that he’s starting to admire you as he hasn’t admired anyone since—”

  “Eric. Who left him. I get it, Cassie. But I am not his father and I don’t abandon people.” Rick’s forehead furrowed suddenly. “Is this your way of asking me to back off from trying to help Noah?”

  “No!” She shook her head, surprised by how little she wanted Rick to leave them alone. “Noah needs you in his life.”

  She needed to make him understand. “It’s just that working here, seeing the problems these boys have as a result of dysfunctional homes, has made me even more aware of my responsibility to Noah and of how quickly he could become attached to you.”

  Rick’s hand covered hers, warm and protective. “You’re a great mother, Cassie. I promise I’m not just going to disappear on Noah. You have my word.”

  “Thank you.” Cassie swallowed. She wanted to trust him, wanted to believe in him so badly. But vestiges of the past held her like chains.

  “You have to trust someone sometime, Cassie. Trust me. I won’t let you down.”

  She opened her mouth to respond but a loud wail, followed by Noah’s bellow, interrupted.

  “M-mom! It’s M-Michael!”

  Cassie rose and raced out of the room. Michael was on the floor of the room he shared with Noah, his body contorted in a grand mal seizure. Her heart sank at the realization that this seizure was far stronger than any Michael had suffered before. She grabbed a washcloth off a nearby chair, rolled it up and placed it between his teeth to protect his tongue, then turned his head to one side. When she realized Rick was behind her, she motioned him to kneel by the boy’s head.

  “Stay here and keep him from hurting himself. I have to get his anticonvulsant.” She ran down the hall to her medicine cabinet, loaded a syringe and hurried back. Kneeling, she plunged the needle in, but Michael didn’t seem to respond. “Rick, get Laurel.”

  “I’m here,” her friend said. “What do you need?”

  “Alert the air ambulance. I want Michael airlifted out to Winnipeg.” Cassie grabbed a blanket from the bed and draped it over him to keep him warm. “He needs to see a specialist as soon as possible. Make sure they know they need a nurse on board. If they can’t get anyone, I’ll go with him.”

  Laurel nodded and hurried away. Cassie looked at Rick.

  “Tell me what you need,” he said. His eyes met hers.

  “Will you take Noah out of here and get him set up in a different room for tonight?”

  Rick touched her shoulder. “Don’t worry about anything else, Cassie. Just help Michael.”

  “I don’t think I can do any more for him,” she murmured sadly.

  “God can. Trust Him, Cassie. I’ll be right back.” Rick squeezed her hand then left, closing the door behind him.

  Trust God. Dare she? What if He failed her?

  Cassie wavered, but in the end she was too afraid to trust Him so she concentrated on Michael, noting every change as he began to regain consciousness. Over and over she uttered words of encouragement, assuring him that he was safe in his room at Lives, willing him to come out of it.

  “You had a seizure, Michael. But it’s okay. You’re okay.” The seizure slackened so she removed the cloth from his mouth. “I’m here, Michael.”

  Finally he began to rouse, eyelids flickering until at last, he opened his eyes and peered up at her. Cassie checked his pupils and his pulse before she heaved a sigh of relief. He was okay for now. But what about in the future? The seizures were getting longer and more intense. Where was God’s love for this poor boy?

  “Relax now. Sleep if you want. You’re okay,” she repeated over and over.

  A few moments later Michael drifted to sleep. Cassie took his vitals several times more, watching as slowly—too slowly—they returned to normal.

  “Everything okay?” Rick whispered.

  “For now. Can you stay with him for a few minutes? I have to call his doctor.”

  “Sure. Should I move him to the bed?”

  “No. Leave him here for now. I don’t want to disturb him.”

  When Rick held out his hand to help her up she took it, glad to rely on his strength. She didn’t expect it when he pulled her into his arms and drew her close.

  “Cassie. Take a breath. Lean on me.”

  Lean on him? Dare she allow herself that luxury? But it felt right to lean her head on his shoulder, to let him smooth his hands over her shoulders and ease the stress there.

  “Michael’s going to be fine.” Rick’s voice held such confidence, such peace that Cassie couldn’t argue. It was enough to smell the musky spice of his aftershave, to relax her guard, if only for a minute, and let someone else take over. “God’s in control.”

  “How can you be so sure?” she whispered. It felt so right to rest in Rick’s arms.

  “Because I trust Him and because I know He cares for Michael far more than any human ever could.” Rick stroked her back and shoulders as he spoke, soothing her.

/>   Suddenly Cassie realized that she was too close to this man, too needy, too dependent. When she was in his arms, she wanted things she couldn’t have. She was afraid to trust him. She eased out of his embrace, the loss of his arms around her like a physical pain. “I need to go.”

  “I know.” Before he let his arms drop away, Rick pressed a kiss against her forehead. “You’re an amazing woman, Cassie Crockett. God has blessed you with a wonderful talent for caring for those who hurt.”

  “God has?” she asked, irritated by the comment.

  “Yes, God.” Rick stepped back, smiled and touched his forefinger to her cheek. “That sense of compassion that’s embedded so deeply inside you is straight from God. He’s gifted you with the empathy to see a needy heart or a hurting body and help. Let go and let Him work through you.”

  Cassie left the room to make her phone call with Rick’s words ringing in her ears. Let God work through her? It was a prayer she’d prayed throughout her teen years—to be used by God. Instead, she felt used by her husband and her father. Was she now finally where God intended her to be—alone and broke, with a son in emotional trouble?

  And falling for a man who deserved to be trusted and loved—two things she was no longer sure she could do?

  * * *

  Rick lay sleepless on Noah’s bed, thinking of Cassie and all she’d done tonight. She was a woman beyond compare.

  Michael’s rhythmic breathing filled the room.

  Thank you, Lord, for being with this boy. Please help me help him overcome the depression that is upon him.

  There were so many needs in this building, so many hearts that needed the Master’s mending. Rick spent the next hour praying for each one.

  When he was finished, he thought about jobs he needed to do at the church, office work that had waited too long, visits he’d been meaning to pay.

  But no matter how he tried to avoid it, his thoughts always returned to those precious few moments when he’d held Cassie in his arms.

  The sweetness of her, the love she showered on kids society wanted punished—that stuck with him. She really loved these troubled kids. She was an awesome mother.

  Rick replayed the years he’d struggled to live on the streets and imagined how different it would have been had Cassie been there. What would it be like to have her to lean on when his job overwhelmed him and he felt unable to comfort another soul? What would it be like to let her comfort him?

  He felt dazed by his thoughts. He was beginning to care for her. He wanted to help her through the tough times and the good. He wanted to be able to run to her when life overwhelmed.

  But that couldn’t be.

  He couldn’t care for Cassie Crockett. Not if he was going to keep his vow to God.

  The joy he’d known leeched away. Love, companionship, a family—that wasn’t for him. God didn’t want that for him.

  Then he remembered her earlier question about leaving. Was that what God was telling him, that he should leave here if that was the only way he could keep his vow?

  The thought of leaving this place he loved, of walking away from the woman who made him yearn to fulfill his dreams, filled Rick with pain.

  “Please don’t make me,” he whispered.

  But what choice did he have? If he couldn’t control these feelings for Cassie, if he couldn’t figure out how to keep his vow without losing her, then leaving might be his only choice.

  The rest of the night passed in a tug-of-war as Rick fought to suppress his feelings. He begged God to take away his tender feelings for her. Just before dawn he finally gave in and asked God for a new mission, a place to go where he would not be tempted to break his vow to serve God alone.

  He’d promised Cassie he wasn’t leaving. He’d repeated that promise to her and he’d meant it. The thought of breaking that promise filled him with pain. But what choice did he have?

  I’m not going to renege on You, he promised as night turned to day and the inhabitants of Lives began to stir. I won’t let my feelings for Cassie come between us. But please, help me.

  But for the first time in a very long time, Rick couldn’t reach Heaven. An impenetrable barrier seemed to lie between him and God.

  And that only added to his guilt. He was a failure.

  Chapter Eight

  Cassie woke, nose twitching as the aroma of coffee assailed her. Michael lay in the same position on the floor, sound asleep. His slightly improved color did nothing to curb her worry. If she had to, she could summon local help, but Cassie knew they wouldn’t have the equipment needed to thoroughly evaluate and treat her patient. He needed a specialist.

  She showered and dressed. On her way to the kitchen she noticed that the winter storm had almost spent itself. Hopefully it wouldn’t be long before the air ambulance arrived.

  “Good morning.” Rick sat at the dining table, rumpled-looking, his lined face giving away his restless night. And yet, he still looked as handsome to her as he always had.

  “Morning.” Cassie tore her gaze away and poured a cup of coffee. When she sat down across from him, he leaned forward to peer into her face. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine.” She sipped her coffee, waiting for the caffeine to take effect. “Is Laurel up?”

  “Yes.” Rick nodded. “She’s been on the phone. Apparently there was a disaster at a mine north of here and all the air ambulances have been directed there to handle the victims. Since Michael isn’t in immediate danger, they’ve put him on a wait list.”

  “He can’t wait,” Cassie said, frustrated by the delay. “He needs to be assessed immediately, before he seizes again.”

  “That’s what Laurel thought. That’s why she’s doing her best to persuade the correctional service to send a plane to take him to Winnipeg. Don’t worry, Cassie.” He reached across the table to cover her hand with his. A second later he pulled his hand away with a strange look on his face.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Cassie asked, confused by his actions. His expressive green eyes looked troubled.

  “I’m fine.” There was an edge to his voice she’d never heard before.

  Why was he acting so strangely? “I guess I’d better pack a bag.”

  “In case you have to go with Michael?”

  “I’m afraid he’ll have another seizure on the way. The air ambulance would have medical staff on board, but if Laurel gets a plane and there’s only a pilot...” Her voice trailed away.

  Rick nodded his understanding then drew away at the sound of voices in the hall. He probably didn’t want the boys to see them huddled together. For a moment Rod teased him about not helping Teddy shovel the newly fallen snow outside, but he quickly noted Rick’s serious expression. A hush fell as the boys quietly took their places at the table.

  “Is M-Michael o-o-kay?” Noah asked in a sober tone.

  “Yes.” Cassie explained that he needed to go to Winnipeg, and that she might go with him.

  “Michael gets his own plane? Man.” Daniel’s grin flashed. “Like a rich man.”

  “That’s me.” Michael’s bitter tone resounded as he strode into the room and sat down. “The guy who gets all the breaks. Brain injuries, seizures—wow, am I lucky.”

  “He was just teasing, man.” Rod did his best to make peace.

  “I hope the plane crashes,” Michael snarled. He jumped out of his chair, knocking it to the floor. The sharp crack startled everyone, including Michael. He wheeled and left the room in a rush.

  “We didn’t mean to bug him,” Rod apologized.

  “It’s okay.” Rick explained that Michael needed their support and prayers. He soon had the other boys agreeing to pray for Michael.

  “I don’t know how you do that,” Cassie marveled after the boys had finished their breakfasts and left. “The way you get the boys o
n board with befriending Michael even though he always pushes them away—it’s amazing.”

  “It’s a matter of making them realize that they could be in Michael’s shoes and need someone to rely on.” He shrugged. “Everybody needs a friend.”

  Cassie thought about how Laurel had been her only friend for so long—until Rick. Rick seemed like the best friend she’d ever had.

  Did that mean she could trust him?

  “Why don’t you go get ready? I’ll talk to Michael,” he offered.

  “Thank you.” Her eyes met his.

  “That’s what friends are for,” Rick murmured.

  Cassie paused in the doorway and turned to look directly at him, searching his eyes. “Is that what we are?” she asked before she could stop herself.

  Rick stopped chewing. He set down the remainder of his toast, then said, “What else could we be, Cassie?”

  It wasn’t so much his question that bothered Cassie. It was the tone underlying his words—it sounded almost like a warning. Did he think she expected more than friendship from him? Would he reject more? Confused, she left the room.

  As she was packing, she puzzled over her reaction to his question. She felt dismayed, even disappointed. Why?

  Because in her heart of hearts, she thought of Rick as more than a friend.

  The knowledge startled Cassie so much that she stayed in her room until she heard Laurel calling her. By then she was eager to leave, eager to escape the miasma of questions Rick had caused.

  “A plane for Michael will be here within the hour,” Laurel told her.

  “I’m ready,” she said. She sought out Rick, who was now alone in the family room.

  “I want to ask you a favor. Would you please watch out for Noah?” she asked, even as she wondered if it was a mistake, if that comment earlier about being friends was his way of trying to communicate to her that he wanted distance. “I’m worried he’ll get in a fight—”