Love Inspired March 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: North Country FamilySmall-Town MidwifeProtecting the Widow's Heart

by Lois Richer

  Rick leaned back, away from her. Something strange passed across his face, something she didn’t quite catch.

  “Are you pleased about your guitar, Rick?” she asked, suddenly feeling strangely shy.

  “You shouldn’t have done it, Cassie.” His soft, low voice brimmed with respect and admiration. “I love that guitar, but I could have managed without it.”

  “I don’t believe you should have to,” she said, surprised by how strongly she felt. “That guitar is part of who you are, part of your ministry. And don’t worry, Rick. Consider the money partial payment on the tithes I owe God for the past few years. Alicia will help me replenish my account in no time.”

  He looked dubious.

  “I want Michael to have his saxophone as much as you do,” she reassured him. “That’s what’s important. Now you can buy one, can’t you?”

  “I already did.” She laughed as Rick grinned at her. “I’m praying it will help.”

  “It will, Rick. Of course it will.”

  “Thank you, Cassie.” His words were filled with such tenderness that Cassie couldn’t catch her breath for a moment. “We should go—it’s nearly time for choir practice.”

  “Wait—weren’t you the one who kept trying to make a coffee date with me? Well, here we are.” She was confused by his sudden rush to leave. “Wouldn’t now be a good time? We have a few minutes to spare.”

  That look crossed Rick’s face again as he swallowed the last of his coffee. “Let’s do it another time.”

  Bewildered, Cassie gathered up her things. As they walked along the street toward the church, she was aware of speculative stares directed their way. The fact that people might pair them as Alicia had didn’t bother her. In fact, she felt proud to be walking beside such an admirable man.

  But she wondered if those curious eyes and whispered comments bothered Rick. Was that why he was maintaining a certain distance from her as they walked, careful not to brush shoulders or tease her the way he usually did?

  Was he worried about his reputation, being seen with a woman who’d been married to a man who lost church funds? No matter how long the list of Rick’s attributes, her past was a black mark that would work against him.

  The doubts about Rick’s behavior rose in Cassie’s mind and would not be silenced.

  Rehearsal did not go as well as previous ones had. Even Noah’s normally clear, pure voice faltered in the midst of his solo. He actually missed several notes he’d never struggled with before.

  Cassie wasn’t sure if the problems stemmed from the fact that Rick didn’t seem as focused, or because the kids were getting excited about the prospect of performing in public at the Easter morning service, which was now posted all over town. Whatever the reason, they looked as disheartened as she felt by the end of their practice session.

  “Don’t sweat it, guys. Everyone has a bad rehearsal now and then,” Rick consoled them. “We’ll do better next time.”

  “But Easter is only a month away,” Rod said, disgruntled. “If we sound like this then everyone’s going to laugh at us.”

  “No one’s going to laugh,” Rick said firmly. “We’re going to be perfect for every note.”

  “Let’s try it again,” Michael said.

  Rick shook his head. “We’ve done enough for today. We’ll pick it up again next week. Stop worrying. It will come together.” He smiled at them. “Go home now. It’s almost time for supper.”

  As the kids left the sanctuary, Cassie studied Rick. He folded the pages of music he’d spread out, pausing every so often to call out a farewell. Though he’d pretended nonchalance, his eyes were dark with concern. Lines grooved deeper around his eyes. He glanced at her once, then quickly looked away, keeping his gaze averted as the kids left.

  Only when Noah approached him and said something did Cassie see the faint vestige of a smile. Rick seemed to be shutting her out again, and she found herself wondering exactly what it was he wanted to talk to her about.

  As she gathered her things and prepared to leave, her phone rang.

  “Cassie, Laurel’s trying to get hold of you,” Sara said. “She rushed Daniel to the hospital. She’s hoping you can meet her there.”

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Cassie felt a shiver of dread walk up her spine. What now?

  “Y-you’ll be where?” Noah asked from behind her.

  “The hospital. There’s been an emergency with Daniel.” She wouldn’t say more until she knew more. She called to Rick. “I’m sorry to impose on you, Rick, but I wonder if you could take Noah home. Daniel’s at the hospital.”

  “Sure, no problem. We’ll go on my snowmobile. I had it tuned up this morning.”

  “Helmets?” she asked.

  “I’m n-not a b-baby,” Noah protested, his face red with anger.

  “I insist everyone who rides my snowmobile wears a helmet,” Rick said. “We’ll be fine. We’ll have supper together before I take him back.”

  “Thank you.” Cassie turned to Noah. “Help with the dishes,” she murmured sotto voce. “And remember, you need to get that geography assignment done tonight. No computer time until it’s finished.”

  “I kn-know the r-rules,” Noah snarled.

  “I have to go.” Cassie leaned forward to brush a kiss against Noah’s cheek. It hurt so much when he reared back, avoiding her touch. She gulped down her tears and said, “I don’t know when I’ll get home. I love you.”

  Noah didn’t respond.

  Cassie turned to Rick. “Thank you for your help,” she said quietly. Then she headed for the foyer.

  “That wasn’t very nice, Noah,” she heard Rick say. “Your mother loves you.”

  “D-does she?” Noah didn’t sound convinced.

  There wasn’t anything Cassie could do about it now, but when she got back to Lives, she would have a long, stern talk with her son and make sure he knew exactly how deeply she cared about him. And one way or another, she was going to have that private conversation with Rick, too.

  Something was going on with him. It was time she figured out what it was.

  * * *

  “You want to go a few rounds?” Rick asked, nodding toward his spare room after they’d eaten a mostly silent meal and cleaned up. He’d hung the punching bag there, turning the place into a kind of mini gym, and he sensed that Noah could use some time with the bag to help with whatever was boiling inside him.

  Noah’s blue eyes sparkled as Rick helped him put on his boxing gloves. It was the first positive sign the boy had given all evening.

  Noah worked out on the bag first, then they sparred. It was at least half an hour before Noah spoke.

  “D-do you ever g-get so m-mad you want t-to h-hit everybody?” Noah grunted, his face red with exertion.

  “Is that how you feel?” Rick felt practically victorious when Noah nodded, finally engaging in conversation with him. “Why?”

  “N-nothing’s going r-right.” He smashed his fist against Rick’s glove. “I h-hate it h-here.”

  “Because?” Rick parried and feinted, moving fast to keep up with the boy’s explosion of energy.

  “P-people think I’m w-weird.”

  “What people?” Rick could sense Noah’s fury like a red-hot fever. “Kids at school?” Noah nodded. “Your teachers?” Another nod. “Your mom?”

  Noah gnawed on his lip. “I’d l-like to s-smash th-them all,” he snarled.

  The sheer animosity in those words stunned Rick so much he was unprepared for Noah’s fist and it connected with his nose. Blood spurted out and pain exploded across his face.

  Rick grabbed a towel and pressed it to his nose awkwardly with his gloved hand. It took a long time to stem the flow. Eventually it slowed down enough for him to toss away the towel and use his teeth to untie his gloves. Only t
hen did it dawn on him that Noah hadn’t said anything.

  Rick looked at the boy. Noah had paled to an unhealthy shade of white. He began to shake, his whole body twitching.

  “It’s just a nosebleed, Noah. I’m fine. I should have ducked, just like I’ve been teaching you.” Rick summoned a grin, though moving even those few muscles hurt like crazy. But Noah didn’t respond.

  Ripping off his gloves, Rick grasped Noah’s arm and peered into his eyes. “I’m fine. No big deal.”

  “I’m s-sorry,” Noah gulped as tears coursed down his cheeks. “I’m s-so s-sorry.”

  “I know.” Rick unlaced the boy’s gloves and removed them. He slid off the protective headgear he’d insisted on, wondering wryly why he hadn’t thought of it for himself. Then he wrapped an arm around Noah’s shoulder. “Let’s go get a drink.”

  “D-don’t you h-have to g-go to the h-hospital?”

  “For a nosebleed? You want them to laugh at me?” He held Noah’s gaze, refusing to look away as the boy searched his gaze. “I’m not made of sugar, you know.”

  “I d-didn’t m-mean—”

  “Noah.” Rick stopped him. “People get hurt in boxing sometimes. I warned you about that before we ever started, remember?” He waited for Noah’s nod. “Anyway, I’m fine. Almost.”

  Noah flopped down on a chair in front of the windows. Rick sat down across from him.

  “Want to tell me what makes you so angry you’re beating up kids at school?”

  Noah’s head jerked up. “You know?”

  “I’ve suspected for a while. Something’s clearly eating at you, Noah. Let’s get it out in the open.” He prayed silently for God to give him the right words. “Talk to me. I only want to help.”

  “I’m not going to be hurt anymore,” Noah said in a tight voice. “I’m not going to be made fun of ever again. If someone tries, I’ll stop it.”

  Aghast at the admissions he was hearing, Rick sat silent, knowing Noah needed the release this honesty would bring. But the more he heard, the more he wondered— Why? What lay beneath the boy’s pain?

  The phone rang.

  “Rick, is Noah still there?” Cassie’s voice, breathless and worried came across the line.

  “Yes.” Just hearing her voice sent his every sense into high alert. Get in control. “I was about to take him to Lives,” Rick told her.

  “No! Don’t do that.” She inhaled. “I need a very big favor. Can Noah stay with you overnight, Rick?”

  “Sure. What’s the problem?”

  “Meningitis.” That one word drove all other thoughts out of his head. “Daniel has symptoms of bacterial meningitis. If that’s what it is, it’s very contagious. I don’t want Noah to return to Lives and risk any more exposure than he already has. He’s okay, isn’t he?”

  “He’s fine.” Rick caught Noah watching him. The kid rolled his eyes and shook his head, as if annoyed by his mother’s concern. “You take care of yourself and your patients. I’ll watch out for Noah.”

  “Thank you.” Silence stretched between them for a moment, and then her voice dropped. “Rick?”

  “I’m here.”

  “Can you pray? Hard. All the kids were probably exposed, but if Michael catches it...” Her voice trailed away and in that moment the severity of the situation hit him full force.

  Meningitis was serious. Noah and Michael had both been exposed.

  But so had Cassie.

  Rick felt as if the world stopped. She was around sick people all the time. Hospital viruses were often the most dangerous. She could catch this thing herself and—die?

  God, no.

  “I know it’s a lot to ask you,” she whispered in a broken tone. “You probably had plans for tonight and I’m ruining them and—”

  “Cassie,” he said softly. “Noah and I will be praying. You can count on that. And on God,” he added, hoping to bolster her fledgling faith. “God knows what’s at stake. He’s right there with you.”

  He scolded himself for falling back on a standby platitude and thought what a sham he’d become. He was supposed to be ministering to her, yet his own doubts were derailing him.

  “Thank you, Rick. I mean that.”

  Rick held the phone long after she’d hung up. Tenderness rushed over him in a wave of appreciation for this precious woman who took to heart the welfare of the boys at Lives and her patients while she worried for her own son.

  How can I shut her out, God? How am I supposed to ignore her when my heart wants to be with her always, when every day that I don’t talk to her seems empty and dull? How can I keep my vow to You?

  Why won’t You take these feelings away?

  “Doesn’t Mom kn-know I’m fine?” Noah’s face contorted in a glower. “She t-treats me like a b-baby.”

  “Actually she’s treating you like an adult, Noah,” Rick said. “She asked us to pray for Daniel. They think he might have caught a very serious disease.”

  “Oh.” His blue eyes narrowed. “Am I g-going to g-get it?”

  “I hope not, but I can’t say for sure,” Rick explained quietly. “If you get a fever or start to feel unwell, I’ll take you to the hospital right away. But for tonight your mom wants you to stay here. Okay?”

  Noah nodded. “W-will she b-be okay?” he asked, uncertainty lacing his voice.

  “Let’s ask God to protect her,” Rick said. But though he prayed as hard as he could, he felt as if his prayers simply bounced off the thick barriers between him and God.

  Later, when Noah was asleep, words that Cassie’s father had once spoken to him returned, a strong admonition he’d given after Rick had asked for his help to get into the ministry.

  “Don’t make any vows you can’t keep, son. If you’re going to promise God to do His work, to let Him use you, you’d better be prepared to deny yourself. Keeping your promises could cost far more than you ever imagined.”

  For the very first time since he’d accepted Christ as his Savior, Rick regretted his promise to remain single. Worse than that, doubts about God’s purpose for him had taken root. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be in Churchill.

  You don’t deserve her. How could she ever love you, the man responsible for the childhood she spent without a father? The man who cost her father his precious savings, savings that could have helped her when she was desperate for help?

  This is the payment to be exacted for your greed.

  Rick was willing to pay, to give up every dream he’d ever dreamed, if that was what God wanted, if it would help Cassie. But how was he to stop the sweet burst of joy that filled his heart whenever he saw her face? How was he to ignore the rush of love that burst inside like fireworks when she laughed or said his name or asked his help?

  Love?

  His heart stopped as the knowledge flowed through every cell of his body.

  He loved Cassie Crockett.

  Strong and beautiful, sweet and giving, Cassie was altogether lovely, in spirit and in action. She was everything he’d imagined a woman he’d love would be, from the moment he’d started seeing her face in his dreams so many years ago, not long after his first glance at her picture on her father’s desk. It was Cassie’s face he’d used as a model whenever he’d dreamed of being loved. Though he hadn’t known her then, it was her he imagined by his side.

  Now, knowing Cassie, Rick could imagine a future brimming with joy and love, caring and giving.

  And yet...

  He’d made a vow. That vow meant Cassie—precious, beloved Cassie—could never be his, no matter how much his heart longed for her. All the glorious possibilities Rick had glimpsed through the years shrank and faded away as he sat shrouded in darkness and faced the truth of his future.

  There could be no love to finally fill that vacant spot inside him. No wife, no family to
protect and plan for, no chance to nurture and love. He could have none of that because he owed a debt.

  Hours passed as Rick struggled to surrender the love that beckoned him to forsake his faith and follow his heart. Finally, aching and empty, he let go of it all.

  Your will, God. I will do Your will.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Daniel’s going to be fine. It isn’t meningitis, it’s a virulent flu,” Cassie told Rick over the phone.

  The reassuring knowledge that Rick was there to listen, to care, to help, sent sweet joy to her heart. How she treasured the bond of sharing with him.

  “Thank God,” he said, and she knew he meant it.

  “Yes. We’ve seen a lot more cases come in through the night, however. Did you get your flu shot this year, Rick?”

  “I did.”

  Cassie paused, seeing his face in her mind. Precious face, precious man. “How’s Noah?”

  “He’s fine,” Rick assured her. “School has been canceled so he’s working here.”

  “He had his flu shot last fall so it’s fine for you to take him back to Lives. Apparently, Daniel was the only one of the boys who hadn’t had it.” A flush of warmth suffused her. “I can’t thank you enough for stepping in last night. I appreciate all you’ve done for Noah.”

  “No problem.” Rick paused then asked, “When will you finish there?”

  “Not for a while. This virus has taken out a lot of staff. I’m filling in where they need me. It’s been crazy busy.” She stopped to yawn. “I’m going to grab a couple hours of sleep here and then I’ll get back on duty.”

  “Is there anything I can do?” he asked.

  The words were kind, but Cassie heard distance in Rick’s voice. Maybe he was tired of having a kid around, especially a cranky, grumpy one.

  And yet, she couldn’t quite make herself believe that was the reason. She’d been hearing the distance in his voice on and off for a while now.

  “Cassie?”

  “Sorry, I zoned out for a minute.” She got her brain in gear. “You could get the boys to check on your elderly parishioners. This virus hits seniors very hard. The sooner they come in to the hospital, the better.”