Love Inspired March 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: North Country FamilySmall-Town MidwifeProtecting the Widow's Heart

by Lois Richer

  Cassie slowly withdrew her hand from his. Rick rose, stepped back and sat beside her on the front pew.

  “That sounds reasonable.”

  “It is. But if you’re going to do that, you need to start with a basic premise,” he added. “How about God is love?”

  Cassie took a long time to think about it before she nodded.

  “So because God is love and wants only the best for us, we trust Him.” Rick forced his mind off the way her curls tumbled onto her face like shavings of gold, illuminating her lovely skin. “He teaches us to do that by giving us tests that will help stretch our faith. We might not like it, but we know that God has something good in mind. He’s answering our prayer and we just haven’t realized it yet.”

  “You’re talking about the power of positive thinking,” she said.

  “Oh, no.” Rick shook his head. “I’m talking about speaking the truths God gave us in His word and being confident in Him instead of letting the storms we go through control our emotions and thoughts.”

  “I’m not sure I follow.”

  “The best way to keep our trust in God is to remember His promises. ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’” Rick paused—he needed a moment to absorb the beauty of Cassie beginning to claim her faith. ‘“All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose,’” he quoted.

  ‘“I am more than a conqueror through Christ who strengthens me,’” Cassie quoted in return. The gold in her eyes began to glow. ‘“I will not fear, for God is with me.’”

  Rick could only nod as realization of her position with God dawned on Cassie. He’d always thought she was beautiful, but now she was stunning as she radiated God’s love. She repeated verse after verse, her voice filling the sanctuary, growing stronger as her faith grew.

  When she stopped speaking, her eyes met his. Rick couldn’t move. There could be nothing between them—he knew that and mourned it—but that didn’t stop his heart from surging with joy at her renewal as a child of God.

  “I’m beginning to understand,” Cassie whispered as a smile spread across her face. “I get it.”

  This woman was a jewel beyond compare. Rick could no more ignore the affection he felt for her than he could have ignored her pleas for help.

  Until he realized his own test was going to be giving her up.

  “Just keep your thoughts and mind centered on God and His love for you,” he said, knowing he couldn’t put off telling her any longer.

  “Sounds easier than it is,” she said shyly.

  “Yes, but you can do it.” He inhaled deeply. “I wanted to talk to you about something else,” he said.

  The back door of the church slammed. They both turned to see Noah standing there.

  “Are you f-finished, Mom?” he asked. “I’ve g-got a lot of h-homework.”

  “Sorry, Rick. Another time?” Cassie asked.

  He held her coat while she slipped into it. For the merest fraction of a second he allowed his hands to linger on her arms, wishing he had the right to draw her close, knowing she’d never want that after he told her the truth.

  “Can I take you out for coffee tomorrow?” he asked, hearing the desperation in his voice.

  “I’m on nights tonight and tomorrow so I’ll be sleeping during the day,” she explained, searching his gaze. “Friday is the dance. I said I’d help the boys get ready in the afternoon, and I’m chaperoning at the dance that night. Maybe we can figure out another time.”

  “I hope so.” The need to straighten things out so that nothing but the total truth lay between them nagged at Rick. But he would have to wait. For a little while longer he could enjoy their friendship.

  Friendship?

  “I loved playing today.” Cassie leaned forward to touch his arm. “I know I told you I didn’t want to go inside a church again, but I’m very glad I did. Will you pray for me?” she asked, keeping her voice too low for Noah to hear.

  “Of course.” Rick yearned to reach out and brush his fingers against her cheek, to hug her close, just for a moment. Instead, aware of Noah watching, he contented himself with a platitude. “Keep trusting, Cassie. Have faith in God’s love.”

  “That is at the root of everything, isn’t it?” She studied him, then gave him a smile. “Gotta go. Bye.”

  “See you.” Rick watched Cassie leave the church with a myriad of emotions swirling inside, the strongest of which was a soul-deep yearning to be with her.

  If only—

  Rick stared at the cross hanging at the front of the church. God had sacrificed so much for him. How could he ask God to forget his vow to never get romantically involved? How could he forget the debt he owed?

  He couldn’t. But oh, how he wanted to. Certain now that Cassie and Noah could never be the family he’d longed for all these years, Rick knelt and prayed for strength to make the confession he needed to make.

  But he also asked God to be with Cassie, to smooth the way so she wouldn’t see him as the scoundrel he was when he told her he had lost all her father’s money.

  And made it nearly impossible for John to be there for his daughter in her moment of greatest need.

  * * *

  “How come you’re not getting ready for the Valentine’s dance, Noah?”

  Cassie stood in the doorway of the computer room. She frowned when her son quickly shut down whatever he was looking at.

  “What were you looking at?”

  “Just eBay. I wanted to ch-check something out.” He stood up and tried to get past her to leave the room.

  “You want to buy something?” Sensing this was important, Cassie held her ground, refusing to move out of the doorway. “What?”

  “N-nothing.” he said. When she still didn’t budge, he shrugged. “R-Rick’s guitar.”

  “Rick’s guitar is on eBay? For sale?” Noah nodded. “But he loves that guitar. A friend in seminary gave it to him. Why would he sell it?”

  Noah lowered his voice. “I think R-Rick is t-trying to get a s-saxophone for M-Michael.”

  “By selling his guitar?” Her heart swelled with different emotions—pride that Rick was concerned enough to give up his beloved possession, tenderness over the fact that he wouldn’t ask for help but instead found a way on his own, and sadness that she and the boys would no longer be able to watch him play as he led the group in praise.

  Rick, the perpetual giver, had spent much time with Michael since he’d returned to Lives, trying to help him break through his depression. He’d said he had an idea of a way to help. But to give up his most precious possession...

  “He’s selling it because he doesn’t have enough money to buy a saxophone, you mean.”

  Noah nodded.

  A sense of loss filled her. She shook her head. “That is a very generous thing for Rick to do.”

  “I know.” Noah nodded. “C-can we buy it, M-mom?”

  “Buy it?” As Cassie studied Noah’s earnest face, understanding flowed. “And give it back, you mean? That’s such a lovely idea, Noah, but we can’t afford it, honey. It would empty our savings.”

  “S-so? We can s-save again,” he said. “I d-don’t need anything.”

  “It’s very kind of you to say that and I’m so proud of you for thinking of it.” She reached for him, and suppressed the sting of rejection when he rejected her embrace. “But I have to be responsible, honey. If I bought that guitar, it would leave us with no money. What if something happened?”

  Noah’s disappointment was written all over his face.

  “I’m so sorry, Noah,” she said, laying a hand on his shoulder. “I want to help Rick as much as you do, but I simply can’t do this.”

  “Y-yeah. I f-figured.” He shrugged off her hand. “D-Don’t tell a-anyone. R-Ri
ck doesn’t kn-know I know.” Then he bolted from the room.

  Alone, Cassie thought of Rick strumming his guitar, lost in another world, a place where he found solace and peace...

  Be bold and strong. Banish fear and doubt! For remember, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

  The words she’d read from Joshua just this morning convicted Cassie. Rick asked so little for himself, yet he gave so much. Who gave to him?

  “Okay, God,” she murmured. “This is trust in action.”

  Cassie sat down in front of a computer and searched eBay until she found what she wanted. Then, holding her breath, she made a bid.

  I hope you haven’t made a mistake, whispered the voice inside her head.

  Cassie shut it down. In her innermost heart, she knew buying back Rick’s guitar wasn’t a mistake. She could always knit another sweater, work another shift. She was good at finding ways to build up a nest egg.

  But it wasn’t every day that an opportunity came along to do something wonderful for Rick.

  And Rick definitely deserved wonderful.

  * * *

  Rick stood in the shadows of the school auditorium, unashamedly listening to Cassie’s conversation with Lucy as they manned the punch bowl at the Valentine’s dance.

  “So you’re playing for the Easter cantata with the choir,” Lucy said. “Does that mean you’ll be coming to church regularly?”

  “I’m not sure,” Cassie said with some hesitation. “I’m not really much of a churchgoer. I believe in God but I prefer to meet with Him on my own.”

  Rick winced, knowing Lucy was not going to like this answer.

  “What good does that do?” Lucy demanded.

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Cassie sounded confused.

  “The Bible tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves—in other words, church!” Lucy was ramping up. Rick had to intervene and rescue Cassie.

  He stepped forward and grinned at them. “What kind of punch do we have here?”

  “Red,” Lucy told him unhelpfully. She handed him a glass. “I was telling Cassie that it’s part of a Christian’s duty to be faithful at church.”

  “Lucy, everyone has to come to church in their own way, in their own time,” Rick said gently, trying to defuse Lucy’s hard-nosed approach.

  “Well, when will that be?” Lucy asked Cassie.

  “I, um, don’t think I’m ready yet.” Cassie glanced at Lucy, her face thoughtful. “Some church members accused me of being involved in my husband’s wrongdoing. I thought they should have known the truth because they knew me so I didn’t dispute their claims. Now I’m wondering if maybe I should have.”

  “Why?” Lucy asked.

  “Because I realize now that doing so might have made things easier for Noah,” Cassie admitted. “If I’d publicly disputed their claims instead of avoiding confrontation, he might not have kept everything pent up inside. Maybe he wouldn’t stutter now. I don’t know.”

  “That’s the thing. You never know. You do your best and you leave it in the Lord’s hands. But you can share it with your Christian friends. We’ll understand.” Lucy clasped Cassie’s hands between her own. “That’s why we all admire Rick so much. He helps make our burdens lighter.”

  Rick felt his cheeks heat.

  “I’ve often wished I had Rick’s faith,” Cassie admitted to Lucy.

  “Rick gained his faith by learning from his mistakes,” Lucy said.

  “Hey. I’m right here, you know.”

  They ignored him.

  “That’s the way we all learn,” Lucy told her.

  “I don’t think Rick’s made as many mistakes as I have,” Cassie murmured.

  If she only knew, he thought.

  “Come on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “Let’s dance. Okay?” he asked Lucy.

  She grinned her know-it-all grin and nodded.

  “The doubts are back, huh?” Rick asked as he threaded his arm around Cassie’s waist. Cassie fit in his arms so perfectly. Their steps across the floor matched as if they’d rehearsed.

  “I’m afraid my failure to defend myself was what damaged Noah,” she whispered. “I wonder if it did so much damage he’ll never get over his speech impediment.”

  “Your dad once lent me a book about a man named Sidney Cox. He wrote a song you probably know,” Rick said, ignoring the guilt that rose up in him at the mention of her father. He paused a moment, then said the words in a very soft voice, ‘“My Lord knows the way through the wilderness. All I have to do is follow. Strength for today is mine all the way and all that I need for tomorrow.’”

  “I remember that.” Cassie sighed. He tried to ignore the feel of her head resting on his shoulder. “You’re telling me to keep the faith, is that it?”

  “Basically, yes.” He felt her shoulders shake and knew she was laughing. “What?”

  “Do you ever stop being a pastor?” Cassie asked.

  Rick couldn’t answer. Because if he had, he would have told her that the moment she’d begun to move with him to the music, he’d forgotten his vow, his determination to keep her at arm’s length. He’d have said that with her he was simply a normal guy, thrilled to have the most beautiful woman in the world in his arms.

  And then he would have told her why nothing could ever come of that.

  Because she deserved the truth.

  Rick opened his mouth but the words wouldn’t come. When the music ended, Cassie thanked him for the dance and went back to her work at the punch table.

  His arms felt painfully empty.

  Suddenly aware that he was alone on the dance floor, Rick sought out Noah, who was standing on the sidelines, watching.

  “How’s it going?”

  Noah stared at Rick for a long moment. The silence stretched between them until another song began to play, a loud, noisy one that had the kids laughing and twisting to the beat. Then Noah grabbed Rick’s arm and leaned near.

  “Will y-you teach me t-to box?” he asked. “P-please?”

  “Let’s go talk about it.” With one last glance at Cassie—looking more beautiful than his heart could stand in her black velvet suit with her golden hair framing her lovely face—Rick led the way out of the auditorium.

  Chapter Eleven

  Two weeks later Cassie played with her coffee cup, on tenterhooks as she waited for Rick’s arrival at the restaurant. He’d called her several times to arrange a coffee date, but she kept getting called into work.

  Fussing isn’t going to get him here any faster, she told herself. Calm down.

  Saying that didn’t help, either. She felt anything but calm when her thoughts centered on Rick Salinger. Her feelings for this man had grown and changed. Every time she talked to him she grew increasingly certain that this man was different, that she could trust him as she trusted no other.

  Cassie caught her breath when he strode through the door. When he called a greeting to the owner and then grinned at her, a part of her heart melted. He sat down across the table from her, his green eyes expectant. Cassie struggled to control her response to him while they waited for the server to bring his coffee.

  How should she begin?

  “Cat got your tongue?” Rick teased.

  “I’m allergic to cats,” she said, then rolled her eyes at the inane remark.

  “So?” He leaned back, crossed his booted feet and waited. “You called me,” he said.

  “I—” She regrouped. “You said you wanted to talk to me and I need to talk to you. About something.” She rolled her eyes at herself.

  “About Noah?” His eyes darkened with concern on behalf of her son, but Cassie didn’t stop to analyze that. She couldn’t. She needed to get this said.

  “About your guitar.” Sorrow flashed
briefly across his face before he concealed it.

  “I—uh, I don’t have it anymore.” He blinked. “Actually I sold it.”

  “I know. I bought it, Rick.” Cassie waited for her words to penetrate. “I’m your online buyer.”

  “You? But...” Dismay filled his face. “You need the money for your savings. You told me how important that is to you.”

  “Saving pennies isn’t as important to me as you having that guitar, which you love. That instrument is part of you. The way you use it to bring joy and peace to so many—” She shook her head. “I couldn’t let you sell it.”

  His jaw hardened as he looked away from her. “I won’t take your money, Cassie.”

  “The deal is done.” Cassie reached out to cover his hand with hers and thought how strange it was to comfort him for once. “You have to take the money, Rick. You need it to get Michael his saxophone.”

  “You know?” His green eyes widened. “How—”

  “Shame on you for not consulting me. This is our project. So I did my part.” Cassie couldn’t stifle the rest any longer. “You’ve already sent the guitar to Toronto, to a Mrs. Nancy Carr, right? She’s my dad’s next-door neighbor. Dad will bring your guitar when he comes for a visit sometime in the next few weeks.”

  “You’ve reconciled with him.” He made a movement forward, as if he was going to hug her, but then he checked himself, substituting a smile instead. “Cassie, that’s fantastic!”

  “It is, isn’t it?” she agreed, trying to ignore the silly feelings of loss that rushed over her at the missed opportunity to be in Rick’s arms again, even if for a brief moment. “I got his letter yesterday. You were right, Rick,” she admitted shyly. “I did misunderstand what my dad was trying to say. He was warning me not to get caught in the blame game and become bitter.”

  Rick squeezed her hand, then slowly let it go. “I’m so happy for you, Cassie.”

  “Thanks. It’s not all sweetness and light, but we’re both committed to working through the tough parts. There are still things I don’t understand, but I realize now, thanks to you, that there’s a lot about my dad that I don’t know.”