Love Inspired March 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: North Country FamilySmall-Town MidwifeProtecting the Widow's Heart

by Lois Richer

  “I think you’re pretty smart about relationships,” Cassie murmured.

  “Well, my friend Sara says that if you love someone, you have to be willing to expose yourself to hurt because people are human. But she says loving and getting hurt are better than not loving at all. Do you know what I mean?”

  “I think so.” Cassie smiled at her. “Thank you, Alicia. It was good to talk to someone.”

  “Pray about it. God will give you the answer. And don’t worry that I’ll tell anyone,” Alicia said. “It’ll be a secret between friends.”

  “Thank you.” Cassie hugged her, finished her coffee and left. Then she visited the bank. Thanks to Alicia, her savings account was growing by leaps and bounds.

  She drove back to Lives, bellowing out a praise tune she’d learned when she was a little kid, her heart somehow lighter.

  She owed Rick big-time. In the past week since she’d come back from Winnipeg, she’d seen glimpses of a different Noah, thanks to the special bond that Rick and Noah seemed to have going.

  Rick had brought up the subject of her father twice, but Cassie cut him off both times. This was her new life. She didn’t want to be dragged back into her painful past and those feelings of being blamed. Yet, Noah was asking about his grandfather more often now, making Cassie wonder if reconciling would help her son shed whatever still plagued him. And, face it, she missed her dad. Alicia was right, loving was better than not.

  When Cassie drove into the yard at Lives, her heart jumped inside her chest at the sight of Rick’s snowmobile. She scolded herself for behaving like a teenager, but she knew it wouldn’t change a thing.

  Every time Rick was around, her emotions ran amok. She prodded her brain to remember her promise never to let anyone get that close again, but her brain ignored that. As Cassie walked to the door, her step grew a bit lighter in anticipation of seeing him.

  Inside, noises from the family room intrigued her. She took off her coat and followed the sounds, helpless to stop her smile from widening when she saw Rick. Thankfully he didn’t notice because he was busy trying to show Daniel some dance steps. And failing miserably. She couldn’t help chuckling out loud.

  “Ah.” Rick’s eyes gleamed. He held out a hand. “Just the person we need to get you fellows up to speed for the Valentine’s Day dance. Now you guys watch and Cassie and I will show you how it’s done.”

  Dance with him? Her mouth went completely dry. But Rick gave her no time to refuse.

  “Start that music over, Rod,” he ordered. He grabbed her hand, drew her close and grinned. “Ready?”

  Cassie nodded, falling into the movement and rhythm of the music with an ease that surprised her. She’d loved to dance from the moment her mother had taken her to her very first ballet class. Dancing was something she’d shared with Eric when they were first married, until he became too busy to keep their weekly date night. It had been years, but as Cassie followed Rick’s lead around the room, the joy of moving to music surged back. Worries and burdens melted away as she reveled in his strong yet gentle arm at her back.

  “This is how it’s done, guys,” Rick said. His green eyes met hers. “You dance beautifully,” he murmured.

  For days now Cassie had felt some hesitation in Rick, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. But now she sensed that Rick was into this perfect moment as much as she was. The music carried her into a daydream world where she and Rick shared and laughed and enjoyed, a world that stretched into a future of possibility. She wanted it to go on and on, but the music ended too soon.

  Cassie looked up and got trapped in Rick’s searching gaze. It bored deep inside her, asking questions to which she had no answers, telling her something she couldn’t quite grasp.

  She was loath to move away until a burst of applause broke the spell. Then Rick released her. A draft of chilly air took the place of his warm embrace. He stepped back, bowed to her and then turned to the boys.

  “So that’s your goal,” he told them, his voice slightly raspy. He looked her way, but the emotions she’d glimpsed in his eyes mere seconds ago were now hidden. “Would you mind helping the boys, Cassie? They seem to believe a few pre-lessons at home will make them look less awkward on the dance floor.”

  Cassie nodded, unable to speak. How Rick could seem so unaffected by their dance was a mystery. Cassie was thankful that he partnered her first with Noah. She needed some time to get her senses under control. Noah caught on to the steps quickly, despite his cast. Perhaps the impromptu dances she’d drawn him into when he was younger—times when Cassie desperately needed to feel alive and vital and carefree—had paid off. After a few minutes, Noah stepped away from her.

  “I g-got it now, M-Mom. You’d b-better help, R-Rod. He l-looks like a g-geek.”

  “Hey!” Rod glared at him, his face dark red.

  Cassie obliged, trying not to wince after Rod stepped on her toes for the hundredth time. When she glanced at Noah, she saw him peering out the window, his face gloomy and shadowed with his thoughts. She was going to ask Rod if he knew why when Rick broke them up to pair her with Daniel, who was also not happy.

  “This is slow and pokey,” he muttered, his hand fisted against her waist. “Nobody dances like this but old people.”

  “Don’t you want to learn to dance, Daniel?” But Cassie knew it wasn’t that. She could see in his eyes that he was battling a craving for drugs. He needed something to work it off. “Rick,” she called. “Can you put on something faster?”

  Rick’s gaze met hers. He nodded, and a moment later an energetic tune filled the room.

  “Okay now, Daniel. Concentrate.” Cassie grabbed his hand and swung him into a two-step. Daniel floundered for a moment or two but he was a quick study and before the end of the song he was fully into it, moving easily, his face aglow.

  “You, my boy, are a natural dancer,” Cassie puffed as she caught her breath while the other boys clapped for them. “You’ve got a sense of rhythm that a lot of people don’t possess. You should do something with it.”

  “Really?” Daniel looked startled.

  “Cassie’s right, kid. You’ve got the moves,” Rick told him with a grin. “Now, how about you give someone else a chance?”

  Daniel nodded and sat down with a proud smile as he watched the other boys clumsily learn the basic steps. Michael, whom she’d welcomed back this morning, was the last one. He shuffled toward Cassie, looking listless.

  “Are you feeling okay, Michael?” she asked as she took his hand.

  “Fine,” he said, moving slowly to the jazz tune Rick had chosen. “But I’d rather be playing the sax to this than dancing.”

  “I know. Rick and I haven’t given up on that. We’ll find you one, I promise.”

  At one point Cassie glanced at Rick and found him staring at Michael, his forehead creased, his eyes narrowed. She was fairly certain his thoughts matched hers.

  “I’m sorry I got called away.” Laurel’s voice drew their attention to the doorway as the music ended. “From what I just saw, I think we owe Rick and Cassie a big thank-you,” she said and led the others in a burst of applause. “I don’t think any of you will embarrass Lives Under Construction at the Valentine’s Day dance,” she teased. She then invited everyone to come for supper.

  Cassie hung back with Rick and Laurel as the boys rushed to the table. “I’m worried about Michael.”

  “So am I,” Laurel murmured. “But I don’t know what else we can do.”

  “I might.” Rick smiled at their surprise. “Leave it to me, okay? I’ve got an idea I want to try.”

  “Your ideas are a blessing to us.” Laurel wrapped her arms around him in a brief hug. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

  “Hopefully you won’t have to find out,” he joked. He turned to Cassie. “Will you be able to make choir practice
tomorrow?”

  “My schedule’s clear so far.” Cassie thought she’d heard a trace of desperation in his voice. “I’ll be there after school.”

  “Excellent. I’d better go. I’ve got Bible study tonight.”

  “You won’t stay for supper?” Laurel asked.

  “I’ll have to take a rain check,” he said. “Thanks, though.”

  “You’re always welcome,” Laurel assured him. After a sideways glance at Cassie, she walked toward the kitchen.

  “I need to thank you, too,” Cassie said. “I deposited a lovely check today and that’s thanks to you for suggesting I see Alicia. I’m gradually building back my savings.”

  “Good.” But Rick’s green eyes looked troubled as they rested on her.

  “Is anything wrong?” she asked.

  “Cassie, I—”

  She waited, breathless, for what she didn’t know. He shook his head. “Never mind. This isn’t the time.”

  Frustrated, Cassie followed him to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow at practice then,” she said.

  “You will.” He smiled absentmindedly then left.

  Cassie stood in the doorway, watching him drive away until the cold air forced her to shut the door.

  Something’s going on with him, something he doesn’t want to tell me about.

  Later that evening, Cassie sat in the window seat in her room, knitting. The moon, round and full, illuminated the glistening snow. She could see for miles across the tufted tundra as she relived what it felt like to be in Rick’s arms. She remembered the tender way he’d whispered in her ear, felt the sweet pressure of his hand against her back when they’d danced. Oh, how she’d wanted it to continue.

  I love him. How had it happened? How had Rick Salinger made it past the barriers she’d erected after Eric’s death?

  Cassie had no answers. All she knew was that Rick had pushed the pain and sadness out of her heart. She felt alive, ready to take on her future. Maybe it was time to talk to her father, to try to rebuild their bond. Not just for Noah, but for herself, too.

  Cassie took out a piece of stationery and her favorite pen. Worry gripped her. What if her father didn’t want to reconcile? What if he only wanted to talk to Noah?

  When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have grown up, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.

  The old familiar passage from First Corinthians pushed out the doubts. Wasn’t it time she grew up? Wasn’t it time to have some faith in God’s love? For the first time in ages, Cassie bowed her head.

  “Please help me,” she whispered. “I need my dad. I need my family. I need You.”

  I need Rick.

  Cassie wanted to beg God to take away the sprout of love that had taken root inside her heart. She wanted to, but she couldn’t. Rick had become too big a part of her world, too important to her happiness.

  She’d told him she trusted him.

  It was time to trust God, too.

  Dear Dad. She paused, then began to write, pouring out her heart on paper.

  Chapter Ten

  “Boy I’m glad to see you.” Rick heaved a sigh of relief the next afternoon when Cassie rushed through the church door for the first rehearsal with the band and the choir together. Seeing her lovely face made him so happy, he felt like a giddy teenager.

  “I’m sorry I’m late.” She sounded breathless as she unwound her scarf and pulled off her jacket and gloves. “Would you believe Laurel’s van wouldn’t start?”

  “Yes, I would.” He grinned. “That vehicle needs to be replaced.” He waited until she was seated at the piano. “Do you want to run over it before we begin?”

  “I think I’ll be okay,” Cassie said. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

  “Good.” Rick tapped his music stand to gain the kids’ attention, waiting until all eyes were on him. “Ready? Here we go. Wait for Cassie’s introduction.” He nodded to her to begin. “Now.”

  Most of the choir managed to hit the first note but the band members straggled in late so he started again. It was only marginally better the second time but Rick pressed on, leading them to the end without stopping. As the last note died away, the kids remained silent for a moment. Then everyone rushed to speak.

  “We did it!” they exclaimed in proud surprise.

  “Of course you did.” Rick shared a grin with Cassie. “We have to remember those pauses where the choir sings without the band. But if we practice, I know we can have it perfect in time for Easter morning. Doesn’t it make a difference having Cassie play for us?”

  The kids concurred, eager to try again. After they finished the third run-through, they drooped, exhilarated but obviously tired. Rick praised their efforts effusively, reminded them of the next practice and then dismissed them. Cassie rose as if she, too, would leave.

  This was the moment.

  “Can I talk to you for a few minutes?” he asked. “Privately?”

  Cassie’s eyebrows rose in surprise but she nodded and began to put away her music. Once the last boy had wandered out, she looked at him, a question in her eyes.

  “You’ve done an amazing job,” Rick said. Her eyes still shone with the passion she’d poured into her playing. “I think this Easter is going to be very special.”

  “Me, too. I can’t believe how much you’ve done with them,” Cassie said. Rick’s pride surged at her praise. “Noah sounds amazing. You were right—his stutter completely disappears when he sings.”

  “He’s remarkable.” Rick sat down in the front pew facing her. “They all are. I wish I could do more.”

  “More? Like what?” Her pretty smile flashed. “Get them doing a full-scale opera?”

  “I doubt they’d agree to that,” he said, laughing a little. “No, I meant I need to find something for Michael other than those bells. I need to find a saxophone and so far I’m hitting a wall.”

  Quit prevaricating. He exhaled. He opened his mouth.

  “I wrote my dad, Rick.” Cassie said it softly, quietly, studying him as she spoke. “I did what you said and told him how I felt abandoned by him.”

  “How do you feel about that?” he asked, relieved to put off his confession a little longer.

  “Good. Calmer. As if a big block in my life has dissolved.” Her surprise was obvious. “I guess I never realized just how much my anger about him was bothering me.”

  “It is surprising when we let go of something and then realize the hold it had on us,” he agreed. “God answers prayer, Cassie. And He knows how to work this out.”

  “I haven’t had much success with talking to God lately,” she admitted, her eyes avoiding his.

  “That’s not unusual. When you haven’t talked in a while, it takes some time to regain the closeness you used to share.” He saw that mystified look on her face. “You have to purposefully rebuild your relationship with God, just like you do with your dad. Eventually you’ll get to a point where you’ll be able to declare something.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like declaring that you’ll trust God.” He said it deliberately, knowing how shaky her trust was but wanting her to take another step. Cassie frowned.

  “Even if I’m not sure I can?” she murmured. “I keep going back, Rick. I keep thinking maybe, if I’d been a better wife, paid more attention, if I’d seen Eric’s desperation to impress his board, maybe I could have prevented his suicide.”

  “Looking back is useless. There’s nothing you can do to change what happened, Cassie.” He paused, waiting for some heavenly direction. But it wasn’t there. Was it because his attraction to Cassie meant he was betraying his promise to God? “God knew what would happen,” he said, struggling to find the words. “And He gave you the strength to get through i
t.”

  “I don’t understand.” She shook her head. “If He knew how much it would hurt, why did He let it happen?” A tear spilled down her cheek. “Why did I have to go through all that pain?”

  Rick hesitated. He was a pastor. He was supposed to be able to help her, lead her so she could find God’s love again. Yet he felt weighed down by his own guilt.

  “I don’t know why it had to happen that way, Cassie. But why doesn’t really matter now, does it?” His own words sounded hollow as he moved from the pew to hunker down in front of her. He took her hand in his. “I see your struggle as a test. You’ve come this far. Now you need to decide if you’re going to lose your faith or if you’re going to fight for it.”

  “How do I do that?” Her eyes implored him for help.

  This is why God placed me in Churchill.

  Rick blocked out every emotion. He was determined to help Cassie through this.

  “Whenever you talk about the past, your body language changes,” he began. “Your shoulders hunch, you tighten up and your smile disappears. Your words are tight, tense and short.”

  “I know. That’s how I feel,” Cassie admitted.

  “But if you could see yourself when you’re with your patients,” he continued. “Your face is relaxed, your voice is soft. You’re open and trusting.” Rick smiled as images of her just like that filled his mind.

  “How is that connected to my faith?” She frowned.

  “I think you need to treat yourself like you treat your patients,” he said. “You need new words to reframe the way you talk about the past and help you look to the future.” Cassie’s eyebrows rose high, as if that was the last thing she expected from him. “You need to be gentle with yourself. Because that’s the way God feels toward you.”

  “Go on.” She was still frowning, but he could see that he had her attention.

  “Words are powerful and whether we realize it or not, what we say impacts the way we live our lives. I’m suggesting you start reframing your life and your faith with the way you speak.”