The Cost of Love

by Parke, Nerika

  Almost unable to speak, she whispered, “You said it should be with someone who loves me with all his heart.”

  She watched his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed and drew in a deep breath before answering.

  “Charlotte, I’m in love with you.”

  She could barely breathe. Was she hallucinating? She’d taken two paracetamols earlier. Hearing things wasn’t a side effect, was it? “I... what... d-do you really mean that?”

  He gazed into her eyes with such intensity she felt as if he was looking into her soul.

  “I promised you I wouldn’t say anything I didn’t mean, and I never have. I know this is a lot to spring on you all at once, and that with what I do for a living it’s a lot to ask, but if maybe you think you could want me...”

  He stopped when Charlotte launched herself across the space between them and threw her arms around his neck.

  Wrapping his arms around her, he rubbed her back. “Hey, what...”

  “I thought you could never want someone like me,” she sobbed into his shoulder, “and all I wanted was for you to stay and for it to be real, not just for a few days, and then last night you walked out when I practically threw myself at you and I don’t care that you’re an escort, I just love you so much...” The rest was so garbled and muffled against his shoulder that even she didn’t know what she was saying.

  He froze. “Uh, could you say that last part again?”

  She lifted her face and sniffed. “Which part?”

  “The part about you loving me?” he said. “Did I hear that right?”

  She smiled through her tears, feeling shy and dropping her eyes to his chest. “I fell in love with you the first time you kissed me.”

  “Oh.”

  Her eyes sidled back up to see Jason gazing at her, fear, hope and amazement fighting for time on his face.

  “Does that mean you would, with what I do for a living and everything, that you would want me?” he said. “I mean, as a boyfriend?”

  Charlotte smiled. “In a heartbeat.”

  Their arms were still wrapped around each other and she leaned in hesitantly, her eyes dropping to his lips, brushing her nose against his. He closed the rest of the distance.

  Maybe she’d had a niggling doubt every time they’d kissed before, that he was just doing it because he had been paid. But no longer. It made all the difference.

  His arms tightened around her as their mouths played against each other. Her heart beat faster. She whimpered, pressing closer, wanting more; more contact, more love, more him.

  She felt his hands move to her hips, fingers digging through the soft fabric of her trousers. As close as they were, his arousal was unmistakeable, pushing against her thigh.

  She broke away, breathing heavily. “Jason, I want more.”

  “How much more?”

  “Everything.”

  He swallowed, shifting against her. “We don’t have to. I can wait for as long as you need. Whenever you’re ready...”

  She decided it was time to be brave. “Do you want to make love to me?”

  He huffed out a breath. “So much it hurts.”

  “So do it,” she said.

  He looked worried. “Are you sure?”

  As words didn’t seem to be working, she decided on a different tack. Grasping the sides of his face, she crushed her lips onto his. When his mouth opened in surprise, she swept her tongue in.

  “Does that answer your question?” she said when she pulled away.

  Panting for breath, Jason nodded, then laughed. He stood, pulling her up with him.

  Charlotte looked down at herself. “Although I looked so much better yesterday when I’d taken hours to get ready.”

  He smiled, sliding his arms around her waist. “You looked beautiful yesterday, but you look even more beautiful today.”

  “Have you forgotten to wear your contacts or something?”

  He laughed and pulled her closer. “You are more beautiful every time I see you,” he said, his gaze dropping to her lips.

  The kiss started soft, quickly becoming more urgent. He broke away abruptly and grabbed her hand, leading her up the stairs to her bedroom.

  As soon as they walked in the door Jason pulled her close, kissing her voraciously. As their tongues collided, Charlotte felt a sense of liberation. She’d had a notion that she’d be shy her first time, maybe awkward, and the previous night she had been. But today was different. Today she knew he really loved her, and she felt... wanton. Yes, wanton was definitely the word.

  She pushed his jacket from his shoulders and was about to fling it away when he said, “Hold on.”

  Digging into a pocket, he pulled out a couple of condom packets and tossed them onto the bed. “I didn’t assume it would happen,” he said, smiling, “but there was no way on earth I wasn’t going to be prepared.”

  Charlotte let go of him, went to her bedside cabinet and pulled the top drawer open, taking out a box and blushing furiously as she held it up for him to see. “I bought them the day of our third date, just in case I got up the courage to ask you.” She looked at the film-wrapped red box and frowned. “It was so embarrassing, standing there and looking at them, but there were so many different types. How are you supposed to choose?”

  He walked up to her and slid his arms around her waist. “A thorough schedule of testing?” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

  She burst into laughter and he picked her up, holding her against him and looking up into her face.

  “I love you,” he said, smiling.

  Her heart flipped in her chest and she touched his face. “I love you too.”

  Their lips joined as he lowered her to the floor and the box of condoms fell from her hand onto the bed. She tugged at the edge of his t-shirt as his kiss became more insistent and he broke free from her lips, panting as he lifted his arms to let her pull it from him. She sent it to join the jacket.

  Her gaze darted down to his sculpted torso then back up to find him watching her.

  “I like it when you check me out,” he said. “I have since we met. You don’t have to be shy.”

  She suddenly felt embarrassed. “You saw me looking at you?”

  He smiled. “Every time. And I loved it. I love that you like how I look.”

  Her gaze travelled down again. “I do really like how you look.”

  Leaning forward, he breathed in her ear, “I really like how you look too.”

  He pressed a kiss to her neck as he took hold of the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head. Capturing her lips in his again, he lifted her up and lowered her onto the bed beneath him, never breaking contact. Charlotte’s heart beat grew until it seemed to be filling her whole body. She’d never felt like this before, like she was buzzing with electricity. The bare skin of his chest pressing down on her body was setting off sparks everywhere.

  She felt his hand slide down her side and, still kissing her, he grasped the waistband of her stretchy, velour trousers and pulled them down. She lifted her behind off the bed to help and shivered as her thighs were bared. But not because she was cold. Every inch of her seemed to be blazing heat.

  Jason broke free of her lips and sat back onto his heels, pulling her trousers off the rest of the way and tossing them aside.

  For a few moments he simply sat and looked at her. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, his voice soft.

  Her breath caught at his words. She felt beautiful. In contrast to her normal state of insecurity, she wasn’t worried about any bits of flab or cellulite or that her hair was a mess or any of the other million things she could obsess about. The most incredibly, perfectly wonderful man she’d ever met wanted her, and she felt beautiful.

  He pushed up onto his knees and unfastened his jeans, sliding them down his lean, muscular thighs and pulling them off his legs one at a time. His briefs followed.

  Charlotte stared. She couldn’t help it. It was the first time she’d seen an erection and it was bizarrely fascinating.


  He cleared his throat. “Um, if you keep staring at it like that there’s a good chance I may come before I get anywhere near you.”

  She sat up. “Can I touch it?”

  He let out a bark of laughter. “I’ll just tell you now, there will never ever be a time when the answer to that question is no.”

  Reaching out, she touched her fingertips to the warm, smooth skin, running them slowly down to the base then up to the tip. He hissed in a breath and she looked up at him to see his chest was rising and falling, his eyes dark.

  Looking around the bed, she found one of the condoms he’d brought, tore it open and looked up into his eyes.

  “Teach me,” she whispered.

  His hands seemed to be trembling almost as much as hers as he silently guided her fingers to roll the condom over him. When it was done, he removed her bra and panties and lowered her back down beneath him. Bracing himself above her, he brushed his fingers across her cheek, gazing into her eyes.

  “This is about you,” he said, his voice soft, “all for you. If you feel uncomfortable or something is wrong or you want me to stop, you tell me. Okay?”

  She nodded, suddenly feeling tearful. He closed his eyes for a few moments. When he opened them again, they were filled with emotion.

  “I want you to know,” he whispered, “that I have never felt like this about anyone and I feel so blessed and honoured that you would choose me to be the first man to make love to you. I love you with all my heart.”

  That did it. A tear escaped and rolled slowly down her cheek. Jason lowered his head and kissed the moisture from her skin.

  His hand slid to her legs and gently moved her thighs apart. Then, watching her face, he pushed into her.

  Charlotte gasped. There was a little pain, but he was patient, gentle, waiting for her to stretch and adapt to him, working himself in slowly until the pain was gone and he filled her.

  “Are you alright?” he said, his eyes still on her face.

  “Oh, Jason,” she breathed.

  She’d never imagined how overwhelming such deep intimacy could feel. Sliding her trembling hands into his hair, she drew his face to hers. A deep groan vibrated through his body as she swept her tongue into his mouth.

  She spent time exploring, tasting, discovering all the new sensations coursing through her. Jason’s exploration of her was no less thorough, his hands sliding over her sensitive body, lips and tongue deliciously hot against her skin. She had been worried she wouldn’t know what to do, but with every move he made her body seemed to respond naturally and she simply let herself to flow with it.

  After a while he found a rhythm which gradually grew in strength, the intensity building. The power of every thrust coursed through her and her whole body began to pulse in time with him. A feeling, a burn, began to grow, winding her tighter and tighter.

  He grasped her hand, interweaving their fingers.

  “Charlotte,” he groaned. “Charlotte…”

  The burn rushed in to a point and then cracked, turning to waves of scorching heat as her muscles clenched around him. She screamed, arching upwards, and he cried out, shuddering against her as the searing climax rocked them.

  As the fire inside them ebbed, Jason rolled onto his side, pulling her with him, and wrapped his arms around her. His face pressed into her shoulder.

  “I belong to you,” he said. “Only you.”

  “I love you,” she whispered, the tears finally flowing.

  DAY 8

  Jason went through his usual pre-work routine. He showered, shaved, slapped on the cologne and hair product, dressed, loaded his pockets up with condoms. And through the whole process, all he could think about was Charlotte.

  She knew he had a client tonight. At first, he’d asked if she wanted to know. She’d said no, followed by yes, rapidly followed by another no. Then she’d asked if he had one tonight. When he told her he did, she had been silent for a long time before saying she was alright with it and that he shouldn’t let the fact they were together stop him doing whatever he needed to.

  But he wasn’t convinced. If their situations were reversed he’d want to rip the arms off any man who touched her. Could she really feel any different?

  . . .

  Jason stood outside the door to his client’s flat. He’d been here several times before. Cecilia Strong was a semi-regular, a widow in her late forties who got lonely sometimes after the death of her husband three years ago. A lot of the time she wanted to talk first, but they always ended up in bed. He didn’t mind, she was pretty and a nice person. It usually wasn’t a chore to come here.

  But tonight was different. He stared at the door. Superimposed over the white painted wood, Charlotte’s face stared back at him.

  He wanted more than anything in the world to turn away and run straight back to her. Having experienced the reality of what making love truly meant, the thought of being inside any woman but Charlotte, whoever they were, made him feel physically sick.

  But Trina needed him to provide for her, and he needed the money being an escort gave him to do that. His daughter always came first and that is how it would always be, no matter what he had to do.

  With a deep sigh, he pressed the doorbell.

  _ _ _

  Charlotte was dusting with a vengeance. She hated dusting, but she’d already vacuumed the entire house. It had taken up a frantic half an hour, but still hadn’t drained her nervous energy. She needed to do something, anything, to take her mind off what was going on. Maybe she’d go jogging. She’d never been jogging in her life, but how hard could it be?

  Her mind drifted to Jason and she scrubbed at a stain on the windowsill even harder. It didn’t work. What was he doing right now? Were they just chatting? Or had they made it to the bedroom already?

  She had told Jason she was fine with him being an escort, but it was a lie. That he had been, she couldn’t mind. After all, it was what had brought them together. But the thought of him being with another woman was driving her insane.

  She loved him, how could it not?

  The stain wasn’t shifting. She wondered if scraping it with a knife would be a huge mistake.

  There was a knock at the door as she headed for the kitchen. Pulling off one of her rubber gloves, she went to answer it.

  Jason grabbed her and crushed his lips to hers, pushing her back into the house and slamming the door behind him. Walking her back against the wall, he kissed her until her legs would barely support her and she was gasping for breath.

  She had to hold onto him to stay upright as she looked up into his eyes.

  “I couldn’t do it,” he said, his gaze dark and intense. “I can’t be with another woman. I don’t want to touch anyone but you.”

  Tears sprang to Charlotte’s eyes and she pressed her face into his neck.

  “I know I said I was alright,” she said, “but I really wasn’t. I couldn’t stand the thought of you with another woman...” She trailed off, the tears rolling down her face. Jason tightened his hold on her.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, stroking her hair.

  She lifted her face. “But what will you do?”

  “I’ve got a bit of money saved up. Maybe I can finally qualify. Find a good nursery for Trina that I can afford. She starts school next year anyway.” He smiled. “I think I just needed a good reason to give up the security. And you’re the best reason in the world.”

  “I can help,” she said. “When I’m not at work I can look after Trina, if she’s okay with that.”

  He laughed. “I’m sure she’d be more than okay with that. Last night she was so excited I could barely get her to sleep. You were all she could talk about. She adores you already.”

  She smiled, thinking about the day before when the three of them had taken a picnic to a nearby park. Jason’s little girl was burrowing her way into Charlotte’s heart alongside her father.

  He pushed a strand of hair from her face, looking serious. “I’m worried that all this
must be so much for you. We only met a week ago and now you not only have a boyfriend, but a little girl too. I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed, or trapped. If you need to go slower...”

  “I don’t, at all,” she said immediately. “I don’t think it’s possible I could be any happier. You and Trina are the best things that have ever happened to me.”

  He let out a breath and touched his forehead to hers. “You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that.” He brushed his nose against hers, caught her lips in a kiss, and smiled. “I would suggest we take this upstairs, but you’re busy.”

  He unwound her left arm from his neck and looked at the yellow rubber glove she was still wearing. Charlotte ripped it from her hand and threw it across the room. It hit the fireplace and dropped to the floor.

  “Whatever gave you that idea?” she said.

  He laughed as she took his hand and led him towards the stairs.

  DAY 352

  Jason dropped his keys into the bowl on the table by the door and looked round at the empty room. “Rob?”

  “I got off early so he went home to get ready for his, and I quote, ‘super hot’ date.”

  He smiled at Charlotte as she emerged from the kitchen and walked across the room. “Phoebe?”

  “No, he and Phoebe broke up two weeks ago, remember?”

  He frowned, trying to recall. It was sometimes hard to keep up with his brother’s dating habits nowadays. “So who’s he going out with tonight?”

  Charlotte slid her arms around his neck. “Someone he met today at the supermarket.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Is Rob using Trina to pick up girls again?”

  She laughed. “Oh yes. She was boasting how she’d got two pretty ladies to give him their phone numbers today. Didn’t he do the same before we met?”

  “He didn’t date much then. It was difficult with him looking after Trina.” He smiled. “I suppose he deserves to have some fun. Even if he is corrupting our daughter.”