by Jade White
She reached out for him, wanting to say that she didn’t care, and that it hardly mattered, but the words got tangled on the way to her mouth. “Carwin,” she said, her tone more plaintive than she had intended.
“Please,” he begged. “Let us not speak of it.” He turned away, and Eleri lowered her arm, a hollow feeling in her chest. “The food should be ready in a moment,” he said, fleeing back to the fire.
Not knowing what else to do, Eleri walked over to the tree to fetch her arrows. She raised her eyebrows at what she saw. The last arrow she had fired, right before the ill-advised kiss, had buried itself so far in the center of the knot that she couldn’t remove it. Right on target, she thought, her smile bitter.
*******************
If the ride had been awkward before, it was now almost unbearable. Carwin didn’t speak; he seemed to be lost in his own dark thoughts, and Eleri was in no mood to try and draw him out. If she had been a more petty sort of person, she might have insisted that he walk again, but she was much more disappointed and hurt than she was angry.
Where had it gone wrong? At first, he had seemed to reciprocate, but then he had pushed her away. She wasn’t sure what that meant. Was he interested but afraid of impugning her honor? Or had he simply reacted instinctively before remembering who she was, a child in his eyes, just as she feared?
Night fell as they rode in silence. Eleri had cycled through several emotions as the hours passed, confusion and sadness being paramount, but as that faded, she began to feel a bit annoyed. Didn’t she at least deserve an explanation? It was bad enough to be rejected, especially when it had been so difficult to express her attraction in the first place. She still couldn’t believe that she had even dared. To receive such mixed messages in response, and then for him to refuse to tell her why he didn’t want her was more than a bit insulting.
She brooded about this as the moon rose, and just as she thought she might give him a piece of her mind, he pulled the horse to a halt. Eleri frowned, knowing this was neither the time nor place to stop. “What...?” she started to ask.
“Shhh,” he hissed in her ear before sliding off the horse. “Something isn’t right.” Even at a whisper, his voice was unnaturally loud, and that was when she realized the forest had gone silent. Myfanwy shied beneath her, and she took the reins in her hand, patting the mare’s neck to calm her though her own heart was already racing. She looked toward Carwin and could see his drawn sword gleaming silver in the moonlight.
They waited an interminable moment with no sound but the sigh of the horse’s breath, and then, in the distance, she saw tiny pinpricks of light moving through the trees. She frowned, unable to make sense of them, until she realized that all the glowing dots came in sets of two. They were eyes, reflecting gleams of moonlight like little lanterns as they moved inexorably toward her.
Eleri barely had time to process this, a fearful gasp exiting her lips, when a growl on her opposite side announced the arrival of a monstrous, shadowy wolf. Its eyes were red with madness and dark magic, and as it leaped at the horse, she screamed in terror. Carwin was there, a shadow with a bright blade. He slashed at the evil beast, and it jumped away with a yelp.
They were alone for the moment, but she knew others were coming. Carwin turned to her, his expression grim in the pale light. “Ride hard for the temple. I’ll hold them off here.”
“That’s crazy!” she said, shaking her head in denial. There were at least twenty wolves out there. One man wouldn’t stand a chance against so many, no matter his skill. “We should both flee.”
“You’ll have a better chance alone,” he said in a tone that brooked no argument. “Do not stop. I will meet you there.”
Eleri hesitated, unwilling to leave him. He may have rejected her, but that did not erase the fact that she cared for him. Three wolves stalked into her field of vision, growling with their hackles raised, and the decision was taken out of her hands. “Go!” Carwin shouted, slapping Myfanwy’s rump with the flat of his blade, and they were racing off into the darkness.
Eleri had to cling to the mare’s neck just to stay mounted, and she could hear nothing but the thudding of hooves on the ground and the pounding of her own heartbeat. Tears had sprung to her eyes; she knew, with a horrible sense of finality, that there was no way she would ever see Carwin again. That their last day together had been marred by disagreement was something she was sure she would regret for the rest of her life.
There was a sudden gust of air from overhead, and a huge shadow passed over the moon, frightening the mare enough to stop her in her tracks. A roar echoed through the night, so loud that the ground vibrated underneath them. A dragon! There could be no mistaking it, though Eleri felt like pinching herself to be sure she wasn’t dreaming.
The shock faded quickly, to be replaced by horror and grief. If a dragon had gone to aid the wolves... A choked sob escaped her, and she turned the horse back the way they had come. She never should have left him. Whatever he felt about it, Carwin was the only good thing that remained in her life, and she had just left him to die.
Not that she could save him, she reminded herself coldly. Going back would only mean that they would die together. Part of her felt that would be preferable to continuing alone, but another part of her was afraid to die, and furthermore, was disgusted by her willingness to give up on behalf of a man she had known for only three days.
All these thoughts warred within her as the minutes passed, and before she had managed to come to a decision, she realized that the sounds of battle had stopped. The forest was once against humming with the chirps and croaks of secret life. She did not really want to see what had become of Carwin; the images her mind supplied were horrifying enough.
But she felt that she owed it to him, and perhaps, by some miracle, he was still alive. At the very least, if she could not help him, she might be able to say farewell.
She clicked her tongue at Myfanwny, and they went back up the road at a cautious trot, Eleri’s eyes and ears straining for anything that did not belong. It was hard to know how far they had traveled during their panicked flight, but she was sure they would eventually come upon some sign of battle, and sure enough, she could see a downed tree across the road ahead, embers glowing in the darkness marking where dragon fire had seared the wood.
There was a body too, a wolf lying mangled in the dirt. Eleri made to dismount, fearing she wouldn’t be able to find Carwin in the dark, and then a shape rose out of the shadows. She opened her mouth to scream.
“I told you I would meet you there. Do you have so little faith in me, or are you just obstinate?” came the voice she most wanted and least expected to hear.
“Carwin!” she exclaimed, leaping down to embrace him. He didn’t bother to object, but if he had, she wouldn’t have cared, she was so glad to see him alive. It was difficult to tell his condition in the moonlight, but he smelled like blood and was visibly limping. “Are you hurt badly?”
“I’ll be fine, I promise. Let’s just get to the Temple before we run into anything else,” he said in a strained voice. She gave him one last look before shaking her head and getting back on the horse. He pulled himself up behind her with a grunt of effort, and she could feel him trembling with pain and fatigue. She guided Myfanwny back down the road, pressing her heels against the mare’s sides until they went at an easy trot. Carwin leaned heavily against her back, and just from that, she knew he must be in bad shape.
“I was sure you were...,” she swallowed, unwilling to say the word. “After I saw the dragon, I couldn’t imagine how you could win.”
“I suppose you couldn’t fail to notice that,” he replied, his voice thick with exhaustion. “The dragon fought the wolves and flew off, if you’ll believe me.”
Eleri let out a surprised huff of laughter, but the memory of her previous dreams immediately came to mind. It seemed the dragon had protected them after all.
*********************
They finally arrived at the Templ
e a few hours before dawn. The gates were closed, but the guards let them in when they saw Carwin’s condition. He had been dozing fitfully against her back, and it was only her fear for him that had kept her awake. In the early morning light, she could see that he was covered in blood, and she could only hope that most of it wasn’t his own.
A group of druids and initiates ran out to aid them, helping Carwin dismount and carrying him, over grumbled protests, to where the healers lived.
She made to follow after, but one of the druids, another young woman, put a hand on her arm. “You need rest as well. Your companion is in good hands.”
“Are you sure he’s going to be all right?” she asked, looking back at the retreating group and biting her lip.
The druid smiled gently. “I do not know much about healing, my lady, but the others did not seem overly concerned. I doubt he is in any danger, but if you are truly worried, I will ask the healers after I have shown you to your room.” That was all Eleri could ask for. It wasn’t as if she could do anything to help, after all, and as the other young woman showed her to a room inside a small cottage on the edge of the Temple grounds, she felt her limbs go leaden with fatigue. She didn’t even bother getting undressed before crawling into the bed, and she fell asleep before she had a chance to worry further.
CHAPTER FOUR
Two days passed before they would let him out of bed. Carwin was fairly sure the pain-killing tea they’d been giving him was a sedative, and not because he particularly needed the rest. The healer’s assistant had mentioned that he’d been an uncooperative patient, and though he didn’t remember most of it, he was ashamed to hear he’d made trouble for them.
Still, except for a few cuts that had had to be stitched and a lot of painful bruises, he had survived his encounter in one piece. He sat up, suppressing a groan at the protests of sore muscles and joints. “Do you know what happened to Eleri? Is she all right?”
“I assume you’re referring to the young lady that arrived with you?” the initiate replied. “She appears to be in good health and has been to visit you several times. As to her current location, I suspect she is helping to prepare for the festival along with everyone else.”
“Festival?” Carwin asked, blinking in surprise. Of course, he had no way of knowing what time of year it was, except to guess by the weather and plant growth that it was sometime in the spring. The mere existence of a festival was a reminder that he was no longer a still monument to the passage of time but had been thrust right back into the flow of it.
“You two really have had a hard time on the road,” the initiate said, shaking his head with a confused frown. “Tonight is Nos Calan Mai. You’re welcome to join the festivities, if you’re feeling up to it.”
Of course, it would be Calan Mai, Carwin thought to himself sometime later, after he’d been led to the bath house and was washing the blood and grime from his hair. The one day of the year when sex outside of marriage was not only expressly permitted but somewhat encouraged. Lovemaking in the fields and woods supposedly ensured fertility and luck throughout the coming seasons. It was considered unwise for noble young ladies to participate in these peasant traditions, but that did not hold true for young lords or their sons. When Carwin had been young...
He shook his head. If they had been just a bit less swift on the road, or if he had not been injured, the day might have passed with neither of them the wiser. Arriving at the Temple at this moment seemed to him to be more than simple chance. He had no doubt that the druids would encourage Eleri to participate. They knew her predicament as well as he, if not better, and a day of revelry would be the perfect thing to take her mind off her troubles.
His initial hope had been that after the death of her family, Eleri might decide to join the Temple, and he had no doubt the druids hoped the same. There were fewer and fewer young people called to their way of life, and if she bore a child conceived on Nos Calan Mai, the druids would greet this as a blessing rather than with scorn or reproach.
But now that the time had come, the thought of her in the arms of another man made Carwin feel ill. He had feelings for her. It was something he was loathe to acknowledge and had tried his best to prevent. Now he felt like the gods themselves were pulling them together, despite the fact that it would only end in tragedy.
Of course, it was possible that after his panicked rejection of her a few days earlier, she would no longer be interested. That would be the best outcome for everyone if he asked her and she refused him. He knew that, and still, he knew that he would ask, regardless.
It was already afternoon by the time he was clean and dressed, and then he went to speak with the Archdruid. The elder woman thanked him for the warning about Dywell, though it seemed she hardly needed it. She knew much about him and his errand but informed him, with an odd sort of smile, that the guidance he sought would have to wait until after the holiday. Now, he had no excuse but to go and join the festivities, and as he made his way to the courtyard, he felt as nervous as a young boy on his way to his first village dance.
*****************
As Eleri watched the druids light the bonfire, her mind was more turbulent than the crackling flames. She’d gone to see Carwin not a half-hour previously and had been told that he was gone. Not gone from the temple—his things were still there, but he was out of bed. She was relieved that he was all right and glad that he had not managed to leave without saying goodbye, but she did wonder where he was.
Was he avoiding her because of what had happened the other day?
One of the younger druids, a woman called Rhian, had explained what the festival was all about. It was not something that had been celebrated at the castle, though Eleri had heard the servants talking about going to the village to dance around the fire. The druid had also told her that she would be welcome as an initiate at the Temple, and that they took no vows of chastity. At this, Rhian gave her a cheeky wink. Eleri got the feeling she was being encouraged to enjoy the revelries to their fullest extent.
It was a tempting offer, to be sure. A lifetime of security and safety in exchange for service to the gods, and, if she wished, she might wed another initiate and have children. The idea of marrying someone that she chose was itself a revelation, but whenever she tried to picture it, she could only see Carwin’s face. No matter how many times her brain reminded her that he had already rejected her advances, her heart refused to listen. Now she knew why the tales always said that love could make you crazy.
Though she wouldn’t have liked to admit it, the only reason she had even agreed to attend the festival in the first place was because she hoped that Carwin might be there. Despite Rhian’s reassurances about the gods’ approval, Eleri could not imagine even considering giving herself to a stranger. He was a different story entirely.
But Carwin was nowhere to be seen, and the longer she watched, the less Eleri felt like remaining. She was an outsider here, and the easy laughter and smiles of the celebrants seemed foreign and almost forbidding. She decided to get herself some food and drink and take it back to her room, but she had only begun to stand when a voice made her heart turn over in her chest. “Would you care to dance?”
She managed to restrain herself from leaping into his arms and placed her hand in his with a smile. “I would very much, but I’m afraid I don’t know the steps.” Carwin smiled back. He looked better than she had expected after their ordeal. There was a cut healing on his forehead, but otherwise, he looked as healthy and fit as ever.
He laughed as he pulled her close and put an arm around her waist, “I think you’ll find them easy to learn, as the dance mainly consists of jumping and twirling in a circle. Considering nearly everyone has already been drinking, as long as we don’t fall down, I doubt anyone will notice.”
He was right. They whirled around the fire until they were out of breath, along with more than a dozen other laughing couples. The music was lively but rarely followed any particular tune, and as long the dancers kept from trippi
ng over each other, it didn’t seem to matter that few of them were matching their steps. Eventually, they were forced to stagger away from the fire before they fell down from dizziness, and Carwin winced as he sat down heavily on a log bench.
“Are you all right?” she asked, concerned. “You’re probably not recovered enough to be dancing like a lunatic,” she added with a teasing smile.
“I’m fine,” he grumbled, before sighing and running a hand through his hair. “I am rather sore,” he admitted. “That was closer to being devoured by wolves than I would have liked to come. I never thanked you for coming back for me. It would have been a long walk.”
Eleri sat on the log next to him, not quite able to look in his direction as she spoke. “I couldn’t just leave you there, not knowing,” she said, swallowing back a knot of emotions at the memory.
“I wouldn’t have blamed you,” he replied softly. “Not just out of reasonable concern for your own safety. I know that I hurt you. You were right to be angry.”
She turned and frowned at him. “I was upset, but certainly not enough to leave you for dead. Gods, Carwin, no matter how angry I was, I never would have.”
