A Fallow Heart

by Kage, Linda

  “We didn’t have sex, did we?”

  He winced but refused to give in. “I can still help you with the baby, Jo Ellen. Whatever I have to do, I’ll do it.”

  He’d meant those words from the bottom of his heart. Hell, he still would’ve meant them to this very day if she found herself in the same situation.

  But she had shaken her head, refusing to let him throw away his future because she’d done something stupid, as she called it, and gotten herself into trouble. He tried to argue, telling her he didn’t care whose baby it was, he’d love it and raise it as his own.

  In response, Jo Ellen doubled over in pain, clutching her abdomen as she moaned an un-human sound of misery.

  He still felt guilty about that, worried he’d been the one responsible for upsetting her into having the miscarriage.

  “Man, you’ve really buffed up in the past ten years,” Em said, drawing him back from a conversation that had potentially induced the girl of his dreams to lose her baby, and to the conversation in Tommy Creek’s bar ten years later.

  Damn it, why had he tried arguing with her about raising the child, why had he upset her even more?

  Coop patted his belly and forced a smile. “Yeah, Mom’s fattened me up since I moved back home.” But his nerves strung themselves stiff with irritation as he mentioned his mother. After finding that damning letter, he’d yet to talk to his mom.

  But he didn’t want to think about that right now, even though it was another reason he’d been craving a night out, away from home.

  Emma Leigh snorted. “Fat! What fat? You’re pure muscle, boy.” She reached out to squeeze his bicep only to gasp as she prodded his taut flesh with investigative pokes. “Good God, Coop. That’s rock solid right there. Do you eat straight iron for breakfast or what?”

  “Okay, okay,” Branson cut in, laughing nervously as he grasped Em’s wrist and manually removed her hand from Coop’s body. “That’s enough of touching the nice man’s muscles, dear.”

  Coop chuckled as he studied her husband. Decked out in a prim and proper polo shirt with Dockers pants, the guy had city written all over him, yet Cooper found himself liking him anyway. He’d never pictured Em settling down with anyone in the first place, but if he had to pair her off, a man with this kind of staid, preppy look about him would definitely not have been his first guess. And yet, his friend seemed extremely content.

  Cooper shook his head. Fate didn’t let you choose who you fell in love with; that was for damn sure. Just ask his mother.

  “He seems more like the type to hook up with the princess,” he told Em before realizing what he’d just said.

  Emma Leigh propped her elbow on Cooper’s shoulder and studied her own husband. “Yeah,” she fully agreed. “But I love him anyway.”

  Branson glanced from Em to Cooper, scowling. “Huh?” he said. “Translation please.”

  Emma swept away from Cooper to kiss her husband full on the mouth. “Coop says you look like you belong more with Joey than you do me.”

  Arching a brow, Branson slid his gaze over her shoulder and grinned almost guiltily at Cooper. “Well, actually,” he started, the tops of his cheeks glowing with a light blush. “I tried for Jo Ellen first. But this one tricked me, so I ended up stuck with her instead.” By the satisfied gleam in his eyes, he didn’t seem too upset about the deception.

  But his account of events had Emma glaring at him, obviously not amused. “I did not trick you.”

  Snorting, Branson crinkled his brow and with a very bland voice, stated, “If you’ll recall, the only reason I kissed you that first night was because I thought you were Jo Ellen.”

  Emma jerked away from him and set her hands on her hip. “What I recall is that you didn’t kiss me at all. I kissed you, moron. And the only reason you pulled away was because you thought I was her.”

  “Well, what the hell were you doing, parading around as her anyway? If I’d known it was you, I might’ve—”

  A couple of stools away from Cooper, Lexi plopped down, seemingly unconcerned by the yelling match going on between her brother and his wife. With a glance at Dex, she said, “We might as well order our supper now. This’ll probably take a while.”

  “—If you had really known it was me, you probably would’ve kissed me before I could put the moves on you.”

  “Oh, bullshit. You irritated the hell out of me back then.”

  “You mean I intrigued you.”

  Realizing the heat in their eyes really had nothing to do with anger and a whole lot to do with enthusiasm, Coop leaned toward their seated companions to ask, “So, they do this a lot, huh?”

  Lexi rolled her eyes and spotted a bowl full of beer nuts on the counter in front of her. Pulling them close, she stuffed her mouth and talked around the peanuts. “Oh, all the time.”

  “They like it,” Dex added, snagging his own handful. “It’s weird.”

  “But strangely works for them.” Lexi shrugged.

  “Well some people, especially identical twins, should have a little common courtesy and let a person know who she is before she goes and kisses him.”

  As Branson ranted, Dex paused his chewing to frown at his wife. “Are you sure it’s okay for you to eat all this salt?”

  “I’m starving!” Lexi exploded just as Emma railed, “Oh! You…how could you not know it was me if you supposedly had such a big crush on me?”

  “Besides,” Lexi muttered to Dex, “I don’t know how I can retain any more fluids. I already feel like a walking water balloon as it is.”

  Thoroughly entertained by the two conversations interweaving around him, Cooper leaned back against the wall and watched, munching on his own handful of nuts.

  Branson scowled at Emma Leigh as if absolutely affronted. “I do not get crushes.” The word was obviously beneath him. “I may have had a small thing for you—”

  “A thing called a crush,” Emma Leigh taunted, but her husband ignored her as he finished, “But you were acting a hell of lot like Jo Ellen that night, wearing that…that dress.”

  “A dress?” Coop arched his eyebrows. “Wow, you have changed, Em.”

  Emma Leigh grinned over at him and winked. “I looked good in it too.” Then she whirled back to glare at her husband. “And I can dress up like Jo Ellen if I so desire. It doesn’t mean I am her.”

  “You knew I couldn’t tell which one you were!” Branson thundered. “And you purposely kept the truth from me, teasing me.”

  Chuckling under his breath, Coop nudged Lexi’s elbow. “Just imagine how they’re going to fight when they become parents.”

  Both Branson and Emma stopped bickering to instantly focus on him. In unison, they answered, “We are.”

  Their argument forgotten, the proud parents descended upon Coop in a flood, pulling up pictures on their cell phones to show off three-month old Brand.

  Elbowing Emma Leigh aside to jostle closer to Cooper, Branson snorted. “Your shot is too blurry. This is much clearer; you can actually see his face. Look at that chin. Doesn’t he have my chin?”

  It was sweet how the two new parents were so obviously satisfied with their newborn. Yet it depressed him. Em—who’d never shown any interest in boys all through school—had married a good man, then popped out a kid to be proud of, while he…well, Cooper had nothing.

  It made him wonder if Jo Ellen—

  He heaved that thought out of his head as soon as it sprouted. She wasn’t anything to him, just one big what if. So why did the simple thought of her married to someone else make him feel so anxious and antsy? And of course, she had to be married by now with a half-a-dozen adorable babies clinging to her knees. A woman like Jo Ellen Rawlings wouldn’t stay single for long.

  Curiosity burned in his gut as Cooper licked his lips and wondered if Em would read too much into his words if he somehow managed to slip in a question about what her twin was up to these days, or if she was going to attend the reunion too?

  “He’s a cute kid,” he said, glan
cing at Emma Leigh before shaking his head. “Geez, I can’t believe you had a baby just a few months ago.”

  Sending her husband a smug grin, Em preened. “See. Cooper thinks I still look hot.”

  Branson pulled her close, sending Coop a glare. Cooper shook his head and chuckled. “So where is the little tyke?”

  Emma sniffed. “Do you honestly think my parents are going to let him out of their sight for a minute while we’re visiting? He’s their first and only grandbaby. As soon as we showed up, they kidnapped him and have been spoiling him rotten ever since. We’ve hardly gotten to see him.”

  Their only grandkid, huh? Jo Ellen must not have a gaggle of babies then. Instantly, he winced, guilty for the relief he experienced.

  “…Thank goodness we decided to come down for the whole week,” Emma Leigh rambled on. “The new grandparents probably would’ve hog-tied us and trapped us in the basement if we’d tried to make this a single-day trip. I coaxed Joey into coming down from Dallas for the entire week, too; she’s only seen Brand once since he was born.”

  “Dallas?” Coop repeated, his attention whooshing into focus. “She’s living in Dallas?”

  “Yep. And Caine’s in Fort Worth if you can believe that. He’s a big time photographer these days. And barely twenty-four, to boot.”

  “Wow.” Cooper made the right sounds, even though his mind returned to Dallas.

  She was in Dallas.

  It made sense. She’d always been so polished and chic as if she had belonged in a big city from birth.

  “You should really check out his website. Even for my annoying little brother, the damn boy has talent.”

  Cooper nodded politely. But Dallas? How long has she been in Dallas?

  “So you said you’d moved back home, huh,” Emma said, changing the subject abruptly. Scrambling to catch up with the switch in conversation, Cooper gave her plenty of time to add, “When’d you do that? And when’d you move out in the first place?”

  “Uh…I bought a place straight out of college and started my own agricultural business, spraying, and fertilizing, and such. But…” He let out a soul-weighing sigh as he added the miserable part; “I sold my house and moved back to the farm about a year before we had to put Dad in a nursing home.”

  “Oh my God.” Emma’s mouth dropped open as she set her hand on Cooper’s arm. “You had to put Thad in a home? He must hate that.”

  Coop stared at her hand, trying to calm the panic and misery eating at him whenever he thought of his father. “When he remembers who he is, yeah, he’s raring to get out of there. But…” The words died in his throat as his voice failed him.

  Jesus, he hated it when he had to explain what had become of his dad.

  “Remembers who he is?” Emma repeated, shaking her head. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with him?”

  Cooper swallowed down the lump in his throat. “He has Dementia.”

  Pressing her hand to her mouth, Em gasped and studied Coop with enough pity to just about unravel him.

  His dad had always been larger than life in his eyes. Steady, dependable, hard-working. Now, he was a shell of a man. It rattled Cooper every time he visited the nursing home.

  Before he could stop himself, he spilled out the whole story. When he and his mother recognized what was happening, Coop had moved home to help with the daily chores. But as his father declined, Coop’s responsibilities doubled. Finally, he dropped his spraying business and took over his father’s job full time. Thad might’ve forgotten most everything, but he hadn’t forgotten he was a farmer. Every day, he’d tried to climb onto a tractor and start it.

  For a couple months, they’d hidden all the keys from him. Then he’d fallen off when trying to climb onto one and bruised his hip so bad it was a miracle he hadn’t broken it. That’s when Loren and Coop decided he needed to go to a nursing home, where he couldn’t wander off and hurt himself.

  Thad’s mind had only decayed from there. Most days, Thad didn’t recognize Cooper’s face. To top everything, Cooper had found that damn, incriminating letter a month ago when he’d been helping his mother clear out all of Thad’s old clothes. He hadn’t been able to look her in the eye since, too confused and strangely upset. His entire foundation where his parents were concerned felt rocked and no longer stable. It was almost as if he didn’t even know who he was himself any longer.

  “Poor Loren,” Em cooed, making him grit his teeth to keep from blurting out his new awkwardness with his mother. “She must be miserable; used to having Thad around all the time.”

  Coop managed a tight nod. “Stacia keeps trying to get her to move in with her and her boys, but…”

  “Is Stacia your wife,” Branson butted in, sounding hopeful.

  Coop managed to hide a grin as he shook his head. “No. My sister. She lives about five hours away and has three kids. All boys. But Mom says she refuses to leave Dad here by himself.”

  It took all he had not to sound sarcastic. But his whole life, he’d adored his mother and everyone knew that. To suddenly show any kind of disapproval toward her in public would only produce a bunch of questions he really didn’t want to answer. So, if his mother wanted to pretend she really missed his father, he’d go along with that story. Sure.

  He didn’t know what to do about either of his parents. The helpless frustration he’d felt since moving Thad to the nursing home to this new knowledge he’d gained about Loren made it hard for him to breathe, burning his windpipe.

  As if realizing he needed some kind of diversion before he disgraced himself and broke down, the door quivered open, stirring warm outdoor air into the bar. Cooper had no idea what possessed him to look; it was as if he sensed her or something. Drawn like a magnet, he lifted his gaze and froze, unable to even breathe as Jo Ellen Rawlings appeared between the scarred old doors and swept inside.

  Suddenly very alert, he continued to hold motionless while every nerve ending in his body twitched like a live wire, ready to electrocute the first thing he touched.

  The feminine way she moved, the tilt of her head, the way she wore her hair. God, she was breathtaking. She was so…so Jo Ellen.

  He told himself he hadn’t been pining for her. But seeing her brought about an almost painful awareness, making his skin grow tight and foreign. He couldn’t work his lungs right, and his hearing went wonky so he couldn’t make out anything Emma Leigh said to him past the buzzing in his eardrums.

  He quietly exhaled a long breath, trying to calm himself before he nudged Em’s elbow. “Expecting any more to join your party tonight?”

  Chapter Nine

  Jo Ellen took a deep breath as she entered the tavern, paying careful attention to dropping her keys into her purse and clicking the latch closed.

  She hated entering a social establishment alone. She should’ve just told Emma Leigh she’d meet her at their parents’ house where they were staying the entire week.

  Thank God she heard her sister’s voice as soon as she tucked her purse under her arm. “Hey, Joey. Over here.”

  She didn’t know what she would’ve done, loitering around the bar and looking pathetic all by her lonesome until Emma Leigh had arrived. Relieved she didn’t have to worry about any of that, she smiled and glanced toward the call to find Alexa and Dexter gathered around Branson and her sister. Her step faltered before she regained her momentum, forcing herself to suck it up. If she was going to be stuck as their fifth wheel for the entire week, she might as well get used to it now.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. I ran into a traffic jam on the interstate and—”

  “You’re not late.” Em checked the Rolex on her wrist. “You’re ten minutes early.”

  “I am?” Jo Ellen frowned and consulted her own slim, silver watch. “Then what’re you doing here?”

  Her sister really had changed if she actually ran on time these days.

  Emma Leigh tossed back her long, dark hair and laughed before explaining, “Oh no. I haven’t changed that much.” She hooked a
loving thumb Branson’s way. “Even Mr. Dependable here can’t keep me on time for anything. This one is all Lexi’s fault. She was starving, which forced us to get here early.”

  As they glanced in unison at Dexter’s wife, the bartender served her a plate of steaming barbeque. She grinned and waved before she picked up a sauce-dripping rib with her bare fingers and tore into the juicy meat.

  Jo Ellen smiled fondly and neared Alexa to set her hand on the baby bump. “How’s my little goddaughter doing in there?” She stroked once before she felt an answering kick. The sign of growing life caught her in the throat, choking her up. So bittersweet, it had her blinking back tears as she dropped her fingers from Lexi’s abdomen.

  Nearby, Dexter corrected her, saying, “Godson.”

  She brightened. “Oh, you found out the gender?”

  “Oops.” Emma Leigh cringed. “Forgot to tell you. They’re having a boy.”

  Jo Ellen rolled her eyes. How typical of her sister to forget something so important. Setting her hand on her hip in a scolding manner, she angled a frown at Emma Leigh’s husband. “I thought we discussed this, Branson. You were supposed to work on her communication skills, remember?” She tried to look stern but was sure he could see the teasing glint in her eyes, not to mention the lips she tightened to keep from grinning.

  He lifted his hands in surrender. “Hey, she has no problem communicating to me, telling me whenever I mess something up.” Then he grinned, showing how much he didn’t mind such communication.

  Jo Ellen laughed, pleased to see her sister so happily married to a man who adored her. This was exactly the life she’d always dreamed of for her twin…and herself.

  As the amused sound chimed from her vocal chords, she heard a sharp intake of breath nearby, from the man seated at the bar next to her group. She could make out a vague, blurry image of him from her peripheral vision. By his jeans, boots, and hat, he screamed local, which was exactly why she refused to glance over and focus on his face. From the instant she’d entered Rio’s, she’d been too nervous to look directly at anyone besides the four she’d come to see, too afraid she might recognize someone from years ago.