Nina’s boots tapped lightly as she moved over to toward him. Stopped short. The space between them was an abyss, a world.
“Douglas, what happened?” The softness of her tone, the caring beneath it, reminded him of how close he’d been to recovering a life together just an hour ago.
He steeled himself against the cavern full of feelings he didn’t have time to deal with. Impatient to be on the road, he grabbed a couple of shirts off the hangers.
“I didn’t say you and the girls have to come home. Just me.” He jammed the clothes into his bag.
Her head snapped back. She dragged in a breath and then repeated, “What happened?”
“The primary milking machine broke.” He zipped the bag. Marched to the bathroom for his razor. “It’s irreparable. I have to figure out what to do with our herd.”
“I’ll come with you. Maybe the girls can stay here with Ashlynn. I can help.”
“I’ve got it handled.” The thought of her seeing more ways their family home was falling apart made him sick to his stomach. “I’ll figure out how to salvage things somehow.”
She sagged to sit on the edge of the bed. “If you’re already determined to give up and sell the place, what does it matter how bad the problem is?”
He bristled at the argumentative tone in her voice. “Nina, we have responsibilities to the animals in our care until the day comes to sell them.”
“And the Jacksons can handle things until the kids and I can pack, too.” Flames danced in her amber eyes.
“My farm is not the Jacksons’ responsibility.”
She fixed him with a stare. Face tight, lips thinning into a tight line. “Your farm? Your farm? Like the girls and I are just guests and it’s not our home, too?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“But it’s what you said. Douglas, you’re shutting me out again, and that hurts, even worse than before because you gave me hope that you could change.” She stood in front of the door, searching his face. “You’re choosing to push me away. Is that what you truly want?”
Even with everything riding on his answer, he couldn’t come up with the words she needed. “Real life isn’t like a communication class at the Top Dog Dude Ranch.”
Even as he said it, he could feel the air leave the room. Without a word, Nina stepped aside, clearing the way for him to leave.
He steeled his resolve, using it to insulate himself against this final blow, the worst loss of all. The loss of his family. Because there was no doubt, he’d just lit a match to the wreckage of his life.
Chapter Thirteen
Nina was destroyed. Shattered. She wanted to curl up in bed and cry herself to sleep for days. But the girls wanted to pick second-season crops with their new friends. Ironic since they had to be hog-tied to do those same chores at home.
Home.
Her throat closed.
The pain of Douglas’s about-face was all the more painful because of the stupid, stupid way she’d allowed herself to hope he’d changed. Yet at the first sign of trouble, he’d gone right back to being the Douglas of before.
Distant. Shutting her out.
Sitting cross-legged on a quilt beside her sister, Nina cradled a mug of hot apple cider in one hand and stroked the purring calico cat in her lap with the other. Eyes tracking her daughters as they pulled carrots out of the ground, she inhaled warming scents of cinnamon and the tang of still-damp dirt. She’d offered to join them, but their horrified expressions made it clear she would cramp their style with their new buddies.
At least that gave her more time to enjoy the last bit of Ashlynn’s visit. She needed her sister, needed to pour out her heart to someone who knew her well and wouldn’t judge.
Because she’d messed up her life and she didn’t know how to make things right. Douglas had driven off right after their fight, the truck kicking up a cloud of dust on his way back to their farm. She hadn’t heard a word from him. He wasn’t answering calls or texts. She fluctuated from mad to worried to angry all over again. He’d spent their entire trip at the ranch trying to woo her, only to cut her off when they should be closer than ever.
And just that fast, her anger shifted to hurt.
Blinking back tears, she stared down into her cider, steam winding through the air before fading.
Ashlynn nudged her knee, cupping her own mug of cider. “The girls seem to be enjoying themselves.”
Nina attempted a smile, trying to locate the same source of optimism Ashlynn continuously drew from. Her sister made hope look as effortless as her elegant dark curls. “I’m glad Jacob and Hollie let them see the puppies after the veterinarian cleared them and was checking over the protective mama dog.”
“Weren’t those the cutest puppies ever?” Ashlynn stirred a cinnamon stick in the paper mug. “You would hardly recognize them from when we saw them in the woods.”
There were nine puppies, approximately three weeks old, fluffy and alert. Some were yellow, some chocolate. The girls hadn’t been allowed to touch them, but they’d stared entranced for a solid twenty minutes.
Stroking her fingers through the calico’s plush fur, Nina continued, “Kelsey’s already begging to come back and get one of the chocolate-colored pups when they’re old enough. I haven’t figured out how to tell her I’m not even sure she’ll be able to keep the pets she already has when we move.”
“Uhm, it may be nothing, but...” Ashlynn picked at her leggings, a nervous habit from as long as Nina had known her. “Before the girls come back, there’s something we need to discuss. I had a conversation with Kelsey while you were gone, and I’m a little concerned.”
Nina went cold inside. “How so?”
“She seems really stressed, to the point she kept gripping her stomach and rubbing her forehead. She talked about how upset she’s been with the struggles you and Douglas have had. She even mentioned being scared of moving. She had questions about those feelings being so bad a person could worry about dying.”
“Dying?” Nina pressed a hand to her chest over her racing heart. That her daughter might have carried such fears had her own stomach roiling. “What did you say to her?”
“I shared some stories about how I felt in foster care, trying to help her label her feelings. I even talked her through a sensory exercise for calming down.” Her cheeks puffed on a hefty exhale.
“Did it seem to help?”
“Tough to tell. Maybe she’s truly sick, but also I know what it’s like for the body to shout when your heart’s hurting. And you have to admit the girls are dealing with a lot of the same problems you are. They’re just viewing them from an even more confusing perspective.” Ashlynn gave her a pointed look. “Do you want to talk about why Douglas tore off like a bat out of hell?”
Truth be told, the roller coaster of emotions had left her at a loss for words. From her lap, the calico had no such trouble articulating her sentiments, mewing softly before stretching an orange-and-black paw to Nina’s hand that grasped the cider. Nina scratched the cat’s head, taking a beat to gather her thoughts when her heart was breaking in the middle of a world that seemed full of joy.
In front of the quilt edges, a toddler boy with bright auburn hair careened toward his mother. He held a cabbage that was easily half the size of his body. He dropped the vegetable in a slightly worn wooden basket, clapping his hands together in triumph.
Nina tried to tamp down the jealousy brewing in her gut as she looked on at families and young couples gathering carrots and pumpkins. Why was happily-ever-after so easy for everyone else? Leashing the pain, she readied herself to explain the painful turn of events with Douglas to her sister.
“Our night away was going so well. Then the bottom fell out with yet another crisis at the farm and he ran.” The memory of his stony expression in the bed they shared floated before her mind’s eye. “I need a man who will be
there for me. I can’t keep wondering when he will check out again.”
Ashlynn set her cider down on the quilt and gave Nina’s hand a tight squeeze. “Oh, hon, I’m so sorry to hear that.”
Tears begged for release, gathering in the corners of her eyes. Blinking up at her, the calico’s deep rumbling purr intensified.
“And it’s not just me he’s hurting. The kids are losing so much.” Nina stared off into the distance; about fifty yards away, Kacie and Kelsey were filling a bushel with an assortment of beets, carrots and winter squash. “They complain sometimes about all the work around the farm, but I know they’re going to miss the life when we move.”
“So you’re just giving up on that dream?”
Exasperation had her hands shaking so hard she had to set her cider aside to keep it from sloshing over the side. “He’s the one who wants to sell the place. Not me.” Remembering those arguments made her mad all over again. “If it were up to me, I would have fought to the bitter end to save my childhood home—if I’d had one.”
“And you’re absolutely sure there’s no hope just because the date night ended on a bad note?”
Settling further into her lap, the calico mewed again until Nina resumed petting. The kitty revved those purrs right back up, vibrating against her hand, keeping her from losing her cool altogether. “Things were better since we came here, and that’s what makes his turnaround so hurtful. Although I guess I always knew it would fall apart once we left here.”
“Are you saying you believe this place is really full of magic and once you leave, the fantasy fades?”
“Of course I don’t believe there’s anything mystical about the Top Dog Dude Ranch.” The calico’s head butted her hand to keep her attention. “The O’Briens just do such a good job at getting people in touch with their emotions, helping them connect.”
“And they’re the only people who’ve ever successfully imparted effective couples’ counseling?” Ashlynn asked, staring at her over her mug with an arched brow.
“Now you’re just being argumentative.”
Ashlynn leaned forward, setting her now-empty mug down on the quilt, fixing a gaze full of intensity and caring onto Nina. “Only doing what’s needed to walk you to my point. You and Douglas both don’t have a great track record at asking for help. Counseling may not repair your marriage, but since things are already falling apart, what can it hurt? And it really could also be a help to Kelsey.”
That was the one argument she couldn’t refute. “I promise I’ll think it over.”
“That’s all I’m asking.” Ashlynn’s arms opened wide.
Nina eased the cat from her lap and the calico padded away, tail flicking back and forth. She sank into the hug from her sister—their precious bond a tether in every tempest.
Pulling back from the embrace, Nina dipped her chin toward Kelsey and Kacie, struggling under the weight of their basket. “Let’s go help the girls with their haul.”
* * *
Douglas threw a wrench back into his toolbox, up to his elbows in grease and up to his neck in trouble. His orange tabby launched from behind a stall. Hissing, Waffles leaped onto a half wall, then up to a shelf.
The cold night air iced the sweat on Douglas’s brow. He’d worked all day, tinkering with the tubes and wiring on the broken machinery. The sun slunk from view hours ago. He’d lost track as he worked. Dark night sky devoid of stars and heavy with clouds filtered in through the barn’s open doors as he surrendered to the inevitable. Hershel Jackson had been right about it being broken beyond repair.
It hadn’t taken Douglas too long to get home. Then again, he’d hardly stuck to the speed limit; making calls the whole drive, he’d arranged for neighboring farms to pick up his cows, divvying them up according to how many each spread could handle. It stuck in his craw having to ask for so much help. It was easier giving assistance than accepting it.
Waffles watched with disdainful eyes, tail keeping time like a metronome.
He scrubbed his face, defeat sinking in. Squatting down, he leaned against the barn wall, his muscles sore from hours of bending over the machinery. And for what? Douglas began to wonder if he’d made it worse, like so much else in his life. Nina had begged him so often to keep trying, not to give up on the farm. But it wasn’t that simple for him.
Nina was such a leap-of-faith person, a skill he’d never possessed. If he sold now, maybe, just maybe they could still get enough cash for him to buy a little house for Nina and the girls. If he held on and plan B failed? Then he would lose everything, including any hopes of a good credit score.
If ever he’d needed his brother’s advice...
The pain of that loss was every bit as fresh today as the day of his brother’s accident.
Seeing his brother fall, running, full out trying to save him. Even knowing there was no way to make it before his brother hit the ground, still he pumped his feet hard. He tried.
And he failed.
He’d dropped to the ground beside his brother, calling the ambulance, phone on speaker so his hands were free. He sat beside his brother, trying to keep him talking while not allowing him to move even one iota.
The thought of losing his brother then was incomprehensible. It still was.
He knew he needed to reach out to Nina. Time was slipping away. But he didn’t know what to say and feared making things worse. If that was even possible. Just as he’d been frozen there sitting beside his brother, afraid to move, afraid for his brother to move. Immobility was both comforting and infuriating.
And just like that, he could hear his brother’s wisdom seep through, all the times Tyler had cautioned him about burying his head in the sand to avoid an argument. All the times Tyler had told him to let his feelings out after their parents’ deaths.
All the same things Nina accused him of.
He looked around his barn, the space so full of scars from repairs and patches it was a miracle the four walls were still standing. Was there really a chance the place could be saved as Nina claimed? Could this possibly be an outpost of the Top Dog Dude Ranch? Jacob had mentioned looking to purchase land to open another operation, but might he be interested in a partnership?
It would be a huge risk. A leap of faith.
And hope, a voice whispered from somewhere inside his head.
The last two weeks had shown him how addictive that feeling of hope could be. He’d felt it with Nina. Sensed the possibility of a happier future with her if only he could see beyond the failures of the past to make real changes. Choose a different path.
Was he going to do that? Or bury his head in the sand again? He knew what Tyler would have said. Douglas owed it to Nina and his girls to try harder. Dig deeper, right?
For the sake of his family he intended to explore new possibilities for this place. Because Nina had more than his last name.
She had his heart.
* * *
Adjusting the filter on her camera, Nina captured images of the Strutt Your Mutt parade, full of people and animals in costume. How surreal that they’d already reached their final weekend at the Top Dog Dude Ranch.
The past few days at the ranch without Douglas had been so empty, so full of hurt. She cried herself to sleep, face buried in her pillow so the girls wouldn’t hear her. And for the girls, she was making her best effort to get through this day even though the happiness all around her stung like alcohol on paper cuts. One photo at a time, she used her art as a shield from the hurt, rather than as a joy.
She zoomed in on a pirate escorting his beagle dressed like a parrot. Losing herself in her art offered a welcome distraction from worrying about the end of their time at the ranch. Would that mark the start of her life as a single mom? She’d been so sure just two weeks ago. And now?
She wanted something she couldn’t have. A whole and connected family.
At least the
y would have the Harvest Festival to distract them on their last weekend. Nina was grateful for the extra celebration for the girls, even as she struggled to make it through the day. Apparently this was a tradition at the ranch. Hollie and Jacob had been opening up their grounds to the public this time of year ever since they began their business for a Halloween parade and Barktoberfest games spread out in a cleared field. A giant tic-tac-toe board made of planks was set up off to one side. Children dressed like mermaids and pirates gathered around a rustic wooden table with small pumpkins. The corn toss drew a group of four teenagers from town in a zombie-versus-vampire competition.
Halloween—the frenzied candy rush and silly costumes—was apparently Hollie’s favorite holiday. She had told Nina she liked to see folks come together to laugh.
Her girls certainly took the idea of laughter to heart. While they both opted to dress up as clowns, they’d taken the concept in vastly different directions.
Kacie, outfitted as a rodeo clown, played one of the games, scrunching her face as she tossed ears of corn into a bucket. Her painted cartoonish mouth curved with elation when the corn clanged into the bucket, success lighting her features as she high-fived her sister.
Nina snapped photos in rapid succession, capturing the sweet moment between the girls. She wanted to hold on to every incarnation of joy as tightly as possible, to use the photographs as armor in the years to come.
Remembering her promise to share pictures with Hollie, Nina peeled her camera from the giggling twins. Vendor stations stretched in a line, filling the air with mouthwatering scents of caramel apples, roasted peanuts, hot corn dogs. Popping corn pinged inside a large metal pot, savory butter melting in a pan off to the side.
While magic wasn’t the right word for the atmosphere, enchantment was. She took refuge in the artistic impulses stirring to life in spite of the hole in her heart. She imagined a print or two from the festival hanging in Hollie’s ice cream shop. The fleeting daydream felt like a testament to the power of this place.
Last-Chance Marriage Rescue Page 16
