Break Me Down

by Jennifer Domenico

  She smiles. “I want that too.” After a moment, she looks at me. “You told me before that I was doing really well and learning the things I needed to quickly. Did you mean that?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “You said I would know I was better if the urges to do bad things were gone.”

  I nod. “Right.”

  “They’re gone, Oliver. They have been since I got here. I get it now. I get all of it. I can’t go back to being that person ever again. I want you to be proud of me, and I want you to know how much you helped me.” She caresses my cheek as I take a deep breath. “I’m gonna be fine now, Oliver. I know it.”

  “I know it too, but it’s untested.”

  “Do you really think if I was on a plane right now and a hot guy sat next to me that it would be a temptation?”

  “No, but what about a year from now, when you’re having a bad day? We haven’t discussed coping mechanisms.”

  “Oliver,” she whispers. “Look in my eyes. I want to be yours. I don’t want anyone else.”

  “Kaia…”

  “You know it, don’t you? You’ve always known. It’s undeniable what’s happening between us. Don’t fight it. We’ll figure it out.”

  “I have to think about this. I don’t want to fuck it up.”

  “I know you don’t. You care about me so much, don't you?”

  “Yes,” I whisper. “I do.”

  “I care too, Oliver. It’s not just physical attraction.”

  I scoot away from her before I throw her on the bed. “I’m gonna go now.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m leaving your door unlocked tonight.”

  “Why?”

  “I think it’s unnecessary to keep you restrained. You’re safe.”

  “Are you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you safe from me?”

  “Of course. I expect that you’ll stay here and not be tempted to come to me.”

  She tilts her head. “I’m not sure I’m able to comply.”

  “Yes, you are, Kaia.”

  She shakes her head. “Not when it comes to you. What’s my coping mechanism for this? Do you really think I’ll stay away from you knowing I could sneak into your bed in the middle of the night?”

  “You won’t. You’ll obey me because you want me to be happy. You want to please me.”

  “In many ways, Doctor.”

  I grip her wrist. “I expect you to comply, otherwise I’ll be forced to punish you again.”

  She grins. “That’s not much of a deterrent. I’ve grown fond of your methods.”

  “Perhaps, I’ve been holding back, and you have no idea what I’m capable of if pushed.”

  “Perhaps I’d like to find out.”

  “Don’t go there.”

  She smiles. “I’ll be good.”

  “We’ll see,” I say, walking out swiftly.

  I shut the door, staring at the key in my hand. I lean against the door for a moment. Will she sneak out and roam the house? Will she come to me? Does she know I want her to?

  I retire to my room and flick on the monitor. I see her lying on her bed, restless, staring into the dark city sky. She rolls over and stares at the door and I smile. She knows she’s free. She knows she can just walk out the door. What will she do now?

  After a few minutes, she stands and changes into a nightgown. I sigh, seeing how the light of the lamp reveals the sheerness of it. She walks towards the door, twisting the doorknob, testing it, and then quickly closing it again. She’s nervous, and I like that. She wants to obey me, but she doesn’t. She’s fighting right now the desire to see me again with her desire to please me.

  She opens the door again, peeking into the hallway. I grin as she walks out. I close out the monitor, knowing she’ll make her way to me.

  I move to the small couch in my room and pick up my book to read. Several minutes later, I hear the creak of my bedroom door open.

  “Oliver?” she whispers.

  “Yes?” I answer, maintaining my gaze in my book.

  She walks closer and as she reaches me, I inhale her sweet scent, like the flowering trees on a Spring day.

  “Why are you out of your room?”

  “I wanted to see you again,” she says.

  “And now you have.”

  She walks in front of me, and I watch as she hikes her gown up, just slightly and kneels in front of me.

  “Maybe you could go swimming with me.”

  “You can swim alone. You know that.”

  “I know. I’d prefer company.”

  I reach out and rub my thumb along her bottom lip. She closes her eyes and sighs. “You don’t have a suit.”

  She shakes her head. “No. You’ve seen my body before. You can handle it.”

  I wish that were true. I’m glad the book is hiding my obvious attraction to her right now.

  “You want to swim with me?” I ask.

  “I do.”

  “Do you want me to wear my suit?”

  “I don’t.”

  “You want to see me naked?”

  “So much,” she whispers.

  I lean closer to her, our lips just barely apart. “But then you might lust for me, Kaia.”

  “I already do, Doctor.” She reaches out and lightly brushes her fingers over my cheek. “I can control myself. I know you can. I just want to see you. I want to imagine that you’re mine. That will be enough for me.”

  “Are you going to touch yourself?”

  “I’m not allowed to. It’s okay to feel desire and not do anything about it. Isn’t that right, Doctor?”

  I nod, holding her sultry gaze. “And then what will we do after we swim?”

  “You’ll punish me for leaving my room.”

  “Maybe.” I have no intention of hurting her tonight.

  She nods. “Or we could just go to bed.”

  “Together?” The word escapes my lips before I can stop it.

  Her eyes open wide. “Don’t tease me. That isn't kind.”

  “I’m not teasing you.” I cradle her chin in my hand, knowing I mean it. “Would you like to sleep me with tonight? I can hold you, but I can’t do anything else. Would you like that or would you rather I don’t?”

  She swallows hard. “Do you want to hold me, Dr. Scott?”

  “Very much.”

  “Will you kiss me?”

  I close my eyes briefly. “I won’t. I’ll want to, just as I do now. As I do every day, but I won’t.” I can’t trust myself to stop. “With the next kiss, I’ll steal your soul and you still need it.”

  “But, Doctor, what if I steal yours instead?”

  Doesn’t she know she already has? “Let’s start with swimming.”

  She nods as I stand and lead her up the stairs.

  I FOLLOW HIM UP the marble staircase as he holds my hand. Every time he touches me I feel a little closer to normal, or at least how I think normal feels. He opens the door to the pool and we walk inside. He turns, watching me, a smile in his eyes that hasn’t made it to his lips.

  I pull my gown over my head and hand it to him as he observes my naked body.

  “Did that hurt?” he asks, pointing to the barbell piercing my left nipple.

  “Yes, but only for a moment.” I step closer. “Do you like it?”

  He nods. “Yes. It suits you. Sexy and edgy.”

  “Did that hurt?” I ask, pointing to the scripted tattoo on the side of his rib cage.

  “No. Do you like it?”

  “I do. What does it say?”

  “In me lives a monster only love can tame.”

  I reach out and run my fingers over it. “You’re not a monster. You’re an angel.”

  He takes my hand and lifts it to his mouth, pressing against it. “You don’t really know me, Kaia. You only see what I want you to see.”

  “Show me the rest.”

  “Let’s swim.” He turns away, removing the sweatpants he wore up here.

&n
bsp; I gasp softly when I see his naked backside, hard and firm. He turns around and my eyes greedily take him in.

  “You're perfect,” I whisper.

  “Perhaps on the outside.”

  He walks past me to the edge of the pool and dives in. I join him, choosing to wade in slowly and watch his exceptional form glide through the water. He seems unaware of me, but I know he is. I saw his desire for me.

  I swim out to him and roll to my back, floating effortlessly. He joins me and we lie like this for several minutes, swishing our hands through the water.

  “Did you know,” he says, “Otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t float away from each other. Wherever they wake, wherever the current led them, they’ll still be together.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  He takes my hand. “It’s something I think about sometimes. Needing someone so much you never wanted to be apart from them, not even when you slept.”

  “Have you ever felt that?”

  “No. I think it would it be nice, though.”

  “So do I.” I glance at him and watch him with his eyes closed. “Do you ever wish you were in love? Do you wish you could find the girl that would tame your monster?”

  “No,” he says softly. “I would ruin her.”

  “You couldn’t ruin her if she was meant for you. If she was the one that soothed your soul, then there isn’t anything you could do that would make her leave you.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  “You brought it up.”

  He releases me and swims away, climbing out of the pool. I follow him and take the towel he offers me.

  “Why are you upset?” I ask.

  “I’m not. I just don’t want to talk about that.”

  “About love?”

  He grabs my arm, pulling me close, and I gasp. “I don’t want to talk about love because I don’t know anything about that topic. I wouldn’t recognize it, I wouldn’t know how to receive it, and I certainly wouldn’t know how to return it.”

  “You don’t have to,” I whisper. “When it comes to you, it will teach you. Just like you teach other people how to cope. Love will teach you how to love back.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I just do.” I touch his cheek and he lets me. “Don’t be angry with me.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Do you still want me to come to your bed?”

  “Yes.”

  “We don’t have to talk anymore tonight. You can just hold me.”

  He nods releasing my arm. Back in his bedroom, he drops his towel and stands in front of me. He steps closer and tugs at my towel until it falls away.

  “I hope you know how stunning you are,” he says. “Do you?”

  “On the outside perhaps,” I say, repeating his words.

  “There’s more to you than that. I’m sure of it. Did you think about that while I was in Chicago?”

  “I tried. I think it will take time.”

  He steps even closer. “I wish, sometimes…” He stops, cupping my face.

  “What?”

  “That I wasn’t your doctor. That I met you on the street so we could do the things we dream about. I want that sometimes.”

  I nod. “I know.”

  He takes my hand and walks me over to his bed. Peeling back the duvet and the sheet, he pats the mattress for me. I climb in and wait anxiously for him to join me. He stands over the bed, gazing at me, his expression masking any detectable emotion. I raise my arms above my head and smile.

  “Are you going to join me or watch me?”

  “I just couldn’t get over how beautiful you look lying there.” He climbs in next to me and pulls the covers up over us. I roll to the side so that I’m facing him. “No, Kaia, I can’t handle it like this.”

  “Are you sure? You’re so strong, Doct—”

  “Oliver.”

  I smile, lightly touching his cheek. “Oliver, you can handle this. I bet you could even handle a sweet kiss goodnight. Just a peck on the lips, and then I’ll close my eyes. I won’t touch you or slide my tongue in your mouth. I won’t press against that incredible cock between your legs.”

  “Don’t try to seduce me, Kaia.”

  “I’m not. I just want to feel your lips on mine.”

  His eyes hold mine, and I wonder what he’s thinking. Will he do it? Will he give in?

  “Go to sleep, Kaia.”

  I sigh. “Goodnight, Oliver.”

  I close my eyes and sink into my pillow. Moments later, I feel the softest brush of skin over my lips. I keep my eyes closed, not wanting to break this moment. Oliver pulls me closer and does it again, just barely touching his lips to mine. Does he have any idea how badly I want him?

  Just when I think it’s over, it happens again, and I can feel his heart beating as our chests press together. I wrap my arms around his neck.

  “Kaia,” he whispers against my mouth. “Why can’t I resist you?”

  I don’t respond, choosing to remain silent.

  “Tell me, sweet girl, why do you think I can’t stay away? Why am I risking everything just to hold you?”

  I open my eyes and move my head back just enough so I can see his face entirely. “I don’t know the answer to that. All I know is that it’s the same for me.”

  “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. I can’t let you go.”

  “You’re not supposed to. You were going to hold me all night. I still want that. I still need it.”

  “So do I.” He leans forward and kisses me again, this time pressing firmly against my lips. I part mine, not meaning to tempt him, but not being able to stop myself. His tongue slips into my mouth. The feeling is amazing, like suddenly being able to breathe after feeling like you’re suffocating. Our bodies wrap together as we kiss passionately, not holding back, not caring about what happens next. Just doing what we’ve both needed to do for so long. I feel his erection pressing against my leg and fight the urge to touch it knowing he’ll freak out. The intensity between us subsides, and he holds me close, cradling me so that my head rests in the crevice of his neck.

  “You’re amazing,” he says, softly.

  “With you and for you, Oliver.”

  “Close your eyes, sweet Kaia. I’ll be here when you open them again.”

  I smile against his skin. I’ve never been happier than I am right now.

  I OPEN MY EYES, wondering why I’m so warm, then I remember. I look down at the gorgeous woman wrapped in blankets around me. She grips my hand in hers even as she sleeps. Just like an otter.

  I sigh. What do I do now? Why did I let this happen? I stare up at the ceiling. I know the answer. I needed her touch as much as she needed mine. I’ve never wanted a woman to share my bed, just sleeping, just holding on to each other. Her kiss reminds me that I’m human. I’m a man and I can feel. Everything I’ve tried to bury is coursing through me right now and it’s overwhelming.

  I can’t want her like this. I can’t give in again. I can’t fall. She’s so close to the end of her therapy that I can’t risk halting her recovery. I can’t risk it for either of us.

  I try to slide out from under her, but she stirs and pulls me closer. I should enjoy this for as long as I can. When she wakes up, it can’t happen again. I close my eyes, hoping when I open them again, I’m strong enough to walk away.

  Some time later, I feel her lips against my neck, not kissing, just there. My hand roams down her body, over the curve of her hip, and rests on the bounty of her ass. She smiles as her hand dances over my chest.

  “We should get up,” I say, quietly.

  “I know. I’m just holding on a few minutes longer. Once we’re up, it’s over.”

  “Yes.”

  “How will I get back without Lina seeing me?”

  “I’ll handle it.”

  “Okay.”

  She rolls over onto her back, and I take the opportunity to devour her body with my eyes. Jesus, she’s beautiful. I want to run m
y tongue over that piercing in her nipple, bite it, pulling it into my mouth. I feel my cock hardening in response to my dirty thoughts. She makes me feel a lot of things I haven’t in a very long time.

  “You can touch me if you want,” she offers, noticing my hungry stare.

  I say nothing, wishing I could allow myself such a pleasure.

  She takes my hand and lifts it to her breast, running my fingers over the tiny metal bar that pierces her flesh. I pull my hand away.

  “Please don’t do that,” I say.

  “Why?”

  “I can’t touch you. I won’t be able to stop. And we both know why that can’t happen.”

  She nods, sitting upright. “I’m sorry. I just wanted you to be happy even if it was only for a moment.”

  “You succeeded in that.”

  “Am I in trouble?”

  “For?”

  “Sneaking out of my room.”

  “If you were in trouble, you’d already know that.”

  She smiles climbing from the bed, finding her nightgown, and slipping it back over her body. It doesn’t cover much, but at least it hides her from my lustful gaze.

  “I’ll go now,” she says.

  “I’ll go out first and distract Lina.” I climb out of bed and throw on my sweats and a t-shirt. I look at her for a moment, fighting everything in me not to pull her back to bed and fuck her all day long. I rub my forehead then drag my fingers through my hair.

  “Are you upset?” she asks.

  “No, I’m,” I pause, taking a deep breath. “Give me a few minutes and then go back to your room. Meet me at my office at ten.”

  “Okay.”

  I walk out of my room and lean against the wall for a minute regaining my composure. A moment later, I walk down the hall and find Lina dusting in the living room.

  “Good morning,” I say.

  She looks up and smiles. “Morning, Dr. Scott. Sleep well?”

  “I did, thank you. You?”

  “Oh, yes. Always. Would you like breakfast?”

  “No.”

  “You should. I make it for Miss Kaia. It’s easy to make more for you.”

  “Actually, yes, do that. I’m hungry.” Very, very hungry.

  “Would you like to eat out here or on your patio? It’s a nice day.”

  I look down the hall for a moment. “On the main patio. Please ask Miss London to join me.”