Cracks in the Sidewalk

by Bette Lee Crosby

  That conversation had taken place weeks ago, but Kelsey had little patience and kept asking how much longer it would take. Jeffrey didn’t want to lose Kelsey, so he’d gone to great lengths to placate her. First he’d given her Liz’s sapphire ring, then it was the Rolex, and after that a bracelet embellished with three solid gold Spanish doubloons.

  ~ ~ ~

  With the bright red race car still clutched in his chubby little hand, Bobby scooted himself onto the chair closest to Kelsey and began stuffing Cheerios into his mouth. David, glowering at the car, snorted, “This ain’t fair.”

  “Get used to it,” Kelsey said when JT went upstairs. “Bobby’s gonna be your brother.”

  When JT returned with Kimberly and Christian, David asked, “Is it true, Daddy? Is Bobby gonna be my brother?”

  “Well, yes, I suppose so,” JT answered nervously, “sooner or later.”

  “It had better be sooner,” Kelsey said.

  ~ ~ ~

  Later that morning, when Bobby and Christian had gone down for a nap, Kimberly and David were watching cartoons, and Kelsey was deep into the October issue of Vogue, JT slipped away. He went into his study, closed the door, and dialed Noreen Sarnoff’s number. The telephone rang six times, and eventually a recording answered.

  “This is Jeffrey Caruthers,” he said after the beep. “I’ve got a problem. Call me back.”

  ~ ~ ~

  When Noreen heard JT’s message later that afternoon, she cringed. She’d thought with the trial over and the court order executed, she’d heard the last of Jeffrey Caruthers. But he was back again with the sound of urgency in his voice.

  JT’s name came at the top of the list of clients Noreen disliked. She debated about calling him or simply erasing the message. In the end her sense of ethics won out, and she dialed his number.

  “What now?” she asked when he answered on the very first ring.

  “Liz’s father is threatening me,” JT said. “Isn’t that illegal?”

  “Threatening you?”

  “Yeah, he says he’s gonna take me back to court.”

  “For what?”

  “Because I didn’t answer the telephone when Liz called.”

  Noreen started putting the pieces together. “Exactly how many times did you not answer?”

  “I don’t know exactly—”

  “More than five?”

  “Probably.”

  “More than ten?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Did she leave messages?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Did you return her calls?”

  “No, and I’m not going to.”

  “Judge Brill’s ruling stated that you had to permit your wife to speak to the children three times a week. If you don’t, you’re in defiance of his order and Charles McDermott has every right to ask the court for sanctions.”

  “What happens then?”

  “You could be fined, spend time in jail, maybe even lose custody of the children.”

  “That’s stupid,” JT said.

  “No,” Noreen replied, “you’re stupid for defying the judge’s order.”

  “So what do I have to do?”

  “As soon as we hang up, call your wife and let her talk to those kids. And make certain you get them over there Sunday morning.”

  “I don’t have anybody to bring them.”

  “Oh, pleeese,” Noreen groaned. “If there’s no family member available to take them, go yourself!”

  “And sit there for three hours watching Liz die?” JT asked, but Noreen had hung up.

  “Some lawyer,” he grumbled.

  ~ ~ ~

  JT didn’t call Liz when he hung up. Instead, he unplugged the telephone and waited until seven o’clock that evening to return her calls. When he finally did, Elizabeth’s father answered the telephone.

  “Is Liz there?” JT said. “David wants to talk to her.”

  “Hold on please,” Charles answered, his voice cold but civil.

  Moments later, Liz picked up the phone.

  “Jeffrey,” she said, trying to sound healthier than she felt. “Thanks for calling me back.”

  Without acknowledging her words, JT handed the receiver to his son. “Hi, Mommy,” David said.

  Elizabeth had waited so long to hear those two words. She opened her mouth and a sigh escaped, carrying away the anguish of lost time. “David, honey,” she said, “Mommy’s missed you so very, very much.”

  “I miss you too, Mommy. Are you in heaven?”

  “No, honey, Mommy is at Grandma’s house.” Elizabeth started to ask why he thought that, but she heard David’s voice recede slightly.

  “Daddy,” the boy yelled. “Mommy’s not in heaven, she’s at Grandma’s house!”

  A stab pierced her heart, but she moved on. “Would you like to come and see Mommy?”

  “Unh-huh. Can Kimberly come too?”

  “She sure can. You can come and Kimmie can come, and Christian can come too. We’ll have a party with milk and cookies. And guess what else? Stories! Mommy’s got three new story books, and I’ll read each of you a special story. Would you like that?”

  “Are they Robin Hood books?”

  “Robin Hood?” Liz said, feigning surprise. “Why, I thought Peter Rabbit was your favorite.”

  “Peter Rabbit is for babies,” he said indignantly. “I like Robin Hood.”

  “Well, then,” she laughed, “it’s a good thing I got a new Robin Hood book.”

  “Robin Hood is Christian’s favorite too, so you have to read two stories.”

  “Two stories!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “Don’t you think maybe Christian would rather hear a Peter Rabbit story?”

  “No, he likes Robin Hood.”

  “Did he tell you that?”

  David giggled. “Silly, Christian doesn’t know how to talk. He’s a baby. He says Daddy and milk, that’s all.”

  David’s first word was Mommy, as was Kimberly’s, but Christian was a child who had never known a mother. Elizabeth choked back the urge to cry.

  “Well, then,” she said, moving past the momentary sadness. “How do you know Christian doesn’t like Peter Rabbit?”

  “I know,” David said with the guile of a six-year-old, “because when I show him both books, he points to Robin Hood.”

  “Oh,” Elizabeth said. “Well, then, I guess I’ll just have to read two Robin Hood stories.”

  “Hooray! Can we come to Grandma’s house tomorrow?”

  “Not tomorrow, but Daddy’s going to bring all three of you to see me on Sunday. Sunday’s only two more days after tomorrow.”

  “Daddy,” David called out. “Are we going to see Mommy on Sunday?”

  Elizabeth heard Jeffrey answer, “We’ll see. Now hang up and come take your bath!”

  “Daddy said I’ve gotta hang up,” David reported.

  “I heard him. Baths are important, so do what Daddy said. Go take your bath. I’ll talk to Kimmie for a little while.”

  “She can’t talk. She already went to bed.”

  “Oh,” Elizabeth said, momentarily stumped. “Well, then—tell Daddy to please have Kimmie call me tomorrow.”

  “Daddy gets mad if anybody calls her that. He said her name is Kimberly, not Kimmie.”

  In the background Elizabeth heard JT shout, “One minute!”

  “I can hear your daddy calling you, sweetheart, so you’d better go.”

  Liz hesitated a second, then said, “I love you, David.” By then he was gone.

  ~ ~ ~

  On Thursday there was no call from Kimberly, nor was there a call on Friday. Both days Elizabeth called the house any number of times, but the telephone rang without an answer. By Saturday morning Elizabeth grew quite discouraged and began to wonder if JT would ever allow her to talk to or see the children. She tried calling three times, but still no answer. On the fourth try Kimberly answered in her high-pitched little girl voice.

  “Hi, Kimberly,” Elizabeth said, a swell of affection
catching in her throat. “Do you know this is Mommy?”

  “Yes,” Kimberly answered. She sounded far more grown-up than Liz remembered. “You’re at Grandma’s house, not in heaven.”

  “Yes, I’m at Grandma’s. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think of you and miss you every day. Tomorrow is going to be very special. So special it will be almost like Christmas.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you and David and Christian are coming to see me! Isn’t that wonderful?”

  “Will you buy us toys?”

  “What toys do you want?”

  “A Baby Tears doll with her own baby carriage and a highchair, and a ball for Christian, and a race car for David and—”

  “Whoa, isn’t that an awful lot to be asking for?” Elizabeth laughed. “Where would I get all that money?”

  “From Grandpa.”

  “What makes you think Grandpa has that much money?”

  “Grandpa has a lot of money,” she said. “He stole Daddy’s money.”

  Elizabeth stopped laughing. “What makes you think Grandpa stole Daddy’s money?”

  “Daddy said so. He said he doesn’t have enough money to buy us toys because Grandpa stole it all.”

  It took Elizabeth a moment to gather her thoughts. “Kimberly, sweetheart, I think you might have misunderstood what Daddy said. Grandpa would never ever steal anything, especially not from you or your daddy. Grandpa loves all of us, even your daddy. People don’t steal things from somebody they love.”

  “Then who stole Daddy’s money?”

  “I don’t think anybody stole Daddy’s money, I think maybe he just lost it. Remember when you lost your red mittens?”

  “Unh-huh.”

  “Nobody stole them, you just lost them. They might have fallen out of your pocket or maybe you left them at the playground but they were lost, not stolen. And that’s probably what happened to Daddy’s money. It got lost.”

  “Doesn’t Grandpa have enough money to buy us one toy?”

  “We’ll see. I’ll try to get something special for when you come to visit. Would you like crayons and a Cinderella coloring book?”

  “Yes, yes!” Kimberly shouted. “I love Cinderella. And don’t forget, Christian needs a ball ‘cause sometimes he takes David’s, and David gets mad.”

  “Well, we can’t have that, can we?” Elizabeth teased.

  They continued to talk for several minutes. Kimberly chattered on telling her mother stories of Christian—what made him laugh, how he was learning to walk, and how he could almost say her name. Listening to the way she spoke about her baby brother made Kimberly seem older, too adult for a child of her years.

  “He’s the cutest baby ever,” she cooed, her words so motherly Liz was torn between laughter and tears. Her little girl, still a baby herself, had blossomed into a big sister with an abundance of love to share.

  Before long, she heard JT calling for Kimberly to hang up, so Elizabeth told her daughter how very much she loved her then let her go. After that, Liz began to count the hours until all three of her babies would be with her.

  Waiting

  As Elizabeth recalled the conversation with her daughter, thunder cracked so loud it caused her bones to rattle. Right behind the thunder came spears of lightning and after that a torrential downpour.

  “A storm like this can’t possibly last for long,” she said optimistically.

  “No telling,” Charlie answered as he watched a waterfall cascade off the roof and puddle on the front lawn. “You might want to consider staying in.”

  “No way,” she replied. “I need to go shopping.”

  “Make a list and I’ll go for you.”

  Elizabeth smiled. “I know you would, but this is something I want to do. I’ve finally got a reason to buy books and toys. I don’t want to miss that.”

  Charlie shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

  ~ ~ ~

  By three o’clock Saturday afternoon the thunder and lightning moved on, and the rain slowed to an intermittent drizzle. Charlie loaded Elizabeth and her wheelchair into the car and off they went.

  “You make sure she doesn’t catch a cold,” Claire warned, even though she knew that was beyond her husband’s control.

  Inside the toy store it seemed as if every child in town had arrived with their weary mothers hoping to entertain them on a too-rainy-to-play-outside afternoon.

  “Isn’t this exciting?” Liz murmured as she rolled past a group of boys eyeing a rack of baseball mitts. She hesitated, wondering if perhaps that was what she should buy for David. After a few moments of watching the boys she moved on. Maybe next year, she thought. If there was a next year.

  Two rows back a dozen little girls clustered around the Suzie Homemaker display with its array of miniature brooms and toy-sized appliances. Watching a toddler cling to the harried mother trying to pull free caused Elizabeth’s heart to lurch. She remembered living that same scenario. All too often she’d rushed through those moments, anxious to move on to chores calling for her attention—chores that would always be there. How absolutely foolish, she thought.

  The books and games display in the back of the store drew Elizabeth’s attention. She’d been there dozens of times before. She could picture David standing on tiptoes to reach for his first Robin Hood book and Kimmie—who would always be Kimmie, as far as she was concerned—sitting on the floor with a Three Little Pigs pop-up book.

  With Elizabeth revisiting special memories, the shopping expedition took almost a full two hours. The cumbersome wheelchair crowded the aisle so she moved slowly, taking time to ponder each item, holding things in her hand until she sensed they were perfect. A race car for David, a baby doll for Kimberly, a red ball sized to fit the hand of a baby. Piece by piece she gathered together a collection of storybooks and a gift for each of the children. When they left the store the rain had stopped. Elizabeth barely noticed; a sense of contentment missing for many long months filled her.

  Sunday morning Elizabeth’s eyes fluttered open when the first whisper of daylight shimmered across the bottom edge of the window shade. Just before waking she had floated in the gauzy space that surrounds a dream. In this one she’d seen Kimberly as a bride with an older, silver-haired Jeffrey beside her and her brothers close by. A young man stood at the altar with an aura of goodness about him. Elizabeth couldn’t see herself, but she could sense her presence.

  Had it been any other day, Elizabeth would have gladly lingered in the sweetness of that imaginary world, but this day was wonderful beyond a dream. She would see her children again.

  “Mother,” she called softly, “I’d like to get up.”

  Claire had trained her ears to hear even the slightest whisper, so she woke without hesitation. “Okay.”

  Since the paralysis had worsened Elizabeth could no longer pull herself up without someone’s help. She’d tried on three separate occasions to reach for the metal walker next to her bed, and she’d fallen all three times. Now she had to call for help, or stay in bed forever. As she fought the physical cruelties of her illness, she thought of how it also robbed a person of their dignity and independence.

  Elizabeth slid her arms into the new sweater she’d saved for this occasion. Once dressed, she sat at the vanity and smoothed a thin film of cream over the puffy contours of her face. A dusting of powder and a few strokes of a rose-colored blush to brighten her cheeks with an artificial look of health came next. Using only her right hand, she applied lipstick and then eased it back into its cap. The simplest of movements were arduous for Elizabeth.

  Once finished she took hold of her walker, inched her way into the living room, and lowered herself onto the sofa to wait. It was barely seven-thirty.

  She sat there, watching the grandfather clock slowly tick off the minutes, each one seemingly hanging in the air longer than its allotted sixty seconds. Eventually it was eight o’clock and then, after an excruciatingly long stretch, eight-thirty.

  “Come, let’s have breakfa
st,” Claire said.

  But Elizabeth wasn’t the least bit hungry.

  “Skipping breakfast isn’t healthy,” Claire warned and turned toward the kitchen.

  The clock ticked off another minute, then another and another. Before too many minutes had passed Claire came into the room carrying a tray with two mugs of coffee and a dish piled high with David’s favorite raisin cookies.

  “You remembered,” Elizabeth said with her half smile.

  “Well, of course,” Claire answered with an air of pretended indignation. “Do you think you’re the only one who’s missed those children?” She laughed and sat down. “Here, try one,” she said, handing Elizabeth a cookie. “I want to make certain they’re good enough for my grandchildren.”

  As they talked the clock ticked minute after long minute until it struck nine. “They should be here any minute,” Elizabeth said.

  But it wasn’t any minute—and not any of the next sixty minutes. The clock chimed ten loud gongs, then moved on. Elizabeth and her mother waited, neither of them mentioning the unthinkable.

  “Could be he’s stuck in traffic,” Claire said.

  “Or maybe an accident on the highway,” Elizabeth added.

  “David can be hard to get moving in the morning.”

  “And Kimmie takes forever to eat.”

  Finally at seventeen minutes after the hour the doorbell dinged.

  When Claire opened the door, David and Kimberly burst into the room with an explosion of energy. “Mommy, Mommy!” they shouted in unison. After climbing on Elizabeth and hugging her with such force she nearly toppled from the sofa, they showered Claire with the same level of affection. In all the excitement Elizabeth didn’t think to ask about Christian until after Jeffrey left.

  Jeffrey had followed them in, but after a quick glance at Elizabeth he’d turned around and stepped outside. It was late October, and winter had already shown itself with icy cold rain and winds that tore the leaves from trees. He tugged his collar up around his neck, then sat down on the step and lit a cigarette.

  Seeing Liz had taken him by surprise. She sat on the sofa and laughed like this was some kind of party. She looked almost healthy. He took a long drag of the cigarette.

  It’s unfair, he sulked. She’s sitting there like the Queen of Sheba while I’m struggling to make ends meet. He tossed the cigarette on the sidewalk, stomped it out, then lit another one.