Cracks in the Sidewalk

by Bette Lee Crosby

  ~ ~ ~

  For the first half-hour of their visit, both kids bubbled with questions. Was Mommy all better? When was she coming home? Did she have surprises for them? Could they have more cookies? Eventually, Elizabeth would have to tell them the truth about what was happening, but not today.

  “Mommy’s still sick,” she said, “but the doctor is trying to make me better.”

  “Daddy could give you medicine,” Kimberly volunteered. “When I was coughing, Daddy gave me medicine and I got better.”

  Turning the thrust of conversation from herself, Elizabeth prompted, “Did you also have a sore throat?”

  “Yes,” Kimberly nodded, “but it’s all better. See?” She stretched open her mouth.

  “Daddy says you’ll never get better,” David said.

  “Nobody but God knows that for certain,” Elizabeth answered. “Do you remember what I taught you about God?”

  “Yeah. He lives up in heaven.”

  “And what does He do in heaven?”

  “He watches over little kids.”

  “And what are you supposed to do so that God knows to watch over you?”

  “Say my prayers,” David answered dutifully.

  “And do you say your prayers?”

  “No,” Kimberly exclaimed. “He doesn’t.”

  “Do you?” Elizabeth asked her daughter.

  “Sometimes,” she answered tentatively. “When David doesn’t bother me.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Jeffrey stomped out the second cigarette and lit a third. He could hear the excited voices inside. He knew they were laughing at him and the way he shivered on the cold cement step while they stayed warm and comfortable and had a fine time. Liz wanted people to feel sorry for her, but he was the one who deserved their pity. He was the one up to his knees in bills. He was the one responsible for taking care of three kids—kids who, judging from the sound of their laughter, enjoyed being with Liz more than him.

  He tossed his cigarette onto the walkway then twisted and ground it until it was nothing but shreds of tobacco. He stood, took two steps across the walkway then two steps back. Once, twice, then again and again, pacing as the anger inside of him swelled and pushed against his skin.

  At first he didn’t notice the rain, but when the wind pushed the icy drops inside the collar of his jacket, he moved beneath the overhang. Now closer to the door, he heard their words clearly. Charlie told David he’d take him to a Yankees game in the spring.

  “Over my dead body,” Jeffrey grumbled as a frigid droplet slithered down his back. The rain began to fall harder and wind gusts blasted his face. He moved closer to the door until his back pressed against it.

  Suddenly the door opened and Jeffrey tumbled inside, landing on his back and looking up at Liz leaning on her walker.

  “What the hell are you trying to do, cripple me?”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just wanted to ask if you and the kids could stay for lunch.”

  Scrambling to his feet, he gave her an angry glare and snarled, “No.” He heard David and Kimberly already at the dining room table.

  “You’ve got forty minutes,” he said, eyeing his watch. “Then we’re out of here.”

  “But, Jeffrey—”

  “Twelve noon!” he said, tapping the face of his watch. “You’ve got the kids until twelve noon, not one minute longer!”

  “That’s not fair,” she argued. “You were late getting here, and you didn’t even bring Christian. Judge Brill said—”

  Jeffrey took a step forward and jabbed a finger at Elizabeth’s face. “Don’t start with me. You think because your daddy’s got money, you can bully me around?Try it and see what happens!”

  “I wasn’t trying to bully you into anything. I only thought maybe we could spend some time together as a family.”

  “Spend time together?” His face crumpled in disbelief. “You’re crazy! Only a crazy person would ask me to spend time with someone I hate.”

  “You don’t really mean that.”

  “Yes, I do! I can’t even stand to be around you! You know what I wish? I wish you’d hurry up and die so me and the kids can get on with our life!”

  Tears rimmed Elizabeth’s eyes.

  “Jeffrey,” she whispered.

  But he stormed down the walkway. She bit her lip as she watched him, his steps crashing against the cement, his body hunched against the cold, his movements deliberate and unrelenting.

  “Are you all right?” Charlie asked from behind Elizabeth.

  Torn between sorrow and shame, Elizabeth tried to force a smile.

  “It was nothing,” she said. “You know Jeffrey. He can be a hothead at times.”

  “We’ll see about that!” Charlie moved toward the walkway.

  “Don’t,” Elizabeth said softly.

  The muscle in Charlie’s jaw twitched as he stepped back inside the door and wrapped his arms around his daughter’s trembling shoulders.

  “He’s not worth it,” he whispered, pushing back his own anger to comfort his daughter.

  Together they stood there for several minutes, until Elizabeth lifted her head from his shoulder and said, “We’d better get back to the kids.”

  Charlie nodded, saying nothing more even though he’d already decided what had to be done.

  Claire McDermott

  I’m not deaf. I heard every word Jeffrey said, but what could I do with David and Kimberly sitting at the table waiting for me to pour milk? I tried to pretend the commotion was nothing and covered it up by asking if they wanted cookies. I know both kids heard Jeffrey screaming, but they didn't mention it. They didn’t have to; the frightened looks on their poor little faces made it obvious. Kimberly’s only four so she probably didn’t understand the maliciousness of her father’s words. David understood. I know he did, because he ducked his head like a child who’d already learned to hide from anger.

  Hearing one parent speak to the other in such a way is something kids don’t forget. It roots itself in their impressionable minds and leaves an ugly mark. Kids exposed to such behavior eventually accept meanness as the way of the world, and they pass it on to others. It’s unthinkable that any father would offer his babies such a heritage.

  I can’t imagine what Judge Brill was thinking when he awarded Jeffrey custody of the children. Only someone who’s evil through and through would say the mean things Jeffrey said. I wish I’d recorded that conversation with Elizabeth. If Judge Brill got an earful of JT saying those things, I bet he’d make some pretty different decisions.

  Jeffrey told Judge Brill it’s not revenge. He said he just wants to get on with his life. If so, why doesn’t he let me watch the kids and he can look for a job? Because he doesn’t want a job, that’s why. He just wants to make Elizabeth as miserable as possible. After JT left, Charlie said he was gonna ask Dudley if it’s possible to get a court order to prohibit him from talking to Liz. Liz never mentions a word of what’s transpired, but I see the hurt in her eyes. Let me tell you, there’s no pain on earth worse than watching your daughter’s heart be broken.

  A Man of Defiance

  On the second Sunday of scheduled visitation, Jeffrey brought Christian but claimed the other two had the sniffles. When Jeffrey arrived an hour and forty-five minutes late, Elizabeth’s father opened the door and growled, “You’re supposed to be here at nine o’clock, and you’re supposed to bring all three children!”

  “You ought to be glad I’m here with this one,” Jeffrey answered and shoved the squirming baby into his grandfather’s arms.

  “Where’re David and Kimberly?”

  “They’re home sick, and I’m not going to drag them out in this weather so they can get worse colds.”

  “They’ve both got colds? Like Christian had a cold last week?”

  “Yeah. Just like that.” Jeffrey started down the walkway. “I’ll be back at noon.”

  “Don’t bother,” Charlie said. “Liz has three hours visiting time, so I’m not answering th
is door until one-forty-five!”

  ~ ~ ~

  Charlie parked Christian on Elizabeth’s lap, then called Dudley. “He got here late again,” Charlie said. “I did as you suggested.”

  “Good,” Dudley answered. “Was there any problem?”

  “Not yet, but I’m betting there will be.”

  “I’ll be there within the hour,” Dudley said.

  ~ ~ ~

  When Charlie returned to the living room, Elizabeth was on the floor with Christian.

  “Good grief!” Charlie exclaimed. “What happened?” He bent to help Elizabeth up.

  “No, no,” she said happily. “I want to stay here. We’re building a tower.”

  With her back braced against the sofa, she handed the baby another bright red block as he squealed with delight. “Go ahead,” she said, guiding his chubby little hand. “Put it right here on top of the yellow one.” He waved his hand back and forth eventually bouncing himself into the stack of blocks, which sent it tumbling and caused Christian to burst into giggles.

  “How’d you get down there?” Charlie asked.

  “Mom helped me.”

  Claire gave a guilty shrug and smiled.

  A look of concern appeared on Charlie’s face. “Do you think she should be doing this?” he asked Claire.

  “I think it’s the best medicine in the world,” Claire whispered back. “Look how happy she is.”

  Elizabeth smiled and laughed as she had not done in many months. Every time the baby laughed or squealed, her smile grew brighter. And if Claire watched closely, every so often she could see a slight bit of lift on the left side of Elizabeth’s face.

  Charlie lowered himself into a chair and watched as the baby scampered back and forth across Elizabeth’s legs retrieving blocks, stacking them, and then happily squealing when they tumbled.

  “Give the block to Mama,” Elizabeth coached. “Give it to Mama.”

  “Eeeeeeeee,” Christian answered and handed the yellow block to Liz.

  “Ma-ma,” she repeated. “Say Ma-ma.”

  “Liz, just look at how he’s taken to you,” Charlie said. “He already knows you’re his mama.”

  After almost an hour of stacking and tumbling, Christian crawled into Elizabeth’s lap. He leaned his head against her stomach and stuck his thumb in his mouth.

  “Somebody’s sleepy,” she said. With her right hand she began to rub his back in tiny little circles using the same motion she’d used when Christian was still inside of her. Minutes later he fell asleep.

  “Are you comfortable?” Charlie asked.

  “Very.” Elizabeth smiled and continued to rub the baby’s back. They remained that way for a long while until the chime of the doorbell woke Christian and he started crying.

  ~ ~ ~

  “Am I in time?” Dudley asked.

  Charlie nodded. “He’s not back yet.” Just then Charlie spotted Jeffrey’s car turning the corner. “That’s him now.”

  “You go back in,” Dudley said. “I’ll take it from here.”

  Charlie returned to the living room and snapped on the television. “Maybe,” he said with a forced joviality, “Christian would like to see some cartoons!” He began flipping the channels until he finally came upon a trio of dancing pigs. “This looks good. Want to see this, Christian?”

  “Eeeeeeeeee,” the baby squealed.

  ~ ~ ~

  JT stood a good head taller than Dudley, but Dudley made up for the difference by sheer determination.

  “See this?” he said, waving a copy of the court order in front of Jeffrey. “This says you’re to be here at nine a.m.! It means nine o’clock sharp! It also states that Elizabeth is to have three hours of visitation with her children. Children, not child!”

  “Get that thing out of my face,” JT snarled.

  Dudley told JT he’d find himself back in court if he didn’t wise up. “You’ve already had five instances of defying this court order. One more, and that’s it!”

  “Five? What are you—”

  “The first was last Sunday when you came late. The second was when you brought two children instead of three. The third was when you removed the children without allowing Elizabeth the specified three-hour visitation. The fourth was when you arrived late again today, and the fifth was when you showed up with just the baby instead of all three children.”

  “That’s a load of crap!”

  “No, those are documented instances of your failure to abide by the court-ordered visitation schedule. And I haven’t even started on the number of times you failed to allow Elizabeth her telephone calls. Let’s see now, that was—”

  “Okay, okay. So what are you looking for?”

  “First, leave here, and don’t come back until Elizabeth has spent three hours with the baby. Next, make certain she receives three telephone calls from the kids every week. Not every week you feel like doing it, but every single week. Lastly, make damn certain you’re here on time every Sunday and that you’ve got all three children. Not one, not two, but all three!”

  “And what if they’re sick?”

  “I don’t care if you’ve got to bring them in an ambulance, bring them!”

  “What if there’s some perfectly logical reason for—”

  “Don’t even go there. The next time you fail to adhere to the court-ordered visitation schedule, I go back to Judge Brill with a petition for sanctions.”

  “Big deal.”

  “Maybe it’s no big deal to you,” Dudley answered. “But it would be to someone who doesn’t want to spend time in jail.”

  Jeffrey turned and walked away. “Don’t think you scare me, you pompous jerk!” he yelled as he climbed into the car. After he’d gunned the motor several times, JT gave Dudley a dark-eyed stare. Dudley returned it and added the reproachful look of an annoyed parent.

  The eye-to-eye threats continued for several minutes before JT floored the gas pedal and rounded the corner with a screech heard seven blocks away.

  ~ ~ ~

  Jeffrey didn’t come back at one-forty-five, nor did he come at two or two-thirty. At nearly three o’clock Kelsey rang the doorbell and said, “I’m here to pick up Christian.”

  “Who are you?” Charlie asked.

  “JT’s friend.”

  Charlie looked beyond the girl and spotted Jeffrey waiting in the car. “Friend or no friend, I’m not giving Christian to anyone other than his father.”

  Kelsey rolled her eyes. “Geez. You gotta make this difficult?”

  “I suppose so,” Charlie answered, then said they’d get the baby ready while she went to fetch Jeffrey. He closed the door.

  “Jeffrey’s here to pick up the baby,” he told Elizabeth.

  She sighed. “So soon?”

  Claire scooped Christian from the floor and bundled him into his snowsuit. “Tell Mama bye-bye,” she prompted. “Bye-bye, Ma-ma.”

  Christian squealed, “Byeeeeee.”

  “Ma-ma,” Claire repeated.

  “Byeeeeee.”

  “Close enough.” Claire handed the baby to Charlie.

  As they walked away, Christian looked back at Liz and cried, “Maaaaaaa-ma!”

  The following Tuesday Elizabeth received a telephone call from David and Kimberly. They were allowed to talk for five minutes but no longer, since their father was supposedly setting supper on the table. David said his cold was all better and Kimberly started to say she didn’t have a cold, but David pinched her and she began to cry.

  “It’s okay,” Elizabeth said, comforting her daughter. “I’m sure David was only playing. He didn’t mean to hurt you—”

  “Yes he did,” Kimberly sniffed. “He did it ‘cause Daddy said to tell you we was sick, but we wasn’t sick!”

  “Well, Kimberly, you’re right, and David is wrong. Children shouldn’t lie, even if somebody else tells them to. It makes Jesus sad when little children tell lies.”

  “See, Gooney!” Kimberly called out. “Mommy said we ain’t ‘posed to tell l
ies!”

  “But brothers and sisters aren’t supposed to fight, either.”

  “We ain’t fighting,” Kimberly said. “David’s just being mean to me.”

  “Okay, then I’ll tell David to stop being mean to you.”

  “Could you tell Kelsey not to be mean to me too?”

  “Is Kelsey your friend?”

  “No. Kelsey’s a grown-up. She’s Daddy’s friend.”

  “Oh.” Before Elizabeth could say anything, someone hung up the telephone.

  There were no more telephone calls that week, and Elizabeth’s calls went unanswered. On Sunday, Jeffrey didn’t come at nine o’clock despite Dudley’s warning. By noon, Elizabeth accepted that neither Jeffrey nor the children would come.

  At twelve-thirty Charlie got behind the wheel of his car and drove to Jeffrey’s house. He parked in the driveway, walked to the front door, and rang the doorbell. No one answered. He stood there for almost fifteen minutes and then followed Claire’s footsteps and walked around to look in the garage window. Two cars sat parked side by side—Jeffrey’s and a red Nissan.

  Charlie returned to the front door and began ringing the bell, this time with a vengeance. Still no answer. Suddenly Charlie could think of nothing but the hurt, the heartache, and the pain his daughter had suffered, and he angrily raised a fist to pound on the door.

  Something made him hesitate, and in that split second he realized the foolishness of such an act. It was the very thing Jeffrey was hoping for. Another act of violence, he’d claim, and try to convince the court that it was right to keep Liz’s children from her.

  “Not this time,” Charlie grumbled. “Not this time.” He climbed back into his car and returned home.

  Elizabeth spent most of the afternoon in tears. Claire spent most of the afternoon trying to comfort her daughter. Charlie had a lengthy telephone conversation with Dudley.

  The envelope from Simmons and Grimm waited for Judge Brill when he arrived at the Union County Courthouse on Monday morning. Sam Brill groaned as he slit the envelope open.