The Ultimate Betrayal

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “Yes, but why do you ask me these same questions all the time?”

  “Because they’re important. I know this is a tough subject for you, but I also don’t want you forgetting how heavy you used to be. Brad is a top attorney in this city, and the last thing you need is to go losing him. Appearances mean everything; I’ve always taught you that. You have a responsibility to keep yourself up.”

  The waitress set two glasses of water on the table and walked away.

  Melanie drank some of hers and looked over at a few of the other customers.

  “I’m sorry that you don’t like hearing this, but if you want to know the truth, the reason I asked you about your workouts today is because you’re looking like a size ten again.”

  Melanie stared at her mother, wondering why she hadn’t taken a rain check on lunch after all. Her mother did this kind of thing all the time, and Melanie wished that for once, Gladys would realize how bad she always made Melanie feel, particularly about herself and the way she looked. Her mother and her father had both been guilty of this when she was younger, but her mother’s comments had always been the harshest and the most frequent. For whatever reason, during Melanie’s teen years, her father had just up and stopped teasing her about her weight, but all that had seemed to do was make her mother worse. She’d said some downright hurtful things to Melanie, and Melanie would never forget them. Her mom, of course, had always eaten very little, and though she wasn’t much shorter than Melanie, she’d never weighed more than 150 pounds. She was fifty-two but worked out more intensely than most thirty-year-olds. She also ate healthily seven days a week without fail. That was, with the exception of days like today when she went out to a restaurant, enjoying and eating something “special” like the ravioli she’d ordered. Even with that, however, Melanie could guarantee that her mom would only be eating half of it. And Melanie saw nothing wrong with that. Actually, she was glad her mom took such good care of herself, but she still didn’t want her nitpicking about everything she could think of, judging and condemning Melanie every time she saw her.

  “I guess you don’t have anything to say,” her mother said.

  “Not really.”

  “Well, I hope you hear me, because it also doesn’t look good for a nurse practitioner, of all people, to be overweight. That’s no different than being a hairstylist who walks around with her hair looking a mess. Or being a dentist with crooked teeth. It sends the wrong message to clients, and in your case, to your patients.”

  “Mom, not everyone can be as perfect as you. I wish I could be, but I can’t.”

  “I’m not perfect. But I try to get as close to being perfect as I can. For example, when I asked our waitress to bring me low-fat dressing, you never said a word. Even though you should have asked for the same thing.”

  Melanie raised her eyebrows. “That’s because I focus more on watching my carbs than I do on fat content. It’s sugar that’s keeping most people overweight.”

  “I agree. But for salad dressing, I prefer fat-free.”

  Melanie didn’t bother arguing with her, and for the rest of their time together, she went along with whatever her mother said just to keep the peace. As of late, this was usually how things went during their visits.

  Thankfully, time passed more quickly than Melanie had anticipated, and soon they were outside the restaurant, walking to their respective vehicles. But as Melanie prepared to head back to her office, she couldn’t help replaying her mom’s words: “…you’re looking like a size ten again.” This, of course, wasn’t news to Melanie, and it was the reason she’d resorted to her latest diet. But after hearing her mother sound so disappointed in her, she felt like eliminating all solid food, including salads, and having only three shakes a day. She wasn’t sure her body could withstand something so restrictive, but one way or the other, she was going to lose all this extra weight she was carrying around. Period.

  Chapter 9

  Alicia read the last paragraph of the second page of her manuscript for what seemed like the tenth time and sighed. She’d tried and tried, but she just couldn’t concentrate on her edits the way she needed to. She was surprised she’d been able to read beyond the first page, given how nervous and stressed out she was. And it was all because she couldn’t take her mind off Levi. Levi, Levi, Levi. If only he hadn’t called her, she wouldn’t feel so out of sorts.

  She grabbed the top of her head with both hands, stroked her hair back, and took a deep breath. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she just be happy with Phillip? Why couldn’t she just be grateful for the way God had blessed her life for so many years? She’d prayed daily for Phillip to trust her again and to ask her to remarry him, and he had. So why couldn’t marrying a man who loved her so genuinely and perfectly be enough? Especially since she’d already gone down this road before, sleeping around on Phillip with Levi, and then ultimately losing both of them. Phillip had divorced her, Levi had gone to prison, and she didn’t want to think about the national scandal she’d caused her whole family.

  But the more Alicia thought about Levi’s words, she couldn’t help slipping into the past. She had so many happy memories of him, and more important, vivid recollections of what it was like to be with him. She loved Phillip, Lord knows she did, but he had never made her feel as special as Levi had in bed. She was ashamed to even have these kinds of thoughts, but it was true. In fact, not even JT, her second husband, had been able to compare to Levi, because Levi was just plain different. She’d connected with him from the very beginning, and she’d never forgotten it. Over the years, she’d worked hard to bury any feelings she might have for him, but now that she’d heard his voice, every one of those feelings had resurfaced. And she couldn’t seem to stop them.

  Alicia read the same paragraph she’d been trying to edit for a while, but her thinking trailed off again. If only she could confide what she was going through to her mother or Melanie, maybe they could help her get beyond this. But she knew they would never understand. They’d think she was crazy for even bringing up Levi.

  “Dear God, please.” Alicia said out loud. “Please help me. Help me to forget about this man and move on. Please, God.”

  Alicia sat quietly for a few minutes, trying to settle her thoughts so she could get back to work. But when her phone rang, she looked at the screen and shook her head. It was Levi, and though she told herself to ignore him, her heart beat faster and faster, and before she knew it she’d picked it up.

  “Levi, why are you doing this?”

  “Because, baby, I really need to see you. Not tomorrow or next week but today.”

  “What? Have you lost your mind?”

  “No, I’ve never been more serious in my life.”

  “Levi, you know what my situation is, so why are you trying to cause all these problems? You and I can never be. I already told you that.”

  “Look, just meet me somewhere between Mitchell and Chicago. That’s all I’m asking.”

  “Why? What good will that do?”

  “We need closure.”

  “What kind of closure?”

  “The last time you and I saw each other was the night I was arrested. We never got to say a proper good-bye or anything. They took me away, and that was the end of it.”

  “Well, it wasn’t like I could come see you. Not after the media broadcasted everything.”

  “I understand that, and I didn’t expect you to. But just let me see you. Then, if you honestly want nothing to do with me, I’ll say good-bye, and I’ll never bother you again.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Sweetheart, do you know how many people go through life marrying someone they’re not in love with?”

  “But I do love Phillip.”

  “You love him, but you’re not in love with him. And there’s a difference.”

  Alicia replayed his words in her mind. “I am in love with him.”

  “You don’t sound very convincing.”

  “What is it you want me to say?�
��

  “Nothing. All I’m asking is that you meet me. Just let me see you.”

  “No.”

  “Okay, then let me ask you this. If you don’t wanna see me or talk to me, then why do you keep answering my calls?”

  Alicia didn’t respond.

  “No comment?”

  “I have to go,” she said.

  “You can hang up if you want, but I’m not giving up. Not until I see you face-to-face. If you really don’t love me anymore, I want you to tell me in person.”

  “I’m telling you now. I don’t love you, Levi. I love Phillip, and that’s all there is to it.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Maybe you don’t, but that’s your problem.”

  Levi chuckled.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You. Not in my wildest imagination did I expect you to be in such denial. Not after the way we made each other feel.”

  “You’re caught up in the past, but today things are different.”

  “Say whatever you want, but the fact still remains. I’m not giving up on being with the only woman I’ve ever loved. Right or wrong, I’d be a fool to do that.”

  “Levi, please don’t make me hang up on you again. Let’s just agree to go on with our lives with no animosity.”

  “I’m not angry. Frustrated maybe, but I’m not mad at you.”

  “But you know I’m not going to change my mind, right? You know I’m not going to see you.”

  “That’s fine, just as long as you know I’m not giving up. Not until you tell me in person that you don’t want me.”

  “Good-bye, Levi.”

  Alicia set the phone down and knew what she had to do: get dressed, pack a bag, and drive over to Mitchell to spend the rest of the day and night with Phillip. She needed to see her fiancé, the man she loved. He would be pleasantly surprised, and she could easily get back to reading her manuscript tomorrow or the next day. Yes, this was exactly what she was going to do, and she was sorry she hadn’t thought of it sooner. She was also going to block Levi’s phone number, email address, and Facebook account so he wouldn’t be able to contact her. It was the only way to prove to him that she didn’t want him, and that Phillip was the love of her life. There was a part of her that did feel sorry for Levi because she could tell he honestly believed they could pick up where they’d left off. But Alicia had to worry about herself. She had to focus on Phillip, her commitment to him, and the vows they were preparing to take again. Whether Levi could accept it or not, she had to do the right thing. And she would.

  Chapter 10

  Levi kissed Alicia with such intensity, she thought she was going to die. Her body was on fire, and she hadn’t felt this sort of unyielding passion in years—not since the last time she and Levi had been together. He was driving her mad, and while she knew she should beg him to stop—to let her leave—she couldn’t. Not when he was giving her what she’d wanted and needed for far too long.

  Levi pushed her against the front door, the one she’d tried to escape through just minutes ago, and they kissed and caressed each other as though they would never see each other again. They were tucked away at the home of one of Levi’s closest friends, Mark, who lived in one of the Western suburbs. Alicia had never made it to Mitchell. Mark was out of town for a few months and had left a key with his sister just in case Levi ended up being released before he returned. He’d also given Levi full and indefinite access to his home, until Levi found his own place. The interior was exquisite, and Alicia couldn’t help wondering if Mark was wealthy because of selling drugs or because he had a legitimate career or business. Nonetheless, here Alicia was, and it was all because she hadn’t blocked Levi’s number the way she’d planned. She’d actually gotten in her car and had been preparing to drive over to Mitchell for her surprise visit with Phillip when Levi had called her again. He’d pleaded with her to come see him just this once and promised her that after today, he would never bother her again. He’d told her how she owed him at least that much, and this was when Alicia had thought about the way he’d protected her from the police the night he’d been arrested. Hence, she’d finally given in and told him she would meet him “just this once,” so they could say good-bye for good. Levi had driven from Mitchell, and since Alicia had traveled from Covington Park, she’d actually arrived about ten minutes before him. At first, all he’d done was hug her, and then he’d asked her to sit down on the sofa so they could talk, but when she’d gotten up to leave, he’d followed her and pulled her into his arms. She’d tried fighting him off, but she’d failed at it.

  “Baby, let me make love to you,” he said between breaths.

  “No,” she said, pushing him away with little force.

  “You know you want to,” he said, kissing her.

  She pushed him again. “Levi, no. You said that once we talked, you’d let me leave.”

  “Why are you fighting what’s real? Something that feels so right.”

  Alicia gazed into his eyes. She remembered how gorgeous, tall, and lean he had been before, but now he had a few more muscles to go along with his perfect build, and his skin seemed more flawless than ever. His jeans and sweater fit him to a T, and the man smelled so good. He was the kind of guy most women secretly dreamed about. A bad boy who was as fine as could be. She tried not to stare at him, but she found herself eyeing every inch of his body.

  “You said all we would do is talk, and I trusted you.”

  “Okay, you’re right,” he said. “I know I got a little carried away, but I was just so glad to see you, girl. Can’t you understand that?”

  “I have to go.”

  “Can we talk one last time? Please.”

  “Fine,” she said.

  Levi grabbed her hand and led her back to the living room, and they sat on the sofa again.

  Alicia had left her tote in her car, but she set her key fob on the glass table. “I’m not sure what else there is to talk about.”

  “Us,” he said, smiling.

  “You’re really killing me,” she said, resting her arm on the back of the couch.

  “Mmm, mmm, mmm,” he said.

  “What?”

  “You’re as beautiful as ever. Skin, hair, body. Total perfection.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

  “No, but can’t a man give a woman a compliment?”

  “Yeah, except it’s the way you say things and the way you look at me. It’s not right. And we’ve done way too much already.”

  “All we did was kiss.”

  “Yeah, but we never should have.”

  “Are you saying you didn’t enjoy it? Because it didn’t seem like that to me.”

  Alicia looked away, and he turned her chin back toward him.

  “Hey. I can’t help the way I feel. I’m thirty-eight, and still, I’ve never been more in love with a woman in my life. You’re my world.”

  “How can that be true after all these years, Levi?”

  “It just is, and I can tell you feel the same way. There’s too much passion between us, too much chemistry, to pretend like you don’t.”

  Alicia turned away from him again.

  “You have no idea what it was like being locked up. Someone telling you when to go to bed, when to get up, when to eat, when to do everything. But you know what brought a smile to my face every single day?”

  “Levi, please—”

  “No, let me finish. What brought a smile to my face was the thought of you. The photos I printed of you from your web site and a few other places online. I held on to the hope that one day I would get out of there, and you and I would finally become man and wife the way we were supposed to.”

  Alicia looked back at him. “But you know that’s not possible. You know I’m marrying Phillip. We’ve been over this a thousand times.”

  “So are you saying you don’t
love me?”

  “I have to go now,” she said, scooting toward the edge of the sofa.

  “Look at me and tell me you don’t love me. Tell me that the feelings you had for me are gone, and I’ll let you go.”

  Alicia grabbed her key fob and stood up. “I’m sorry, but what we had is over.”

  Levi got to his feet and folded his arms. “That’s not what I asked you. What I want is for you to tell me you don’t love me.”

  Alicia ignored him and went down the hallway toward the front entryway.

  Levi followed her. “So you’re not going to answer me?”

  “I already did,” she said, reaching for the doorknob and holding it.

  Levi turned her body around and held her close. “Look at me. You can’t answer because you know you still love me.”

  Tears filled Alicia’s eyes. “Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

  “Because I can’t. I wish I could, but I didn’t struggle through all I’ve been through just to lose you again. I’m not doin’ that, sweetheart.”

  Alicia pushed him hard, but Levi kissed her. She beat his chest with both her fists, sobbing…still he kissed her on her neck and on her lips again. He devoured her in a rough and powerful manner, and she loved it.

  She no longer fought back.

  Not even when he led her up to his friend’s master bedroom.

  Chapter 11

  Alicia backed her white Mercedes out of the driveway, and though she knew Levi was standing in the doorway of the house staring at her, she never looked at him. She drove away speechless and ashamed. It was as if she’d had some out-of-body experience and was in shock.

  She continued down the street, turned left, rolled to the stop sign, and broke into tears. “Oh my God, what have I done? What…have…I…done?”

  She sniffled and wiped her face with a tissue she pulled from her glove box and drove onto the main street. When she heard a loud honk, she noticed her car veering to the left and swerved it back into the center of the lane. She was so distraught, all she could do was pray she got home safely. How could she have betrayed Phillip with Levi again? She didn’t want to be this kind of person, a woman who allowed temptation to consume her, but there was something about Levi she couldn’t resist. For one, she never should have agreed to meet with him. She never should have taken any of his calls. But deep down, she’d wanted to hear his voice. Truthfully? She’d needed to hear it. Needed to see him. Touch him. Be held by him oh so gently, yet firmly. And yes, as wrong as it was, she’d desperately wanted to make love to him.