Clarity

by Gabbie S. Duran

  I consider his question for a moment before answering. “Chocolate. I like chocolate, and I already know I’m not allergic to it,” I laugh out.

  “I guess I should have known you’d like chocolate. It’s sweet like you.” His crooked smile melts my insides as he keeps rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand.

  The sensation of his touch is something I’m still unfamiliar with. The tenderness of the act was rare even with Josh, when he did hold my hand. The thought of Josh’s name sends me spiraling back to his memory.

  “Taylor?” Nick’s deep voice pulls me from my ghastly daze.

  Standing, feeling the need to put some sort of distance between Nick and I, I’m a mere step from the couch when he brings me to a halt. “Did I say something wrong?”

  Trying to reassure him, I shake my head no. “It’s not you, Nick. I just have issues you don’t need to know about,” I say, turning away to avoid his gaze.

  “I know, Taylor.”

  The blood drains from my face, terrified Katie told him about Josh. Turning to face him, I search his face for any sort of disgust he might feel towards me. “What exactly do you know?” I rasp out, barely able to form the words.

  “I know from the way you were screaming the other day it’s something serious.”

  “You have no idea,” I reply, dragging out the words.

  “Then tell me.”

  “No.” Shaking my head again, I refuse his request.

  “Why not?” he pleads. “Maybe I can help.”

  “You getting what you want isn’t going to help. It will only make it worse.”

  Startled from my remark, he asks, “What exactly is it I want?”

  “Don’t act stupid. You’re just looking for an easy way to get me to have sex with you.”

  He’s taken aback by my words, flinching as if I’d slapped him across the face. “Is that what you think I’m after? Just getting you to have sex with me?”

  “Of course you are. The only difference is at least you’re trying to earn it, instead of demanding it.”

  His expression turns from disbelief to anger at my declaration. It’s then I know I’ve disclosed more information than I should have.

  “It’ll never happen, Nick, so why keep trying?”

  “Because you’re different, Taylor. I’ve known it since the first day I met you.”

  “Yes, I am. I can barely let a guy close enough to kiss me so you’re wasting your time,” I shamefully admit.

  He steps forward, closing the distance between us. My attempts to keep retreating are broken when my back hits the wall. He stands in front of me, his blue eyes staring down into mine. His hands come to rest on my hips, trapping me in place. My breathing becomes shallow as his lips curve up into a half-smile.

  “Then I can consider myself lucky if I’m able to do this.” His lips slowly meet mine. No longer accustomed to the feeling of being kissed, anxiety spreads inside of me. The feel of his lips lingering on mine are gentle, unrushed. The beat of my heart is racing as my breath hitches, afraid it’s all simply a dream. Gradually my eyes close, wanting to savor the feeling of all that is happening at this moment.

  Slowly he brings our kiss to an end, causing my eyes to open, worried I’ve done something wrong. I’m stunned to find him hesitantly staring down at me, his eyes searching for any type of reaction. Before I can question what’s wrong, he lowers his head back down again and our mouths are fused once more, my eyes automatically closing as before. His tongue pushes against my lips and I willingly open up to him, my senses spiraling out of control when my tongue meets his. The taste of his mouth is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, instantly intoxicating.

  His body leans into mine, pushing me further against the wall. The nightmarish feeling of being trapped hits me full force, frightening me. Using all my strength, my hands shove against his chest, my once giddy heartbeat now racing from terror.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “You have to go,” I say, unable to catch my breath.

  “Why?”

  “Please, Nick,” I whimper, my frantic mind full of uncontrollable emotions.

  Suddenly, Katie walks in the door. Taking in my fearful state, she asks, “Tay, you okay?” She gives Nick a worried look as I nod my head in response.

  “Nick was just leaving,” I tell her. Looking over to Nick, I narrow my eyes into a slit to emphasize my demand.

  “I was?”

  “Yes, I think you should go now,” I croak out.

  His confusion is replaced with sympathy before he steps forward, taking my head between his palms and kissing me on the temple. “I’m leaving to give you time, Taylor, but I’m not giving up,” he declares, sounding like a promise.

  Stepping away, he leaves the apartment without glancing back. Katie shuts the door behind him before turning to face me.

  “Taylor, are you okay?” she repeats.

  “I’m fine, Katie,” I answer, bringing my fingers up to my still pulsating lips, his words repeating like a broken record.

  With a hint of a smile, she turns to walk to her room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Minutes later, I make my way to my bedroom with Nick’s kiss still overtaking my feelings. Reaching for the Post-it note I keep tucked in my bedside table, I tightly clutch it in my hand as I fall asleep pondering what it is about Nick Hunter that has me infatuated with him, hoping the thoughts will keep me from my nightmares of my past.

  WHO WOULD HAVE known what a difference a few days could make? The days can come and go, people arrive and depart, and through it all, little gestures to make one think of someone are made.

  For the past four days, Nick has kept his presence in my mind. His promise of no more flowers was kept. Instead, in their place, was chocolate. It never occurred to me that he’d overwhelm me with the gesture, but it was sweet in more ways than I could have ever imagined.

  It’s now Monday afternoon and I have yet to see Nick since my allergic reaction and his absence is alarming. Little gestures can only go so far when my mind is still wondering what his words could have truly meant.

  I’m sitting in my office wrapping up the final notes for my patient’s charts when I hear a light knock on my office door. When I look up my eyes find Nick smiling back at me. Instantly, my heart halts, but just as rapidly starts beating back to life. An unexplainable giddiness spreads inside of me. For the last four days, both my mind and heart have constantly been thinking of the man standing just mere feet away from me.

  “You almost done?” his deep husky voice glides across the room, hitting me full force, leaving me with incoherent thoughts. “Taylor?”

  Shaking my head, I attempt to clear the fog it was sitting in. “Uh?”

  Taking the steps needed to close the distance between us, he places his hands on the desk and leans across the front of it.

  “Miss me?”

  If he only knew . . .

  His laughter fills the room, as if he’s read my thoughts, making me blush. “Thank you for the chocolates, by the way,” I say, feeling the need to change the subject. Returning my attention to the files in front of me, I use them as an excuse to break eye contact with him.

  “Was it enough?”

  Now I’m the one laughing. Opening the largest drawer I have in my desk—which used to house my purse at one point—it is now filled to the brim with every chocolate possibly made in the world. With a wave of my hand to show him the inside, I say, “I think I’m set for the next year, thank you.”

  “Good.”

  “Would you like some?”

  He tilts his head to answer, his gaze entirely focused on my lips. “No, thank you, but there’s something else I’d prefer.”

  “I bet you would,” I breathlessly reply.

  My erratic heartbeat has returned, and I’m having trouble breathing. Turning my attention to my computer, I try to bring myself under control. Glancing back at Nick, I find him leaning against Katie’s desk. He’s standing with his arms tightly cro
ssed at his chest, showcasing his broad shoulders. My mind ponders what could be underneath his shirt and how it would feel to run my hands across his bare skin.

  “You keep looking at me like that and I may have to take back the promise I made to myself.” His husky voice breaks me from my trance of erotic thoughts. Before I can ask about said promise, he asks, “What time do you get off?”

  Before answering, I force myself to clear my mind. “In another half hour, maybe. Why?”

  His lips curve into a half smile. “Good, ‘cause I have plans for us.”

  “And what would those plans include?” I ask with my eyebrows drawn up in curiosity.

  He shakes his head. “It’s a surprise.” The mischievous look on his face worries me, especially because I hate not knowing what to expect. It must be obvious. “It’s just something for us to spend time together. Nothing more,” he reassures me.

  His declaration causes me to grow lightheaded with excitement. What the hell is going on with me? I would never have allowed this to happen before, and now I’m starting to see that with Nick it’s happening a lot more than I can comprehend. Needing to take control of the situation, at least this one as best as I can, I ask, “What are you doing back here, anyway?”

  He looks at me, puzzled by the question. “I thought we already worked that out. You’re leaving with me,” he says, sounding confident.

  Shaking my head at him, I clarify my question. “I meant, what are you doing back here. You know you’re not supposed to be back here,” I say, looking at the door, once again wondering where the hell the security guard is at. I am really starting to question what it is he does around here.

  Nick chuckles, bringing my attention back to him. “If you’re wondering about the security guard, he’s a really big fan and I might have promised him a couple of days’ worth of tickets to turn his eye for all the times I come back here,” he states, looking smug as he responds.

  Rolling my eyes at him, I’m not surprised that he would stoop so low as to bribe someone to come back here. No wonder why the guard was never in sight when Nick was near.

  Gathering up my files, I stack them neatly into a pile on my desk. From the corner of my eye, I watch Nick make his way around my desk to stand in front of me. His movement has me anxious from the anticipation of being near him. My anxiety increases when he lowers himself down in a crouching position so his face is directly level with mine. I can feel my chest rising and falling, matching my breathless pants.

  He places his hands on each armrest of my chair, locking me in place. “I wonder what little wicked things you’re thinking of with the look you’re giving me.” My eyes must look like saucers from how shocked I am by his words.

  Snapping out of the seductive stupor my mind was completely lost to, I gently shove him away. “Get over yourself, Nick. Not every girl is going to throw herself at you,” I proclaim.

  His booming laughter vibrates throughout the room. “Good, because that’s the kind of girl I’m looking for,” he says, grabbing my hand and tugging me to stand. My chest crashes against his, allowing him to wrap his arms around my waist. If I weren’t already in shock from being flush against Nick’s body, his lips meeting mine would have easily sent me there.

  Willingly, I open up to him, allowing his tongue access. The sensation of our tongues gliding against each other’s sends me to another world. Seconds later, the feel of his lips pulling away leaves me mourning the loss of our connection. Opening my eyes, which had automatically closed, I find Nick seductively staring down at me.

  “I’ve been dying to do that for days.”

  I’m trying to control my racing heart and my breathing, which is now practically to the point of hyperventilating.

  “Why don’t we get out of here?”

  My head slowly nods in approval even though my mind is racing with doubt, still questioning what Nick’s intentions are for the night. I have to remind myself of the deal I’d made with myself after Nick left the other night. It was finally time I stopped allowing my past to determine my future.

  Nick leads me from my office and down the hallway to the exit. The entire time his hand is tightly clasped with mine and my inner school girl returns as we walk side by side. There was once a person who had helped me discover her, but it was the same person who forced me to lock her away for what I thought would be forever. It wasn’t until Nick came into my life that she began to reluctantly reemerge. With a surreptitious glance, I find Nick smiling at me.

  When we reach Nick’s car, he leans against the passenger door, pulling me against his chest as he gives me a full-blown, make my knees weak, kiss. If he wasn’t holding me, I’m pretty sure I would’ve collapsed to the floor. My hands automatically go to his shoulders, needing something to hold onto while my mouth receives and gives the kiss with as much enthusiasm as he’s giving.

  Breathlessly, we slowly bring the kiss to an end. “I missed you so much this weekend.” His confession replicates how I felt. Placing one last kiss on my temple, he gently pushes me away. “Come on, let’s get out of here. I don’t want to do anything I’ll regret,” he says, sounding remorseful.

  What the hell was that supposed to mean?

  I climb into the car after he opens the door for me and wait while he enters on his side. Before he starts the car, he pulls out his phone and begins texting on it. I’m sitting in my seat, distracted by my thoughts, pondering the meaning behind his comment. Soon he’s driving out of the building. I’m oblivious as to where we are going until he pulls into the same garage his car was parked in during the night he took me home from the club.

  “Where are we?” I ask, confused.

  Alarm bells ring in my mind. What exactly were his intentions when he mentioned a “surprise”?

  “I thought we’d have dinner together,” he answers with a heartfelt smile before exiting his side of the car and rushing over to mine.

  “I’m not dressed for dinner, Nick,” I say, looking down at my scrubs.

  “You’re perfect,” he replies, tugging me out of the car and towards an elevator. Twelve floors later, the doors open to a hallway of apartment doors. Leading me down the hallway, he comments, “I know a restaurant would have been more romantic, but I selfishly wanted you to myself,” he explains when we reach his door.

  When he opens door, I notice the apartment is illuminated by the glow of candlelight. It’s breathtakingly beautiful.

  Walking inside the apartment, he leads me further into the room towards a table near a large glass window overlooking the city. “I figured dinner here at my place would be just as perfect.”

  The gesture makes me smile. My eyes turn to find the night sky brightened by the twinkling lights of the city gleaming through the window, and with the candle glow behind me, it feels majestic.

  “I hope you’re hungry because Julia has made a very delicious dinner,” he remarks as he helps me into my seat at the table. I look down at the elegantly set table as he takes a seat. Within seconds, there are plates being placed in front of us.

  “You really didn’t have to do all this for me,” I shyly reply, somehow feeling unworthy of the effort he’s put into dinner. From the savory aromas wafting off the plates, my stomach is arguing otherwise and demanding I stay.

  “I think your stomach would say otherwise,” he says with a light chuckle from across the table, as if reading my thoughts.

  “Let’s eat,” he orders already reaching for a bottle of wine sitting on the table. He grabs for my glass and before he takes it, I stop him. “It’s okay, I don’t want any,” I inform him.

  “Are you sure? It’s vintage and would complement the steak very well.”

  “I’m sure. I’m fine with water.”

  He looks puzzled, but nods his head. “I’ll have water as well, then,” he says as he sets the bottle back on the table.

  He reaches for his silverware, allowing me to relax. Unable to resist the mouthwatering feast in front of me, I too am soon lifting my utens
ils and cutting into the steak.

  The conversation during dinner is kept light. The crazy weather Chicago has been blessed with, small stories of what we do to endure it. I’d at first feared he’d automatically begin asking me questions about my past, but surprisingly he never did, leaving me relieved. With the delicious dinner sitting in our stomachs, Nick is soon leading me to the couch so we can sit.

  “Thank you for dinner. It was delicious.”

  “You’re welcome. It’s one of the reasons why I refuse to let my housekeeper go, regardless of all the raises she demands,” he voices, following his gaze in the direction in which an older lady is now clearing the table.

  “You’re that bad, huh?” I laugh out.

  Nonchalantly, he shrugs his shoulder. “Some days, I know I can be,” he admits. “I’ve missed you being my therapist.”

  “I was barely even your therapist.”

  He brings his hand up to my face to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his thumb now slowly grazing my chin. “Taylor, you’re the reason I keeping going. If not, I would have stopped showing up after that first day.”

  “It didn’t seem that way at first,” I complain. “Nick, what was the real reason why you didn’t show up that morning I had you transferred?” I bravely ask, remembering the reason why I had him transferred. “The truth, Nick, not an excuse,” I order.

  He lets out a heavy sigh as regret overtakes his appearance. Running his hand behind his neck, he begins to massage it, a sight I’ve become familiar with when he’s nervous. “You were right. I was hung-over that morning, but I didn’t think you’d make a big deal about my excuse. It usually works with everyone else.”

  My resentment is high as I reply, “I never figured you for a liar, Nick, but you’ve proven me wrong.”

  He looks ashamed. “Taylor,” he pleads, grabbing for my hand. My attempt to tug it away is unsuccessful. “I had every intention of going in. It meant seeing you, but I fucked up and made a terrible mistake. I’m still trying everything within my power to make it right. I swear.”