Clarity

by Gabbie S. Duran

  “We better get going,” I sadly say.

  Before long, he’s driving up to the parking garage of my work building and parking his car. Taking a sip of the coffee that we’d purchased from the café up the street, the aroma helps push away the dread I’ve been carrying with me since we left the apartment. The fear of him asking for an explanation of my reaction to his question has been lingering with me since I’d left him in the room. Thankfully, until now, he hasn’t asked, but it’s bound to happen.

  Nick lifts my hand and kisses the back of it, his smiling eyes looking back at me. “I have a game out of town this week. I won’t be back until next week,” he utters.

  “Oh . . .” The word unconsciously slips out. “Well, thanks for the ride,” I tell him, not knowing what else to say. He tugs at my hand, bringing my attention back to him before I have the chance to open the door.

  “I was hoping we could have dinner together again when I get back.”

  Smiling back at him, I grow excited inside. “Sure, but if you don’t mind, I’d rather eat at my place this time. I don’t want a repeat of last night.”

  Rubbing the back of his neck with his other hand, he looks ashamed, yet it’s clear he understands. “Sounds perfect.”

  Leaning forward to kiss him, the same hand that was holding his own neck is now holding mine in place, letting our kiss linger longer than usual. With our kiss ending, he keeps our lips a mere breath from each other, and his smells of coffee.

  “So much for morning breath,” I remind him. Normally the thought of kissing someone with morning breath would have disgusted me, but the taste of coffee beans mixed with the unique flavor of Nick’s mouth is delicious.

  “You sure you have to work today?”

  “Yes,” I reply, pulling away to open the car door, leaving him there in the parking lot. Taking one last glance over my shoulder before I enter the building, I find Nick is still gazing at me. Soon I’m sitting behind my desk and in my chair, my thoughts still lost in the my earlier conversation with Nick.

  It was clear his only intention was to get to know me better, but I’d resorted back to my normal hardened shell of protection, as I’d always done in the past with anyone else. I’ve grown accustomed to distracting people, to keep from having to disclose too much of myself. Yet with Nick, who I’d told myself I’d try removing my guard, I was easily reverting back to my old ways. How was I ever going to let him earn my trust if I wouldn’t trust myself to retract the walls around my heart? It seems like lately all I’m ever doing is asking myself questions. Most of which I can’t answer myself. Before long, the ringing of my office phone is breaking me from my trance.

  “This is Taylor,” I answer into the phone.

  “I seem to have made the mistake of letting you walk away from me again without getting your number. How am I ever to stalk the one girl who holds my every thought if I can’t properly text her?” Nick’s husky voice delivers from the other end.

  My overflowing smile is inevitable. The declaration he has made is the reason why it’s there. There isn’t a day that Nick Hunter hasn’t overtaken my thoughts at one point, and somehow I predict it will only become tougher to resist.

  “Well, that’s a shame,” I mockingly tease in return.

  His familiar chuckle echoes in the room. Confused, my head snaps up to now find him standing in the doorway of my office. Replacing the receiver back in its place on the phone, Nick closes the steps between us to reach me. His usual pose of locking me in my chair is producing the usual reaction I’ve come accustomed to when he hovers over me.

  “I refuse to leave you again until I have it, Ms.—” he proclaims, tilting his head to the side as if considering something. “You’ve never told me your last name.”

  “No, I haven’t,” I verify. “Maybe one day I will, but that’s not today,” I declare, reaching for his phone and entering my number before returning it to him. Taking the phone from my hand, he places a kiss on the corner of my mouth before turning to walk away.

  “I’m going to take that as a promise,” he announces before leaving my office without a backwards glance.

  The reaction is expected, yet it’s still wounding as the guilt sinks to the pit of my stomach. If I didn’t learn soon how to break myself free from my protective shell, I may just end up enclosed in it forever.

  PING . . .

  The sound I’ve become so familiar with in the past week announces itself from my phone. As usual, I smile when I first receive it, but it doesn’t last long. This past week has been nothing but exchanges of text messages between Nick and I, since he’s currently traveling for his games.

  On most days, I’m able to speak to him during my lunch break. It’s the only opportunity I have to hear his voice during the day. Come 4 P.M., the phone goes silent until the next morning due to his traveling schedule, a circumstance I was unprepared for when Nick announced he’d be traveling this week.

  Looking at the time on my phone before I open up the text message, it’s almost time to leave work, causing a sigh to escape. It’s another night without Nick. Opening up the message, it reads:

  Why the sour face?—Nick

  My head snaps up to find him standing in my doorway, a wide smile gracing his face when our eyes meet. Butterflies float throughout my stomach as he stalks his way over to me. Thank goodness Katie isn’t in the office, because at this very moment, I want Nick all to myself.

  Standing before he reaches my desk, my arms are already wrapping around his neck and pulling him down to me for a kiss. The last week of waiting for this one single kiss was torture. In every conversation we’ve spoken of it, and now it’s become a reality.

  He kisses me without holding back any emotion. Pulling away, our lips are barely an inch apart as he says, “You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to do that since the day I left.” Our smiles returning with his comment.

  Remembering how he mentioned he wouldn’t return until next week, I ask, “I thought you were out of town?”

  Casually shrugging his shoulder, he leans down to kiss me again. “You almost done for the day?” he murmurs into our kiss.

  “My last patient of the day had to reschedule. I still have half an hour left before I can leave.” I know it’s not the answer he wanted to hear by the protested grumble he gives me. “Behave,” I tease when he wraps his arms around me and begins kissing down my neck as I start putting my files into a neat pile. I’m giggling from the stubble on his chin when Sarah walks into my office a few minutes later. Clearing her throat, she gathers our attention.

  Katie is the only other person from the office who knows about Nick and me. I had intentionally wanted to keep it that way, but by the way Nick has my back flush against his chest and securely wrapped in his arms, it’s clear we are more than mere acquaintances. Promptly releasing his hold around my waist, I feel him step back, putting space between the two of us.

  She’s looking between Nick and I with confusion when she states, “I came to remind you about the wedding this weekend. Don’t forget.” I’m already opening my mouth to reason how it’s still unnecessary for me to attend when Nick inquires, “Wedding?” The curiosity in his tone leaves me cringing from the word.

  Sarah perks up, excitement gleaming in her eyes. “My wedding is this weekend and Taylor has been trying to get out of attending from the moment I announced my engagement,” she explains, now scowling at me.

  “Sarah, you know parties aren’t my thing. Look what happened at your bachelorette party.”

  She tsks, waving her hand in the air to push the reminder away. “That’s different. You now have a date to keep you company,” she claims, pointing the same hand in Nick’s direction. “It’s this Sunday, by the way.” The reminder intended for him.

  What the hell? She’s now mirroring Katie in the matchmaking department. I don’t even know where Nick and I are currently standing, something I still ask myself every day that goes by.

  “I’m pretty sure Nick has bett
er things to do than put up with me glowering the entire night,” I claim, trying to defuse the subject, but Nick is already just as quickly responding, “I’m sorry, I can’t, anyway. I have a game that day.”

  Her brows furrow. “But I thought you couldn’t play?”

  “We still have to be at the game, injured or not. I’m going to be gone all weekend,” he says to me. Sarah’s disappointment is sufficient for the both of us. A pang of sadness is internally taking over. He’s only just returned and he’s already going to leave again? Somehow the resentment is urging me to ask him why he’s even here today, but another part of me is begging to hold onto him until the very last moment. I’m so damn confused at this point, my emotions scattered in every direction.

  “You ready to go?” Nick’s somber voice distracts me from my current thoughts.

  “Yeah, let’s go,” I woefully reply, already leaving his arms and retrieving my purse. The walk to his car is made in silence. My bitterness slowly increases with every passing minute. It isn’t until we’ve reached the car that Nick voices his concern.

  Trapping me against his car before I can open the door, his arms wrap around my waist and the apprehensive look in his eyes is already giving me mixed emotions. “What’s wrong?”

  His gaze is searching for an answer as he waits.

  “Why did you bother showing up today?”

  With an uncertain tone, he asks, “What do you mean?”

  “When do you leave again?”

  Now understanding my meaning, he lets out a heavy sigh. “I scheduled my flight for early morning. Is that why you’re so upset? Me having to leave again?” I don’t know how to answer the question. I’m still trying to understand why I’m upset over this entire situation.

  “Taylor, we had a night off in between cities and I really missed you. It’s not uncommon for the players to sneak in visits with their family this way.”

  “I’m not family,” I clarify.

  Palming my neck to hold my head in place, he gazes down at me. “Do you want me to leave?” His brow arches high as he looks at me.

  “No,” I admit, now realizing how childish I’m acting. “I’m sorry, Nick. I don’t know what the hell is going on with me.”

  He cocks his head to one side. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d believe you missed me,” he smugly explains. Dropping my head against his chest in defeat, I hesitate to explain why I’m acting the way I am. “Yes, I did,” I confess, pulling him tight against my chest. It took every ounce of courage to admit my feelings, but they left my mouth so effortlessly.

  Time easily passes with him continuing to hold me in his arms. It takes the passing of several cars to break us apart. The entire car ride to my apartment is made in the same dreadful silence as the walk to the garage. With my mind full of possible reasons for my behavior, there’s only one that keeps overpowering all others: the simple fact that I’m slowly starting to fall for Nick Hunter, and not having him near is making me miserable.

  Swallowing the mouth full of food, I place the empty container on the coffee table in front of us. Taylor is soon doing the same as she releases a heavy sigh, looking just as full as I feel.

  “As delicious as it was, I don’t think I can take another bite,” she protests, grabbing at her stomach and throwing herself back onto the couch next to me. The gesture makes me laugh.

  “Told you it was the best in town.”

  “It was,” she groans. “But you didn’t have to pay for it. At least let me pay for half,” she insists once more.

  “Nope,” I repeat for what must be the tenth time. I’m at the point of wanting to lecture her to stop asking.

  “But you made dinner for us the first time.”

  “Technically, I didn’t make dinner, Julia did. Second of all, you don’t ever want to eat anything I cook. You may not live to see the next day. I can’t cook for shit,” I say, frowning as I remember my last failed attempt.

  “You and me both,” she laughs.

  “Third, I would never make you pay for dinner.”

  She rolls her eyes in defeat before she chuckles with a smile. Staring at her, my mind is deliberately engraving her smile into my memory. It will have to sustain me until Monday. I’m still confused over what happened earlier. It was unexpected, yet still welcome. The moment Taylor admitted she was upset over missing me my heart pounded excitedly inside my chest. She’s now shyly looking at me, a small irresistible smile on her lips. “Come here,” I beckon her, already tugging her to sit in my lap. I’ve had the entire week to imagine how tonight would go. Between the weeklong text messages and longing to hold her in my arms, it’s been pure torture.

  “I’ve been thinking about what you asked me about my career. It wasn’t until college when my coaches started pointing out my potential that I started pushing my limits. When I was offered a deal to play professionally in the minor leagues, I had to make a decision in life. Do as expected from my family, or pursue what made me happy.” I don’t need to finish the sentence when Taylor finishes it for me. “You followed your dreams,” she proudly points out.

  I nod my head in agreement. “They weren’t necessarily dreams, but yes, I followed them. It took a couple of years, but eventually I was in the big league, playing with the big boys. It wasn’t until my first injury that I realized how much of it I’d taken for granted.”

  “It took your injury to open your eyes?”

  “No, it wasn’t the actual injury, but a feisty little vixen I met on my first day of therapy that made me realize,” I answer, quickly pecking her lips soon after. She wraps her arms around my neck as I kiss her, as if wanting to be closer, and I’m not going to protest.

  “You’re the one who decided to be an ass,” she points out.

  No matter what words she uses, her responses will always make me laugh. “Are you always this condescending with your patients?”

  “You’re not my patient, you’re Katie’s. And you should be grateful or else I wouldn’t be allowed to have a personal—” she doesn’t complete the sentence, leaving me to wonder what exactly she’d intended to say. “It doesn’t matter anymore because you’re almost done. You’ll be back on the field playing with your balls again,” she smirks.

  Sometimes I wonder if Taylor realizes how dirty some of the words sound coming from her mouth. “How about you come to one of my games so you can watch me play with my balls?” I suggest, wagging my eyebrows at her.

  From the roll of her eyes, she’s picked up on the message I’d put behind my comment. “I can’t.”

  Taken aback by her reply, I ask, “Why not?”

  She’s biting her lips and her eyes are looking everywhere but at my own. “I’m a Cubs fan,” she states, my heart practically sinking to the floor.

  My mouth drops open, speechless. She releases a bout of laughs, still leaving me puzzled. “Please tell me you’re joking,” I hesitantly ask, hoping it’s the reason why she’s laughing.

  “Yes. I just wanted to see your reaction if I were a Cubs fan since I know it’s the only other team in town. I couldn’t care less what team is which since I don’t watch sports at all,” she claims, still giggling, making me playfully narrow my eyes at her.

  Her laughter ends when she yawns hidden behind her hand, an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry. I haven’t been sleeping well,” she admits, alarming me. I’m about to ask her how often she’s been having her nightmares, but she cuts me off by changing the subject.

  “Only one more session with Katie and you’ll be done,” she reminds me. It’s both bitter and sweet, knowing I’m almost done. “You would have been done sooner had you not had to delay your sessions because of your games this week.”

  The bitterness in her statement takes me right back to our conversation from earlier. Struggling to find the right words to continue where we left off, my train of thought is broken when Katie walks through the door.

  “Hey, you’re still here,” she remarks, making her way to the other end of t
he couch and taking a seat.

  “Did you ask him?” she asks Taylor.

  If I weren’t already staring at her, I would have missed the roll of her eyes. “I already told you, I’m not going to be mooching tickets off of him for you. You have the money to buy them yourself.”

  Waving off Taylor’s comment, she says, “I know I do, but its box seats I want and those suckers are expensive. And you promised.”

  I’m questionably looking at both of them. Katie has her arms crossed over her chest with a pout on her face, while Taylor is piercing her with a glare. The sight is hilarious. Taylor lets out an exasperated sigh as she turns to face me. “Nick, Katie wanted me to ask you if you’d be able to get her box seats for your next game.” Every single word is asked through clenched teeth.

  Chuckling to brush off the pang of annoyance from the position she’d put Taylor in, I say, “You know you could have asked me yourself.”

  “I didn’t want you thinking I was taking advantage of you.”

  “And how the hell do you think it’d make me look?” Taylor throws at her.

  “You’re the one kissing him, so it’s easier for him to say yes to you.”

  “What the hell, you pimping me out for tickets now?”

  Taylor’s comment makes both Katie and I laugh. Taylor is now piercing me with a glare that has me clearing my throat to silence my laughter.

  “The tickets will be at will call for you,” I inform Katie, hoping my surrender to her request won’t anger Taylor.

  Katie stands with a satisfied smile. “Thank you, Nick. Good night, love birds. See you in the morning,” she sing-songs over her shoulder on the way to her room.

  “I don’t know why she’s thanking you. I’m the one who had to ask,” she grimaces before stifling another yawn. “It must be late if Katie’s home,” she voices, reaching for her phone and checking the time. I’m hesitantly waiting for Taylor to tell me to leave, but Katie’s comment has raised my hopes of staying the night. Before losing my courage, I bravely ask, “Is it okay if I stay with you until you fall asleep?”