Clarity

by Gabbie S. Duran

  “Sure,” I mumble into his chest, trying to push my mind from my current thoughts.

  Hours later, the comfort of Nick’s arms has me drifting off to sleep faster than I would have expected. We’d finished dinner hours ago, but I used every excuse possible to avoid heading to bed. Now, I feel myself being carried to bed.

  “The guest room, remember,” I mumble, keeping my eyes open to ensure he keeps his word.

  “Yes, I remember,” he answers before turning into a bedroom that isn’t his. He gently lays me down onto the bed.

  “I’ll go get your bag,” he says before I hear his footsteps retreating from the room. Using the minute I know he’ll be gone, I quickly begin to undress from my scrubs. Climbing under the sheet, I use it as a protective barrier around my half-naked body as I sit and wait in bed in only my bra and underwear.

  A few minutes later I hear him return. The bright glow of a light causes me to wince as my eyes struggle to adjust to the bathroom light.

  “Sorry,” Nick apologizes as he shuts the door, leaving it cracked open just enough to blanket the room in a soft glow. He returns to my side, handing me my backpack containing my clothes. He’s wearing a pair of workout shorts and nothing more.

  Grabbing it from him, I begin rummaging through its contents for my sleep shirt. Putting it on, my eyes find Nick patiently waiting before he heads over and turns off the light. Holding open the blanket, I feel him climb in at my side, molding our bodies together.

  His warm breath grazes against my neck as his deep voice whispers, “Goodnight, Taylor,” before placing a kiss just below my ear.

  I lay in Nick’s arms, relishing the comfort I know I will be missing after tomorrow.

  “WHERE ARE YOU going?” I playfully tease, pulling Taylor back into bed. Her laughter pulses against my chest. My arm is firmly wrapped around her and my head is resting on her temple. She gently pushes against my chest and I groan, refusing to relinquish my hold on her.

  “Nick,” she says, her protest coming out muffled. “You’re going to make me late.”

  “Shhh. I’m trying to return to my dream,” I tell her, throwing my leg over the lower half of her body. “You were moaning instead of protesting.”

  It’s the closest I’ve come to my erotic thoughts being satisfied in the past two nights. My mind was begging I strip her of her shirt and rake my tongue over every inch of her last night.

  It was clear that she wanted nothing more than to sleep when we’d climbed into bed. It was her sign of refusal. Instead, my dreams were the only satisfaction I received.

  Remembering in vague detail what had occurred in my dreams, my cock is already hardening.

  “Nick!” she protests again, pinching my side with her fingers. “Get off me,” she muffles once more.

  I laugh at her failed attempt, still holding her tight. She continues to struggle, pushing with all her might against my chest. The shoving is no longer playful. Her body is frantically trembling in my embrace.

  “Get off me!” she yells this time, sounding panicked. The tone has me stiffening. Lifting myself off her, she scrambles away, practically running from the bed and straight into the bathroom. The door slams behind her, leaving me to blankly stare at it.

  Standing up from the bed, I follow her, finding the door barricaded when I turn the knob.

  “Taylor, let me in,” I say, knocking on the door.

  “Just give me a minute,” she mumbles from the other side.

  “I’m sorry, Taylor. Please. Just let me in,” I beg again, but all I receive is silence. Attempting to push at the door once more, I’m still unable to open it. Patiently, I wait, mimicking her silence in hope she’ll open the door. Minutes later, my request is granted when the door cracks open.

  Her tear-stricken eyes stare back at me. “I need to use the bathroom,” she informs me. I look at her with confusion, wondering why she would tell me that small detail. “I don’t want to go pee in front of you,” she adds.

  I give her a curt nod and turn to walk towards my own bathroom to give her some privacy. The steps taking me to my room feel shameful, full of regret for what I’ve done.

  How is it Taylor can make me feel like the most appalling person from one simple act? An act, which in most relationships would have been seen as playful, loving, could have resulted in us making love. Instead, I had her trembling in fear and rushing as fast as she could to escape me.

  Reaching my bathroom, I lean down onto the counter, my head dropping in shame. My stomach is rolling and full of a sickening dread that she will retreat and shut me out as she had the first time this happened. Closing my eyes in an effort to shove the feeling aside does nothing but recall the memory of that day as it replays behind my closed eyelids. Her frantic and frightened screams were similar to the ones only moments ago. Only this time, it was me causing those screams.

  “Nick,” Taylor mutters from the doorway, breaking my thoughts. “I’m done,” she relays, sounding apologetic.

  Her eyes are bloodshot, evidence of her crying. Her arms are protectively wrapped around her as she leans on the doorframe. Her shoulders are hunched forward as she averts her eyes momentarily towards the floor before peeking back up to look at me.

  Cautiously, I step forward, fearful she’ll cower away. When I’m mere inches from her, she unwraps herself and reaches out for me, closing the distance between us. She leans into me and rests her head against my chest. Kissing her temple, the weight of my worry evaporates.

  “I’m sorry, Taylor.”

  “It’s not your fault, Nick. It’s mine.” She pauses to take a deep breath. “I need to learn to stop being so afraid,” she croaks out.

  I could do nothing but remain silent. There are no other words than the ones I’ve said before. To repeat them would be to remind her of her past.

  “Do you want to take a shower with me?” I ask, using the question to break the dark mood we’re still surrounded in.

  The feel of her head nodding against my chest brightens my smile. Gently pulling myself away from her embrace, I proceed to turn on my shower before turning to find her shyly removing her shirt, her arms returning to wrap and conceal her underwear when she notices me gazing at her. With a silent chuckle I step forward, cautiously grabbing onto her arms.

  “Do you need some help?” I ask near her ear, knowing how she likes it when I tenderly kiss the crook of her neck. She delivers my prize and shivers from the contact.

  A gentle nod of her head has my hands wrapping behind her back to unsnap her bra and pulling it forward to drape off her body as I step away. Her eyes stare up at me as I skim my fingers down her sides to hook into her underwear. Kneeling, I pull them down. My hands skim up the sides of her legs, a cluster of goose bumps arising where my fingertips brush her thighs. Our eyes never break their connection, adding to my desire and impatience to make love to her.

  Standing in front of her, her hands reach out, pushing down at the waistband of my shorts until they are in a puddle at my ankles, resting besides her clothing. I watch as her eyes drop down to take in my obvious erection that has been pushing against her stomach. I’d tried desperately to contain my desire for her, but it’s physically impossible when I’m next to Taylor. She can be fully clothed and my mind is still racing with erotic thoughts. But to have her fully disrobed in front of me has me starving for her body.

  “Someone’s excited,” she mocks, glancing down to my erection standing at full salute. Her finger grazes down the length of it before I feel her hand wrap around my shaft. Lifting up on tip-toes so her mouth is near my ear, she murmurs, “Poor thing.”

  Her tongue darts out to lick her lips, causing my cock to jump from the sight. Before I can react, she releases her hold on my shaft to step around me. My eyes follow her as she pauses to look over her shoulder before stepping into the shower.

  “You coming?” she hums.

  “You better believe I’ll be coming soon,” I mumble under my breath as I follow her into the shower. Ho
w she succeeds in pulling control over the simplest of actions has me perplexed. I could only think of one explanation, but it’s the same words I’ve been desperately hoping to hear from those lips.

  Entering the shower, Taylor’s back is facing in my direction as she starts rinsing her body. Stepping up behind her, my arms automatically wrap around her, pulling her flush against my chest. Her head leans back to rest on my shoulder, allowing me to begin trailing kisses up her neck as my hand slides down her abdomen.

  “Want me to rinse your body?” I huskily ask into her ear. She gasps when my hand begins to stroke her between her legs. Without waiting for her to answer, I grab the bar of soap and begin gliding it across her stomach and up her breasts, making sure to cover every inch of her chest before I pull away and start washing her legs. She turns to face me as I stand then takes the soap from my hands.

  “My turn,” she says with a smirk. My resistance is holding on by a thread as she begins washing my chest, gradually lowering her hands. Her eyes are locked with mine the entire time, playfully mocking me as the smirk remains on her lips. I let out a groan when she reaches my cock, her slippery hands grasping it in her palm, gliding slowly up and down. Restraining her movements by clasping my hand around her wrist, I glare down at her. “Taylor, you’re playing with fire there,” I warn her through clenched teeth. Closing my eyes, I picture ugly old ladies and nuns cursing me to hell to keep from exploding any second.

  “I like your fire,” she says as her warm breath glides against my ear.

  “Taylor,” I repeat, now picturing the entire Yankee team. Unfortunately, it does nothing as she gives my cock a rough squeeze, and it’s the final straw. “You asked for it,” I growl, grabbing her thighs and picking her up. With her back now against the wall, I wrap her legs around my waist and plunge forward, completely forgetting I told myself to be gentle with Taylor. It causes me to come to a halt, but her satisfied moan, and the tightening of her legs encourage me to move.

  Her lips meet mine, passionately kissing me while I thrust in and out of her, returning to my earlier images to keep myself from exploding. From the tightening of her core around my shaft, she’s nearing her pinnacle. Her frantic cries inform me she may be just as close. Parting from our kiss, she’s now screaming, “Harder, Nick. Please!”

  Those are words I never expected to hear from Taylor’s mouth. With her nails now digging into my shoulders and her body meeting each one of my thrusts, I am left no choice but to grant her command.

  She lets out a piercing wail seconds before I feel my own climax coming. Remembering I have no protection on, I urgently pull myself from Taylor’s body, releasing myself all over her stomach. I’m still holding her up against the wall with what little strength I have left as we both try to catch our breath.

  “God, Taylor,” I breathlessly say against her temple as I place a kiss upon it. “I lo—” I cut myself off before I can finish saying the words. We both silently stand against each other, catching our breath before I pull myself completely away from Taylor’s body, releasing her legs and allowing them to drop to the floor. Grabbing for the soap once more, I return to rinsing her body and removing any evidence I’ve left on her. The entire time silence has overtaken the room, both of us fearful we’d say the wrong thing.

  “Are you alright?” I ask, concerned I may have been too rough with her. “I didn’t scare you, did I?”

  She stares at me as she slowly smiles. “It was perfect.” Her palm reaches up to pull me in, demanding I kiss her. The pent up tension from my concern evaporates with our kiss. I can still feel her smiling when we pull away.

  “I’m not a fragile flower, Nick,” she says, shyly looking towards the floor. “I really liked it.”

  I let out the breath I didn’t know I was containing. “I’ll remember that for next time,” I tease, placing an open mouthed kiss below her ear. She shoves at my chest, alarming me back to my earlier state. “Shit! I’m going to be late.”

  The frantic look in her eyes as she starts rinsing her hair has me laughing at her. Her hand comes up to swat at my chest. “Nicolas Hunter! I will make sure you are not able to walk on that ankle for another month if you don’t hurry up!”

  Still laughing, I make a mental note: never anger a person who can cause bodily injury.

  Rinsing myself when she’s done, I peek over my shoulder to find her staring down at my ass. Her eyes go wide when I catch her, making me grin from the blush forming on her cheeks. She may be a feisty little firecracker, but she’s mine.

  “See, got you here with ten minutes to spare,” I gloat as I help Taylor from my car. Pulling her into my arms, I whisper, “I’m really going to miss you.”

  “How long this time?” Taylor whines into my chest.

  “Ten days,” I answer, already dreading every day I will be away from her. “How much longer until the season ends?” she asks.

  “Hopefully not soon,” I reply. She yanks her body back to scowl at me. Leaning down, I kiss the frown from her lips. “I’m hoping we go all the way.”

  She looks confused. “I’m predicting we’ll make the playoffs, but I’m aiming for the World Series.” By the confusion on her face, I know she still has no clue what I’m speaking of. “I’ll explain during our phone calls. It will give us something to talk about while I’m gone.” She doesn’t look as excited as I would have liked her to be. “You know, you can always ditch your day job and come with me,” I suggest with a hopeful smile. It doesn’t work.

  “You would love that, wouldn’t you? For me to be your groupie,” she teases

  “Groupies are for rock stars. You’d be my own personal fan girl, with your own jersey and everything.”

  “Do I want to know if any other girls have had the privilege of that position before?” she asks, her brows raised high in curiosity.

  “There hasn’t been one,” I answer before kissing her again for good measure. “I’m beginning to think that question will always be asked.”

  Dropping her eyes to the ground, she says, “Probably.”

  Yanking her flush against my chest, I kiss the top of her head. “Most of the answers will be no, Taylor. I’ve only ever had a handful of relationships that were more than one-night stands, and most of them were in high school. So this is new to me, too,” I admit.

  There is a drawn out silence after my answer. “I’ll make sure you remember me every day,” I comment, already contemplating ideas of how to make it happen.

  She says nothing to my response, giving me the opportunity to reach into my pocket and retrieve a key. Handing it to her, she asks, “What’s this for?”

  “It’s the key to my apartment.”

  “Why do I need a key to your apartment?” she asks, already trying to hand it back.

  I close her hand around it, refusing to take it back. “It’s yours to keep.” She’s about to argue, but I stop her by placing my finger on her lips. “Just keep it while you think about it.”

  She nods her head and looks down at her phone before letting out a disappointed sigh. “I’ve got to go,” she mumbles the dreaded words I do not want to hear.

  “I’ll text you.”

  She gives me another silent nod before she stands on her tip-toes and quickly gives me a peck. I watch as she walks away, leaving me feeling empty without her.

  “WHAT IS THAT?” my first patient of the day asks as I massage his knee.

  Looking up to him, he’s squinting his eyes, as if trying to get a better look at something on my neck. Releasing his knee to reach up for my neck, I don’t feel anything.

  “What are you talking about?”

  He scoots forward on the exam table, his finger pointing forward to poke at my neck. “It’s a big red spot.”

  Heading over to the mirror on the wall near the weight machine, I search for the spot in which he was poking at. My eyes go wide and my face is now blushing the same crimson red as the hickey staring back at me. Immediately, I cover it with my palm as if it would make it
disappear. Closing my eyes and mentally cursing Nick, I pull my hair out of its ponytail and use it to conceal the blotch. Turning back to face my patient, I now have a fabricated smile on my face.

  “I burned myself with the curling iron this morning.”

  He looks at me with confusion. “But your hair isn’t curled.”

  Dammit. Why can’t this twelve-year-old be more gullible?

  “Straightener,” I correct myself. “Let’s finish you up,” I add, trying to distract him. He argues no more after I pierce him with a glare, but his eyes periodically glance at my neck.

  As soon as I’m done with him, I march as fast as I can back to my office. Finding Katie sitting at her desk, I rush to her and pull my hair aside to show her my neck. “Fix it!” I command.

  She looks at me with bewilderment. Pointing my finger as close to the spot as I can imagine, her eyes go wide. “Holy shit. That thing is huge!”

  I have to breathe deep in order to refrain from verbally saying the words coursing through my mind.

  “What do you expect me to do?”

  Waving my hands in the air, I say, “Don’t you know how to get rid of these things?”

  “No, I haven’t dated any vampires recently,” she mocks.

  Stomping my foot on the floor, I yell, “Katie!”

  She’s now chuckling up at me. “Calm your tits, woman,” she replies as she opens her desk drawer and retrieves her purse. “I’ve got some foundation that may help.” I feel as if I can breathe normally once more, until she adds, “But it won’t make it disappear. That won’t be gone for at least a week.”

  Groaning from the realization of her comment, I’m already conjuring the words I will be cursing at Nick when I speak to him. Five minutes later, with layers of make-up caked on my neck, I retrieve my phone to find a text message from Nick. Katie leaves to attend to her waiting patient with a playful wave of her fingers.

  I miss you already. -Nick

  Angrily, I begin typing my response.

  I won’t be missing you for the next couple of days.