My Love

by Sabrina Zbasnik

  Slowly, Lana released her hold upon him, her fingers trailing down his thighs and her eyes glanced up to find his gorgeous honey ones opening up. Sweat glistened upon his forehead and down his chest as he parted his lips upon her head. Whispering into her hair, he asked, "You...you're certain?"

  Snickering at that, Lana picked up his hand as she had before and guided his fingers towards her inner thigh. He swallowed deep as his palms caressed up and down, so achingly close to reach out and drive her home, but he kept darting them near the middle of her smalls before pulling away. Unable to handle it, Lana grabbed onto his head and whispered in his ear, "I'm so damn wet, you don't need to tease."

  Ravenous fingers knotted around her hips and, in one fell swoop, yanked her smalls off; the green fabric flying off through the room. She barely had time to laugh at his fervor before his fingers circled around her lower lips and then dove first one, then a second deep inside.

  "Sweet bloody Maker," she exclaimed, tossing her head back along with her elbows and knocking over a glass. Mercifully it was empty, not that it would have mattered. Even if blood red wine soaked into a thousand year old rug there was no way she was stopping now.

  Rumbling with a delectable gravel in his voice, Cullen cooed, "You were right." She hadn't been this wet in a damn long time, as if every heated kiss, every touch of his skin, all the physical moments placed on the shelf for later roared awake inside her. When his thumb brushed across her clitoris, Lana leapt an inch off the table.

  His fingers paused for a moment, concerned at her reaction, but she butted her forehead into his and breathed, "Don't you dare stop."

  Grinning with pride and excitement, he nodded his head with hers attached and began anew, throbbing his thumb against her buttons while pulsing the fingers inside her across every inch he could reach. She felt her toes curling while they dangled off the floor, her tongue falling slack in her mouth as her vision sparkled. He had her panting so hard, egging her body close to the promised land before sliding back, she had to swallow or risk passing out.

  Lana sat up and snagged his cheeks, pulling him to her for a kiss. Even as their lips mashed, groans and exclamations slipped unbidden from her busy mouth, each of them scrawled across his flesh as her body begged for the end. Reaching almost blindly, Lana grabbed onto his waist and tugged him closer. Cullen glanced up at her with a small question, but he kept up his dutiful finger ballet.

  "I..." she swallowed, trying to pluck the words from her ecstatic brain, "I need you inside of me. Now."

  His fingers froze and slid across her inner thigh. For a moment she groaned, almost trying to follow, but there was better on the horizon. Cupping her breasts in both hands, Cullen drew his hips achingly close to hers. As his tongue twirled with hers, she could feel his cock glancing upon the skin of her thighs. So near, so achingly close, all she had to do... Unable to stand it, Lana's fingers wrapped around him, circling up and down his girth. With a gentleness she was amazed to find in her state, she guided him to the entrance of her lips and let go.

  Cullen paused in his kiss, the head of his eager cock pulsing right next to her as he ran his fingers down her cheek. It drew her attention right to those honey eyes, and with the two of them staring deep into the other, he thrusted himself inside.

  "Holy Andraste!" she cried, her head snapping back as only the first inch of him bored out through her tight muscles.

  He waited, panting above her while his eyes canvassed her body. Humming below her breath, Lana glanced up at him and a thread of mischief wove through her face. "More," she commanded, her lips twisted in an ornery smile.

  With the titanium dedication of a templar, Cullen obliged, easing a bit more inside and stretching her out but holding still. Maker, it was a delightful torture, her brain begging for every inch while firing up all the nerve endings in her body. He shuddered, his eyes screwed tight to maintain concentration while slowly pushing deeper inside. When his cock glanced across that pleasure node knotted up in her core, Lana gasped. Her legs rose to wrap around his waist and, with her heels, she dug into the back of him.

  By the power of her beleaguered legs, she guided him through the first thrust when Cullen's hands lashed out to grip onto her hips. Holding tight, he kneaded into her sparse flesh as he took over the thrusting, every push of his glorious cock back to driving Lana towards her cliff. She felt herself slipping and sliding in their exuberance, the plates rattling in anger as they abused the table.

  With a single, sexy growl, Cullen batted at the plates -- scattering them in a porcelain cascade to the ground -- so he could lay her back. The cool wood of the table crawling up her back juxtaposed against the heat permeating the rest of her. Dragging her hips closer to him, Cullen's strong fingers plied her thighs, then traced across to her calves all while he maintained the perfect rhythm of his cock parting through her. Lana rolled her hips downward, struggling to meet him with everything inside of her. That perfect plateau, the moment when her body sat tingling in anticipation for the final push, enveloped her.

  Sensing it, or reaching it himself, Cullen grabbed onto her ankles wrapped against his back and pulled her legs around to rest upon his shoulders. Digging in tight, he pressed his lips against her ankle, his moans mumbling into her skin as he drove harder and deeper, pushing both of them to an orgasm.

  "Shiiiit!" Lana cried, her body arching upward as it wrapped itself in the never ending pleasure only it could invoke. Cullen didn't swear but his hands shuddered upon her legs, his breath ragged as he struggled to remain upright while cumming inside of her. Laying fully naked upon the table, a laugh began in Lana's throat and refused to leave.

  Chortling, she snorted once, and then again, the laughing fit taking full hold. Even with tears of joy in her eyes, she glanced up to find Cullen still inside her, with a question on his blotchy red face. She had to bite down on her hand to will back enough of the rushing joy and pleasure in her system to get a word out. "Ma-a-a-aker," Lana stuttered, the laugh punctuating her words, "why...why was I ever scared of that?"

  A proud smile turned up Cullen's lips. Letting her legs fall back to the floor, he reached forward to wrap his hands against her back and pull her up to a sitting position. Caressing her cheek, he smiled, "I take it that means you enjoyed yourself."

  Trying to not roll her eyes, she stretched higher and draped her arms around his neck. Not able to reach his mouth, she pressed her lips against his glistening chest instead, "As if you have to ask."

  Gently, Cullen dropped his hips, sliding out of her. He only glanced once over the great mess they made. At some point the whipped cream bottle smacked to the floor, not broken, but enough spilled out over the stone ground. And there was his own created mess spilling out of her. Caring not a whit for what they'd solve later, he bent over to wrap his arms around her and pulled her tight for a hug.

  "Andraste's grace, but I love you," he sighed, accentuating his endearments by bundling his arms tighter with the last three words.

  "I...I love you, can't imagine being without you," Lana sighed, a sense of safety rising in her body from his arms and a satiety filling her soul.

  Rolling his palms across her cheeks, Cullen stared into her eyes. "Was it too much?"

  "Nope," Lana smiled.

  "Good," he grinned, that ravenous hunger returning instantly in his eyes. "Because I have more planned." Scooping his hands under her butt, he pulled her tight into his arms. Lana yelped once in surprise, but knotted her own hands behind his neck as she rose into the air.

  "What about the mess?" Lana asked, her voice laughing.

  Cullen paused only a moment at the spilled plates and spoons, uneaten food drenching the chairs and floor. "Honor will get it," he pronounced before knocking open the door to the bedroom and carrying her inside.

  * * *

  "Are you asleep?"

  She could make some smart ass response, but Lana felt as if her entire body had been scrubbed clean, her mind floating on a pink pile of fairy fluff. Pressing h
er mouth against his naked chest, she tried to not drool while answering, "No."

  Cullen sighed, his arm locked tight around her back as he held her against him. "Maker, how are you not exhausted?" the strain echoed in his voice as he fought to stay awake and hold her.

  Chuckling, Lana smooshed her nose into his dewy skin, getting a deeper whiff of his earthy musk. How could he smell so good after all of that? Tempted to kiss him but unable to make the journey, she settled on running her fingers over the curve of his muscles instead. "I never claimed to not be exhausted, merely not asleep."

  "Fair enough," Cullen smiled, his head tipping back to rest against the wall. Their pillows went...somewhere. She lost track of nearly everything by the third position change. "Are you cold?" he asked out of the blue, noticing for the first time that all the blankets were missing.

  Lana shrugged, digging her shoulder into the mattress, "A little, so I think I'll pull more warmth from you." Sliding with that last of her muscle power, she draped half of her body across his. Cullen held her even tighter, trying to transfer his natural warm state through her always chilled one. After a time, his hands broke off and they began to caress up and down her back in small circles.

  "That, uh," he paused for so long Lana tried to turn her head up to look at him, "that wasn't too much for you? I don't want, hope you don't regret..."

  "Not a moment," Lana smiled, her weary hands lifting up to pat his lips silent. "I'll probably be sore tomorrow, but that goes with the territory."

  "Oh?" he frowned, a cloud crossing his temples, no doubt blaming himself for some failure.

  She patted him on the cheek, and sighed, "You can be a bit much to handle at times, particularly if it's been awhile, and that was a long while."

  "Ah, I..." a blush rose under her fingers as if it surprised him that she'd know anything of his naked body. "I had no idea in, uh..." coughing, Cullen shook his head to try and will away the burn of embarrassment. "I'm sorry?" he was apologetic but she could hear the ego driven smirk in there.

  "It's not the worst problem to have," she smiled and began to inch herself up to his face. Cullen assisted, his hands cupping under her arms. With far more grace than she could manage, he hoisted her up until they lay eye to eye. "And if we have a go at it a few more times I'm certain to limber up better."

  His sweet smile bloomed before Cullen scooped her up and pulled her in for a kiss. Even after all of that, in the back of her mind Lana felt the urge to rise up and straddle him, but that was so far beyond her capabilities. Settling for the innocent kiss instead, she curled down upon him, her head laying on his shoulder while Cullen placed another kiss in her hair. "I never want to hurt you," he whispered.

  She knew he meant it, both physically and emotionally, but there were some hurts worth having. "It's not so bad, on the right side of pain I suppose."

  "The right side of pain?" he chuckled uncertainly.

  "That, uh," her own blush rose up threatening to consume her, "may be something to explain another time when my brain's not fluff. Very satiated fluff."

  Blinking slowly, his golden eyes took on a dusky hue in the bedroom -- as if being in a momentary state of bliss drained him of that fearsome amber color along with his worries and anger. He never looked more like the young man she remembered from the Circle tower than right after sex. "I don't know why I was so scared of this," she sighed wishing she could go back those few months and shake herself smart.

  "Trauma can do things to people..." he snuggled her tight to his chest as if she was a comforting blanket. Lana tried to hug back, her hands pinned against his sides. She sensed what he was thinking, his own past pains did untold damage to him. Perhaps even the kind of damage that was even harder for men to admit to. "I understand why," he whispered instead, "and was happy to wait until you were ready."

  "Maker, makes me sound like I'm a virgin all over again," Lana scoffed before folding into his embrace. With only a whisper, she mouthed against him, "Thank you."

  "I have often thought of you, your touch, your skin, your tempting curves, how it feels to slide inside you," Cullen said, his voice stripped as bare as the rest of him. There was no regret in his words, no apology, only the simple facts.

  "Me too," Lana admitted, "in the fade in particular, I'd replay our handful of moments. All twelve times. I guess this makes it number thirteen."

  "Twelve?" He sat up higher trying to pry her up to look at him. "You know how many times we've had...been intimate?"

  It shouldn't be so damn adorable, but the way he avoided saying sex made her fall for him all over again. Nodding her head against his chest she smiled, "Yep. I, I like to keep count to sort of remind myself it's real. Not just a one time thing. I used to count kisses as well but once they reached past thirty I stopped that."

  Cullen fell silent, his hands stopping their caress while his fingers knocked against her back. Concerned that he found her cataloging their intimate time strange or creepy, Lana craned her neck to stare at him. But he didn't look bothered, instead his eyes were far away gazing into the distance or perhaps the past. "I can't think of all twelve," he confided.

  "Let's see... Twice in the deeproads, once at Halamshiral." That got a chuckle from him as he held her tight. "I don't know if the storm one counts considering how it all ended, so I give it a half and round up."

  "The, uh, training yard after, when you 'evened the odds' should be the other half."

  Lana smiled, "Exactly. Uh, five times in your loft."

  "And twice in your bed at Skyhold while Hawke was out," Cullen finished, nodding his head. "That's eleven."

  "You're forgetting right before Adamant, in your tent when we..." her words faded as she struggled through tears percolating behind her eyes. They hadn't intended it by any means. Not on the eve of battle with so much at stake. But somehow both of them wound up together alone after the last meeting was called. The fortress lay stretched not even a days walk away, they knew the end was in sight. She wondered often in the fade if some part of her didn't suspect that that would be their last time. That was what pushed her to wrap around him and Cullen, perhaps fearing the same, answered in kind.

  "I..." he shuddered in a breath, "I'd try to forget that one, it's true. For a time I thought that perhaps I did something, or said something that--" Cullen shook his head, banging the back of it against the wall, "It doesn't matter, because it wasn't our last time."

  "Nope," Lana smiled, wrapping herself tighter to him, "not by a long shot." He returned the hug, his chin bumping into the top of her head. After a moment, Lana lifted her face off his chest to catch his eyes. He smiled half heartedly, uncertain what placed such seriousness across her face. "Cullen, I-I want you to know how proud I am."

  "Proud?" he guffawed, glancing around as if this was all some prank.

  "Everything you've been through, I know there are little thanks for it. People clap you on the back when you save the world, but making it through the day to day, deciding small matters that are guaranteed to piss someone off because no one else will. And having to do it all while you were secretly mourning, it's...I'm sorry that burden fell to you. That I put it upon you."

  Sucking in a breath, he looked about to shake all her praise away but he paused. Perhaps something in her earnest tone caught him, or how she stared with certainty at him. Either way, it got through. "Thank you," he whispered, pulling her closer to him. "And thank you for staying alive. From everything inside of me, thank you. I...I know what it is to cling to life when there's no hope left. How endless the darkness seems."

  "I had hope," she smiled, chewing on her lip to keep the tears at bay. Her palm caressed his cheek, buffing up his stubble. "I had you."

  Cullen turned to plant a kiss upon her palm, "You always will."

  Happy beyond measure, Lana curled up on his chest, ready to let sleep claim her. It was the calmest she'd felt facing the fade since leaving it. On the edge of hearing, she heard Cullen whisper, "I should thank Leliana for telling me about you
r birthday."

  Chuckling at the image of Leliana's face hearing that, Lana drifted off safe and content, all of her at peace for the first time in two years.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Shadows

  At least she waited for someone to say come in, Cullen thought as he watched Leliana enter the apartment. She was still dressed in her Divine robes, with a tweed traveling cloak knotted across her shoulders. He sat perched at the breakfast nook, his work spread out around him. As nonchalantly as possible, Cullen placed a boot down to try and cover the stain neither he nor Lana could get up by alchemy or magic. Even Detan seemed perplexed by it after using some special cleaning agent that was supposed to work on demon blood. In the end, she suggested they slide a stack of books in the way and pretend it never happened.

  "Afternoon," he smiled at the Divine. "How was your trip to Jader?"

  "Boring, and a waste of a week," Leliana sighed. He hadn't seen her since the birthday incident, the Divine suddenly needing to head to northern Orlais for a vitally important meeting. Cullen floated the idea she was doing it to avoid him, but Lana shook her head at that. Leliana wasn't the type to avoid the shit she started.

  "Lana's resting at the moment, but you can take a seat and wait for her to wake," Cullen offered up the other chair. For a moment, the Divine's crystal eyes wandered over him, no doubt trying to see if he was planning some retribution for her lie, but she had no other recourse and tumbled down to the chair.

  After unknotting her cloak off and rubbing her throat where the clasp pulled, Leliana said, "You say she's both resting and sleeping..."

  "Originally, she planned to lay down on the bed and do some reading, but when I went to unearth a book left in the room I found her face down in the pillows."