Worth the Risk (St. James Book 3)

by Jamie Beck

  Once he’d packed his duffle, he thought to leave without saying good-bye. Through the window, he stared at the little house across the way and couldn’t budge his feet. He’d known Gabby less than six weeks, but she’d fundamentally changed him. He loved her, even though he’d never said the words. Despite the fact she hadn’t been as brave as he’d thought, he couldn’t deny his feelings, or pretend not to understand her valid concerns.

  It’d be wrong to ask her to live in fear of his sobriety, and to risk her son’s security. His cynicism would surely snuff out her light over time, and he’d hate himself for that. It was better this way. Better that he be forced to leave before he did any real damage here.

  He tore a sheet of paper from a notepad and dashed off a note, which he left on the table along with the apartment key. Frog Turkey lay there, googly eyes staring at him. Jackson’s eyes stung while recalling Luc’s elated face and giggle. Although Frog Turkey would be a painful reminder, he couldn’t leave him behind.

  Jackson took one last look around, memorizing every detail of the room. A room in which he’d learned to hope again. To love again.

  Those hopes and his heart may have been bruised today, but tomorrow would be another chance to start over. Even if Gabby hadn’t been able to stand by him, she’d taught him that much.

  He glanced at his watch. If he took off now, he’d be home by ten. His text pinged. Reluctantly, he looked at it. A wave of sadness crashed over him as he read that Hank’s mom, who’d been suffering from early-onset Alzheimer’s for years, had passed away this evening. Jackson didn’t have to imagine the tremendous pain his friend felt tonight. Perhaps the need to attend the funeral and support Hank was another sign that the time had come for Jackson to leave Vermont.

  Resolved about where he needed to go, he texted David and Cat to let them know he was safe and coming home. Then, without any fanfare, he shut off the light and closed the door on what might’ve been.

  Gabby opened her puffy eyes wishing it weren’t dawn. A restless night had left her drained and confused. She’d watched Jackson’s Jeep pull out last evening not long after she’d received Noah’s text showing Jackson with a drink in his hand.

  She’d wanted to believe Noah Photoshopped it or found an old photo on Instagram, but she’d recognized Mulligan’s interior.

  By ten, Jackson hadn’t yet returned, so she went to the apartment to wait for him. When she’d found his note and realized he’d packed up all his things and gone, the air had left her lungs.

  Reaching across to her nightstand now, she picked up his note to torment herself again.

  Gabby,

  Thank you for being a friend when I needed one, and for reminding me that there are still things in life worth fighting for. Although I understand why we can’t be more than a fond memory, you will always be in my heart. Take care of yourself and your son, and be happy.

  Love, Jackson

  P.S. Tell Luc I had to take Frog Turkey on an adventure.

  New tears welled in her eyes as her throat tightened. She pressed the note to her chest and rolled to her side, limbs heavy with grief. Luc’s pitter-patter sounded before he entered her room and broke the stillness.

  He crawled into her bed. “Mama, why you cwying?”

  Gabby swiped her tears. “I had a bad dream. But I’ll feel better if you snuggle me, buster.”

  Luc happily complied by nestling against her. She held him tightly, stroking his hair and breathing in the sweet smell of his skin. Nothing mattered more than him, not even her broken heart.

  She’d lay down her life to protect him, so if giving up Jackson was the price she had to pay to keep Luc safe and secure with her and her dad, then that was what she must do. And if Jackson was drinking again, she really needed to say good-bye anyway.

  “Mama, can we make cocoa?” Luc pleaded.

  “Cocoa sounds perfect. Let’s go.” Gabby heaved herself from the comfort of her blankets and found her slippers.

  Luc scampered ahead, calling out for his pappy. Today seemed like another normal day in his life. Hopefully he wouldn’t react badly to Jackson’s absence, or at least not for longer than an hour.

  When she arrived in the kitchen, her father had already poured Luc a bowl of Cheerios and started the coffee. He was whistling and fixing himself an egg. The great strides he’d made in therapy this past week greatly improved his mood. He expected to be cleared to drive any day. Without Jackson to help, that day couldn’t come soon enough.

  “The Wilsons are coming up tonight for the weekend, so make sure Jackson turns up the heat and leaves a light on for them on his rounds today.” Her dad put bread in the toaster and cracked an egg in the pan.

  “Jackson’s gone, Dad.” She couldn’t look at him. “But I’ll make sure it’s done.”

  “Jackson’s all gone?” Luc’s bottom lip pushed out.

  “Yes, honey.” Gabby sat beside Luc and smoothed Luc’s hair. “He had to go home, but he took Frog Turkey with him.”

  “Why?” Luc asked.

  Gabby drew a breath and averted her eyes from him and her dad’s quizzing gaze. “He was only here on vacation. He had to go home to his family and his work.”

  “How long, Mama?” Luc scooped a spoonful of cereal, half of which fell off the spoon and onto the table.

  “A long time, I’m afraid.” Gabby’s voice cracked.

  Thankfully, her father didn’t ask any questions until Luc finished eating and left the table.

  “I thought Jackson would be here the rest of the week,” her dad finally said, flipping his egg.

  “He changed his mind.” She got up from her seat and placed her cup in the dishwasher.

  “What happened?”

  “Noah.” Her voice cracked. “Noah started paperwork to mess with custody. God, if only I’d have listened to you and not responded to Mom’s letter, she’d never have come, and Noah wouldn’t have suspected anything about Jackson’s past.”

  Of course, Jackson’s past might now once again be part of his present. Something she didn’t want to believe or share with anyone, including her dad.

  “I know I wasn’t supportive of your relationship with Jackson, but only because I worried you’d end up hurt. It seemed doomed, for one reason or another.” Her dad’s eyes turned hard as he buttered his toast. “But damn that Noah Jefferson. He’s gone too far. We need to figure out how to prevent him from holding these kinds of threats over your head in the future. Otherwise, he’ll start using Luc to make you dance like a puppet until he gets whatever he wants.”

  “What he wants is a second chance.” Gabby frowned. “He claims to want us to be a real family.”

  Her dad’s eyes narrowed, but before he spit out what might’ve been another string of insults, he held his tongue. Finally he asked, “What do you want?”

  “Jackson.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Her father’s sigh carried a solemn note. “Once upon a time you did love Noah. Is there any chance you’d rekindle those old feelings?”

  “How can you ask that?” Gabby leaned against the counter.

  “Because I’ve been around long enough to know love is never rational. And I also know what I was willing to forgive of your mom for years and years.” He tugged her into a hug. “You shouldn’t live your whole life alone, or here with me. You deserve to be loved and be happy. Maybe have another child. This is a small town, and there aren’t that many single men your age. Noah was young and full of himself, and probably scared back then. I’m not giving him a pass, or condoning this bullshit he’s pulling now, but he is Luc’s father. If you decide to make a go of something for Luc’s sake, I’ll support you.”

  She eased away and handed him his breakfast plate.

  “I don’t want to be alone, but I’ll never settle for someone who abandoned me when I needed him most. For a guy who has slept around so much, he’s been with almost every girl I know. No, Dad, I don’t much like Noah anymore, let alone love him.”

  “Fa
ir enough. I only wanted to be sure.” He finally sat and cut into his breakfast. “As soon as I eat, I’m going to call a lawyer and see if he even has a leg to stand on.”

  Her dad had faith in the legal system, but Gabby had seen the news enough to know it got things wrong as often as it got things right. Besides, Noah wouldn’t be pressing all of this if the lawyer he talked to didn’t think he had any chance.

  “Dad, we can barely pay our bills, let alone waste money on lawyers.” She raked her hair with her hands.

  Between bites, he said, “We can’t afford not to spend money to protect Luc and you from Noah’s bullshit, Gabby.”

  “I don’t have time to argue, now. I’ve got to get Luc to day care and then get to work. We can talk later.” She kissed her dad’s cheek and went to gather Luc.

  Gabby tucked her phone away after the thirtieth time of staring at the picture of Jackson eyeing his glass of whiskey. She regretted her final two memories of him—the rigid set of his spine when she left the apartment, and the depressing, entranced gaze in the photo. That damn photo had been driving her crazy for almost twenty-four hours.

  She couldn’t take not knowing what had happened. The fact that Jackson had left without seeing her proved he didn’t want to hear from her, and quizzing him about drinking would be the absolute last thing she’d want to do if he were willing to talk to her. With no other option, she swung by Tess’s house in the middle of the afternoon.

  Her unplanned visit would probably shock her friend almost as much as it surprised Gabby, but she couldn’t move on until she had an answer from someone she trusted.

  “Gabby?” Tess looked around when she opened the door. “What’s up?”

  “Long story, Tess,” she replied. “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” Tess waved her in, and Gabby took a seat on the sofa. “I was making a Thanksgiving list. My mom needs help this year, although you and I both know I’m no cook!”

  Gabby smiled, although Thanksgiving held little appeal to her today. “I won’t be long. I have a question . . . about Jackson.”

  Tess sat in a chair and put her feet up on the ottoman. “Why can’t you ask him?”

  “He’s gone, and I doubt he wants to hear from me.” Gabby wrinkled her nose.

  “Why not?” Tess leaned forward, interested. The girl loved gossip, but Gabby didn’t wish to be fodder for the local rumor mill.

  “He had to get back to his life, and Noah stirred up some trouble.”

  “I think Noah wants you back, or at least, that’s the word on the street.” Tess flashed a conspiratorial smirk.

  Word on the street. Like or it not, Gabby’s life would be discussed by folks with or without her consent.

  “I don’t care what Noah wants. And I’d rather not get into a whole discussion about everything right now. What I really came to ask is whether Jackson drank last night?” Gabby held her breath.

  “He didn’t order root beer, if that’s what you’re asking.” Tess raised her brows.

  “Noah sent me a photo of Jackson holding a glass of whiskey. Did he drink it?”

  “Ah . . . so the root beer wasn’t a sweet tooth thing, was it?” Tess tipped her head. Gabby remained silent, unwilling to spill Jackson’s secrets.

  “Tess, please tell me the truth.” Gabby looked at her hands, afraid to hear the answer.

  Her friend sat back, sighing. “I can’t promise he didn’t take a sip, but when he left, the glass was still full.”

  Gabby exhaled a whoosh of relief. “Thank you. That’s what I’d hoped to hear.”

  “Seems kinda moot now, if he’s gone and all.” Tess shrugged.

  Those words struck like a kick in the gut. “I still can’t believe he took off without a word. Of course, right from the start I knew he’d eventually be gone. Maybe this was better . . . not prolonging it? Doesn’t feel better, though. Feels unfinished. Empty. At least, it does for me. I suppose he’ll be swept back into his normal life soon, which is surely more exciting than anything going on around here.”

  “Um, any place has to be more exciting than this one.” Tess laughed, and Gabby couldn’t help but agree.

  Their small community offered a certain charm and security, but without Jackson, the cold air now just felt bitter. The sun shone too harshly. Ominous-looking leafless trees stood everywhere, like prison guards.

  “I should get going. Need to pick up Luc and then make dinner. Ah, the glamorous life I lead.”

  “At least you had it a little more interesting for a while. That’s more than I can say.”

  “True.” Gabby knew she should be grateful for the few weeks she’d spent in Jackson’s sturdy arms. Flattered, even, by the fact that he’d wanted their relationship to continue, or at least he had until she’d panicked and cut him out. Regret wrung her gut. She needed fresh air. “See you later.”

  The clock by her bed ticked as Gabby poured her feelings onto the page in front of her.

  Mom,

  I opened myself up to you, hoping that we could eventually have some kind of relationship. I’d wanted to believe that you’d finally gotten your habit under control. That you’d honestly wanted a relationship with me.

  But when you disrespected my express wishes and barged into our party drunk, you proved that my feelings would always come second to yours. Worse, your behavior and exaggerated accusations about Jackson gave Noah ammunition to question my judgment, which has put him in a position to threaten me with a custody battle.

  Once again, you’ve cost me a piece of my heart, but you will never get another chance to do that to me. Please do not write, call, or show up. I’m going to put a restraining order in place to make sure you never come near Luc so you can never hurt him as you’ve hurt me.

  A part of me will always be sorry for what happened to you, and to our family. I’m also sorry for all the things you’ve suffered. And I’m sorry that things couldn’t have turned out differently for us. You should know, although I’m furious and so sad, I don’t hate you. I feel sorry for you.

  I will pray that you don’t end up dead from an overdose someday, but I cannot let myself feel responsible for your choices. And I cannot leave the door to my heart open to you any longer.

  I will always love the mother I knew until middle school. I wish we could go back and start over from there, but we both know that’s impossible. So I must finally say good-bye.

  Gabby

  Wiping her nose with her sleeve, Gabby folded the note and then licked the envelope and sealed it. She shut off the lamp and then snuggled under her covers. Step one of the advice from the lawyer her dad had spoken with earlier was now in place. Now she had to think about Noah and Luc.

  Naturally she thought about Jackson and how he’d staunchly defended fathers’ rights. She thought about what Luc might want, despite Noah being far from Father of the Year material, and about what resentment Luc might one day feel if Gabby didn’t find some way to cooperate with Noah.

  Resigned to the fact she’d always be inextricably tied to Noah, she closed her eyes and began to make a mental list of worst-case scenarios.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Gentlemen, this will be short and sweet. Once you each sign here and here, we will deliver the funds and settle this case.” Oliver pushed the documents in front of Jackson and Doug.

  Refusing to let Doug see him squirm, Jackson donned a businesslike expression while mentally humming the melody of The Rolling Stones’ “Satisfaction.” Thinking about the thirty-five grand he’d be shelling out made him sick, but he and his ego would survive the hit.

  Last month, he’d spent a majority of his three-hour drive home from Vermont thinking about his business, his goals, his life. He’d considered his crew, David and Oliver’s advice, and Gabby’s opinion about his pride taking precedence over more important issues.

  Most importantly, he’d accepted one inescapable truth: he had no one to blame but himself. Had he addressed his issues earlier or in a healthier manner, he wouldn
’t be in this position today.

  Thirty-five grand may be more than he’d ever dreamed this would cost, but it was a lot less than the hundred grand Doug had expected. All in all, he’d write it off as the price for moving forward with his plans. For regaining control of his life and his future.

  Oliver handed Doug a pen and said, “Mr. Kilpatrick, as you know, if you speak of any of the incidents related to or leading up to this settlement, including the amount, it will be a breach of the agreement, and Mr. St. James will be entitled to a full refund plus additional damages.”

  “I know.” Doug signed the documents and pushed them away, as did Jackson.

  Oliver collected the papers and spoke to Doug and his lawyer. “Gentlemen, if you two would like to remain here until we receive confirmation of the wire transfer, Melissa will bring you coffee.” Then he turned to David and Jackson. “Perhaps you two would prefer to wait in David’s office?”

  Jackson nodded, eager to absent himself from Doug’s presence. He couldn’t bring himself to shake the man’s hand, so he merely nodded at Doug and his lawyer before leaving the conference room.

  “Thanks, Oliver.” He shook Oliver’s hand. “Glad that’s finally over.”

  “Put this behind you now and enjoy your Christmas. Good luck.” Oliver smiled, then walked in the opposite direction from David and Jackson.

  “Shall we?” David gestured to the hallway on the right.

  Jackson followed David down a long, smoky-glass-lined hallway to his swanky office. He took a seat opposite his brother’s enormous mahogany desk and stared at the Manhattan skyline through the large window. The leather-and-lemon scent of the Midtown office smelled of money, and his brother looked the picture of success sitting in its midst.

  David’s career suited him, with its constant brain-crunching demands. His brother thrived when mentally challenged. Unlike their father, however, Jackson knew his brother actually loved his work more than the money or the fancy office or the titles and committee positions.