Lost Souls

by John Van Stry

  So I practiced with Jenna next, she was also a lot better than I remembered her being and I was starting to get a little tired by the time we finished, and maybe even a little sloppy. I stuck to the basics and by the end and was glad I had picked Tam for last because as she was studying magic, her sword fighting skills would be the least of the three.

  By the time we were done, I was exhausted, and I know I hadn't looked very good against her. It was embarrassing to me to be so tired after only three bouts of practice. Once I could have sparred and fenced all day, I had on many occasions. Here after only an hour or two, I was tired and insufferably slow.

  I was more than just rusty and I was angry with myself, for having let myself go.

  A black mood hung over me all morning as I was forced to admit to myself what I had become. Being asked to come back and help with something was a mistake, I was sure they’d realize it when I arrived, and saw that I was no longer what I had once been.

  “So what’s got you in a mood today?” Jenna sighed later as we walked.

  “I got tired,” I grumbled.

  “So?”

  “I never used to get tired.”

  “You also used to only have to fight and practice all day.”

  “Well, not all day,” I corrected her.

  “You haven’t been a soldier for eight years, Jareth, why are you upset? For someone who had to actually find a job and work for a living, I’m pretty impressed that you did as much as you did.”

  “I should have done better,” I said still grumbling.

  Jenna whacked me across the back of the knees with her tail rather painfully. “Stop being an ass, Brother,” she growled. “It doesn’t suit you.”

  “But I used to be the leader of the queen’s army; do you know what that means?” I sighed.

  “Actually, yes, because I grew up watching you. But you’re not anymore, and you haven’t been for almost a decade. Unless you want your old job back?” She purred and looked up at me with a smirk.

  I smiled and shook my head, “No, not anymore, that time has passed for me. But I don’t want whoever has that job now to think I’ve grown soft when we get home.”

  “Have you given any thought to what you will do when we get back?”

  I shook my head, “I have no idea at all why they even want me back, so whatever the reason, I’m sure I’ll be dealing with that first. Afterwards?” I paused a moment, “See if there’s a command position in one of the armies, if not maybe I’ll sign up with one of the mercenary corps.”

  “So just go back to fighting?”

  I shrugged, “It’s what I’m good at.”

  “Well, Tam has some ideas of other things you might want to do,” Jenna said softly and gave me a feline wink.

  I chuckled a bit ruefully, “I bet she does.”

  “She’s still got a crush on you, Brother.”

  “I’ve noticed, but until I know what’s going on with the council, I don’t want to make any commitments to anyone,” because I didn’t know if I’d live that long, I added, thinking to myself. They don’t end twenty-year exiles early on a whim, or for something minor, even political ones. No, this was going to be nasty, whatever it was.

  I continued my new routine the next day, and all of the days after that. Every morning I'd work out with each of them, and every night when we made camp, I'd work out again by myself. It was a form of self-punishment that I knew I richly deserved. I drew curious looks more than once from Tam, though I think Clint understood. The thinning air as we got higher did make it harder, and I tired sooner, but at least the way was well traveled and maintained by the caravans, so it was relatively easy going.

  "Why do you work yourself so hard?" Tam asked one night as we curled up together, nights were rather cool now that we were almost above the tree line.

  "What do you mean?" I asked curious, I was a bit sore and still not in the best of moods, thinking about what I thought must be obvious to all of them by now.

  "You're working out every morning, with all of us, then every night by yourself. Why? Clint doesn't work out that much, why do you?"

  "I've grown soft, weak, complacent," I sighed embarrassed.

  "You sure don't feel soft to me," she chuckled and ran a hand down my chest.

  "What does Clint say?"

  She hesitated.

  "I thought so," I sighed again.

  "It's not like that!" she whispered in my ear.

  "Then how is it?"

  "He's concerned."

  "About what?"

  She looked up at me and back down, "I'm not supposed to say."

  I growled softly, even though I was still in human form, I could do that rather well at this point. "That bad, huh?"

  Tam hesitated a moment, and then looked up at me again. "Not you, Jareth, he has faith in you."

  "Nice to know someone does." I muttered.

  "But he's worried that you don't." she whispered.

  I didn't have an answer for that, because to be honest, I didn’t anymore.

  # # # #

  It took us another week to get through the mountain pass and down into the lowlands. I was starting to feel a little better about myself, or at least my abilities. I wasn’t getting tired from the morning practice sessions, and just the other night Clint had joined me for my evening workouts. We had sparred a second time and while I still had to resort to a few tricks, I didn’t feel bad about it.

  In fact, I actually stopped and taught him one of them, so he wouldn’t fall for it again. I felt rather good about that, at least I still had things to teach.

  The day after we left the mountains, we came to a small farming town. Clint didn't want to stop, but I knew the owner of the inn there and wanted to see if we could hire a boat to go down the river. It would cut a lot of time off our trip, and save us a lot of walking.

  "I don't recall anyone running a boat when we came through here last time," Clint said.

  "No, they don't advertise it. It's not a very big river, so it can't carry more than a few people."

  "Then what's the point?" Tam asked.

  Clint looked at me and cocked his head, I nodded.

  "Smugglers?" Jenna asked looking at us.

  "Yes."

  "You know them?"

  "Fairly well, I helped them out a few times when someone was trying to rob them. They couldn't go to the constable, so they hired me."

  "And you worked for them?" Jenna asked surprised.

  "Sure, smuggling is no big deal. Well at least not in this case. The king in these parts has some high taxes on some of the more exotic furs that are trapped up in the mountains. Not everyone likes paying those taxes."

  "So what makes you think they'll take us?" Clint asked.

  "Nothing, really. But, it is the off season, so for a little silver they might be willing to make a trip. It would cut more than a week off our travel time; we'd make Merrick in a little more than a day, and could by at Portsmith that much sooner."

  Clint nodded, smiling towards the town in the distance, "Lead on then."

  The town itself wasn't terribly large, an inn, a blacksmith, a few other businesses and small buildings clustered together and surrounded by a few dozen houses of the local inhabitants. There was a fence of sorts around it, and the road in was just a cart path, not much more.

  The inn was pretty much how I remembered it; things don't change much in a few years in these parts. The innkeeper remembered me, waving me over as I entered.

  "Jareth! Long time no see my friend! Come, come over here and have a seat and let me get you a drink. Ale, right?

  "Yes, Bartley, ale would be fine, and I think you can get the same for my companions here. Food would be fine as well."

  He nodded and looked over Jenna, Tam, and Clint. The place was fairly empty, during the day farmers had to work. I'd had my sister and Tam wear a bit more than they were normally wont to however. I didn't want every farm boy in town drooling over them after all.

  "And who be
these then?"

  "This is my sister, Jenna, her friend, Tam, and my future brother in law, Clint." I said making introductions, and grinning as Jenna kicked me under the table.

  "Ah, I see." He beamed. My making it an obvious family affair I think calmed any fears he might have had. When I'd been here last on business, there had been a few altercations. I suspected he was worried about the furniture.

  He went and got us some food, at this time of day it was mostly stew, and then he left us to ourselves as we ate.

  "Not bad," Tam said. "How long did you stay here?"

  "On and off for a few years, when I was taking a break from hunting the Goblins in the mountains." I said between bites. "There were problems with a small band of Orcs in the area, and the Duke here had put a bounty on their heads. So I used to come through here to relax whenever I'd some heads to turn in."

  "So why'd you leave? I'd thing getting paid for doing that must have been fun."

  "Easy," I grinned, "Ran out of Orcs."

  They all laughed at that, hunting fell beasts and other defilers of the forests was why the god had created us. It was part of our nature, and I'd have done it even without the reward. Well, maybe a little less enthusiastically, but done it all the same.

  Legend tells us that once we only had our feline forms, not needing more than that in our hunts; back before Humans entered the world. But with the Humans in time came weapons, things that the Elves or the Dwarves would never have given evil creatures like Orcs or Goblins, much less taught them how to make.

  However, Humans did those things, well at least the bad ones did. So we were gifted with our human form, so we could fight steel with steel, and blend in with the Humans who bred so much faster than the Elves or anyone else really.

  When we'd finished, I waved Bartley back over to the table.

  "Yes, Jareth, what can I do for you?"

  "My friends and I are heading to Merrick, I was wondering if we could hire your friend with the boat, to help us make the trip faster."

  He looked at us and then around the room to be sure no one was listening. "He doesn't usually take people, you know that."

  "True, but it is the off season, and we're not hiding from anybody, so it shouldn't be any danger. Besides, I'd think he'd want the extra money."

  Bartley nodded, "True, he might. I'll send my son to him, see what he says. When do you want to leave?"

  "The sooner the better."

  He nodded and left the room.

  Bartley's son didn't return for well over an hour, I guess it took him a little time to find Jeb, the smuggler whose boat I wanted to hire. During that time we relaxed and sampled the ale some more, and even a bit of the wine. Living on the trail with nothing more to drink than water, and nothing else to eat but what you catch, helps you to enjoy the pleasures of even a simple inn such as Bartley's was. When his son did return, he talked to his dad a bit, then left as Bartley came over to us.

  "Well, seems as if you're in luck. My friend actually needs a good excuse to go to Merrick to pick up some supplies and the like. Tomorrow at sunrise if that's okay for you."

  I nodded, it was about what I expected, but would still save us a lot of time.

  "You'll be needing rooms then?" he asked.

  "Yes, two should do it. The ones towards the back stairs would probably be best if they’re available."

  He nodded. "I shall get them made up, not many guests right now, so I've been keeping those empty."

  "What's with the rooms in the rear?" Clint asked once Bartley had left.

  "They're on a separate hallway from the other rooms, so you can come and go without being observed from the common room. They also offer a little more security as you have to go through the kitchen to get to them."

  He nodded. "Anything else?"

  "Well, being over the kitchen they're a lot warmer," I smiled, "which is really nice in the winter, plus you can't hear the noise of the main bar as much."

  "Well, as long as we're spending the night here, I'd like to see about refreshing our supplies," Jenna said.

  "I could do with a few things as well," Tam added.

  "Okay, well let me get the rooms paid for, and then I'll show you around town a bit."

  The rest of the day went quickly. I showed everyone where to get what they wanted, then Clint and I headed out behind the inn and spent several hours practicing rather hard.

  "You seem determined about something," Clint panted when we finally broke for dinner.

  I nodded, "My skills are not what they once were. It's been years since I've had any challenges in my life, I've gotten lazy."

  "I don't know, you seem pretty good to me." He smiled putting up his sword.

  "It's taking me way too long to best you, no offense," I sighed. "The last few years I've hardly practiced when I wasn't working."

  "Maybe you're not besting me so much because I'm not half bad?" he grinned sympathizing.

  "Oh, you're good, if you weren't I'd have run you off my sister by now." I smiled as he thought about that. "Older brothers can be overly protective at times. Someone should have warned you."

  "I think I'll take that as a compliment. But still...." he began.

  I shook my head, "No, I'm not what I once was. Part of it is just a lack of motivation, I've not had much for some time now, and it has yet to come back. And part of that is just a lack of conditioning, training, things I'm working on now."

  "It's not like you were sitting on your rump not doing anything, after all we caught up with you after you had been fighting."

  "Fighting for money, is never as challenging as fighting for your life. Remember that. When you're just fighting for pay, it's always in your mind that you can quit, leave, that you don't have to follow it through. That you're only doing it for the money.

  "But when you're fighting for your life," I paused, "or the life of your kingdom, your family, your friends, it's different. Different as night from day. There isn't any quitting or walking away from that."

  He thought about that a bit before he nodded slowly.

  "You were the commander of the queen’s army for a long time, weren't you?" He finally said.

  "Yes, twelve years. I spent nearly twenty in service to the queen, before my exile."

  "Angry?"

  "A little, yes. Trust me; I have spent many an hour thinking of all possible harangues to give to the queen, on the hour of my return."

  He looked surprised, "Only a little? I'd gotten the impression that you were rather upset, from the stories I have heard."

  I laughed, "Well, I suppose I probably was at the time, and looked it no doubt. But, I did as I was ordered and left like I was told. I probably could have killed half the council before anyone could have begun to stop me, if I had wanted to."

  I looked at him and grinned almost evilly, "And trust me, I thought about it."

  He looked rather shocked, "You did?"

  I nodded, "For all of about five seconds, I think. Elantisfey really had me steamed. That one can lie as easily as breathe. Truly, he is not an Elf that puts our queen and country ahead of his own welfare or desires.

  "I could never have gone through with it, of course. Like it or not it was my duty to follow my orders, and my orders were to leave and not come back for a good, long, time. Following hard orders is part of what makes a good soldier, after all."

  He nodded, "True, that."

  But knowing when to disobey orders makes a great one, I thought to myself and wondered, not for the first time, if killing Elantisfey might have been the right thing to do. But there were other reasons at the time that made me loath to kill him as well, sadly.

  "Let's get cleaned up," I said standing, and we both headed inside.

  Dinner was a quiet affair, mostly we didn't want to talk about our own business around the townsfolk, though several who I had known did stop in to say hello and ask for whatever news I had. Having come from the east I had news they didn't have yet, there wouldn't be any returning car
avans from that direction for several months at least. So, I shared with them what I knew.

  When the time for bed came, we split off in what had become our usual pairings, my sister Jenna going off with Clint, and Tam with me.

  "Why don't you shift and curl up with me?" she asked.

  "I have my reasons," I said laying in the darkness.

  "So how about telling me what they are?"

  "I'd rather not."

  "Fine." She straddled me and put her face in front of mine, "Tell me anyway."

  "I just did," I sighed. It was a small lie, 'rather not' versus 'couldn't.' Especially since I couldn't, I found I didn't want to.

  "You'd rather not, as in 'rather not shift'?"

  I nodded in the darkness, "Yes."

  "Why?" I could hear the confusion in that question.

  "Why did you come on this trip?" I said.

  "Huh?" she asked rolling off of me and onto her side, next to me on the bed.

  "Why'd you come?"

  “To help Clint track you, I told you that already,” she frowned.

  “He could have gotten anyone, and I’m sure there were others who would have gone.”

  "Well, Jenna really needed someone to go with her." She said quietly.

  I rolled onto my side now as well, facing her and looking over her lovely body in the darkness, putting an arm around her and pulling her to me, our bare skin touching along the length of our bodies. "Oh? Just to keep her company? Didn't she already have Clint for that?"

  "Well." She blushed and looked down.

  "You had other reasons too, your own reasons right?"

  She nodded quietly.

  "Well, for now, let’s just say that I have my own reasons as well."

  "I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours," she giggled softly.

  I smiled and kissed her, "Don't fall in love with me, Tam; my life has been too full of duty and sacrifice. Find yourself a nice tom more your own age."

  "You're not that much older, Jareth," she chided me. "And I'm no longer the young female in love with the heroic older brother of her best friend."

  "I'm not the Shrean I was back then, you know." I sighed.