Hidden Desire

by David Horne

  I started drinking the whiskey on my counter that was left over from a party before I stumbled back to my room. I must have passed out because I woke up in the morning with the sun shining and my mind blank. My head was throbbing, and I closed my eyes with a groan.

  Fuck. I was supposed to be finishing my project last night.

  I sat up slowly and groaned as the room spun. If I got myself back into shape to get some work done, I’d be okay. I could finish the project and not sabotage the great relationship I had with this client. I should never drink over a man and swore to myself; it would never happen again. I was headed to the kitchen for vitamin water when my cell phone rang on the couch. I wondered who it might be as I took two bottles from the fridge and looked over the other contents.

  I’d start with these.

  I sat down and uncapped one, taking a healthy sip. I didn’t get drunk often, but these drinks helped every time I did. They were my go-to when I was recovering from the flu or a hard workout as well. I finally picked up the phone to see that Olivia had called and that there were a few messages from Dane. I called my best friend and forced cheer into my voice when she answered. “Hi, babe.”

  “Lance. It’s so good to hear your voice.” Her voice was shaking, and I set the bottle down.

  “What’s wrong?” I demanded as I clenched my fist. I hated when Olivia was like this because she was strong enough to hide it from most of the world.

  “I’m okay. I’m home.” Olivia was quick to assure me as I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Things just got crazy last night, and you weren’t there. I needed to hear your voice.”

  “You’re scaring me, Oli.”

  “A bunch of people were at the bar after the game, and Polly couldn’t help that she was with James. It was a big win. I just kept to myself and sipped the same drink for a while. I missed you.” I waited, knowing there was more. “There’s this guy on the team, and he came to talk to me. He’s on the bench a lot. He seemed nice enough and offered me another drink, which I declined. We just talked after that.” Her voice started shaking, and I sat up straight. “He kept asking me out, and I told him no. I said I wasn’t in that place. He got more aggressive, and before I knew it, he was on my side of the booth and kissed me. It was so painful, and he didn’t care.”

  “What the fuck?” Rage filled me, and all memory of a hangover was all but gone.

  “I pushed him away, and he kept trying to kiss me and touch me. I started screaming, and somehow, someone heard me over the music and everything. Deck got pulled off me, and Polly showed up to sit with me while some of the team roughed him up.”

  “Mother fucker. Is he back yet?” My words were cold, and she cried a little more.

  “I don’t know. Polly and James brought me back here right after that happened. James asked me how I wanted to handle it, but he also said that the guys probably handled it the best way they could. Deck wasn’t going to be doing that anytime soon. He’d more than likely be off the team, but he didn’t contribute much.

  “Oh, my fuck. I can’t believe that. Don’t go to those without me, Olivia.” I was pleading with her, and she laughed bitterly as another question filled my brain. Where was Dane through all of this?

  “I never want to go to the bar with the team again, much less alone. I might skip a few games.” I heard the resignation in her voice and emotions surged through me. “I knew that I was doing too much, Lance. I knew that I was pushing it.”

  “You were out with friends like you had been so many other nights, Oli. You did nothing wrong here. You never have.” Her ex had a way of making Olivia feel like their shortcomings were her fault when he was a manipulative asshole, and that stayed with her.

  “Can I come over, Lance? I don’t want to be lone here. I can’t sleep, and I keep hearing noises.” Olivia begged me in a whisper as I looked at my window.

  “Want me to get you?” I bought a car a few weeks ago to get back and forth to school since she was working a few more hours.

  “No. I’ll drive myself. I’m just going to throw some things in a bag and head out.” Olivia was moving around her apartment, and I drew my lip between my teeth. “Thank you, Lance. I love you.”

  I ended the call and tried to sort through my feelings. I was pissed at Polly for leaving Olivia alone and at James for not watching over her. I hated Declan for taking advantage of Olivia that way and hoped that he was dead right now, or at the very least close. I wondered where the fuck Dane was for this and why he didn’t see any of it. He didn’t call me about any of it, so I assumed he wasn’t even at the bar. I needed to calm down before Olivia got here and moved around the apartment to pick up, thinking she was going to sleep here for a while. I washed bedding and clothes recently, so I changed the sheets and threw on a new comforter before there was a knock at the door.

  The thought that I’d given myself to Dane in this bed made me ill, and I pushed the dirty sheets to the bottom of the hamper before going to let Olivia in. She fell into my arms, and I held her as she cried, gently closing the door and bringing her to the couch. I soothed her and let her work through this on her own time, knowing how much Tyler hurt her. When she was calm, I made us some tea and settled on the couch beside her as she gazed at me.

  “I’m sorry I’m dragging you into this. It’s probably not even a big deal.” Her smile was weak as she sipped her drink.

  “He had no right to do any of that to you just like Tyler didn’t. It’s not your fault, and I need to thank the team for what they did for you. That asshole would be dead if I were there.” I gazed at her, knowing that I couldn’t always be there for her. It was impossible, and we’d grow apart someday.

  “I’m okay. I just need to be with someone for a while.”

  “We can eat crap food and watch movies. Anything you want.” I offered, and Olivia smiled.

  “We do have classes, and I work. Sadly, this isn’t high school.” Her sigh was long, and I chuckled.

  “We hated high school, Oli.” I reminded her, and we both laughed. It wasn’t our favorite time in life, but we’d stuck together through it all.

  We ended up ordering pizza and watching a movie for a couple of hours. My phone chimed on the table, and I ignored it as Olivia glanced at me. “Are you going to get that? It might be Dane.”

  “Was he at the bar last night?” I asked as she frowned in thought.

  “Not that I saw. That’s part of the reason I was on my own. I saw him at the game talking to some people, but we never spoke personally.” She shrugged. “Why?”

  “I… I just saw some pictures of him with some guy. They looked close.” I reached for my water and sipped it as she took me in.

  “You’re not together, right?” Her voice was soft, and I shot her a dark look.

  “We’re not seeing other people. That got decided between us.” I rolled my shoulders back. “This guy had his hands all over Dane.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you jealous before.” Olivia sounded shocked, and I rolled my eyes. “You’re normally the one that others are jealous of.”

  “I’m not jealous. I just don’t know what game he’s playing.” I argued as my phone chimed one more time. “Jesus. What is it?” I grabbed it and felt terrible when I saw that it was Dane asking how Olivia was doing. “He’s worried about you.”

  She’s fine. Here now. It sounds like the team handled the matter the way I would have.

  He’s probably going to quit the team soon. That doesn’t fly with anyone here. I wish I were there so I could have at least prevented it or helped somehow.

  You weren’t there?

  I was dealing with some shit after the game. I ended up going to the hotel room and crashing. Can I see you soon?

  I considered my answer. Dane wasn’t going to offer anything up, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to admit to stalking him.

  Olivia is probably staying here for a while. She’s shaken up.

  I understand. Let me know when things calm down.


  We ended the conversation there, and I set my phone face down on the table. I returned my attention to the movie and felt Olivia staring at me. “Is everything okay?”

  “Fuck.” I picked up my phone and pulled up the pictures to show Olivia. “He’s not offering up anything, and I don’t want to ask.”

  “You can, Lance. This is a relationship, and honesty is important. That’s what I’ve been told, at least.” She smiled weakly and dug her spoon into the bowl of ice cream.

  “I’ve never been in anything remotely close to one. I have no fucking idea what to do.”

  “If you keep up like that, you won’t have anything to worry about. I didn’t see what you wrote, but your face told me everything.” Olivia smiled at me. “I think you like him, Lance. This is exciting.”

  “Maybe for you.” I shook my head and sipped my water, dropping back against the couch. It was confusing for me, but I didn’t want to turn to liquor for answers this time.

  We woke up in the morning for school, getting ready and leaving in time for coffee. We did this enough to have some schedule lined up, and I grinned at Olivia as she headed to her class the opposite direction from mine. My face fell a bit as I walked alone, finally letting some of the strain I’d been under show. I already missed Dane, but he wasn’t worth risking my heart over.

  Chapter Eight

  Dane

  I was slammed with school and hockey over the next couple of weeks, which was nothing new. I was also giving Lance and Olivia their space, though I looked over at his lit-up apartment windows every night when I got home. I sensed some resentment in his messages, but I wasn’t sure why. He could blame me for what happened to Olivia and that I wasn’t there to protect her.

  I wish I would have been. When I saw Neil at the game, I knew I needed to talk to him. He was the closest thing I had to an ex, but his brother died in an unfortunate accident six months ago. I spoke to their parents and knew that Neil wasn’t doing well. His reaching out to me was only a matter of time.

  He found me after the game and the press meeting. I walked down a hallway for a little privacy and looked into his red-rimmed green eyes. He hugged me, and I held him tight, offering whatever support I could provide him. “How are you holding up, Neil?”

  “I’m fucking lost. He was my best friend, Dane. He got me through our breakup and was always there for me. Always.” His words rocked through me, and I frowned, pulling away slowly. Neil allowed it but remained close with his hand on my forearm. “I let him die.”

  “No, Neil. You didn’t let him die. It was a tragic accident, and nothing more. Braden would never want you saying that.” I stared into his eyes, feeling nothing for him any longer romantically. In fact, he made me miss Lance that much more.

  “I was supposed to go that night. I was sick. That might have changed everything.” His eyes filled with pain, and I glanced over to see the team leaving for the bar. It wasn’t like Lance wasn’t coming tonight so why rush?

  “Let’s get some coffee.” Neil was a recovering alcoholic, and that was a massive part of the reason we broke up. We headed out to the parking lot, and Neil drove to a corner coffee shop using GPS as I wondered what the fuck I’d gotten myself into like this. We got some drinks and settled in the corner as he took me in.

  “How have you been? You’re playing well.” He complimented me, and I smiled in thanks.

  “Good, good. It looks like something is going to happen with the pros soon. My hard work might pay off.” I felt uncomfortable in his stare as I reached for my cup. “How is everything at the design firm?”

  “It’s good. I mean, I haven’t been there much lately, but Linc is running things fine. I think I’ll be staying there close to Mom and Dad, particularly now.” He looked saddened at the prospect, but I never offered him anything more when I went to college. There was nothing more to give.

  “That’s a good idea. I think you’re going to be successful there.” I was going to support anything positive in his life that I could. His family was tight, and they needed each other.

  “What about you?” I wondered if he even heard me talk about the pros.

  “I’ll go wherever the wind blows me; I suppose. I should be picked up after graduation.” I smiled and took another sip of coffee. “Hopefully, I’m not too far away from the family.”

  “I’d like to see you again, Dane.” I knew this was coming, given the situation.

  “We’re old news, Neil. We have been for some time. I think we’re going in completely different directions.” I tried to be gentle as he looked more wrecked than when I first saw him tonight.

  “I need something familiar, Dane. I can’t do this alone.” Pain filled his voice, and I stared at him.

  “Getting back with me isn’t going to bring him back, Neil. Hell, I could end up across the country in a while, and then you’d go through that. I’m willing to be a shoulder for you, but we’re not going back to that. We never will. I’m sorry.”

  He bowed his head and closed his eyes. I knew how tight he was holding on to the past. I understood it. I just couldn’t do something wrong for me. “I understand.”

  “I’m glad, Neil. I think about you and your family all the time.” I reminded him as he looked at me. “I’m here for you all.”

  We parted ways after finishing our drinks. Neil told me that he was going to get a hotel since I made it clear he wouldn’t be sharing mine. It seemed as though he made the drive here on impulse. I looked at my phone and considered my next move. I was fucking exhausted from the game, and the drama with Neil and the bar sounded like too much. I walked to the hotel and watched some TV before falling asleep.

  Waking up to the news of what Declan did to Olivia in a few hours was shocking, to say the least. She was there with Polly, but since James usually kept his girlfriend close to his side, Olivia ended up on her own. I wished I would have gone to hang out with her, but it was too late now. We got breakfast with the guys, and I saw the marks they wore proudly from the fight that ensued after they pulled him away from her. We jumped on the bus after that, and the guys told me that she left last night with James and Polly. It was usually against regulation, but the coach made an exception this time.

  I got off the bus at school and caught a ride home with someone. It wasn’t far, but we were all too tired to walk anywhere. I glanced at Lance’s place as I walked across the parking lot, deciding to sleep for a while before doing anything else.

  Here it was two weeks later, and we’d barely messaged. I wasn’t sure if Olivia was still over there or not, but he didn’t reach out to me. I saw him at a bar one night, flirting with some guy after practice. I assumed that he was moving on for one reason or another, and headed home, pissed off at the idea. I hadn’t thought of anyone but him since we met and often wondered what happened.

  I went to grab some lunch at school the following week and saw Olivia eating lunch with James and Polly. I grabbed a sandwich and walked over, greeting them a few feet away. They all smiled, and I joined them, sitting across from the happy couple and Olivia. “You look good. Feeling better?” I reached for my drink as I took her in.

  “Yeah. Finally. I’m back at my place now and getting back to normal.” She smiled and sipped her water. I wanted to ask how long she’d been back and why the hell Lance wasn’t contacting me.

  “That’s great. He’s paying the price for what he did.” Declan left the team and school, walking away from what might have been a bright future.

  “Damn right.” James agreed with me, and I grinned at him.

  “I wish I was there to help. Sorry about that, Olivia.” I stared at her, and she looked surprised.

  “Don’t be. You’re not obligated to hang out with me.” She didn’t mention Lance, but I felt like she stopped herself along the way.

  “I know. I just hate the timing.” We moved on to a lighter conversation and talked about games. James and Polly prepared to leave, and I watched as Olivia’s eyes widened. She rushed through her drink to
stand with them, and I frowned at her. “Hey. Can we talk a minute?”

  “Sure.” She looked at me with wary eyes, and I knew she wasn’t going to say anything against her best friend.

  “Is he okay?” Olivia searched my face with confusion and tucked her hair behind her ear.

  “Not particularly. You guys just stopped. Why?” She asked, and anger flooded me.

  “I saw him at a bar with some guy. I thought he moved on and since he’s alone and hasn’t reached out, I left it alone.” I shrugged, and she smirked for a moment.

  “He did that after seeing pictures of you with a guy, Dane.”

  “Pictures?” I repeated as I searched my mind. I wasn’t with anyone else, so I didn’t know what she meant. I didn’t look myself up too much either with the black and white nature of the internet.

  “The night everything happened, there were pictures of you with someone. I think he wanted you to explain, but you didn’t. Lance is too stubborn to ask and not sure at all what to do with his feelings for you.” I got a lot more from her than expected.

  “Shit. I didn’t know anything was out there, but it’s nothing, Olivia. Is he seeing someone else?” I asked, and she chuckled.

  “No. That’s his normal move, but Lance is caught up in you. Maybe you two should talk.” Her smile was genuine, and I reached out to cover her hand.

  “Maybe. Are you okay? For real?”

  “Day by day.” Her smile was brighter, and I nodded firmly. “He’s crazy, but I think you two work, Dane. I’ve never seen him this way over anybody before.”

  “I’m going to call him. We need to straighten this out.” We got our trays ready to clean up, walking out together as we kept talking. I finished my classes for the day and made a call before going home. In the parking lot, I looked up at his apartment and dialed his number. It rang a few times until I heard his voice on the other end.

  “Dane. How are you?” His voice was distant, and I narrowed my eyes.