Hidden Desire

by David Horne

  “I want you to be ready by six. We’re going to dinner to hash this all out.” There was a long pause, and I grinned.

  “Isn’t it traditional to ask over ordering me to be ready?” His voice sounded surprised but happy, and I memorized the tone.

  “Probably. A lot of wasted time has passed by, and we need to talk. I want to have dinner with you. Will you go on a date with me?” I asked as he sucked in his breath.

  “Sure. That would be nice.” We said our goodbyes, and I headed upstairs to take a shower. I was going to make this the best night of his life and win him back, all while trying to keep the peace at school. I wasn’t sure how that would work but fuck if he wasn’t worth trying it out.

  When I dressed in slacks and a white button-up shirt to leave, a few of the guys looked at me. “Do you have a date?”

  “Just an important meal out. See you later.” I smiled and headed out the front door. I turned and walked to his apartment, knocking on the door as my heart pounded in my chest. The door swung open, and I gasped at the sight of him in all black. “You look amazing.”

  “I could say the same for you,” He replied, holding something back from me. I smiled, and he grabbed his keys before we left, walking to the parking lot. “I have a car now. Want me to drive?”

  “This is a date, Lance. I’m driving.” My tone was firm, and he remained silent as we finished the trek to my car. I opened the door for him, feeling prickling at the idea of someone seeing us. I needed to talk about what was going to happen here, but I could also treat him like gold.

  We went to a steak and seafood place in the city that offered a great view of the buildings. Lance seemed to understand that we weren’t jumping right back into this and we walked beside each other to the hostess. I led the way to the table, and we took our seats, ordering two beers before he looked around. “Nice place.”

  “I like it. We come here as a team sometimes on special occasions.” I sipped the water placed in front of me as the beers were added to the table. I handed Lance a menu, and he gazed at me for a moment before opening it to read through the choices.

  “Huh. This is a five-star place, isn’t it?” Lance asked, and I shrugged.

  “It’s good.” I read the entrees and decided on the surf and turf before closing the folder and setting it down. “Can I recommend anything? We haven’t gone out before.”

  “I like salmon a lot, but the shrimp looks good. Maybe I should get the combo plate with both.” His face was deep in thought, and I saw the moment that he realized how much it cost. “Holy shit. That’s a lot.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I smiled, and our eyes locked for a heated moment. I could feel the chemistry between us filling the room and blinked as my feelings for him filled my chest. They were all-consuming, and I sipped my beer slowly. “So, I want to talk. I want to clear the air. What happened to make you stop talking to me?” I saw his jaw set as he looked out of the window for a few minutes.

  “The night that you were out of town and the night that Olivia was… whatever. I saw some pictures of you with a guy, and you looked close. Intimate almost, it made me mad, but then I found out about Olivia and focused on her. I hated the way the pictures made me feel.”

  “That was an old friend that needed to talk to me. More than that, he was an ex, and I don’t want to lie about that. He lost his brother six months ago and has been having a rough time. We talked for a while, and I made it clear that we weren’t going to have a second chance. We left it at that.” I stared at him as understanding crossed his face. “Now, let’s talk about the guy I saw you with at the bar a few days ago. Have you moved on?”

  “With anybody else, that would have worked for me. Another guy in my bed and I move forward. I was so intent on that when I went out that night, but I went home alone and thought about you.” His gaze met mine, and we fell silent. “Where do we go from here?”

  “Slowly. I want you in my life, Lance. I’m still going to be spending a lot of time on the ice, but my free time I want to spend with you. I want to do things like this and be together.” He took my words in as time seemed to stand still.

  “You want to be out there for the world to see?” He confirmed as I held my breath for a moment.

  “I don’t know. I want to take this slow because I’ve never done this before.” My eyes pleaded with him to understand, and he scowled.

  “Your ex?”

  “It was high school, Lance. Hardly anything real compared to this.” My smile was reassuring, and he took it in before looking into my eyes again. “I want to try and make this work.”

  “I want to, as well.” He finally gave in, and I beamed with joy. We finished dinner and talked about how things were going to be with scheduling and life. I felt good about it. Lance always had a project going plus classes, and I had hockey that took most of my time. We could hook up at night and catch up on our days. I looked forward to those nights after enjoying being in his bed more than a few times now. We didn’t have to be the couple of the college, but we knew what we were to each other.

  I paid the bill, and we left the restaurant to go to my apartment. We spent some time cuddling on the couch before things heated up and he took me by the hand to my bedroom. I knew that I could get used to this. I also knew that there was no other man for me.

  Lance managed to balance time with Olivia and me in between everything else, though it seemed precarious at the best of times. He wanted to do well in the remaining years of college, even though he wasn’t seeking the highest GPA in the class. I spent a shit ton of time on the ice and kept up in classes, gradually spending every night that I could with Lance. I knew that he made every effort to attend my games and hang out afterward, so I didn’t hold it against him when he worked late as I slept. It was exhausting, but it worked. I didn’t know what would happen when I graduated and moved on. Would Lance settle back into life with Olivia and forget about everything we shared? Would I end up with some team across the country and move on.

  It was too much to think about sometimes, keeping me awake as I stared at the light that shone through his blinds.

  Chapter Nine

  Lance

  I was making breakfast one Saturday while Dane was out running. Things seemed comfortable with us, and this pseudo living together felt so natural to me. I was sure that his roommates wondered what was going on, but he wasn’t as close to them as he was James.

  “Hey,” he greeted me as he ran through the door, his sweat making the t-shirt that he was wearing cling to him. I stopped flipping the bacon for a second and stared at him as he ripped it over his head.

  “Holy shit. You look good after a run,” I murmured to Dane slowly as he smirked at me.

  “That food smells amazing. It’s perfect since I have practice in a few hours. Lots of protein?” He asked as I raised my brow.

  “Of course, babe. I have some more of that for you when we’re done eating.” He chuckled and walked to the fridge to get some water. We’d already slept together before his run, but I always wanted Dane. It was never a question, and I sometimes freaked out that I was only with one man for what was coming up on a few months.

  We sat down to eat, and he sipped coffee along with water. He piled his plate with eggs and bacon, and I smiled as I kept my portions healthy. “You eat so much.”

  “I burn it off quickly. I need food.” Dane smiled, and I nodded, loving how athletic he was. Jocks were just good for a fling in the past, but if it were up to me, this man would never leave my bed. “My parents want me to visit them when I have a weekend off. Want to come with me?”

  “I’ve never been to Rhode Island. I’d like that. Your family is great.” I took a large drink of coffee and gazed at him. “They know?”

  “Mom guessed the night she met you. She’s keeping it to a dull roar, but she’s happy that I found someone.” He fell silent, and I knew what he was thinking.

  What about when he graduated and went pro? That could change everything.
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br />   “I’d love it. Keep me posted.” I wanted to support his idea and not worry about what might happen. We needed to have some time together that didn’t involve late nights and early mornings. We just needed to be together.

  Life continued as usual for the following two weeks. I was thinking about the trip, but he was so focused on hockey that I let it go. Olivia was still having trouble, and someone in her class was interested in her. I told her that he seemed like a good guy and she should give him a chance. Declan was just an asshole, and I wanted her to see that not every man was like him or Tyler. I just needed her to make a choice.

  Dane came home a few Fridays later, and I was making dinner. We stayed in a lot, and I liked it. The date was one of the best nights of my life, but just us being here at the apartment was great. “Guess what? We have next weekend off.”

  “Yeah?” I asked as I pulled the salmon from the oven and grinned at him.

  “Want to go away for the weekend?” He asked as I considered my answer. I knew that Olivia mentioned dinner and a movie Saturday night, if there wasn’t a game, but Dane didn’t get time off that often. “What is it?”

  “Nothing.” I brushed off my worries. “I think that will be great.”

  He set his bag down and walked to me. Dane pulled me in his arms, and I closed my eyes. “Is it Olivia?”

  “She’s not bouncing back as I’d hoped. I worry about leaving her for that time.” I hated to admit that when this was a weekend away for us. “I hate that I can’t just think about us.”

  “See if she can get the weekend off. Olivia can join us. My mom loved her.” I was stunned at Dane’s offer.

  “Seriously?” I asked as I pulled back to look at him. He was grinning, and I kissed him hard, pulling him closer.

  “Of course. The house is big, and there’s plenty of room. She might do well with a change of scenery too.” He slipped a hand into my hair and kissed me again, deepening it with a tilt of his head. “I’ll sort everything out. Tell her about it.”

  Olivia was shocked when I told her the following morning over coffee before class. “He asked me to come on your trip away?”

  “Yeah. His mom loved you, and this is a family visit. Not a romantic getaway.” I sipped my coffee as I glanced at her, seeing the tears in her eyes.

  “He’s so good to me. You’re so good to me. I feel like the friend that never lets you do things with him alone.” She pouted, and I laughed at her.

  “We do a lot of things alone. Don’t worry. I hardly think we’ll be christening every room in the house when it belongs to his parents,” I joked, watching as she scrunched her face up.

  “I don’t need to hear that, Lance.”

  Olivia managed to get the time off, and we planned the trip. We were planning to leave Friday night after school and get there late and just dropping into bed. We could sleep in a bit on Saturday and then get a lot of time in with his family before leaving Monday to come home. It would be a quick trip, but I was looking forward to seeing Dane in his childhood home. I wanted to see him in his element and get more of an idea who Dane was.

  I packed with Olivia sitting on my bed to watch. I helped her pack her bag, and it was just something we did. She nodded as I held up a casual sweater and I folded it carefully, placing it on top of the jeans I’d be wearing with it. I already had some slacks and I nice shirt in case I needed to dress up, but Dane assured me that his family was casual. His bag was packed and waiting by the closet, and I smiled at it before turning back to look at my clothes. Olivia helped me, and I set the bag near Dane’s so I could add stuff at the last- minute tomorrow.

  We just had a few classes each, and then we’d be off. We went to the living room, and I poured some wine before we sat on the couch. Olivia was still shaky, and I watched as she stared into the glass blankly for a moment. I hoped that she’d relax this weekend and gain a different perspective on things. We ordered pizza, and Dane joined us in a couple of hours, yawning. Olivia headed home, and I locked the door behind her before following Dane to the bedroom.

  We stayed up later than he wanted to, making love and cuddling before finally falling asleep with a few hours to spare. I dragged myself to my first class, knowing that he was doing the same. I cursed myself for keeping us up late with the drive and offered to help as needed. Olivia did the same, and Dane brushed it off with a smile. We packed up his car that evening and hopped in for the long drive. I watched as he interacted with Olivia, appreciative of the fact that he liked her being around. They got along, and he treated her more like a sister every day. I knew she loved that as well.

  With a couple of stops and a drive-thru meal on the way, we pulled into the driveway of a spacious ranch house. Dane and I took the bags in, and he showed Olivia her room once we’d all gotten some water quietly in the kitchen. The home was gorgeous and both cozy and modern at the same time. Even in the dim light, I could see that Dane’s parents took good care of it. Once I hugged Olivia goodnight, I went into Dane’s old room, and we undressed for bed. It still looked like his room, and I assumed his mom didn’t change anything as I looked at old pictures and trophies.

  “Get your ass in bed. You have time for that this weekend.” Dane pulled me by the hand into his arms, and I kissed him gently, sliding one arm around his waist.

  “Will your mom show me baby pictures?”

  “Fuck me, probably.” We slipped under the covers and snuggled together, falling asleep touching as we always did.

  In the morning, I woke to an empty bed and the smell of coffee. I glanced at my phone to see that it was past nine and smiled as I stretched slowly. Dane probably went for a run even though he drove the entire way here. I pushed myself up and changed into jeans and a green Henley before heading down the hall toward the kitchen. I could hear voices and grinned when I saw Olivia helping Dane’s mom with something in a bowl. She looked so pretty in leggings and a college sweatshirt, and I smiled at my best friend before she glanced at me.

  “Good morning.” His mom rushed over to hug me, followed by Olivia. She shook her head and told me to call her Terri and his father Ryan from now on. I got some coffee and watched as Olivia helped her make waffles, jumping in to cook the meat.

  “Dane went out for a run. I don’t know how after that drive.” She observed the batter, and I winked at Olivia. We drove faster during parts of the trip and made decent time, but we’d never tell Terri that. He came in just as we were plating everything, kissing my cheek as I poured him some coffee. The four of us ate together and caught up. Ryan was at work, and the twins were sleeping in today. Terri told us that we could go sightseeing and that there were some great shops. She also mentioned a few restaurants.

  “Do you work, Lance?” She asked once Olivia told her all about her part-time job.

  “I do a little freelancing, but I have a fund that pays for school and my apartment.” I smiled as I bit into some bacon, feeling the hand on my thigh tense. I glanced at Dane, and he shot me a quick, dark look. Had I never mentioned this before? “I was just trying to get some experience in advance and make something of myself.”

  I glanced at Olivia, and her eyes were wide, and she looked between Dane and me. He was quiet the rest of the meal, and Terri took her son aside once the table was cleared. “What the hell?” Olivia whispered as we sat on the couch to give Dane privacy.

  “I don’t know. I guess we’ve never talked about that, but I don’t know why it would upset him.” I worked through my thoughts at a rapid speed. He was living comfortably enough though he did have a few roommates. I jumped as he walked back into the room, running a hand through his hair. “Dane? Are you okay?”

  “Come outside.” I stared at Olivia before following him through the front door to the large screened-in porch.

  “What did I say?” I asked, and he paced for a moment.

  “You’re a trust fund kid?” His tone filled with disdain, and I stepped forward to cup his face.

  “My grandfather and I were close, and he
left me some money when he passed. It’s not millions but enough to get me through school and probably started once I graduate. He was trying to take care of me, Dane.” I stared into his eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong.

  “My parents constantly worried about how they were going to send me to college. They do okay and can fix up the house sometimes and things like that, but college was a real concern. I worked my ass off for a scholarship and was lucky enough to get a full ride.” He closed his eyes. “I spent so much time worrying, and there were the assholes at school that were handed more money than they knew what to do with their entire life. It made me so mad.”

  “I’m not that guy. My family wasn’t rich at all, but Granddad was smart with his money. He left each of us kids some.” I assured him before kissing him. “I’d spend it all on you and your future. It’s just money, Dane.”

  I never planned to make out with my boyfriend on his parents’ porch, but here we were. He held me close, and I breathed in the cold air as my feeling rushed over me.

  “I love you, Dane. I love you so much.” My words spilled out, and he pulled me closer.

  “I love you, Lance. More than I ever thought possible.” I held him tight, letting it sink in that I never told a man I loved them before.

  When we finally went inside, Terri and Olivia were washing dishes. Olivia smiled at us as Dane led the way into the kitchen while Terri smiled down at the water. Dane shot me a look that told me they watched us out there. “Where’s the privacy?” His voice was low, and we laughed as he looked at his mom. “Can I help with anything, Mom?”

  “Dishes are done. Your dad should be home by around four and we can either eat here or go out to dinner. Before that, you can show them your hometown. There are some pretty sights to see around here.” She suggested as he reached for my hand.

  “Does that sound good? It’s more into the Fall now but still pretty.” He glanced between Olivia and me.

  “Yeah. I’d like that.” Olivia looked at me, and I nodded. We changed into fresh clothes after a shower and headed out as Dane told us all about growing up here. We saw some beautiful places on the water, and the architecture of the older buildings was amazing there. We headed back to the house in the afternoon, and Dane grinned when he saw his father’s car.