Lost Soul (War of Destiny Book 1)

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  In the parlor, I settled into a chair and picked up the Bible. I opened it and began to read. David followed me in. This was most unusual. I frowned at his lack of respect.

  “You’re very educated, Mistress Juliana,” he remarked, “for a woman.”

  “Please leave me in peace,” I said. Why should I have to explain myself constantly to a servant, even if he was serving my husband as a sort of warden or spy?

  David flinched at my tone and left the room. I spent the afternoon reading and sewing. I worked mechanically, daydreaming about what might happen tonight. Time seemed to stand still for the longest time.

  Early in the evening, Gregory returned. I had not seen him walk into the parlor. “You are happy about something,” he commented quietly.

  I looked up and nearly pricked myself with the needle. “Goodness, do not startle me so, Gregory!” I said, laying my work on a small table next to where I sat.

  Gregory smiled lazily. I am sorry, Juliana. “What are you so happy about?”

  I stood up and shook my head at his lazy tone. “I’m meeting Crystal at the fountain . . . soon.”

  He shook his head, but he was still smiling. “For what purpose?”

  “To talk, get some fresh air, perhaps go see my mother. Crystal told me she is ill again,” I replied, rattling off things that seemed believable.

  Gregory reached out and pulled me to him. “Julia, I would have preferred you had arranged to meet her during daylight hours. I do not like this, but I shall send the coachman with you, for a respectable married woman would never venture out at night alone.”

  I pulled away and thanked him, trying to smile. I forced myself to walk sedately upstairs, careful not to show my eagerness to leave.

  A little later I came back downstairs, looking as neat and well dressed as I could manage without raising suspicion. Gregory smiled and handed me my black cloak. He complimented my appearance and gave John instructions to take me to the fountain.

  I raised the hood of the cloak so it covered my hair and most of my right cheek, and bade him goodbye.

  The twilight had deepened by the time I left the house. Winter was getting closer by the day. A full moon rose behind me, illuminating the path before us. I looked out the carriage window.

  About ten minutes later I was there. My sister was already sitting on one of the benches near the fountain with two of her servants. “I will have my sister take me home in about an hour, John. Thank you,” I said, dismissing the coachman. I turned in Crystal’s direction and walked towards her. As soon as I thought I was close enough to her I called out a soft greeting.

  Crystal waved. She turned then and handed both of her servants something, whereupon they walked to a tavern down the street. I almost laughed. Who would ever have thought my timid sister would do something like that? She had surprised me with her cunning the previous day as well, when she urged me not to write the note to Adam. When I was only a few feet from her someone stepped out of the shadows. I walked the last few feet over and faced him. I lowered my hood and my hair, only partially pinned, tumbled down my back. “Hello Adam.”

  Adam looked at me transfixed. “I’m surprised you wanted to see me. I wasn’t exactly nice to you earlier.” He smiled humorlessly.

  I shook my head. “We were both angry, Adam. I am surprised you agreed to come. I was not nice to you either.”

  “I had to come, at least to apologize. After all, there is no point in fighting. It doesn’t change anything.” He shrugged. “I still love you — though this is the last time you shall hear me say it — and you’re still married to him. So we’re better off spending this time together nicely, instead of fighting.” A moment later he walked closer to me and tilted my head into the moonlight. “Julia, what happened to your face?”

  I jerked my head back into the shadows, as I realized I should have left my cloak’s hood up. I hadn’t expected the moon to be so bright. “I fell. It was a silly mistake. I did not light a candle.”

  Adam looked at me, worry written on his face. “You should have an apothecary treat that. It is swollen, and badly so. It is almost as if some force slammed you into a wall or something. Did you lose awareness?”

  “Only for a few moments,” I answered, not meeting his eyes. I didn’t like lying to him, but I was ashamed to admit the truth.

  Crystal spoke up in disbelief. “Only a few moments! Julia, you were asleep for hours!” she exclaimed from the bench.

  Adam’s eyes flickered with something I couldn’t identify. “Julia, do not lie to me. Please. If you fell, that is one thing. But if someone hurt you, I do not want you to lie to me about it. There’s no shame in it for you.”

  I looked down at the ground and even Crystal remained silent. “I am sorry. I just do not want you to worry.”

  Adam immediately softened. “I don’t mean to be harsh, Julia. I just want you to be honest with me. If you’re hurt I want to know. Are you sure you are quite all right?”

  I nodded. “Aye, I am much better now.” I stepped closer and smiled up at Adam. I almost took hold of his hand but the moment was broken by Crystal. She informed me that she had to return home. My little sister was saving me from committing another mistake, though at the moment I wished she would not.

  “Crystal, wait —” But as I implored her, Adam backed into the shadows. Before I had finished speaking, he was gone. I did not even get a chance to say goodbye. I sighed and began to walk towards my sister who rose to meet me. As she did so, her servants came from where they had been standing at the entrance of the tavern. I supposed it was their nearness that caused her to feel she must stop me before Adam and I had done something foolish. Whatever the reason, my purpose in coming—to make things right with Adam—was partially thwarted.

  “We should be leaving now, Julia. Mother is quite ill and anxious to see you.”

  I sighed and started to walk towards the house I had grown up in. Crystal fell in step beside me; her servants walked behind us. The tears I held back stung my eyes, but it would not do to weep in front of the servants, especially under these circumstances. Adam had of necessity left abruptly, and I did not know if I would ever see him again. When the cool night air had calmed me sufficiently, I told Crystal in a whisper that I wanted to speak to our father about Gregory’s violence towards me.”

  “I think you should, Julia. Father would not want to see you injured by the husband he chose for you.” How could we both have been so naïve?

  We reached my old home and found our father in the library. “Juliana, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you here?”

  “I need to talk to you,” I said quietly. Father nodded and beckoned me to enter. I laid my cloak on a chair.

  “What is the matter, Juliana? What has happened to your face?” he said. The unaccustomed gentleness in his voice encouraged me. I had done the right thing in coming.

  “My husband hit me,” I said. My voice sounded flat to my ears.

  “Why? What did you do?”

  I was surprised that Father had immediately assumed I was the one who had done wrong. “I went to the market. Father, he has his servant spy on me, and he has not allowed me to leave the house and grounds from the time of our marriage until tonight! I do not wish to be married to a man who strikes me and practically imprisons me in his house.”

  My father’s face colored. He spoke sternly. “He is a good man, Juliana. If he struck you, it is because you deserved it.”

  “No one deserves to be hit because they wanted to walk around town for the first time in months. No one. I do not wish to continue as his wife. Would to God you had not allowed it!”

  Father would not meet my eyes. “What are you saying? You must continue as Gregory’s wife. You have no choice. He has married you with my permission. He owns you. You are his. This matter is closed, Juliana.”

  Shocked and angry, I raised my voice. “So you are saying it is acceptable that he hits me?”

  “Lower your voice. A man may do to his prope
rty what he wishes.”

  I clenched my hands, almost overwhelmed with a desire to pound them on his chest. “Property? Is that all I ever was to you? I am not property; I am a human being!” My voice rose yet again. “Look at me! Look at my face! Does what he has done to your daughter not matter to you at all?”

  My father turned scarlet. Without a word, he approached me and slapped me across the face. I stared at him, paralyzed with shock and fear.

  “How dare you speak to me like that?” It was his voice that was raised now. “No woman should act the way you do! You miserable little rebel! You just want to be with that wretched little poor boy! You probably hit yourself just to gain my sympathy!”

  He picked up a stool and flung it towards me. After a second my paralysis broke and I tried to dodge out of the way. But I moved too slowly in my long dress, and the chair hit me in the back and knocked me to the floor. Searing pain raced through my back and shoulders. I struggled to my feet. My dress had ripped but I did not care.

  “How dare you call me a liar!” I shouted through tears of rage and pain. Even my own father was against me. I had not a hope. In my wretched impotence, and without thinking, I picked up a vase my father was particularly fond of and dashed it to the floor. I turned and ran out the door, down the stairs, and into the freedom of the night.

  My back and shoulders felt as if they were on fire, but I forced myself to keep running. I hated Gregory, my parents and Peter, and I hated myself most of all. My father’s words haunted me. “No woman should act the way you do . . . He is a good man, Juliana. If he struck you, it is because you deserved it.”

  Was he right? Was it me who was the flawed one, unable to be the proper wife? Maybe Gregory was right to hit me if I was failing in my womanly duties to him?

  I ran until exhaustion and the pain from my injuries finally overcame me and I collapsed on the side of a road. I had no idea where I was; I had lost my bearings soon after leaving the house. I half hoped someone would come along and just kill me. I was only fifteen years old. If I couldn’t escape this hellish life, I just wanted it to end. I couldn’t keep my eyes open; comforted by the openness of the night, the show of stars above me, and the moon, I slept.

  Chapter 3

  I awoke to feel someone throw a blanket of some sort over me. I hadn’t realized until I felt the warmth of it how cold I actually was. I heard voices as someone lifted me into their arms.

  “Oh, my poor sister! I knew she and Father had argued, but I did not see her before she left our house. Father just said she ran off, upset. She must have been attacked by a bandit, Thomas . . .”

  “I don’t know what happened, Miss Crystal. I found her here and ran to tell your father.” This voice was vaguely familiar, but I could not rouse myself sufficiently to speak, nor even to think clearly. I heard my sister say something about how glad she was that whoever was carrying me had found her before he had had a chance to speak to our father. Then I cuddled deeper into the blanket and drifted off to sleep again.

  When I fully awoke much later, I was lying on the bed in the mansion I shared with Gregory. I was covered with blankets and my husband was pacing alongside the bed. I forced my eyes to bring the room into focus and had just succeeded when Gregory stubbed his toe on the dresser. “Damn!” he swore in barely contained anger.

  “What?” I said.

  “You are awake,” Gregory said, stopping at my side. He reached out and touched my hand.

  “No, you’re seeing things,” I answered, surprising myself again by the sarcasm coming out of my mouth after such a wretched night. Gregory’s countenance showed confusion, but then became blank. Instinctively, I cringed. That was the look he got right before he either started yelling at me or hitting me.

  “What were you doing last night, Juliana? Some young rogue, along with your sister, brought you home in a shameful state. Your sister said he used to work for your family.”

  My recollection of events after I collapsed on the road was confused and incomplete. Was it Adam, then, who had brought me home with Crystal? But what if Gregory somehow realized . . .

  “I met Crystal, as I told you I was going to do, and we went to see my mother, who is sick. After we arrived, my father and I had an argument about—” I considered a moment, but saw no reason to lie about the topic of our ill-fated conversation—“about what freedoms I should be allowed.” Gregory’s eyes narrowed under brows drawn together in displeasure. “He threw a stool at me and I fled. I collapsed and fell asleep along a road.”

  “You probably deserved it,” Gregory muttered. This reminded me of what my father had said. Did all men think this way? I had thought men were supposed to be our champions and protectors.

  My sister had entered the room silently sometime during this exchange. “I was walking in our garden at sunrise, Gregory, when the young man who found her came running up the road. His name is Thomas and it is true: his whole family used to work for mine.” Crystal looked at me, concern etched on her face. “You could have died out there, Juliana.”

  I nodded. “I know,” I answered in a whisper, remembering how I had wished to die when I fell on the road.

  “Gregory, now that my sister is awake, I must return home and see how my mother fares, as well as inform my father about Julia’s condition. I shall return as soon as possible. Is there someone who can care for her in my absence?”

  “We have servants, you know.”

  “Of course.” She turned to me and kissed my cheek, the unbruised one, gently. I had not realized how starved I was for a tender touch. “Rest, Julia. I will not be gone long.” I asked her not to worry Mother about what had happened, and she promised not to.

  After the front door thudded shut Gregory turned back to me. His anger, which I had hoped would have ebbed by now, had not. “You should have come home. How can it be that my wife is found injured and unconscious on the side of the road?” Ah, so his concern was for his reputation, not my welfare. How foolish of me to have hoped otherwise!

  “Did you not listen when I told you what happened? I said I collapsed and slept, but now I realize that I lost consciousness? Have you no compassion?”

  Gregory watched as I struggled from under the covers and out of bed.

  “And your garments in tatters! What is the meaning of this?”

  “I struggled with my father when he struck me with the stool, Gregory. I ran through brambles, I was in pain, I stumbled, I fell, I . . .” Suspicion was in his eyes now. How could my father have chosen for me a man so bereft of mercy? I squeezed my eyes in an effort to hold back tears. Still, I shakily stood on my feet. I went to my dressing table, where I kept a small looking glass with an ivory handle. My appearance shocked me. My hair had fallen into wild, tangled curls, and there were dark circles under my eyes. I put down the mirror and turned towards my husband. “Would you leave the room for a minute? I would like to get dressed,” I said mildly.

  A look of rage crossed his face. “We are not finished yet, Juliana! By God, they should have left you out there!” he screamed, moving towards me a step.

  I flung the mirror at him. “Don’t touch me!” I yelled, backing away. The mirror stuck his arm before it fell to the floor and shattered.

  Gregory glanced down at the shards. When he looked at me again, his face was twisted into a grimace of fury. “Do not ever tell me what to do!” he roared. He moved another quick step towards me and slapped my face.

  Pain blazed across my already sore face. I cried out and tried to shove him away. Gregory parried my attempt and swung around, throwing me to the floor.

  I hit the floor hard, and it seemed as if every bone in my body had broken. I lay still for a moment and then tried desperately to crawl away, but my arms would not respond. I could not raise myself, and fell flat on the floor. Gregory loomed over me. “You listen to me, Juliana. You are my wife, my property. I will not accept this disrespect from you. Never repeat what you just did. Never. Do I make myself clear?”

  I glar
ed at him. “Gregory, go to hell,” I snarled.

  “You are my wife. You will do as I say!” He jabbed me in the ribs with his foot. I struggled to stand, but I was too weak. He kicked again and all I saw was a blur heading towards my face. My jaw exploded in fresh agony, and that was the last thing I knew.

  ***

  The first time I half-woke I looked around the chamber, trying to understand where I was and why I felt so feverish and strange. Flickering shadows confused me further, though I eventually realized they must be from a candle burning somewhere in my own room. The effort of coming to that conclusion exhausted me and I drifted back into unconsciousness.

  It was night and I was just emerging from a house. It was not Gregory’s mansion, but a smaller, less comfortable home. It looked almost like a wooden shack compared to the home I was used to. Adam emerged from the house right after me. “So, this is living in the night,” he said.

  I nodded, glancing at him. “More or less. You blend into the shadows and do not see many people,” I answered.

  Adam grinned. “I could get to like this. I can be with you for eternity.”

  “Forever,” I agreed. I turned and walked down the street. It was supposed to be pitch black outside in the dream, but surprisingly, I could see everything perfectly, including the dark green of the trees all around. “A child of the night,” I murmured. I smiled a little and continued walking. Adam followed.

  “And I thought vampires were supposed to be evil. I guess they’re just . . . different,” he said quietly.

  “Different, but necessarily bad,” I replied.

  That image was replaced by another, darker one. Gregory wielded an ax. I was bound and gagged behind him. Adam was thrown into the room by someone I didn’t know. He was unconscious and showed no sign of waking. Gregory raised the ax and I tried to scream to warn Adam, but the gag prevented me. The ax came down with awful force across Adam’s back and his blood was everywhere. Somehow, I wasn’t gagged anymore and I began to scream endlessly.