Lost Soul (War of Destiny Book 1)

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  I awoke to a world that held nothing for me but pain. The lighting in the room was still dim. Clearly, it was nighttime, though I had no idea which night it was. Crystal was sleeping in a chair next to my bed. I saw a physician’s bag on my dressing table across the room. “What . . .?” I whispered in confusion. My voice was so weak it seemed it could barely be heard, but in the silence of the room it was loud enough to wake my sister.

  Her eyes flew open and she jumped to the edge of her chair. “Julia? Are you awake?” she asked, as if she did not dare hope it was true.

  I nodded, not trusting my voice. I coughed weakly and then rasped out, “My eyes are open, are they not?”

  My sister looked relieved, yet concerned at the same time. “Your eyes have opened several times before, Julia, but you were not fully awake,” she answered my sarcastic remark calmly, then stood and put her hand on my forehead. She smiled. “You fever has finally come down quite a bit. That is why you are awake.”

  I frowned. “I do not remember opening my eyes at all. Wait—I think I do remember one time. Or maybe I do not really remember it for certain,” I said, confused. “Some water, please?”

  Crystal handed me a glass of water. “You have been in some kind of sleep for the past two weeks. We were able to feed you and give you water during those few brief periods of wakefulness, but each time you were unable to remember the time before. And you talked about the strangest things.”

  I slowly drank the water, my hands shaking. “Two weeks? Two whole weeks? It couldn’t have been that long,” I protested.

  “It was. I have been counting the days.” Crystal nodded towards a calendar. “The doctor was just about to give up on you. Those foolish physicians,” he said, shaking her head.

  I nodded. “They think all women are weak.”

  “You, my sister, are not weak. I am going to fetch the physician. I shall return presently.”

  Two entire weeks of my life had passed and I remembered nothing of it. In another week I would turn sixteen. Losing so much time was a hard thing for me to accept.

  Crystal returned with the physician and my husband. Gregory came to my side. “Darling, how are you feeling?” he asked.

  I looked at him darkly and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  Gregory smoothed back my hair and gently stroked my face. “You are going to get better now, Julia and things will be as they are meant to be,” he said.

  I said nothing as he moved away and the physician approached. He examined me quickly and turned to Gregory. “You have a remarkable wife, Mr. Smith. Her recovery is amazing, but she still needs rest and care. Whom would you want to stay with you, Mrs. Smith? It can only be one person, to avoid too much excitement.”

  “My sister,” I whispered.

  “Get some rest, Juliana,” Gregory said. “I’ll be downstairs a short while longer if you need me, but soon I must go out. I have neglected my business for the last weeks, and there are some things I must tend to.”

  Crystal and I both nodded. Gregory left the room and the doctor gave my sister a few more instructions and left. No sooner had he left than Crystal spoke. “What happened to your jaw?”

  Her question made me uncomfortable. “I do not remember,” I answered, leaning against my pillows. I was

  exhausted, but I too wanted to fill in some of the blank spaces in my memory. What had happened in these last weeks?

  When I asked Crystal, she sighed. “Do you remember when Thomas and I brought you here after Father hurt you?”

  “I remember that night at our parents’ home, and I remember you here that morning. You told me you brought me here. Then you went home, and said you would return shortly.”

  “Yes, yes. But when I came back you were unconscious again, and more bruised than before. Gregory said that after I left that morning you had gotten up and begun to walk around the room, when weak from your ordeal, your legs could not hold your weight and you fell. He told me that is how your jaw got bruised and swollen. Is that true, Julia?”

  “I think so,” I answered. At that moment my memories were hazy about what had happened after Crystal left. I did remember arguing with Gregory, and falling. But I couldn’t remember if I had hit my jaw during the fall or if Gregory had struck me. I thought for a long moment. “Honestly, Crystal, I’m not sure,” I said, shaking my head.

  Crystal nodded and continued, not pressing the question. “He told me you had blacked out then, and hadn’t regained consciousness. I urged him to call the physician, which he did.”

  I nodded for her to continue. “You had a dangerously high fever and were, as I said, unconscious. I stayed up with you all night. Once, in the deepest part of that night, when the house was totally still, I was bathing your brow with a cool, damp cloth. You did not wake, but you spoke to me as if I were Adam, and you wept with closed eyes. You said goodbye to him.” Now my sister herself shed a few tears. “It was frightening to see you delirious, Julia.

  “The doctor did not expect you to live through the week. Our parents came to say goodbye, but you did not awaken.”

  “Oh!” I said in a small voice.

  “Other times you seemed to wake, but it was delirium still; you babbled about vampires, mysterious lights, and dark woods. And . . . a rose garden.”

  I did not understand why, when she mentioned a rose garden, tears slipped down my cheeks. I was silent a very long time, musing about my strange babblings and what they could mean. The striking of the hour of the nearby church bell brought me back to the present. My sister spoke.

  “There’s something else, Julia.”

  I was weary, in mind and body. “Yes?”

  “I went to the market to try to find our brother. He was not there, but Adam was, and he approached me to inquire after you. He implored me to clasp your hands and tell you that you will be continually in his prayers.”

  That lightened my weariness a little. Again we were silent for a space. In that silence, I made a determination.

  “I must leave here,” I said in a low voice.

  “Juliana, you cannot go anywhere. Your body is weak. And running away is not going to solve your problems. You have nowhere to go. You will perish if you try, especially in your present condition.”

  “I do not care,” I sat up and immediately felt dizzy. My sister nudged me back down.

  “Do not worry, Juliana. Things will get better. Just rest and get your strength back. You will have more hope when you are strong and well again.”

  I nodded in resignation. “Let me sleep now. Thank you for your care, Crystal. You are all I have.”

  “Good night, Julia.”

  Chapter 4

  My husband surprised me by being helpful and kind during my gradual recovery. I had never seen this side of him, and it gave me hope that perhaps Gregory and I could start over and have a decent life. But deep down I also wondered how long his apparent change of heart towards me would last.

  By the time I had regained my strength after the beating and subsequent illness that had nearly killed me I was sixteen.

  On a particularly sunny day when I was feeling better, I stood at the parlor window gazing into our gardens. Gregory came up and put his arm around my waist. “How fare thee, Julia?”

  I feel better than I have in months,” I said. I enjoyed the serenity that had enfolded our house, and was relieved that all the bruises had finally faded. I hesitated doing anything that would upset the delicate sense of peace.

  “That is good. You seem eager to go outside.”

  “I would like to go into town today,” I answered.

  “Ah. Any particular reason?”

  “The sunshine is so cheerful! I simply want to feel it on my face. I have been confined to the house for two months, and I feel I need fresh air and exercise also.”

  “I think you are right. It will do you good. I will accompany you.”

  I looked at him and smiled. “Aye, I do not mind.”

  Gregory returned my smile and we turne
d for the door. “Do you think you will need a cloak, Juliana?”

  I thought for a second. “I think not. It is warm today. It is summer still, after all, though I lay abed for a great part of it.”

  We walked to the market. As we arrived, Gregory broke away a few feet and went to speak to an older man I did not know. I continued a little way down the aisle and stopped by a stand of books. I had just started looking at them when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into a somewhat secluded corner before I could react. The person released me once we were partly hidden from view. I whirled around and saw Adam eyeing me earnestly. My husband was just a short way down the street and at that moment, the distance seemed even shorter. I let out a shaky breath.

  “I was hoping you would be here today,” he said right off.

  My gaze darted from him to the exit leading back to the center of the market. I was afraid Gregory would see us and wonder what was going on. Unwilling to provoke his anger again, I decided I had only one choice if I was to avoid trouble. “You crazy fool. How dare you drag me over here?”

  Confusion flickered in his eyes. “I had to talk to you.”

  Realizing he had not understood my ploy, I whispered, “Adam I am married. This is not proper. In fact, it is dangerous.”

  “Julia —”

  “Nay. I am here with my husband; he is just over there. I just want you to leave me to a peaceful life. Can you not do that? We cannot be together. There is no other way, Adam.”

  “Julia, what in the world is wrong with you? What words did they poison your mind with when you were trapped in that house? Juliana . . .”

  I turned and slapped Adam, playing a role, hoping he would understand this time. “Release me at once, you brute!” I yelled, running past him and towards Gregory.

  “That’s a way to tell off an overeager peasant,” my husband said when I reached him. “I am sorry I did not perceive your predicament sooner. Where did he go? I shall fetch a constable.”

  This result of my performance I had not foreseen. “Nay, Gregory. I am very tired; please just take me home.” Gregory reluctantly agreed not to pursue the matter further and put his arm around me.

  “Well, if you are sure . . . Of course I will take you home. Oh, we were invited to dinner at the Johnson’s. Will you come?”

  “Nay, I truly am exhausted. Please give them my apologies and regards.” Gregory nodded and we walked home in silence.

  As soon as we arrived home I sat in a comfortable chair and fretted about my behavior towards Adam. It was the only thing I felt I could have done under the circumstances, and I hated having to be so mean, but if Gregory had seen any of it I had to pretend it was nothing more than it seemed—an unknown ‘peasant’ behaving loutishly. As I dozed off, I again hoped that Adam had comprehended the true meaning of my actions.

  Gregory woke me an hour or so later. “Juliana, wake up. Your sister is at the door. She says it is urgent.”

  “All right,” I mumbled. As I reached the door, I wondered why Crystal had not come in, but was still on the doorstep. “Crystal, what is wrong?” She was wearing a dress that reminded me of a dreary sky.

  “Julia. It is our mother. She is dying.”

  I whirled around and grabbed my cloak. I told Gregory where I was going, and joined my sister. All other thoughts fled from my mind as we walked briskly to the carriage, scrambled inside, and rode to my parents’ house. The entire family was in the sickroom, surrounding my mother. Peter got up and silently embraced me.

  He spoke after releasing me. “Juliana, it is good you could come. It will mean much to Mother to see you here.”

  I nodded and walked past him to my mother’s side. “Mama. I’m here. It will be all right,” I said.

  Our mother was paler than I had ever seen her, although I had seen her ill many times. She was thin as a waif and barely breathing. I touched her hand, putting my fingers on her wrist, where the pulse was faint and irregular. Her eyes opened when I spoke. With glassy eyes she looked directly at me. “Julia you came.” Her words trembled. How weak she was!

  I looked at her and tears ran down my face. “Dear Mother! Of course I came. I am healthy enough. But do not try to talk. You must conserve your strength to recover.”

  “Julia . . . it is not to be this time. The days that have been ordained for me have run out. I must speak to you while I still can.”

  “All right, Mother,” I answered, feeling resigned.

  “I love you, Julia. You have to . . . be careful. You have to be strong. Behave.”

  “She only has hours left,” Crystal whispered. I turned away. Peter and Father were back by Mother’s bed. My sister followed me across the room, sat, and put her head in her hands. I sat beside her. “How fare thee, Crystal? Have you eaten?”

  “I am all right. Yes, I’ve eaten some meat. How fare thee?”

  “I am tired.” I sighed, watching my family.

  “You are probably still ill,” she said.

  Peter walked up to us. “Juliana, get some rest. We’ll take turns with Mother. If she starts going we’ll wake everyone up. It’s senseless to use up all your strength when you’ve just been regaining it,” he said. I looked at our parents, than at my concerned siblings. Peter was being nice, probably for our mother’s sake. I nodded and closed my eyes.

  Sometime later I woke. Someone was shaking me insistently. “Juliana, Juliana, wake up!” Peter spoke with urgency. My eyes flew open and I stared at him in confusion. “Mother is fading away.”

  I remembered where I was and rose to my feet. Father and Crystal were already at her side saying words that were meant to soothe. I did not understand why; she was not even conscious. I sat down and took her hand to offer comfort, but said nothing. I heard my father and brother whisper goodbye. I was next to Peter, as stiff as a statue. I still could not say or do anything except hold her hand.

  Mother took several rasping breaths before she stopped breathing. Fighting back tears, I whispered, “Goodbye, Mama,” and gently laid her hand on the bed. Standing, I turned towards my sister, holding out my arms. She came into my embrace. I hugged her tightly and she cried against my shoulder.

  Father and Peter got up and looked at us. I vowed not to cry in front of them. I still had not forgiven Father for hitting me, nor Peter for the encouragement he gave our father to force upon me a marriage and life I did not want. I had no intention of allowing them to see weakness in me.

  “Well . . . Peter, take Crystal and have the cook get her something to eat. Juliana, I will need your help with the preparations,” Father said. I nodded and released Crystal. Peter gave Father a dark look that I didn’t fail to see and led Crystal out by the elbow. I could almost hear him thinking: “Why do I have to stay with Crystal. Shouldn’t that be Juliana’s responsibility?”

  Walking towards my father, I asked what he needed me to do.

  “Get a nice dress of your Mother’s and dress her in it. I need to notify people.”

  I found a red dress that used to be one of Mother’s favorites. On my way back to the sickroom, I stopped to check on Peter and Crystal. I was reassured to see that my little sister had calmed down and that Peter seemed to be helping her. “Are you feeling better, Crystal?”

  Crystal wrapped her hands around the warm mug of tea and slowly nodded. She didn’t look at me, but answered, “I’m doing better now, Julia. Do what you need to do.”

  I nodded and returned to the sickroom. Alone there with my mother’s body and slightly uncomfortable from the lack of living souls around me, I washed and dressed Mother’s body as quickly as I could, then sat and awaited father’s return, lost in memories of my mother.

  “Thank you, Juliana,” he said at the doorway, breaking my reverie. “You may go home now. The rest of the family will take over. The wake and funeral will be tomorrow afternoon. I will have the coachman take you.”

  I nodded. “I’ll be back early tomorrow afternoon, but if you need me earlier, send for me, and hurried out the door witho
ut another word.

  When I arrived home, I let myself in. Gregory met me in the entrance hall and observed me. “Are you all right?” he asked.

  “I think I am. I shall return tomorrow for the wake and funeral,” I answered wearily.

  Gregory nodded. “What time are you needed?”

  “Early afternoon,” I answered, sitting heavily in a chair.

  “All right.” He rubbed my shoulders. My eyes closed and I drifted off to sleep.

  When I woke, it was late morning and I discovered that Gregory had carried me to bed. I got up and dressed in a simple black dress one of my maids brought to me. She helped me braid and coil my hair and cover it with a black veil. I joined Gregory in the parlor.

  Gregory handed me a cloak and led me down to the carriage. We climbed inside and rode over. Father was talking on the steps with Peter and his wife when we arrived. Crystal was nowhere in sight.

  “Good day, Gregory, Juliana. Thank you for coming,” Father said, shaking my husband’s hand. Peter followed suit.

  “Where is Crystal?” I asked.

  Peter’s wife Anna turned to me. “She is in the viewing room with her future husband.”

  “I did not know she was about to marry,” I said, following her inside.

  “It was all quite sudden. It was announced late last night after you left.”

  How odd, I thought, to announce a wedding on the evening of the death of one’s own mother. I didn’t like hearing it first from Anna, either.

  I sighed and walked to the pair across the room. Crystal was wearing a plain black dress and veil, much like mine. Anna and I each hugged her. “Did Gregory come?” Crystal asked.

  Anna nodded. “He’s outside talking with Peter and your father.”

  I sat in one of the chairs and looked at the mysterious young golden-haired man standing close to Crystal. “Who is this?” I asked.

  “My suitor, Damien Elton,” Crystal answered shyly. A subdued smile lit Damien’s green eyes.