Living With Doubt (The Regret Series Book 2)

by Riann C. Miller

  “I have…a bag because…I…” I look down at the damn bag in question, almost as if it’ll answer for me.

  “Are you seriously trying to think up a lie to tell me?”

  I glance back at him when a sudden urge to tell him the truth hits me. “I slept with Girard,” I blurt out before I cover my face with my hands.

  “Lacey, I’m quite aware of the fact you have sex. I’ve seen you in action on a dance floor before.”

  I groan. “But that’s different.”

  “How is that different, and who the hell is Girard?” He picks up his beer and takes a long pull while he waits for my answer.

  “Chase’s big ape of a friend.”

  He chokes on his beer. “Are you serious. You slept with the football player?”

  I ignore the gleam I can see shining in his eyes. “Yes, the football player. He wouldn’t leave me alone, so I did the only thing I could think of.”

  “The only thing you could think of was sex?”

  “Have you seen the man? Of course sex is the only thing I can think about when I’m around him, but I figured afterward he’d take a hike and leave me alone.”

  “Your bright idea to get the man to leave you alone was sleeping with him?”

  I nod.

  “And now he’s asked to sleep with you again?”

  I nod again. “Only I’ve had a ton of sex with him, and he just keeps popping up. Last night I found him sitting outside my apartment waiting for me.” I blow out a frustrated breath as the waitress walks up to the table. “I’ll take whatever he’s drinking.” Once she walks away, I take a glance at him only to find him staring at me. “What?” I snap.

  “Maybe he really likes you? Have you thought of that?”

  “No, he doesn’t. He’s a rich, smug asshole who’s used to getting his way. That’s all this is about.”

  “Lacey, if you’ve already had ‘a ton of sex’ with him”—he uses air quotes, which gains a laugh from me—“and he continues to go out of his way to see you, then he likes you.”

  “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

  “Really? Because last I checked, I have a dick, and I’m attracted to women, and I would never go out of my way to find a woman I’ve already slept with for a repeat, unless I actually liked her.”

  My breathing picks up as the waitress sets my beer down in front of me. Without thinking, I down almost half of it.

  “The entire time I’ve known you, you haven’t once tried dating a guy. You’ve had your fair share of hook-ups, but you never take it further than that. Maybe you should give him a chance.”

  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if Jake might actually like me. That maybe this isn’t a huge act, but then my common sense kicks in and reminds me this is nothing more than a game of cat and mouse. Before I can voice my thoughts to Caleb, my phone buzzes with a text. I groan the second I see who it’s from.

  Football God: I’m coming over. I’m going out of my fucking mind sitting around Chase’s apartment

  I flash my phone at him. “See what I mean? He won’t leave me alone.”

  “Then give the guy a chance.”

  “He lives in Arizona, not to mention, he’s not my type by a long shot.”

  “You haven’t gone out on a date in years. You have no idea what your type is.”

  “I know my type isn’t a macho football player who needs his fucking ego stroked on a daily basis.”

  “If he’s that bad, you wouldn’t have slept with him in the first place.” He lifts his brows in a silent dare to argue with him.

  “It doesn’t matter if he’s my type. I need to focus on my career.”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

  “The man only thinks he wants me because I’m the first woman who hasn’t bowed down to him. I’m a challenge and nothing more.”

  “If that’s the case, then date him. Do the one thing that will ensure he leaves you the hell alone.”

  “What?” I gasp.

  “I’m being serious. You claim you’re nothing more than a challenge, so remove the challenge. What’s the worst that could happen?”

  His plan is perfect except for the part where I risk falling for him. I could easily lose myself to a man like Jake—that’s the whole reason I’ve sworn off men who aren’t on the same playing field I am.

  From the time I decided boys were no longer gross, I’ve been attracted to guys like Jake. Big, strong, overly confident men who can make my heart race with just one look. After one bad experience—one heartbreakingly bad experience—I tossed in the towel. Losing myself with a man like that is okay for one night, but nothing more.

  “I don’t know,” I finally say in a huff.

  “You said so yourself. The man lives nowhere near New York. He plays professional football, which means he’s going to be gone for at least half the year. I don’t see him having time to fly out here on a regular basis, so unless you’re willing to move out west with him, then a relationship will never work. I think if you really want the guy gone, then give him the only thing you think will send him running…a girlfriend.”

  A knot forms in my stomach as I continue to process his suggestion. There’s something about Jake—I felt it the moment I first laid eyes on him. Now, months later, he’s here in New York sexing up my life. If I give him a chance, a real chance, I could easily lose the person I’ve spent years becoming, but Caleb’s right. The only sure-fire way of getting him to leave is by removing the challenge he sees when he looks at me. I’ll have to work on my acting skills. I’ve never been one to pretend to like something, but if I come off strong, maybe he’ll purchase that ticket home even sooner than he claims. “I think you might be right.”

  I dismiss Caleb’s smug smile and slide open my phone.

  Me: I’ll be home soon. Can’t wait to see you

  I turn my phone around so he can see the text I sent.

  “Go a little easy on him, tiger. You tend to hiss when all you need to do is purr.”

  “You can be so damn cheesy at times.”

  He laughs as my phone buzzes again.

  Football God: On my way

  “Have fun with the man. You obviously enjoy having sex with him, so live a little. What’s the worst that can happen?”

  My heart could shatter again.

  Caleb didn’t meet the old me. The one who’d believe anything. The one who’d foolishly follow a guy around. The one who in the blink of an eye would be willing to put my own life on hold. Caleb has only known the new, harsher version of Lacey Davis. The one who randomly hooks up with men but never dates them. The less I know about the men I sleep with the better.

  “Stop stressing yourself and go get yourself some,” he jokes, but this time, I nod.

  “I won’t hesitate to kick your ass if this blows up in my face.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

  I blow out a long breath before grabbing my purse and bag.

  “Call me tomorrow if you want to head down to Club Zen.”

  “I will. Enjoy the rest of your night.”

  “Thanks, babe.”

  I wrap my coat tightly around my waist and walk home. By the time I arrive, Jake is already standing outside my door.

  “You were already at my apartment when you texted me, weren’t you?”

  He gives me a carefree smile. “What can I say? I was tired of sitting around doing nothing. I thought maybe I could take you out for dinner?”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” he repeats, obviously confused by the question.

  “Yeah, why do you want to eat with me?”

  “I know it seems like a crazy idea, but have you stopped to consider the fact that maybe I actually like you?”

  My heart starts pounding against my chest. “Okay.”

  He quirks a brow as I turn to unlock my door. “Okay? That’s it? Am I missing something?”

  I smile, already enjoying the idea of doing everything I
can to run him off. Jake thinks I’m a challenge—well, challenge accepted.

  12

  Jake

  Lacey is acting strange. When I first arrived at her apartment and discovered she wasn’t home, on a Friday night, my mind started running wild with ideas of where she could be. I refused to believe that less than twenty-four hours after being with me, she was out fucking someone else, but I couldn’t shake the thought.

  “Do you want to go out for dinner or would you rather order something in?” She gives me a carefree smile like she’s almost happy I’m here.

  “Are you okay? You didn’t hit your head on your way home or anything, did you?”

  She laughs, but it’s fake. “Oh, Jake. You’re too cute.”

  I squint at her as I attempt to figure out what she’s up to. “Let’s order something in. That way I can get you naked sooner.”

  She doesn’t roll her eyes or act annoyed at my comment. “Sounds perfect. I have a list of takeout places on the fridge. I’m going to change into something a little more comfortable.”

  Okay, something is definitely up. Lacey is a firecracker disguised as a sparkler. You can tell from just one look she’s the type of woman who’d light up for the right man—which is exactly what she does for me—but if she gets pissed, she blows up in a way I personally find sexy. Tonight, however, she seems all too willing to let me have my way.

  I grab the menus off the fridge and call the first place I see, ordering two extra large pizzas.

  “What did you decide on?”

  I almost swallow my tongue when I turn and find her wearing a tight tank top and a pair of silk panties…and nothing else.

  “Geez, Girard, you act like you haven’t seen me naked before.”

  My hands flex as I fight the longing to run my tongue over her silky skin.

  “I don’t think I could get tired of seeing you naked or like this.” I wave my hand her direction. “I bet every man who sees you in those fucking sexy-as-hell dress suits you wear in court tries to hit on you.”

  She smirks but doesn’t deny my claim.

  This is how I know she’s different from all the rest. In the past, if I even caught the woman’s name before I fucked her, I sure as hell didn’t give a shit what she did, or who she did after I walked away. With Lacey, however, a strong primal urge starts to consume me when I think about her with another man.

  She clears her throat and says, “I’m not really relationship material, but I decided maybe I could try.”

  “Why do you think you aren’t relationship material?”

  This woman can be a spitfire, but on paper, it seems like she has her life together. A degree, a job, her own apartment—no matter how crappy it is—I can’t imagine for a second she hasn’t caught someone’s eye before. Unless, of course, she’s telling the truth, and she shuts down every man who attempts to break past the shield she clearly has in place.

  She brushes a finger over her lip before she shrugs. “Come on, Girard, just because you play a professional sport doesn’t mean you own the market on demanding careers. Until the last year, when my firm decided I’d start spending half the week in court, I spent close to seventy hours a week going through files. I was lucky if I had time to go out once a week with my friends.”

  “But you’ve decided—suddenly I might add—I’m worth changing your ways for?”

  Her eyes flash with a glint of fear, or maybe just concern, before she forces another smile.

  “Yes,” she says breathlessly. “But I don’t think Jordan or Chase should know about us…about this. I don’t want to add to their long list of problems.”

  She crosses her arms over her stomach, waiting on me to say something. I find it hard to believe someone who’s willing to give a relationship a genuine try would want to keep that same relationship a secret from her best friend unless…

  A realization smacks me in the face.

  “You think I’m full of shit. That this is some kind of game or maybe a way to spend my time until I go back to Arizona?”

  Her eyes dance back and forth between mine.

  “You’re wrong.” I rub my hands over my face in frustration. “I can’t promise you jack shit. I am every stereotype you’ve probably pictured. But what you don’t seem to understand is I was that way because I hadn’t met anyone worth changing for. I was living life wrapped up in my own fucking head, and that worked for me until suddenly…it didn’t.”

  Her expression hardened. “You sound better with your mouth closed,” she snaps before dropping down onto the couch.

  I can’t help but smirk, because this is the woman I met. When faced with something that stresses her out, her claws come out. “Come on, a feisty woman like yourself isn’t going to be intimidated by anyone. You don’t have to believe me, but I suggest for now we just go with the flow and see where things take us.”

  She glances up at me with an intense look in her eyes. “When exactly do you plan on leaving New York?”

  “I don’t have a set date in mind.”

  “Okay, well…” She trails off when we hear a knock. “What did you order?”

  “Pizza. I ordered one with extra sausage because I know how much you like it.”

  She dramatically rolls her eyes as I walk to the door. It feels like it takes forever to get it unlocked, which worries me. There’s a reason she has this many locks. I push that thought out of my head for now to get the pizza that smells fucking great from the delivery man and walk back to her kitchen.

  “I have no idea how much you eat, but I can already tell you this is way too much for only two people.”

  “I worked out most of the day. Believe me, I’ll eat more than you’re expecting me to.” Plus, I wanted to make sure she had leftovers. When I opened her fridge the other night, she barely had anything in there.

  With a plate of pizza in our hands, we walk over to the couch.

  “Did you work late? Or is this a normal time for you to get home?”

  “Oh, I met Caleb earlier for a drink.”

  I force myself not to growl with disapproval. I don’t know Caleb. The only time I met him, he seemed like an okay guy. He even invited me to go out with them. Rationally, I know they’re friends, but as a guy, I find it hard to believe anyone could be just friends with a woman like Lacey Davis.

  “Oh, that’s nice,” I finally say.

  Her mouth turns up before breaking out in laughter. “Green is not a good color on you, Jake. Caleb feels like the brother I never had, and believe me, growing up with three older, bitchy sisters, I prayed almost daily for a brother.”

  “I believe you.”

  “Good, because Caleb isn’t going anywhere.” Before I have the chance to reply her phone starts ringing. “Crap, it’s my mom. Sorry, but I need to answer or she’ll keep calling.” She slides the phone on. “Hello.”

  I watch her physically shut down before my eyes as she listens to whatever her mother says to her.

  “You can’t just expect me not to have plans when you call at the last minute.” She huffs and rolls her eyes. “Well, I’m not Morgan. Try calling me instead of passing off your crappy message. Because I don’t want to go home for this stupid party.”

  Anger bleeds into her expression before she looks over at me. “Fine, but I’m bringing a date.” She suspiciously watches me. “You heard me correctly; I’m bringing a date. He’s just a guy I’ve started seeing, so don’t start planning our wedding, or this will be the last time I bring a man home with me.”

  She plans on introducing me to her parents. I swear my breathing starts to pick up at the thought, but this is supposed to be a good thing. I feel almost desperate to see where things could go, and now…now she’s finally on board with my plan to make her fall for me—or at least she’s pretending to be—but throwing her parents into the mix is a lot. That seems huge, like fucking huge.

  “Okay. We’ll leave in the morning. Yep, see you then.” She disconnects the call with a grin on her face. “My mom
is having a party for my selfish sister Jena tomorrow and wants me to attend.”

  “And now I’m coming with you?”

  “You don’t have to. I mean if this is too much for you, I understand,” she challenges, but it’s clear as day what she’s doing.

  I rub my hands together. “I can’t wait to meet your folks.”

  She arches a brow in question. “Good. I can’t wait to introduce you.”

  When I left here last night, I was thinking of all the ways I could sweep Lacey off her feet and convince her to give me a real chance. Whether she’s being genuine remains to be seen, so for now, I’ll just go with the flow.

  Lacey informed me she usually takes a bus to her family home in Wakeford Connecticut. But after a heated argument, one that ended with us naked in her bed, she conceded to my offer of renting a car. By the time we hit the city limits of Wakeford, she was noticeably agitated.

  “Do you hate everyone in your family or just someone in particular?”

  “What?” Her eyes flash with anger. “No. I don’t…hate anyone. I just don’t necessarily enjoy going home.”

  It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask her why, but I don’t. I can already tell how she’ll react, which won’t go in my favor.

  “My parents’ house is on the next block. Third one down on the right.”

  When I arrive in front of the house, I find an impressive two-story home that’s clearly in a good neighborhood. “Nice.”

  Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “Just because I live in a shit box doesn’t mean I came from one, Girard.”

  “I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

  Lacey frowns as she stares at her parents’ home. “Let’s get this over with so we can get the hell out of here.”

  With a scowl on her face, she gets out of the car and starts walking up the sidewalk, leaving me to chase after her. Without knocking, she walks straight in. The inside of the house appears to be just as nice as the outside.