Living With Doubt (The Regret Series Book 2)

by Riann C. Miller

  “Mom? Are you home?”

  A woman with soft grey hair who appears to be in her late fifties comes around the corner after hearing Lacey’s voice. “You made it. I was going to call you in a few minutes to see if you needed someone to pick you up from the bus stop.”

  “Jake decided to rent a car.” She waves her hand my direction. “This is Jake by the way.”

  “Oh my goodness, what a handsome young man.”

  I immediately relax and attempt to deliver a dazzling smile. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Davis.”

  “Oh, none of that Mrs. Davis nonsense. Call me Beth.”

  Before I have the chance to say anything, Lacey snaps, “What time is this party?”

  Beth, who looks nothing like her youngest daughter, sighs. “In about an hour. If you could be on your best behavior, that would be nice. I only hope it’s not too much to ask.”

  My eyes widen at the change in Beth’s attitude. Clearly these two have a little more in common than I first thought.

  “When you decide to throw an engagement party for someone at the last minute and demand I come home for it the night before, then you get what you get.”

  Beth fixes a cold glare at her daughter. “I’m telling you now to cut it out.”

  “Fine, we’ll just leave.”

  “There’s my girl.” A man with black hair and crystal blue eyes comes down the stairs with a huge smile on his face. He approaches us and wraps Lacey in his arms. “How’s my baby doing?”

  “Cranky as always,” Beth answers.

  The man, who I’m assuming is Lacey’s dad, shakes his head before he looks up and notices me. “Holy crap. You’re Jake Girard.”

  Lacey groans.

  “Yes, I am, however your daughter is convinced people, especially New Yorkers, don’t recognize professional football players.”

  The man laughs. “That’s because she wouldn’t know whether to dribble, kick, or throw a football if she saw one. I’m Andrew Davis, Lacey’s father.”

  “Nice to meet you.” I extend my hand to shake his while he still has an arm wrapped around his daughter.

  “Why in the hell wouldn’t you call and tell me you were bringing a man who plays for the Arizona Cardinals home with you?”

  “Seriously, Dad…you’re not helping. His ego is already the size of Texas.”

  I smirk at my firecracker.

  “Well, I need to clean up before everyone else starts arriving.” Beth kisses Andrew on the cheek before walking up the stairs.

  “Let me fix you a drink, Jake.”

  “I’m going to go and…check on something.” Lacey gives me a small smile before she follows her mother up the stairs.

  I turn toward the family room where Andrew is standing at a bar fixing two drinks.

  “Come in.” He nods at the two empty glasses in question.

  “Sure, I’ll take whatever you’re fixing.”

  “Great, that’s great.” He hands me a glass of bourbon seconds before his face goes hard. “Now why don’t you tell me what your intentions are regarding my daughter.”

  My heart jumps into my throat as he continues to stare at me in an unnerving way.

  “We actually just started seeing each other, Mr. Davis. Right now, we’re just testing the waters so to speak.”

  “Testing the waters,” he repeats before taking a rather large sip of bourbon.

  “Yes, sir. I actually think she’s pretty amazing. She’s just not as convinced something could work out between us.”

  “She’s right, and please, call me Andy.” My eyes widen at his quick response. “Look, Girard, I’ve known for years that Lacey was a major-league player who’s always kept herself in the minors, but what exactly is going to happen when you return to Arizona and she’s left behind in New York?” Before I have the chance to answer him, he goes on. “Don’t get me wrong, I know what you see in my girl. I want nothing more than for her to find someone to settle down with, but Lacey is…” He trails off on a sigh.

  “She’s loud and bossy and at times even rude, but I like that about her.”

  “Good. Because she’s everything you just described and a whole lot more. She uses that attitude of hers as a means to keep people away. She’s done one hell of a job over the years, but under the surface is a sweet woman who’s just afraid to live.”

  “Why?” I question without thinking.

  “That’s not my story to tell, but let me say this: I don’t want to watch my baby finally put herself out there for a man who’s going back to a life that’s nothing like the one my girl lives. If you’re serious about my Lacey, then you sure as hell make her a priority in your life. And if she’s not, then you make damn certain she knows where your head is at.”

  Andy’s blue eyes gleam the same way I’m used to seeing from his daughter.

  “I promise, sir, I’m not going to hurt her.”

  Andy’s shoulders relax as he nods. “I’m happy to hear that. Now tell me, who are the Cards looking to replace Adams with?”

  I blink a few times from the sudden change in topic. “I’m not sure. I don’t think the owner knows what they’re going to do yet.”

  “And this is a contract year for you, right?”

  I arch a brow, impressed with how well he keeps up. “Yes, sir. My agent assures me I’m looking at a healthy contract any day now.”

  “Good to hear. I had you on my fantasy team last year, you scored me a lot of points.”

  The tension I felt a few moments ago finally melts. I can talk about football until I’m blue in the face, but dealing with angry fathers is a new concept for me.

  13

  Lacey

  I open the closet in my old bedroom and look around until I find the small box that holds a piece of my cold black heart. With the box in my hand, I walk over to the bed and sit down. I take a deep breath and glance over my shoulder, confirming I’m still alone as I slowly open it. My eyes instantly start to water, but I force down the emotions I feel every time I revisit this part of my life. I pull out the picture Bryan sent me from my pocket and carefully set it inside.

  I forgot he had a picture—then again, when it comes to him, I’ve blocked out a lot of things. I’ll be shocked stupid if he doesn’t come today. I don’t want him to, God I don’t want to see him again, but I know he’ll be here. He sent that picture in some desperate attempt to gain my attention. It worked beautifully, but I haven’t forgotten the past, and he’s long lost the ability to sweet talk me.

  “Maybe it’s time to forgive and move on?” I jump when I hear my mom’s voice. “There’s nothing worse than watching your child in pain. If I could’ve shielded you from anything that happened, I would’ve in a heartbeat. But the past is exactly that, and it’s time you stopped allowing it to control your future.”

  “That’s so much easier said than done.”

  Mom sits next to me as I place my head on her shoulder. I love my mother, but we’re a lot alike, which means we butt heads more often than we agree.

  “Sometimes I go days, maybe even months, without thinking about what happened…then a wave of guilt takes over, and I feel like a horrible person.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, no. You’re nothing of the sorts. Your father and I are so proud of you. You’ve come a long way.”

  “Is he coming?”

  Mom’s shoulder tenses. “I believe so. His mother said the entire family would be here. It is his brother’s engagement party after all.”

  I sigh in defeat. I already knew this was more than likely the case. My eyes drift back to the box in my hand.

  “People should be arriving any time now. I’m going to head downstairs and check on things but, Lacey…?” She trails off until I sit up and look at her. “Cry if you need to. Get everything out of your system now, then please, I’m begging you, when Jena and Chris arrive, at least pretend to be happy for them.”

  “I’ll try.”

  Her eyes go stern.

  “I promise.”

&
nbsp; “Good.” Mom stands up and walks to the door before glancing back. “Thank you for coming home, Lacey, even on short notice.”

  Before I can say anything else, the door clicks shut. I sit with the box in my lap for what seems like forever until I hear the front door open and close several times.

  Shit. The damn party has started. I walk to the closet and place the box back on the shelf. When I leave the room, I swear it feels like I can’t breathe.

  You can do this, Lacey, even if it means you have to act like a bitch, you can get through the next couple of hours.

  I mentally pat myself on the back and start walking down the stairs. I hear a mix of voices knowing several people must have arrived. I look around the living room for Jake when my world tilts. Jake is standing by the bar talking to him. I’ve closed off my heart for years, and now my past and a guy who pretends to want a part of my future have crossed paths.

  Slowly, I walk up to the two of them. “There’s my girl.” Jake extends his arm and wraps it around my shoulder.

  “Your girl?” Bryan questions in a voice that almost sounds pained.

  I smile as sweetly as I can manage, and say, “How are you doing Bryan?”

  “Good. I’ve been…good.”

  My mind starts spinning. Time has been kind to Bryan, and to be honest, that pisses me off. He still wears his dark brown hair cut short, and he doesn’t look a pound heavier than he weighed in high school—if anything, his body appears just as built.

  Jake glances at me. “Bryan here went to college on a football scholarship. Where did you say, you went?”

  “Penn State,” I answer for Bryan. “He was a three-time state champion,” I add.

  Jake goes stiff. “I thought you said you didn’t know anything about football?”

  “Oh, she doesn’t.” Bryan laughs as I glare at him. “I mean…she didn’t back when I knew her. She’d go to my games on Friday nights, but she usually brought a book with her to read instead of paying attention to the game.”

  Jake stiffens next to me. Clearly, he picked up on what Bryan was implying.

  “I told you, games that involved balls have never been my thing.”

  Bryan smiles at me the same way he once did, only instead of getting excited, it causes my stomach to turn.

  Jake clears his throat. “I’ve been teaching Lacey how to play with a set of balls and even a stick. She has some unbelievable talent.”

  Jake smirks as Bryan’s face falls, and until he opens his mouth, I was actually starting to feel bad for him. “Did you get my gift?”

  Jake clenches his fist next to me but doesn’t say anything.

  “Yes, it was very inappropriate of you to send. I won’t even ask how you managed to find my address.”

  “I wanted you to know I’ve never forgotten.”

  I become dangerously angry. If he brings this up in front of Jake, I’ll slap him across the face. “I don’t care to discuss this with you. We’re here for my sister’s engagement party.”

  Bryan’s eyes flash with what appears to be frustration, but I don’t care. “Yes, of course. I hope you enjoy the party.” He nods before turning and walking over to his parents.

  “I can’t believe you,” Jake mumbles under his breath.

  “What?” I snap.

  “Nothing. We’ll discuss this later.”

  I grab the drink next to Jake and quickly down the liquid, hoping to relieve the tension I feel streaming through my system. But the second I glance around the room, I know I’m out of luck.

  My sister’s face is lit up with excitement as she practically dances her way over to us. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

  “Jena.” My voice sounds hoarse as I attempt to hold in my emotions.

  “Holy shit,” Jake murmurs next to me.

  “Oh, this is my date, Jake Girard.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you,” Jena proudly says, and I know she means it. She loves me. She cares about me. I only wish I had it in me to feel the same.

  “Lacey didn’t tell me she has a twin.”

  “She’s not my twin,” I quickly add. “She’s the original, better version of me. Isn’t that right, Jena?”

  Her mouth gapes open in shock. “Um, I need to go check on the food Mom had catered.” She turns and almost runs off.

  “What in the hell was that?” Jake blurts the second Jena is out of earshot.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t play dumb; it’s not a good look on you,” he hisses under his breath in a low, almost ominous tone. “First the guy who clearly had a thing with you, then a sister who looks like your twin but isn’t. And she’s marrying who exactly?”

  My eyes dart around the room until they stop on Chris. “Jena is marrying Bryan’s older brother, Chris.”

  His jaw clenches as he looks around the room. “I’m missing something. What aren’t you telling me?”

  Seeing Bryan forces raw emotions, ones I keep buried deep inside of me, to bubble to the surface.

  “I don’t like coming home, Jake. I start doubting everything about my life, and that includes why the hell I’ve even considered dating a man like you.”

  “Oh, this is fucking priceless. You’re punishing me for that dude’s mistakes? And why, because I play the same damn sport he does?”

  “This has nothing to do with football and everything to do with the way you live your life. Like women are just toys who are going to fall at your feet and do whatever you ask.”

  “You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”

  “Really?” I sneer. “Do you not remember the smug attitude you had when I first met you?”

  Jake shakes his head with disgust. “You want to turn this around on me? Fine I’ll be the arrogant asshole.” Jake walks off before I have the chance to say anything else.

  “Can I have everyone’s attention?” The room goes silent as my dad’s voice carries over everyone else. “My daughter Jena met the man of her dreams when she was just a kid. She knew then what she wanted, but life is messy and these two went their separate ways for a lot of years. But I can’t tell you how proud I am that my little girl is about to finally become Mrs. Chris Winters.” Dad holds up his glass, as does everyone else who must’ve been served drinks while I was arguing with Jake. “To Chris and Jena.”

  The room breaks out in celebration, but I don’t say a word. Instead, I disappear out the side door through the kitchen then outside to the backyard.

  I wander around the yard for what seems like forever. A gust of cold air sends a chill through me, but rather than go back inside, I take a seat on our old swing set.

  Right before Thanksgiving, Jena told everyone she was officially dating Chris again. My parents were thrilled, but the same nauseating feeling I get every time I think about Chris, Jena, and Bryan consumed me. I drank like crazy. I worked out in the gym non-stop, but nothing helped. I knew if they got back together after all these years, a wedding and a family would soon follow, and they didn’t disappoint.

  “I thought I saw you sneak away.” My oldest sister, Lori, takes a seat on the swing next to me. “You better slap Morgan for me when you see her next. It’s not fair she gets to miss out on all the Davis family fun.”

  “Morgan just moved out of my apartment. She probably knew about this party a long time ago and purposely planned her move around it.”

  Lori laughs. “That wouldn’t shock me, and yes, this party wasn’t as last minute as Mom made it sound. She was worried about you. We all are, but then you showed up with some freaking hottie Dad claims plays professional football?”

  “It’s nothing. He was at my apartment last night. I figured this would be a good way of running him off, and I think I was right.”

  “I don’t know about that. I saw the way he was looking at you a few minutes ago.”

  I roll my eyes at her comment.

  “I’m serious. At least tell me he has a hot friend you can hook me up with before you du
mp him.”

  “You are the biggest hornbag I know, and I think the older you get, the worse you are.”

  Lori laughs about the same time we hear someone next to us clear their throat.

  “Hey.”

  I look up to see Jake standing a few feet away with his gaze locked on me.

  “I’ll just give you two some privacy.” Lori winks at me before walking back into the house.

  The two of us silently stare at each other until Jake finally takes the seat Lori just vacated.

  “You are one confusing woman.” There’s an edge to his voice that he hasn’t had in the past. “I’m not sure what you really want from me, and I’m even more confused if I can give it to you.”

  Honesty. He’s being honest, and that’s more than Bryan ever gave me.

  “If I didn’t like you, I would’ve been gone long before now, but I’m not because I do…like you. I felt something that day you showed up in Phoenix looking for Jordan. I told myself at first it was nothing more than my hormones, but even if that was true, a woman hasn’t grabbed my attention in any real way in years. I convinced myself you’d come up with some reason to show up at one of my games.” He laughs. “I didn’t know the real Lacey then—I still don’t—but I know you don’t chase after men. I doubt you ever will.”

  “Jake I’m—”

  “I just want to know if you’re still hung up on him. I might be willing to chase after you, but not if you’re running toward someone else.”

  My heart starts to race. “Most days, I like you too, Jake.” I smile, and the corners of his mouth turn up as well, mimicking mine. “But if I’m being honest, I doubt I’d be good at a relationship.”

  “Because of him?” I can hear the accusation in his voice.

  “I blame Bryan for a lot of crappy things that happened in my life, but truth be told, I was warned. I knew the kind of boy he was, and I foolishly drank the Kool-Aid thinking he’d be different with me.”

  A tear somehow manages to fall. I quickly wipe it away, hoping he didn’t notice, but when his breathing picks up, I know he did.

  “I’d love nothing more than to go in there and punch the dude in the face.”