Reclaiming Lily

by Patti Lacy

  No, I am not all right, David. In a hundred ways, I am not all right. “I could not find the phone, David. I apologize.”

  “No problem. No problem.” Kai fought a desire to tell David everything that was happening, including encounters with PKD . . . and God.

  “I . . . I just wanted to let you know. Your sister’s gonna be fine.”

  Fine! Kai’s face crumbled with relief. Of all the doctors in L&A, David had seen Joy. Miracle? She struggled to hold her composure . . . and the phone. Joy is fine! Her intuition had whispered such, but intuition didn’t equal squiggly echocardiogram patterns and stress-test results. “Thank you for calling.” Pressure in her chest had returned . . . and strangled more talk. Besides, what could she say? That she missed him? That she faced a devastating diagnosis and needed him more than ever?

  “Well . . .” David cleared his throat as he did when he was uncomfortable. This was unfamiliar territory. Fresh tears gathered in her eyes. She hated making him feel like this! “I just wanted to let you know.”

  She begged her voice to function. “Thank you, David,” she eked out, “for seeing her on such short notice.”

  “Kai?”

  Kai tried to say yes, but the word garbled.

  “She has your eyes. Your inquiring mind. She’s something else. Like you.”

  Something else. But not enough for a heart doctor. Again she thanked David, slammed shut that phone, his first gift, and let it thunk onto the floor. She laid her head on her desk and tried to pray to the Christian God.

  Sadness and anger thwarted her efforts. Sighing, she rose from her chair, picked up her cell, found her bag, turned off the light, and left the office.

  Gentle sniffles. Jowl-rattling snores. The beautiful sleep music of her Joy and Andrew, though how they could manage such slumber on full stomachs was beyond Gloria, who pushed back her covers and tiptoed to the hotel love seat.

  Plush fabric cushioned her. She basked in the memory of the four of them, having another celebration, Italian-style. They’d passed steaming platters of fettuccine Alfredo, spaghetti with clam sauce. Andrew had prayed, Joy had laughed, she had snapped pictures, Kai—

  Gloria sat up straight. Kai had barely eaten, had managed wan smiles. Having been there, done that, Gloria recognized someone troubled in spirit. With resolve, Gloria found her Bible.

  The heater whirred as her family snoozed. Finally her weathered volume closed. Gloria moved to the hotel window and parted thick drapes. Someone walked a dog. Revelers hollered. Taxis honked. I’m not the only one sleepless in Boston.

  Though she’d read Scripture and prayed, worry about Kai persisted. Perhaps a spiritual battle? A relationship problem? Dr. Cabot? Gloria smothered a yawn. Andrew would say it was her imagination, working on Eastern Standard Time. Andrew was probably right.

  Gloria picked up her things and moved them to the hotel desk.

  There lay Joy’s file, the report from Dr. Cabot on top. Gloria skimmed the numbers, which meant nothing to her except, “Quit worrying about your daughter’s heart.” She thumbed through Joy’s chart to file Dr. Cabot’s report chronologically.

  Two papers stuck together. She pried them loose. Stared at a Radiology report. Kai’s name jumped out . . . as a patient. Gloria blanched. Kept reading.

  Radiology Report, 4/20/97

  Dr. Paul Duncan, MRA

  Patient: Chang Kaiping renal ultrasound exam

  History: Family history, suspected PKD. Edema. High blood pressure.

  Multiple cysts, enlarged kidneys observed. Possible polycystic kidney disease.

  Gloria’s head spun as she stepped back. The paper slipped to the floor. When her calves hit the love seat, she collapsed into its cushiony depths and whispered, “Dear God, not Kai.” She kept glancing at Andrew and Joy with the irrational notion that they should not sleep in light of such news.

  As Gloria prayed, she watched a highlight film of Kai’s pale face, her lack of appetite, her subdued behavior. Kai wasn’t tired. She was sick.

  Sheets rustled. “Honey?” Andrew craned his neck, displaying tousled hair and sleepy eyes. “You okay?”

  Gloria stared at her hands. She would talk to Andrew . . . in the morning. “I’m okay,” she whispered. Andrew promptly rolled over and fell silent. “But Kai is not,” she whispered to the dead-of-the-night sleepers. And to God, who, of course, already knew.

  25

  “Kai?” It was Gloria on the phone, out of breath. Worried? Kai gulped air. Perhaps David had been wrong about Joy’s heart. Why else would Gloria call now when they were to meet later today?

  “Hello, Gloria.” Kai paced the courtyard near the hospital entrance. “Sorry I couldn’t take your call earlier. I was on rounds.”

  “Could . . . I see you?” Gloria’s speech skittered. “As soon as possible?”

  Definitely a problem with Joy. Nothing else would shrill Gloria’s voice. Running her hand through her hair, Kai checked her watch. Eight thirty on a Saturday morning? It seemed like noon. She’d skipped her usual tea and porridge and gone in early . . . again . . . to catch up. Still she lagged behind. In two weeks, her world had been tilted, first by one event and then another. Two weeks ago, she would have blamed the fates. Now she suspected the Christian God. “I’m at Mass General. If you would like to meet here . . .”

  “Yes. Yes, I would.”

  Kai swallowed. “I . . . I have an hour or so, Gloria. Will that give us enough time?”

  “It’ll certainly be a start.” Strangely, resolve had steeled Gloria’s whispery voice. Kai again bit back an urge to ask Gloria what was going on. I will find out soon enough. They agreed to meet in the hospital lobby in twenty minutes. Kai hung up the phone. As she hurried upstairs to see her last patient, her heartbeat sped to match her careening thoughts. Though she had endured Cultural Revolution travesties, bested million-to-one odds to enter Harvard’s ivy-covered inner sanctum, and subsisted on cat naps and ramen noodles to obtain a Harvard degree, she suddenly doubted her ability to survive life’s upheavals. If the Christian God could—would—truly help her, she needed to hear from Him. Now.

  Gloria paid the cafeteria cashier for a diet drink and made her way to the hospital lobby. A gray-headed woman sat at a table, stirred coffee, and stared out the window. A toddler bounced on a man’s knee, his chubby fist clutching an It’s a Girl balloon. Four orderlies crowded around a table and scarfed down too-yellow eggs and crumbly toast as they regaled each other with their latest patient escapades. A dozen tragedies and celebrations. I’m involved in a drama myself.

  “Gloria.” Kai’s voice echoed across the lobby and threatened Gloria’s composure. She’d prayed through the night. At sunrise, Andrew joined the vigil. Over a room service breakfast that remained largely untouched, Joy added her voice to their pleas. After the three of them decided Gloria should come here alone—to avoid any awkwardness over Joy’s presence—Kai had been called. Gloria straightened. I represent the family here. With God’s help, I can do this.

  “Kai.” The women hugged. Though inwardly Gloria shuddered at Kai’s fragility, she pasted on a smile. “Thanks for agreeing to see me.”

  A questioning look arched Kai’s lovely brow. Her bleary eyes testified that she, too, had missed sleep. And I know why.

  With difficulty, Gloria pulled from the embrace. “I know you don’t have long. Is there a place we could talk?”

  Kai jammed her hands into her pockets, nodded, and stepped through the lobby’s revolving doors. Gloria hurried after her. They circumvented an ER entrance crowded with ambulances and service vehicles and cut across a swath of lawn.

  Kai slid onto a concrete bench. Gloria did likewise. Wordlessly, she pulled the report from her purse and handed it to Kai, who barely glanced at it before fixing Gloria with a torrid look.

  “Who gave you this?” Kai demanded.

  “No . . . no one,” stammered Gloria. “It was in Joy’s file.”

  “Joy’s file?” Kai’s hands shook, as did the report. Th
en her face fell. “Dr. Duncan said he had put it on my desk. I must have stuck it in Joy’s file. No wonder I could not find it.” Kai cupped her cheeks, as if she’d learned a shameful secret.

  “Kai, I am devastated.” Gloria flung her arm around Kai. To her surprise, Joy’s sister sagged against her.

  Sympathy such as Gloria had never experienced for anyone outside her family swelled her heart and cracked the armor she’d worn to protect herself from hurt. Why, she’d rather go through this PKD herself than have Kai suffer! She stroked Kai’s silky hair, so much like Joy’s. “Last night I . . . I couldn’t sleep for thinking about you.” Every misgiving she’d had about Kai bloomed into compassion. “After last night, when we ate together and shared stories, I knew God was doing something special.” Tears stung her eyes, but she didn’t take time to wipe them. She needed these tears; perhaps Kai needed to see them. “God used you to heal us. We’re connected. Supernaturally.”

  A breeze swirled Kai’s lustrous black hair and shadowed her face. “I feel it too.”

  “Then I found your . . . report.” Gloria’s voice broke. “Oh, Kai! Don’t you see? God meant for me to find this. You can’t go through it alone.”

  Kai raised her head and scrutinized Gloria with such intensity, she seemed to peer into Gloria’s soul. Though it went against Gloria’s nature to meet such a gaze, she held firm, praying that Kai would see not her but God.

  “I must do it alone. Don’t you understand?” Kai writhed her fingers. “Joy cannot know.”

  “Joy does know.”

  Kai heaved about, her teeth bared. “How? Why?”

  Gloria’s pulse careened. Kai would do anything for Joy!

  “Why did you tell Joy?” A hiss steamed Kai’s words. “She cannot be involved.”

  Gloria raised her chin and met Kai’s gaze. As she and Andrew had discussed, they were done shielding Joy in the name of protection, which had alienated Joy from so many people, so many things. Including God. “You taught us about family, Kai. That’s what we are.” She scooted across the bench until her shoulders touched Kai’s. “We’ll help you through this.”

  Kai shook her head. “You do not understand. You do not understand at all.”

  The concern that had energized Gloria began a crazy backward spin. She planted her feet into dense grass. PKD was stopped only by dialysis . . . and transplant. Matches would be most likely with relatives. With . . . Joy.

  Gloria clapped her hand to her forehead. I . . . I think I am beginning to see, dear Kai. And I do not like it. Not one bit.

  Kai swept a leaf off the bench. “If you think Joy will stop at sending me a get-well card and a dozen roses, you do not know that daughter of yours, that sister of mine.”

  “She will want to . . .” Gloria’s jaw worked, but the words could not be formed.

  “Have you discussed with Joy”—Kai’s face twisted like she’d eaten sour grapes—“the possibility of being a donor?”

  “No. I . . . I hadn’t really thought of it.” How stupid of me. I’ll bet Joy has.

  “Did Andrew mention it?”

  “N-no. I . . . I don’t think he’s even considered it.”

  “Well, someone most certainly has. She is five foot two and has the world’s most beautiful smile.” Kai folded her arms, suddenly a stern, unyielding judge. “We cannot allow it. She is seventeen and has a chance to live the American Dream.”

  American Dream. Gloria’s parents had bought into an American Dream fueled by oil money. Gloria had chosen a different dream-ride for Joy: a safe religious bubble. Her parents’ dream had run out of gas, her religious bubble for Joy had burst. No one but God would choose a dream for Joy. Though the last thing she wanted was to subject Joy to surgery—surely risky—she could not prevent Joy from considering such a thing. Kai had to know why this was reality.

  With a force that surprised her, Gloria grabbed Kai by the shoulders. “We can’t dictate a dream for Joy. She must follow God’s plan. Of course Andrew and I will have to talk about it, and talk to Joy—”

  “She is seventeen.” Kai pulled from Gloria and planted her hands on her hips. “A minor.”

  Gloria laid her hand back on Kai’s arm. “Minors grow up.”

  “I will not allow a young girl to make this sacrifice.” Never had Gloria heard Kai shout. Until now.

  “She’s not just a young girl.” Why, Kai was as stubborn as Joy! “She’s your sister.”

  “That has no relevance.”

  “It has every relevance.” Gloria leveled her tone and laid her hands in her lap. “That is why you found her. You wanted to save Joy from PKD. Now she has a chance to save you. We’ve gotta consider it. Deal with it.”

  A muscle twitched on Kai’s face. “It . . . it was not my plan that Joy do such a thing.”

  Gloria exhaled, as did Kai. A passerby gaped at them, then beelined toward the hospital. Surely they looked like women whittled to exhaustion from a tough shift. Or quarreling colleagues. “It wasn’t my plan either,” Gloria finally said.

  Words hovered in the air, along with the sound of a siren, shrilling closer. An emergency. A tense situation. Like this.

  “We must consider the possibility that God wants this for Joy. Andrew and I will pray and see what God says.”

  Kai threw up her hands in exasperation. “Are you saying that a God in the heavens will speak to one on earth?”

  “I’m saying He can, He will, and He does.”

  “How?” Kai leaned forward, as if about to stand, and then slumped against the bench. “It is one thing to pray to God.” She began to shake her head, very slowly. “It is quite another thing to hear voices. In medicine we call that psychosis.”

  “I didn’t buy it either, Kai.” Joy’s voice, coming from behind them, muted the sound of a distant siren.

  Heat rushed to Gloria’s face. She leapt from the bench and whirled about.

  There stood Andrew, his arm about Joy. Their radiant smiles melted tension. Even Kai, who’d been trembling with anger, had risen and was bowing in her usual manner, though her forehead was still furrowed.

  Then Gloria stiffened. Andrew and Joy were supposed to wait at the hotel. Why had things changed?

  “So you and your father join in this family reunion,” Kai said, then sat stiffly.

  “Mommy told me.” Her head bent, Joy rushed forward and knelt by Kai, who clenched her knees. “I’m . . . I’m so sorry.” Joy threw her arms around Kai. The two became a huddled, heaving mass.

  Though Gloria ached to hold Joy, she rose from the bench and let Andrew support her. The sisters had each other. As it should be. She had her man. As it should be.

  Finally Kai broke from Joy. Sitting up straight, she smoothed Joy’s hair, saying, “It is nothing, Joy. There are not even manifestations.”

  Gloria stiffened. Kai’s adopted my old technique of lying to protect Joy. It doesn’t work, dear. But I won’t tell you so. At least not now.

  Joy lifted her head. “So . . . you’re feeling okay? Like, no problems yet?”

  Kai nodded silently. Overcome? Sorry about lying? Perhaps still lying . . .

  A smile erased Joy’s worry lines. “So we’ve got time! It’ll all be good!”

  Time? Good? Gloria’s heart galloped. Time for what?

  “I’ve done research on the whole shebang,” Joy continued. “The most likely six-point donors are family. Like . . . me and you.”

  Gloria squeezed Andrew’s arm until he winced. Yep, no get-well card from this one. Joy planned to sacrifice her kidney to help Kai reclaim her health.

  What a difference a day makes.

  Kai could not keep from trembling. Her secret had slipped from that folder, sprouted wings, and fluttered about like spring fever. She inhaled Joy’s bubble-gum scent, which blended with the smell of the fresh-cut grass and the heady perfume rising from a nearby bed of narcissus to create a sensory experience every bit as eclectic as Joy. Kai gripped her arms. How could she think rationally with Fourth Daughter so near?


  “I must go.” Needing the safe haven of her hospital, Kai rose from the bench.

  “Kai, wait!” Joy grabbed her arm. “I need to say something.”

  “Should . . . should we leave?” Gloria asked.

  “No!” Joy’s yell drew the attention of others nearby. “This is for y’all too! We’re family. Remember?”

  I cannot argue with something I agreed to. Finally Kai nodded and sat back down.

  With a twirl, Joy spun away from Kai and plopped onto the lawn. Andrew and Gloria moved to stand by Joy. They smiled with such unabashed pride, Kai relaxed. Waited.

  “Mommy, after you left, Dad and I had, like, a really good talk.” Joy plucked grass blades and tossed them in her lap. “When I was little, you know, it was easy for me to accept Jesus. I . . . I guess I never told y’all how He seemed like an action hero. After all . . . the orphanage stuff, I needed a hero. Then . . . the fire happened.” Huskiness added vulnerability to Joy’s voice. “I blamed y’all. I blamed God.”

  “We should have been there for you,” Gloria whispered.

  “You were there, Mother. Let me talk, okay?” Joy’s hand waving stopped. “Please, Mom,” she managed. Rudeness evaporated.

  Kai tried not to notice the stares of passersby, surely entranced with a new daytime hospital drama.

  Gloria nodded.

  “Everything, like, blew up at school. I couldn’t handle people hating me just ’cause I was Asian or nerdy or freaky looking or, like, whatever.” The grass-plucking became frenzied. “I started hanging with the dark people, going to dark places.”

  Though Kai’s gaze never wavered, she saw Joy in new angles. New hues. None of them included being a kidney donor.

  “Then I, you know, got busted. Kai showed up. That tornado defied, like, the laws of nature to miss the jail.” Joy tilted back her head. The sun chose that moment to highlight that zany hair. Kai raised her chin. If this one continues to mature, she will bring great honor to our family. She must mature.

  “Not even to mention the aide position.” Joy continued her soliloquy. “This morning Mom and Dad told me the truth about your results instead of, like, trying to manipulate everything so Joy wouldn’t be disturbed.” Joy glanced at her parents, as if for confirmation, and took a deep breath. “That’s when I made my decision.”