Notes On Love

by K. L. Shandwick

  Hettie stared me out. I knew she wasn’t totally convinced, but she nodded. “I don’t like it, but I love you for caring about other people’s feelings, and I know I would hate to hear that you were marrying Phoebe on TV.”

  “You’d never have seen that. There’s only one woman I want to marry.” Hettie’s face softened, she leaned in and kissed me. I guessed by her action she’d accepted I wanted it for the right reasons.

  ****

  Walking into a carnival atmosphere at the youth center, I saw all the happy smiles on the faces of the many kids the charity had already enrolled. It made my heart swell that something good came from a decision we’d made. There were one hundred and twenty classes per week running in four different workshops, Monday to Friday; and all day workshops, for those who were older, at the weekends. It kept them off the streets, gave them purpose, nurtured their talents, and kept a few of them alive. It was a no drugs, no bullying, no prejudice environment, and the vibe inside was heartwarming.

  Hettie appeared quiet, but not completely out of her comfort zone as she was used to her students. When I walked away to do my duties I knew Dana had her back. I imagined Hettie was probably still mulling over what I’d said, but if we were going to be together then I needed to clear the air with everyone in the right way. No loose ends, no unfinished business, nothing to come back and bite my arse. It was the only way I rolled after the work I’d done in therapy. After that, Hettie would be my first and last consideration in all things from that point onward.

  Watching all the kids in attendance, I noticed the older ones taking on mentoring roles, encouraging the younger children. It gave me a real sense of achievement. It was as good as any concert I’d ever performed at. Maybe it wasn’t as exciting as being part of a rock band; however it still touched hearts and minds in a longer lasting way. It gave me a buzz to know we’d leave a lasting legacy even after the band was gone.

  After an hour, I glanced at Hettie and smiled when I saw her deep in conversation with a small group of enthralled kids. They were huddled around the mixing board just inside one of the sound booths. The door was open so I stepped closer to listen. She was telling the kids about the construction of the room and how the mixing board worked. Using her scientific knowledge and teaching skills she explained how sound traveled and became distorted. She explained the speed of sound and how it was measured in decibels. I joined her and demonstrated a few blends of sounds which gave them the idea of mixing sounds to create different ones.

  “We work well as a team, huh?” she said, smiling up at me as we stood in the hallway waiting for the car to be brought around for us afterward.

  “We’ve got more in common than you think,” I said, nudging her hip with mine.

  “You were great with the kids, Gray,” she added.

  “Not as good as you, baby, you’re going to be a great mother.”

  “I know. I want to have your babies,” she teased. She reached up and held my chin.

  “You know how many times I’ve heard that?”

  “First time from me,” she pointed out.

  “True, and the first time that particular statement has made my dick twitch.”

  “You have an itch?” she teased.

  “I do…one that needs scratching…all over…with a slick little pussy,” I answered, smirking wickedly.

  “You have a dirty mouth,” she replied, a mock frown on her face.

  “Yeah and you love when I get it dirty,” I teased.

  “True,” she said as she giggled.

  “Want to come see my bedroom, little lady?” I asked. I wiggled my eyebrows playfully.

  “I could do with a lie down,” she said, her voice became a little breathless at my flirting.

  “If I let you lie down will you let me go down?”

  Hettie giggled, and shook her head. “You’re incorrigible, do you know that?”

  “What can I say? I know. But I remember enough to know you love that wicked side I have.”

  Caleb cleared his throat. “You do know we can all hear you, guys? You’re not in the sound booth now,” he pointed out.

  “Are we making you jealous, Caleb?”

  “Fuck, I think I liked you better when you were moping. This loved up version is fucking sickening.”

  Surge slapped Caleb on the back of his head. “Do you always have to interrupt everything? I was enjoying their little foreplay conversation.”

  Hettie’s cheeks became heated and she ducked her head into my chest. “Oh, don’t start getting all bashful now. If you’re gonna be a rock star’s wife you’re gonna have to own it,” Brody warned her with a grin.

  “I’ll get used to it. I just never expected to be marrying all of you when I agreed to Gray’s proposal.”

  “Oh, if you’re marrying all of us, can you let me know what nights are mine? I’ll put you in my calendar, I wouldn’t want to miss them.” Caleb smirked.

  Scowling at him, I shook my head. “This woman is mine. Watch my lips, M.I.N.E. Go within six feet of her when I’m not around and you’ll learn how a dick is dismembered from a body…first hand.”

  Brody chuckled, “Oh I love this new caveman that’s joined the band. I’m selling tickets for the after show on the bus. It’s gonna be much more entertaining than the gigs themselves.”

  I smirked and looked at Caleb who winked as he goaded me, but luckily the limousine pulled up.

  “You’re so fucking lucky the car’s here, Caleb,” I warned with humor in my voice, as I led Hettie toward the back passenger door.

  Chapter 38

  Petrified ~ Hettie

  Flying over thousands of years of history was awe inspiring. It made me wonder why Gray would leave it all behind and live in New York. London was an amazing city. All the history I’d learned from books, came to life before my eyes. The bridges that crossed from north to south of the River Thames, the Houses of Parliament which sat proudly along the riverside, St. Paul’s Cathedral and the Tower of London. All incredibly steeped in history and right beneath me as we flew into the airport.

  When it came time to step off the plane I was petrified. I felt as soon as I stood by Gray’s side I’d be judged as not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough, not famous enough. My feeling was Gray’s fans would feel I wasn’t worthy of him. Standing by his side as he held my hand and reporters waved their recording devices near us to capture what he said made me feel as if I had a huge arrow pointing down from over my head. I’d never felt under as much scrutiny before. I was used to standing in auditoriums with a few classes pulled together for something, but this was on a whole new level.

  I was just about making it until we got in the car and Gray made a comment about Phoebe. I’m not going to lie; it was a shock to my system. My temper rose to my throat, but watching all the expectant faces in the limousine waiting to see how I’d react made me show some restraint. If I was going to be with Gray I knew there would be plenty of instances where our relationship would be challenged, so I saw his comment as a small threat. Had we been in private I’d have torn his head off with my tongue.

  Personally, I hated that Phoebe was on his mind, but once he’d explained his reasons I could rationalize what he said, but I wondered if he’d always push my buttons by how he cared about her. I didn’t feel the same about Harris. However, Phoebe had done nothing wrong to Gray, she was the injured party. Suddenly, I had a new respect for Gray, who despite his love for me acted with principles to clear his conscience and give him closure.

  Human kindness isn’t always visible but after spending a day in the company of the band, where I saw what they did for those kids, along with Gray’s views about doing things in the right way, it had made me view him in a new light. His pragmatic approach to making good and doing what he wanted at the same time set him aside from any other man I’d ever met.

  Gray being different wasn’t a revelation to me. He’d appeared that way from the first time I�
�d met him and once I’d reminded myself of that, I knew I had no reservations about him informing Phoebe about us. It was as much for his peace of mind as it was for it being kind to her.

  “Penny for them,” Gray said after we were dropped off outside his apartment building.

  I looked puzzled, and shrugged. “It’s all good,” I reassured him with a small smile.

  “Are you hungry?”

  “Yeah, but too tired to go out to dinner, I’ll be asleep by 8:00 pm. The time change and flight are kicking my ass. I might even be too tired to eat.”

  “I took the liberty of ordering ahead. I know you’re tired, all you have to do is chew. I’m gonna feed you,” he promised.

  “Seriously?”

  “Does this look like the face of a liar?” he asked, his voice playful, as he pulled an angelic expression and pointed at his chin.

  “Well, no, but are you really going to feed me? I can’t wait,” I said excitedly as he guided me into the elevator by the small of my back.

  ****

  I wasn’t surprised the first time I found out Gray’s apartment was on the top floor. He struck me as someone who couldn’t live with anything but sky above him, and although neither apartment was that big, the one in New York was also on the top floor. The one in London was a loft and had a cute little French window door balcony that was barely big enough for two people to stand out on.

  Glancing around at the rustic feel and the worn tan leather sofas, it was very Gray, and I loved the shabby chic feel of the whole apartment. There was something sexy and intimate about watching him moving around in his own home. I’d seen him in his place in New York, but this felt different; this was the furniture he had chosen rather than the hastily put together décor that just fed off an interior designer’s ego over there. This suited him to a tee.

  Our luggage was waiting in the hallway, obviously delivered while we were at the youth center, and after Gray had turned on the oven and placed the takeout inside to warm, he picked up our luggage like it weighed nothing, and headed down the hallway. He disappeared into a room near the end and I guessed it was his bedroom. I was stood where we’d arrived, in the doorway between the kitchen and living room and when he came back he slid his arms around my waist.

  “Never thought I’d see this day,” he said, grinning down at me.

  “Me neither.”

  “Let me look at you. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have you here with me.” Gray’s eyes ticked over me slowly. His appreciation made me feel adored. Any concerns I had about Phoebe disintegrated in that moment. His love for me was mirrored in his eyes.

  “Come here; let me take care of you. I know I’ve been neglecting you with all that’s gone on these past few weeks. I’m gonna make that up to you now.” Leading me by the hand he took me down the hallway into his bedroom and I noticed the huge bed at the center of the wall on the far side. “Bath or shower?” he asked.

  “Shower. If I have a bath I’ll want to sleep and the food smells delicious. And…the incredible man who wants to feed me? Well, I wouldn’t miss that for the world,” I confirmed.

  “All right, get yourself in the shower. I’ll go fix everything up. If I get done before you’re back I’ll have a quick shower myself.”

  Leaving me with some fresh, fluffy towels, he headed back to the kitchen while I freshened up. Gray was back less than ten minutes later. He shrugged out of his clothes while I dried and wrapped the towel around me.

  “You smell good enough to eat,” he murmured as his hands slipped around my waist from behind. His mouth trailed kisses from my ear down to my neck and shoulder. It gave me a rapid rash of goosebumps while my core pulsed with his attention.

  “You always eat body wash, then? Never had a craving for that myself.” I felt him smile into my neck and my heart melted.

  He squeezed my waist at both sides making me yelp then whipped the towel away. “Put something on for fuck’s sake or I’ll nail you to the bed and the dinner will be ruined.” Stepping back with a look in his eyes that said he was fighting a battle of wills, he stepped around me and hit the shower faucet.

  Dinner was almost ruined as I leaned back on the vanity counter wrapped in my towel again watching him spread suds all over his pecs, abs, and groin. Taking his cock in his hand he smoothed the lather down it then held it for the spray to wash it off. My mouth watered at the eroticism of the hot scene he made before me.

  Eyeing me when he looked up, he smirked knowingly and slapped his hand on the glass. “Stop standing there with your jaw hanging at the sight of my dick and get in here or go take the food out the oven,” he said through a chuckle.

  Reluctantly, I went to check on the food, but when I reached the living room a soft glow coming from the room caught my eye and made my breath hitch. I stood stunned. My heart filled with love and squeezed at the effort Gray had made. He must have been exhausted. I knew I was, and yet he was as good as his word at making me feel special. He had gone all out to set the scene for our first proper night of togetherness, and it looked perfect.

  A huge lump formed in my throat and a swell of emotions tightened my chest. The room was littered with candles of all shapes and sizes, and the soft sound of Ed Sheeran filled the room. He must have been running around like crazy to get the room ready while I showered.

  I’d never seen anything more romantic. Candles and soft music sounded cliché whenever I read about it, but to experience someone who made the effort just for me, felt incredible.

  If I was honest, it was a side of Gray I’d never seen before. Anytime I’d ever been around him he’d always been intimate and attentive toward me but I never got the feeling he was into grand gestures of affection. All that was before Gray knew what it was to be in love. Looking around the room with the candles, music, and the fact he wanted to feed me, I knew, he knew what that felt like now.

  “Cheesy?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. He looked slightly embarrassed. “Tell anyone I did this for you and it will ruin my budding badass reputation.”

  “Not at all cheesy, and I have news for you, Gray, no one thinks you’re a badass. You must be the least controversial rock star ever.”

  “Yeah, but you know what? It shows that I don’t need to go around smashing up rooms and behaving badly to attract the best girl in the world. And it was by being a rock star that I was able to pull this off. I had some poor guy running around all afternoon shopping for those and the Chinese dinner. Come, sit here,” he encouraged with a smile and led me toward a spot on his old couch. He’d already placed a dark red blanket over it. “Leather feels freezing, I don’t want anything to make you feel less than relaxed,” he informed me when he noted me eyeing the cover draped over the seats.

  “Give me a minute, I’ll be right back,” he said as he made his way to the kitchen, naked. My eyes were riveted to his strong gorgeous ass until he disappeared from my sight. He came back with a tray of egg rolls, dim sum, and lemon chicken. “I kept it light because I knew we’d be exhausted after our day.”

  Sitting with my legs tucked up under me I watched him as he climbed onto the couch facing me and crossed his legs. I smiled at how unaffected he was by being bare assed. Reaching over he dipped an egg roll into some sweet chili sauce. “Open,” he commanded, gesturing the food toward my mouth. I did as he asked and he teased my lips with the chili sauce as he smeared it on my lips. “Bite.” Again, I did as he instructed and chewed slowly. His gorgeous lust-filled eyes never left my mouth while a small smile played on his lips.

  I groaned in pleasure as the taste hit my palate and Gray’s eyes flicked from my mouth to my eyes. Our gazes locked for a second, heat rising in his until he became distracted when I swallowed. Repeating this process several times, he fed me dim sum and chicken, occasionally licking his fingers clean.

  “You’re a tease, you know that?” I chided, almost out of my mind at the intense attention and lack of conversation. Everything appeared to
be happening in slow motion. There were no words for the way he lavished his entire focus upon me. With each bite of food, I wanted him more, with every glance I wanted him more, with every lick of his lips I felt I was going to burst if he didn’t kiss me.

  “Aren’t you eating?” I asked as my brow furrowed.

  “Oh yeah,” he smirked. “Are you done?”

  “Of course, help yourself,” I offered with a smirk.

  Placing the plate quickly on the tray he ignored the food and gave me a naughty lopsided smile that stretched to a grin. “I thought you’d never offer,” he said in a seductive tone. Dropping onto the floor he sat back on his legs and pulled mine out from under me. My towel fell open as he lifted one bending it at the knee and placing my foot on the sofa, he pushed it away from him as he lifted the other, resting my calf on his shoulder. Completely bare to him, he glanced down, his eyes sparkling in the candlelight and stroked a finger up the length of my slit from back to front.

  Sucking in a sharp breath, the effect from the first touch of his tongue almost made me come. Pleasure and desire tore through my body like a hurricane, turning my insides over and making me groan in ecstasy. Gray latched onto my clitoris and lavished so much attention my legs shook in less than two minutes.

  Grabbing the blanket for something to hold on to, I bit my lip as my body writhed on the sofa in my effort to get away from him. “Too much?” His lustful eyes studied me. “You can take much more than this,” he teased as he dipped his head and made me come again. Stars burst with white light behind my eyes as one orgasm rode into another.

  After the third, I thought I was going to pass out when he pulled my ass to the edge and pushed my legs up to my shoulders. I stared up at his desperate, passion filled eyes, and knew his focus was on being inside me. The perfect storm of want, need, and desire had gathered pace and the foreplay was done.