Notes On Love

by K. L. Shandwick

  Slicking his cock down the length of me, he pushed forward, filling me up until he had no more left to give. The delicious burn of him fully sheathed inside instantly made me writhe and squirm over his cock. The movement of my hips moved him to pull back and sink deep and from that second on he rode me hard.

  No one ever satisfied me like Gray; when he took me the passion between us felt desperate, no one had ever made me feel more desirable. Grabbing my breast, hips, my hair, his hands grabbed desperately as he squeezed, stroked, and teased me. I clung to him in a hot mess, my nails sinking into his back, drawing blood. He affected me like no other man ever had and made me totally exhausted from the generous attention he lavished on me.

  Eventually Gray collapsed on top of me, his body jerking in agonized euphoric spasms while his seed spilled from his pulsing cock deep inside. When most men would have ignored me, Gray was still attentively kissing me, patting my hair down and soothing me, and his eyes searched for my soul.

  Several minutes later when we’d gotten our breaths back, he slid out and stood. Scooping me up in the blanket, he said, “Come on, you’re shivering, let’s get you to bed. I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

  Carrying me through to the bedroom, he placed me gently on top of his bed. I sunk into the deep mattress and felt comfortable instantly. “Just a sec,” he said, smoothing his finger down my cheek. He made his way to the bathroom and reentered with a warm wash cloth and tenderly cleaned between my legs then pulled back the duvet on the bed. “Get in,” he coaxed gently.

  Slipping between the sheets, he pulled the heavy cover up to my chin and cuddled around me from behind. When he settled, he breathed a long sigh, “You fit me perfectly you know that?”

  “How so?” I murmured sleepily.

  “Never had anyone fit my body the way you fit mine.”

  “What do you mean?” I murmured.

  Gray smoothed my hair and hugged me tighter. “My body surrounds yours to perfection. The way I fit inside you, the way your lips mesh with mine…how you look at me, smile at me, I could go on and on infinitely about how you affect me. Trust me when I say this, baby, I know no one else will ever make me feel the way I feel about you.” Smoothing my hair down again, he rested my head under his chin. “And your smell…did I mention—”

  “Once or twice, and my taste…” I added playfully.

  “Yeah, you have excellent taste,” he teased, knowing full well what I meant. “Sleep, baby, we’ve got a lot going on tomorrow. What are you doing Friday by the way?”

  “I don’t know…you tell me.”

  “If I can arrange a special license will you marry me?”

  “I’ll think about it,” I said, honestly. I knew that even if my family couldn’t be there I didn’t want to wait a minute longer. I wanted to be his completely. It was as if I’d been waiting forever. I was angry with Harris and how he’d led me on, but if I’d ever met him again, I’d shake his hand for not letting me make that mistake.

  “Do you love me?” he asked.

  “Absolutely, with all of my heart.”

  “Then there’s nothing to think about. You once told me love wasn’t something you thought about, it was a feeling.”

  He had me there. “Looks like I’m going wedding shopping tomorrow.”

  Gray turned me to face him and held the sides of my face in his hands. His hot breath wafted over me as he leaned forward. He kissed me so softly, tenderly, worshiping me. And I felt the love he carried inside pour from his body into mine.

  “You’ll never regret being mine, Hettie. I’m gonna make you smile and scream as often as possible. I’m going to love, protect, and cherish you every single day of my life…and to fuck you every chance I get,” he said a little breathlessly after breaking the kiss. He smirked, his eyes shining bright with desire. I snickered, but never replied. Instead I nuzzled into his chest as mine almost burst with joy. I inhaled his scent into my lungs as sleep started to overtake me and I felt blissfully at peace.

  Chapter 39

  Unresolved ~ Gray

  Once I’d hung up from my dad, I had all the information I’d asked him for by messenger the night before. I rang Brody, who was less than impressed at being woken up at 8:40 am on a Wednesday morning after the full-on day of traveling and press intrusion we’d had the previous two days.

  I padded down the hall and quietly opened the door to glance over at my bed to check that Hettie was still asleep. When I was satisfied she was I shut it slowly and I heard my call connect.

  “This better be life and death,” he muttered as Dana groaned and asked what time it was in the background.

  “Did you speak to Phoebe?” I asked once I’d made it as far as my living room.

  “Fuck, you rang me for that?”

  “Yeah, it’s important. I want to do this right. By the way, will you be my best man?”

  “Jesus Christ, Gray, what the fuck’s going on with you?”

  “I spoke to my dad this morning. I had messaged him last night asking him what I had to do to get a special license. He researched it for me and I had our PA help me. Hettie and I are getting married on Friday.”

  I heard him shift and grunt as if he were sitting up in the bed. “No, we haven’t spoken to Phoebe yet, and I’m on it this morning. What’s the deal?”

  “We’re getting married at Notting Hill Registry Office, at 9:45 am, Friday.”

  “Congratulations. I’ll call Phoebe this morning,” he offered.

  “No, go and see her. Tell her…tell her I care about her, but tell her my heart was Hettie’s long before I met her.”

  “I think you should go and tell her yourself, Gray.” Spinning around, I saw Hettie standing in the doorway, a frown on her beautiful face. She looked at me like she understood how difficult it was for me just to ignore Phoebe’s feelings.

  My heart lurched, not sure whether to agree or disagree. Telling Phoebe in person meant I’d have to look her in the eye. “It’s not easy for me. I’m not going to pretend that it is, but at the same time, your paths are bound to cross from time to time, she’s Dana’s best friend, right? The only way to face this awkward situation is for you to give yourself the closure you need.” Hettie wandered over and slipped her arms around my waist.

  “I feel sorry for her, Gray. I’ve wanted to hate her for what she was to you, but I know what she’s losing, if that makes any sense. If I lost you now it would devastate me more than the first time…for all time.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get so hung up about it. I just know if I walked in her shoes it would kill me for someone I loved to not feel the same and then if I saw them moving on without sparing a thought for me, you know?” I pleaded.

  “I do, and the way you think has me falling in love a little more with you each day. It takes a special person to speak their mind and risk hurting the one they’re with to consider the feelings of others in the bigger picture. Go, talk to her…I don’t think it will make her feel any different toward you, but at least she’d know you didn’t dismiss her feelings out of hand. I know that unless you talk to Phoebe and reconcile things in your mind, it will always come between us.”

  Brody was still on the line listening to everything we discussed. “I’m still here, Gray,” he reminded me.

  “Yeah, sorry,” I replied, and sighed deeply.

  “This is really troubling you, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, story of my life, more loose ends.”

  “I’m sure Phoebe would hate to be thought of as that,” Dana replied. I didn’t realize Brody had put us on speakerphone.

  “That’s not what I meant,” I said, defending myself. “I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

  “That would have been to have left her alone after the first time. Anyway, she’s seeing someone. A businessman. Nothing to do with musicians and crappy guys that sleep around.”

  “That’s not fair, Dana. Gray isn’t like that. All the time he
saw Phoebe, he didn’t chase pussy.”

  “I wasn’t talking about him, I was talking about the others she’s picked up over time.”

  “Will you ask her, Brody?”

  “To see you? Sure, but I don’t think that’ll do any good. She won’t even let us mention your name.” After a moment’s silence, he cleared his throat. “I’ll ask.”

  “Thank you,” I calmly replied.

  “Call me when you’ve spoken to her,” I requested.

  “Yeah, sure.” He finished the call without saying goodbye and I stood there cuddling Hettie in the doorway.

  “Right, come on, baby, at least I’m trying. Whatever will be will be. We’re not going to let it stop us getting on with our celebrations. By the way, your mom and sister are flying over tomorrow. Had my PA connect me with your mom and we had a short chat while I was waiting for you to get into New York.”

  “You called my mom?”

  “Of course, Lisa and I are like that now.” I crossed my fingers like we were close even though I’d never met her. She didn’t make it easy for me, and I respected her immediately for trying to protect her daughter from any hurt I could cause her. “I had to ask for your hand before we made it official. I knew from the way she spoke you hadn’t said I’d asked.”

  “You are incredible,” she stated, her voice sounded a little disbelieving.

  “I know. I’m a rock star you know,” I replied playfully.

  My phone rang again and when I glanced at the screen I saw it was Phoebe. Hettie was looking at me and glanced from me to my phone. “It’s Phoebe,” I told her.

  “Answer it, I’m okay, I’m headed to the shower,” she said, as she gave me the permission I must have sought with the look I gave her. I had wanted to answer.

  “Hey,” I greeted, my voice soft.

  “Hey,” she mirrored back and fell silent.

  “I would have met you to talk.”

  “I don’t want that, Gray.”

  “Phoebe, I don’t want to do this over the phone.”

  “It’s not all about what you want, Gray.”

  “Okay, listen, sweetheart, I know this hurts you and God, it pains me to know that, but I have some news and I wanted to tell you before someone else does. I’m with Hettie…and we’re getting married.”

  The delay between me saying the words and her response felt like it went on a lifetime, but I had held my breath so it couldn’t have been that long.

  “Congratulations, Gray. She’s a lucky girl.”

  “Thank you, Phoebe. And you? I hear you have someone new?”

  “I do, Robbie. He’s a great guy. I may just fall in love with this one…he may heal me, you know? We’re having fun together and he takes care of me, checks up on me…he’s very attentive. I’ll live, Gray. You don’t have to worry about me. I knew from the moment you spoke about her the first time in that diner you loved her.”

  “Then you knew more than me. I didn’t realize until a few months ago, but I knew there was something in the way of you and me. I love her so much, Phoebe, but I never want you to think I was just passing time with you.”

  “I don’t.” The atmosphere between us felt unnatural.

  “All right, hon, I’ve taken up enough of your day. I love you very much, Phoebe, just in a different way. You’re a very important person in my life.”

  “Thanks. I better go. Robbie’s on his way over. He’ll be here in ten minutes, so I’d better get ready.”

  “Okay. Well thank you for calling, Pheebs. Take care of yourself.”

  “I will, and Gray…thanks for wanting me to know like this…it means a lot.”

  “It would have gutted me for you to know any other way, sweetheart.”

  I heard her swallow hard and figured she was tearing up so I wished her all the best for the future and told her I’d see her sometime. It wasn’t a lie; we were bound to meet again at some point.

  After the call ended I took a minute for reflection because I had thought I’d feel better for talking to her but I didn’t. I guessed at that point it would take time. I went to find Hettie who was drying her hair. I was impressed she hadn’t hung around to listen to the call. It showed she trusted in me. “Everything okay?” she asked me, fluffing her hair as she switched off the drier.

  Glancing at her hair I smiled until I saw the concern when I looked in her eyes. “It is now. Get dressed, you have a future in-law to meet.”

  ****

  Dad was much warmer than I’d ever seen him when he met Hettie. Pulling her in for a hug, he chatted easily about Miami, citing a trip he’d taken there in his teens with his parents. I sat back in the chair and noticed there was a buzz in him that I’d never seen before.

  I could see my dad was charmed by Hettie as he spoke, he was warm in his responses and he listened attentively to her. Question after question was put to her and it was clear he really wanted to know her. It gave me so much pleasure to know that he was accepting of my choice for my wife; his daughter-in-law.

  After a couple of hours, Dad nervously checked his watch and it dawned on me he’d done the same thing twice in the previous five minutes. Headlights shone from outside and he jumped up to see who was out there.

  “I have some news of my own since we’re sharing today,” he admitted. He looked a little coy as he walked out into the hallway and opened his front door.

  “Hello, Georgia, come in before you get frostbite,” he fussed, sounding brighter than I’d heard him in years. A petite blonde woman with big brown eyes and an easy smile entered the living room. Hettie and I glanced at each other and smiled because not only was I bringing my girl to meet my dad, but my dad was bringing his girl to meet me.

  “Georgia, meet Gray, my son; and his girlfriend, Hettie,” he said, looking proud.

  “We’re getting married on Friday, Dad,” I reminded him because girlfriend didn’t seem enough for what Hettie meant to me.

  “Well, I would have said fiancée, but you’re so backward you’re getting married before you’ve courted properly and she doesn’t even have a ring,” he admonished.

  “He has a point,” Hettie giggled and waved her bare hand at me.

  “Actually, I have a Hatton Garden jeweler lined up for later today. He wants us to choose from the photos of trays of rings he’s sent by email and he’ll make up a tray to bring over later.”

  Watching Hettie’s jaw drop was fun. “How are you doing all these arrangements, Gray? I’m with you practically every minute of the day,” she asked, looking astonished.

  “I’m relieved you haven’t noticed. I was beginning to think you’d worry I had a prostate problem with the amount of times I’ve had to take a leak over the past twenty-four hours.”

  Dad laughed heartily and it was great to hear. He looked genuinely happy and that made my heart squeeze tight. I hadn’t thought about it until I saw Georgia but I was glad he wasn’t going to be alone after I married. It wasn’t as if I was around a lot; it was more a case that I wanted him to feel what I felt with Hettie. Almost thirty years before, he’d married my mom. That was almost a lifetime of pain he’d suffered. No one deserved a new start more than him.

  After 7:00 pm we left making our way back to the apartment, and at 8:00 pm on the dot Franklin the jeweler arrived with his security guy and it was only then that I realized how much of a risk he’d taken to bring the gems to us. Hettie changed her mind several times, but eventually settled on a large square emerald surrounded by two carats of diamonds on a plain yellow gold band. The other ring she’d mulled over was a trilogy of three one carat diamonds on a plain yellow gold band.

  After she’d chosen a wedding band to match, I had a plain gold band picked out for myself. As I saw Franklin out I asked for the ring she’d debated to be added as my wedding gift to her. Then Brody and Dana arrived unexpectedly with Italian takeout from one of our favorite restaurants.

  “I come bearing gifts. Dana hazarded a guess you pro
bably hadn’t eaten properly today. We remember what our wedding was like when we did everything last minute,” he said, pushing past me and dumping the large container on the kitchen counter. Hettie smiled at Dana, and without a word Dana stepped in toward her and hugged her.

  “Sorry I was a bitch to you; I guess my loyalties got in the way of my rational thoughts. It’s not your fault or Gray’s, it’s just—”

  “I get it, you were defending your friend. It’s completely natural, Dana. I just hope we can be as good friends as you and Phoebe are one day. Can’t have too many of those, can we?”

  I looked at Hettie and smirked knowingly because she used the phrase I’d said to her. She smirked back, her eyes bright with a hint of humor. I moved across to her and slid my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. My aim was to send a possessive message to Dana that no matter what she thought, we were together.

  “Let me tell you something, Dana. We were friends to lovers a long time ago. I was too young and fucked up to know what happened when I met Hettie. On reflection it was the night I fell in love. She was sitting by this huge beach bonfire in the dark, and when I saw her I was instantly smitten. I remember thinking how beautiful she looked, and how totally unaware she was of that fact. All the other girls in the group behaved in loud attention-seeking ways in their effort to attract my attention, all apart from Hettie. Whether she already knew I was drawn to her or whether she just didn’t care, I have no idea to this day.”

  Hettie looked up, eying me with a serious expression. “It was the same for me, Gray. When I first saw you, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from you.” I laced my fingers in hers and pulled her hand to my lips. Placing a soft kiss on her knuckles, I dropped my gaze and looked back to Dana.

  “What I remember the most about that night was, I was trying so hard to impress her with my songs and some stupid leggy girl with a lot of moves kept dancing in front of me cheerleading style. I wanted to stop singing and tell her to move the fuck out of my way because she was blocking my view of the girl I’d set my heart on.”