Fighting to Start

by S. L. Ziegler

  I wander further into the house, searching for anything that would tell me more about who he is now. There’s a linen closet next to the stairs. I open it, only intending to peek inside. But once I have the door open and I stand in front of it, I can no longer move. Here, in front of my face, is the old, worn blanket we used to keep on the back of the couch in our apartment. If he has that, then he must have other things as well.

  I begin to quickly look through other things. I don’t want him to come back downstairs and find me rifling through his belongings, but my curiosity has gotten the better of me. I glance over my shoulder, making sure he isn’t down yet, before I close the door quietly. I move to the bookshelf in the corner and scan the contents. Among the DVDs he has organized on the shelves, I also find pictures…the same ones we use to have displayed in the living room.

  I move to the kitchen. My head spins and my heart races in my chest with nerves and adrenaline. He not only went back for our things, but he’s kept it all. What does this mean? Did he get my letter? Questions and emotions whirl within me, threatening to suffocate me from the inside out. The blender we used to have is on the counter next to a canister of his protein powder. But before I can focus on the memories that fight to flood my brain, my eyes catch on the coffee maker in the corner. My coffee maker. The same one he used to use every morning to make me a cup. The same maker he never used for himself. There, as if waiting to be used again. By me.

  Reed’s heavy footsteps on the stairs pull me from my thoughts, and I rush out of the kitchen so he can’t catch me being nosy. “Hey, here you go, the guest bathroom is over in the hallway by the bottom of the stairs.” He smiles so big that I know I’ve been caught. I yank the T-shirt and boxers from Reed’s hands, scowling at him. Hearing him laugh, I look down at the clothes he gave me. Of course, the little shit gives me our first vacation shirt and the pair of boxers that says “love machine” over the butt that I had gotten him our first Valentine’s together. I felt like I’d fallen into some damn time warp.

  When I finish changing, I walk into the living room and notice Reed sitting on the couch in just a pair of his sweatpants, minus a shirt, feet crossed and propped up on the coffee table, arms over his head showing off every single muscle in his chest. Sneaky fucker. Looking at him with no shirt wakes up some crazy things inside my body, stuff that’s been asleep for so long. My eyes wander from his amazing stomach and go straight for the tattoo that almost mirrors mine. My mind starts to drift to places I’ve tried so hard not to go to.

  “Hadley?” Reed’s voice breaks me from my trance. I blink a couple of times to focus on him and that huge smile on his face. “You still like the way I look. Oh shit, that hurt like a mother,” Reed says, rubbing the stitches in his lip.

  “Ha, instant karma on you.”

  Two bottles of waters and some popcorn are on the coffee table in front of where Reed is sitting. All he does is shrug. Not even wanting to choose this battle, I take a seat on the couch as far away from him as I can.

  “What? You aren’t supposed to fall asleep if you have a concussion. I figured you didn’t want to talk to me so why not watch a movie. Right, Nurse Hadley?” Sarcastic butthole.

  “Yes, Reed. And no touching me—you sit on your side, I sit on mine. And don’t pull that shit you used to about you being cold and you want to share a blanket. I never fell for it, I just liked you then.” I pluck the throw blanket from the back of the couch, immediately thinking of mine in the closet, throw it over my legs, and put the pillows down as a wall between us.

  “What are we watching?” I ask and Reed slides the movie case across the table toward me. I lean down to pick it up and say, “Friday? I absolutely love this movie. It has to be one of my all-time favorites!”

  “Yeah, me too. I thought we could use a laugh.”

  We both say at same time, “Bye Felicia.”

  Reed grabs the movie I picked up earlier and puts it in the DVD player. “Babe, why don’t you ever pick anything with romance in it? Not that I’m fucking complaining, because I love the fact you don’t, but don’t all girls like that bullshit?”

  I snuggle into the couch with the blanket over me and popcorn in my lap. “I only watch them with my mom—it gives us our bonding time. But why would I need to watch them when our story is better than the way any movie could show?”

  Reed plays the movie and then steals a couple pieces of my popcorn, popping it in his mouth “Mmm…I like that answer. Now, let me have some of that damn blanket, I’m frozen over here.”

  Reed tugs on my worn blanket, and snuggles me into the side of him. After a couple of minutes, he moves my hair away from my neck and starts kissing his way down my neck, slowly taking my shirt off and throwing it on the floor, continuing his trail down my body.

  “What about the movie?” I ask as goose bumps break out over my whole body.

  He looks up and stops kissing my chest. “Who gives a fuck about the movie when my girl needs to be taken care of?”

  And just like every other Sunday, we spend it wrapped around each other instead of worrying about what played on the television.

  Thankfully, a dog barks and it pulls me out of my memories. “You have a dog?”

  “Yep, he’s playing outside, probably found an animal to play with. My little shit.” Who would have thought?

  “What happened tonight?”

  “You sure you want to know? I’ll tell you, but you won’t like what I did.”

  “I stitched you up, at least I can find out why.” More like wondering if I need to hire an attorney.

  “I knew who the fuckers were that beat up Corey, he told me one day before all this shit went down. Found them, got into it, paid someone to come and make sure cops found them with plenty of shit to send them away.”

  “But what if they knew who you were?” I mean, Reed’s face is pretty well known. Thoughts of him getting really hurt scare me.

  “Shit, Had, you worried about me?”

  “Not at all, you did this to yourself.” Totally lie.

  “Still shit of a liar, babe. I wore a stocking cap, nothing showing, no tats, none of my scars, so that’s covered. The guy that helped hated these guys more than I do, we both made sure they’ll be away for a while.” I wonder how Reed knows that type of people.

  “So… um, when did you move here? Your place looks pretty empty for being here very long.” I’ve been wondering this since I first saw him but never got the guts to ask. I wasn’t sure I really wanted the answer, either.

  Reed takes a drink of water, glancing at me, almost nervous to tell me. “About six months before you saw me at the bar. I haven’t really had a chance to decorate. Too busy opening the gym and had two fights to train and promote; painting and shit was put on the back burner because of it. But you know me, I’m no good at any of that kind of stuff. You were always the decorator in our relationship, I just put shit around and called it memories.”

  Reed gently pulls at my chin forcing me to face him. The pillows I put on the couch to separate us are now lay on the floor. “Hadley, baby, I know the wheels in that hot head of yours are turning. But we’re settling this shit right here, right now. The only reason—I mean, the only reason I moved here was for you, for us. I. Want. Us. I made a huge ass mistake not taking you with me; this is me trying to make it right. I was going to come find you after everything I planned was set, wanted to show you how serious I was to get us back on track. But Lance saw Courtney, and then I ended up seeing you at the bar so that fucked that shit up. My words aren’t always great and, hell, neither are my actions, but I came back for you, just like I fucking promised I would. It took longer to pull my head out of my ass, but you are all I ever wanted—needed. It took making a shit load of mistakes to understand that we were never meant to be apart. I’m so fucking sorry for everything—I mean, everything I did to us. I thought you gave up on us, so I did too. I heard it was too late for us and I fucking lost it. It doesn’t make sense, I know, but hell, nothing I
do ever does. All I know is I love you madly, fucking always have, fucking always will, babe.”

  Sitting here, looking into his hazel eyes, my mind replays the words he just spoke to me. After everything he did, could Reed actually still love me? Do I still love him? Before I can even think about anything else, Reed puts his hand on my hip, gliding me near him, my knees brushing his, eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose, inches away from our lips touching. We gently move toward each other, so close I smell the familiar scent of the mints he loves coming from his mouth. I lick my lips, lost in the emotion and move even closer. Right when the heat of his breath on my lips, the sound of a knock at the door interrupts us, breaking the trance Reed has over me. I try to move away, but he won’t release his hold on my hip. He whispers against my lips, “Mad, Hads, fucking madly.”

  Whoever is at the door starts banging. Reed huffs in annoyance and then slowly stands up while grazing my cheek with the tips of his rough fingers. “Worst fucking timing. Whoever this dipstick at my door is better be dying. Don’t move a fucking muscle, Hads. We finish this shit tonight. You need to know everything.” Reed bends down and lays a kiss my forehead, just like he never left.

  Reed

  I swear, whoever this is will be getting throat-punched. I was so close to getting where I needed to be. Progress was happening between us. We were finally getting all the bullshit out in the open like I should have years ago. Then the damn moment, lost.

  I open the door hard before even looking to see who it is. Instantly, I spot the fake boobs, tight red dress, and high-heeled boots, hating myself for not just letting the fucking knocking continue. “Krystal, what the fuck are you doing here?”

  She barges into my house and that fake smile on her face lights up when she eyes my bare chest up and down.

  “It’s so great to see you, too, Riker. I remember not too long ago you liked me showing up unannounced—those were always the craziest times. Weren’t they, baby?” Krystal purrs, trailing one of her fake-ass red fingernails down my chest, almost touching my tattoo. I whack her hand off me just as Hadley walks around the corner. She squeezes my cell phone in her hand, like she wants to do to my neck.

  No doubt Hadley heard everything. She closes her eyes tightly, something she does when trying not to cry. I hate that she heard what Krystal said and hate myself even more for actually doing any of this shit to begin with. I gotta make it right. I reach for Hadley’s arm but she just brushes me off and takes a step farther away from me; with each foot away from me I can see the walls in her eyes, in her, build up around her. She picks her dress and shoes off the table. “I’ll give your clothes to Lance.”

  “Hadley, babe, please let me explain this. It’s not what you think,” I plead with her but Hadley shakes my words off like they aren’t important to her. Caging herself from me.

  “Reed, there’s nothing to explain, I promise. Your friend is here now so you don’t need me to stay with you anymore. I don’t want to keep you from doing anything that you obviously want to do. I went ahead and called a cab to take me home. No harm, no foul. Here’s your phone.” Hadley drops my phone in my outstretched hand without one glance up to my face.

  Krystal eyes Hadley in my clothes, glaring at her like she stole her toy on the playground. “Well, good for you, sweetie. I’m so happy that finally one of the many girls Riker uses has a brain and understands that I’ll always be his number one. I promise, I know what he likes better than you ever will. But if you are still interested in getting in bed with him, you can join us. Riker loves threesomes, isn’t that right, baby? He always makes sure we get taken care of, never leaves a stone unturned if you know what I mean.” Krystal makes a move for me but I rush towards Hadley.

  “Riker, why are you going after one of your leftovers like that?” Krystal says, stomping her foot. Making me more and more pissed with each fucking second she breathes the same air as Hadley.

  “Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch!” I scream at her, my voice laced with venom and twist back to Hads, ready to plea with her, but she just sweeps right past us toward the door.

  “Um, thanks for the offer, but that’s a huge negative, Krystal. It was Krystal, right, honey? I had him a while ago and trust me, it wasn’t memorable enough to want to come back for seconds. If you’ll excuse me, I will leave you two to take care of that business. I’m going to wait outside for my cab so you guys have your fun. They said they have someone only a couple of minutes out, so don’t worry about the noise, I’ll be gone soon.” Hadley steps out of my front door, pauses, and yells over her shoulder, “You guys have your fun. Remember to wrap it before you stick it in, don’t want any baby mommas out there. And hey, Riker…remember, actions speak louder than words, and yours are screaming pretty fucking loud.” Her last word falls out of her lips as a cab pulls up in my driveway, and she gets in without even a glimpse in my direction.

  Once again, my mistakes are haunting me. I have to find a way to fix this mess. I know that no matter the amount of apologies I say to Hadley, it will never change what I did. I’ll have to fucking prove to her I’m here to stay. Nothing and no one will get in my damn way.

  “Krystal, you need to leave my fucking house right now. You aren’t welcomed here—ever. I don’t give a shit where you go, but you can’t stay here,” I tell her as I push the bitch out of my house.

  “Rike, is that the one?”

  I don’t know why I feel like I owe her anything, maybe the years we were fucking, maybe it’s because I think it will help. Who the fuck knows? Not me. “Yes, Krystal, that’s her, but I’m not chatting about the love of my fucking life with the girl I associate with all the fucked-up things I did to mess up my chances of being with her in the first place. Now, again, leave my goddamn house and never come back!”

  She makes her way over and bats her fake-ass lashes at me. “But, Rike, remember the first night we got together and I made you forget? Let me do that again. She will never forgive you when she finds out everything. You know it, and I know it.”

  How did I ever find this girl remotely sexy? Her whinny-ass voice sends my dick inside of me.

  “I don’t want to forget anymore. What I did to her, I deserve to feel every single gut-wrenching thing, because what I feel, she has been feeling it all along—because of me. I have claim on it all, I need to get what’s due to me. Now get the fuck out of my house before I throw your ass out!”

  Krystal starts to open her mouth but closes it and walks out, with her tail between her legs. Hopefully, out of my life. Good riddance, bitch.

  Chapter 14

  Hadley

  My body lands in the seat of the cab and the tears I held onto at Reed’s come barreling down my cheeks. I was such a moron to let my guard down around him, so damn stupid. I actually started to believe he came back for me, that Reed wanted me, that he could still love me. But I was dead wrong. Reed wanted me for ass, to be his for the night.

  As soon as I laid eyes on that girl, I knew who she was. I could spot that hooker slut anywhere. Krystal changed my life three years ago and I could never forget what she looked like, and boy have I tried. That bleach blond, fake tan woman has done things with Reed that I could never think about doing, or would even want to do. Not only did I get the privilege of seeing her in person, I’m lucky enough to finally have a name to go with my nightmare—Krystal. Really, that bitch ruined a perfectly good name. Stupid hoe bag, slut hooker, crotch rot Krystal.

  After twenty minutes of crying uncontrollably in the backseat, the driver pulls into my driveway. I pay the poor guy and hand him the biggest tip for dealing with the mess of me. I make a mental note to send a receipt with the clothes so Reed’s ass can pay me back. I spot Bennett’s car on the opposite side of the street, great. I slowly peel myself off the backseat, and the second my bare feet step on my sidewalk, my front door swings open, and standing in the doorway is a very furious Bennett. “Where the hell did you go? Something was so important that you couldn’t wait even a couple minutes to watch my fuc
king speech? Thanks a lot, Hadley.” He seethes out at me.

  I offer a half-assed apology and lag behind Bennett into my house. The last thing I need is my nosy neighbors witnessing this scene and calling the police.

  I close the door and the instant I’m in my living room, Bennett collides with me and thrusts me onto my couch. I shift to look at him and see pure madness staring right back at me. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be involved with you? You stupid whore, can’t even stay by my side for one fucking night! One. Fucking. Night!” He voice shakes with madness.

  Did I feel guilty leaving? No, but I knew leaving wasn’t right the minute I stepped out the door. Reed said jump and I did. Now I have to wait and see how far I’m going to fall from it.

  “Bennett, I’m sorry. Didn’t someone tell you I got sick? I went to my parents’ to see if I could get any of my mom’s anti-nausea pills. I know I should have said something to you, but you had your speech and stuff. I just needed to get out of there.” I had completely forgotten that I’m still in Reed’s clothes.

  “Spare me the fucking rehearsed speech. I can see that you weren’t at your parents. You were with him, weren’t you? You are wearing his fucking clothes, aren’t you? Goddamn, you are such a fucking idiot.” Bennett says yanking at his hair, his temper anything but settled when he starts again. “I knew the minute I saw him at the hospital. Reed Collins, the notorious playboy of MMPL, who used to fuck you. The way you look at him makes me fucking nauseous, like he hung the fucking moon. You cry out for him in your sleep, did you know that? Like the pathetic little girl you are. Do you know where his dick has been? How fucking hot those other girls he fucks are? You think he came here for a boring ass bitch like you? Fuck no! He wants your money just like last time—you were his meal ticket. He got what he wanted, ditched you, and now he needs more.”