Fighting to Start

by S. L. Ziegler

  I close my eyes, taking in everything Bennett said. I thought he wouldn’t find out. That I covered the questions he asked up enough. With every breath I intake, I get it, he knows everything, always has, he just played a game of chess and sacrificed me as a pawn.

  “Oh, that’s so cute. You really didn’t think I knew. Oh, honey, I knew the first night I fucked you, when he started making out with that whore all over the television for the whole world to see. You were crushed and I knew I could mold you into what I wanted. You were almost there until that asshole came back wanting a piece of what I worked on. I can tell you something else, been losing my patience with you and your whiny fucking ass. It’s like listening to a four-year-old who can’t get the ice cream she wants and I’m through with it. Tonight, I’ll have to teach you the lesson that I have been itching to do since that first night. You’re one stubborn bitch that needs to be fixed for all the others that will fuck you after I leave. You’ll be even more broken and I can’t wait to fucking watch it unfold.”

  Bennett snatches me off the couch. Clutching both of my arms, he holds them behind my back with one of his hands, making fighting against him pointless, but I refuse to not try. With his other hand, he backhands me hard across my cheek, and the top of his fingers hit my eye bone. The intensity of his strike sends me to my knees and my face throbs from the pain. I try my hardest to get my hands out of his grip, but the harder I fight, the tighter Bennett clutches. Finally, my left wrist pops from the force of his grip and I instantly stop.

  I brace myself for more hits coming, but he doesn’t deliver another blow. Bennett hoists me up, eyes blazing through me with nothing but pure evilness. How did I not know he would do this? Fucking red flags have been waving around for almost three years. The eyes that I used to think belonged to my savior now belong to my own personal devil.

  Bennett jerks the side of my head toward his face and speaks in my ear, “You may be a stupid girl, but you seem to be a fast learner. I think you learned your lesson now, don’t you?” He pulls my chin up, his words are laced with spit and lands on my face. “I thought we could be something, but you just can’t let things go, can you? It really is a good thing for you I fucked some chick before I came over or I would be having you that way, too. If your spoiled ass even thinks about telling anyone about this little incident, I’ll call the league and cops on your precious lover boy and tell them what he was actually doing tonight to get that fucked-up face of his. And if that’s not enough incentive I can always come back for you. One hit from me got your eye all swollen and only a little strength broke your wrist…what would ever happen to you if I had to come back for another round? I know you wouldn’t want that, now would you? If not for you, just think about what your wonderful family would do if something really bad happened to you, if they could never find you.” Bennett snatches the top of my head by my hair, drags me toward him, and knees me hard in the stomach. “I’m through dealing with your shit now. You were the worst fuck I ever had. That’s the real reason your boyfriend left you in Ohio, all alone, fucking pregnant and damaged as fuck.” Bennett throws me away, my back lands into a bookshelf. The pictures frames on it come toppling down, and the glass doesn’t just break, it shatters, just like me on the inside.

  I wait until the front door slams closed before climbing over the glass and curl into a ball on the couch. I try to soothe myself as Lucy comes over from around the kitchen, laying down right next to my face. “Hey, girl, so glad you stayed away. I don’t know what I would have done if he did something to you.” Lucy purrs and rubs her face against mine, almost wiping my tears away.

  Life has moments that knock you down, where you’re supposed to get yourself back up. But years ago, I never got back up, I stayed laying down and let Bennett keep me there.

  No more.

  I call the one person I hope will keep this a secret. For Reed, for my family, for myself, I pray he does.

  Reed

  I pour myself the biggest fucking cup of coffee, hoping like hell it helps my throbbing head feel better, but then my doorbell rings and causes the throbbing to grow worse. After I sent Krystal packing, I poured a couple shots of whiskey and passed out on the couch, trying to do anything to help the pain in my chest. It didn’t even come close to working, only made me feel shittier. No doubt I’ll pay for it during training today. And I deserve it. Walking toward my door, the ringing turns to pounding. Damn, what is it with everyone being impatient asses? I look out my front window as I pass, seeing the back of Lance’s brown hair. He’s probably here to pick up Hadley. I know I will get the whole damn riot act when he hears what went down.

  I open the door, bracing myself. “What’s up, dude? If you are here for Hadley, she left last night.” I leave the door open so Lance can come in, but he just stares at me.

  “Reed, what the hell happened with the two of you?”

  “Nothing happened, Krystal made sure of that. That crazed bitch showed up spitting shit about old times. Hadley couldn’t take it and left. Five minutes after that, I convinced psycho ass I wasn’t going to do anything with her so she left.”

  “Krystal was here? Why?” He paused and shook his head as if we were getting off topic. “We’ll talk about that after I tell you stuff. Something happened to Hadley,” Lance says, walking inside my house.

  “What are you talking about? Fuck, was it an accident?” I want to run out of the house, go to her, see for myself that she’s okay, but Lance moves to my couch and sits down. I anxiously sit across from him, my muscles coiling tighter with each wasted second.

  “Not really. Last night when Hadley got home, I guess she got wasted and fell down her stairs or some shit. Well, that’s the story Hadley’s telling people anyway. She has a messed up wrist and a bruised eye, but Matt and I don’t believe her story. Reed, man, her fucking eye looks like someone punched her. Courtney and I went over to take her to the hospital to get her wrist looked at and her place was trashed. Broken glass and picture frames on the floor. When we asked her, she said she got mad about what happened with you and trashed it herself. But you know better than anyone, does that sound like something she would do? She was always the one to break on the inside, not on the outside.” Lance pauses before finishing. “I know she’s hiding something, and it can’t be anything good if she is keeping it from Courtney. Hadley tells her everything. She won’t even step foot into her house so she’s staying with Matt.”

  After I finish telling Lance what happened with Krystal, I finally convince him to give me Hadley’s number. I call her a couple of times, but I don’t get an answer. I send some texts, and those go unreturned. I just need to make sure she was okay, but I get nothing. So I go to the gym and beat the shit out of bag after bag. But nothing works.

  I just need to hear from her.

  Chapter 15

  Hadley

  Bennett holds my throat as I struggle for air to fill my lungs. The harder I try to breathe, the harder his grip tightens around my neck. I continue to struggle, and when I’m sure I can’t take any more, my fight response takes over. I kick, hit, punch—anything—trying to get him off of me so I can live, but he only grips harder, saying over and over, “I will take everyone you love away from you.” The only thing I have to focus on is the look in Bennett’s eyes, dancing with excitement at the prospect of squeezing the life out of me.

  My eyes pop open and I grasp for air while pawing at my neck repeatedly. I finally calm down enough to know I am safe. Only a dream. Bennett’s not here. I sit with my hand covering my neck, still breathing heavily—it seemed so real. The door opens and I have a very concerned brother staring down at me. With the frightened look on Matt’s face, I know I’d screamed out loud. But he doesn’t question why I am in the corner of the room curled into a ball, just stands with his hands in his pockets and a look on his face that I know too well…pity.

  “Hey, sis, I’m going to go get a few things from the store. Do you need anything?” I shake my head and Matt lifts me up
. “If you need me, just call, okay?” Then he places me back on the bed and with a gentle kiss on my head before he leaves the room.

  This is why I came here instead of my parents’, or Mark and Sarah’s. He always comes in and scoops me up without many questions. He knows when to push and when to pull me. Now, more than ever, I need the quietness Matt brings to me. Matt isn’t the one to talk too much about feelings and leaves me alone for the most part, unless I talk first, then he will always give me the truth. And I’ve never loved him more for it than I do right now.

  I let out my breath and curl back into the sheets. I’m not sure how this mess will work out, but I have a feeling more will happen before the dust settles.

  I refuse to go back home till tomorrow when a guy from my father’s company can change the locks and upgrade my alarm system. Thankfully, this guy needs money so he’s keeping it quiet from the rest of my family. There is nothing like feeling unprotected in your own home, and I refuse to let him have hold over me like that. Bennett left with a promise to do more and I know he meant it. I’m sure he is itching to tell all the right people about what really happened to Reed, and after he’s done destroying Reed, he will come back to destroy me. Every time I close my eyes, I see Bennett—his eyes so cold, so dark.

  Unasked questions filled everyone’s eyes when I told them that I had fallen, and the lack of Bennett’s presence wasn’t helping, but Dr. Pewit—James—covered for me. I’m beyond thankful for a friend like that. God knows how Bennett has managed to stay friends with him for so long.

  Because of this whole mess, I won’t be able to work on the floor at the hospital till my hand is healed, which will take five to seven weeks. But this also gives me more time to spend with my mom and deal with the steps I need to take in order to get stronger.

  Getting lost in another Pawn Stars marathon, I hear a small knock. “You decent?” The strong sound of my father’s voice makes me smile. I really need my daddy right now.

  “Yes, Dad, come in.”

  He takes a long look at me and smiles, but I can tell he is worried. I can only imagine what he thinks about my eye. Slowly and carefully, he turns my face to the side so he can look over the bruise.

  My mom getting sick has made me lean on him even more than before, and I have no clue what I would do without my daddy during this time. Where my mom is the glue that holds us together, my dad is the rock that keeps us from blowing away. My dad didn’t make his money being a pushover or, hell, a nice guy most of the time, but to my mom and me, he would move mountains to make us happy. He’s a man of few words, but when he does speak, he sneaks some wisdom in. He’ll never just come out to tell you what he is thinking. Usually, it’s a riddle, and when you actually figure out what he’s saying, it always leads you to the right path. Too bad I haven’t listened to him in a while.

  I lean my head on his shoulder and snuggle up to him like I did when I was a little girl. I never feel safer than I do when I get a hug from him, and that’s what my heart wants. “Baby girl, Matt called and told me what happened. Why didn’t you call us? Your mother and I would have loved to have you under our roof again.” Hearing him calling me his baby girl—a name he has called me since I can remember—makes me feel safe. My parents tried for so long to get pregnant after Matt, and finally giving up the idea of conceiving another child, they adopted me. I’m so thankful and blessed they choose me as their daughter.

  “I know, Daddy. It’s just with Mom and the nurses coming in and out, I don’t want to burden you guys. Plus, Matt has more movie channels.” I can’t have my dad worrying about me, I just don’t know how to fix it. I know my story of being drunk would make him think I’m doing it just because of what is happening to Mom, but I have to keep him out of this mess I’ve caused.

  “You can always talk to me…you know that, right? Mark told me Reed moved here and with everything else going on, that has to be hard on you. You have grown into a strong woman, and I know you can handle things on your own. I just wish I would have heard about this from you. I don’t want you to hide from me. Do you remember what I told you when you were younger and making stupid decisions in high school?”

  “Dad, you told me a lot back then. Every time I turned around, I got one of your famous talks. ‘Am I talking to a wall?’ or my personal favorite, ‘If you were Mark or Matthew, I would send you away to military school’ blah blah blah.” I laugh at my rendition of him from years before. My poor parents.

  “Oh, Hadley, you sure kept us on our toes. You turned my hair gray faster than Mark and Matt ever could. Well, maybe not. I can’t believe you don’t remember any more from my talks. I put so much time into those, even had index cards I hid behind my back. Remember what I’m about to say this time, this one comes from years of experience. If you knew the choices you are making for yourself right now would determine the outcome of the rest of your life, would you still choose them?”

  We both sit silently for a couple of minutes, and without a doubt, I know he is right. Everything I do now can change the outcome of my life, good or bad, that’s for sure.

  “Daddy, did anyone ever tell you that you are a very wise man?”

  He wraps his arm around me and pulls me into one of his hugs, and I feel so safe, so secure. “I have heard it once or twice, but don’t go telling your mom you told me that or I will have to listen to her lectures about things going straight to my head.” He laughs and pulls me a little harder into him. “Baby girl, I just wanted to see with my own eyes that you are in one piece and all right. I gave her nurse the evening off so I need to go check on your mom and give her some of her pain medicine. Don’t worry about what your mom will say, I just told her Lucy tripped you on the stairs and you fell so you don’t have to explain what really happened. If you need anything, please call us, no matter what time or whatever it is about. We are here for you. Take a couple of days to relax. Your mom was saying she needs some one-on-one chatting time with her favorite daughter. Don’t forget we love you.”

  “Dad, I’m her only daughter.”

  He laughs at me. “Well, look at the bright side, she doesn’t have to lie to you like she does your brothers.”

  I stand up with him and wrap my arms around his stomach. I can’t help but feel a pang of guilt about lying to him. My dad didn’t make millions in security because he is a pansy. He and my brothers would take justice into their own hands, it’s what they do. And that’s the last thing any of us needs right now.

  “Thanks for that, Daddy. I love you guys. I’ll come by tomorrow on my way home.” He kisses me one more time before he leaves.

  I decide I can’t stay in the bedroom any longer and go into the movie room, turn on the television, and cuddle up in the massive recliner with a huge blanket. I put on some Lifetime movie and snuggle up with Lucy in my lap. I finally get comfortable and into the movie when the damn chime for the door goes off.

  I look through the peephole and see Courtney first, then Lance, and then Reed behind both of them. Really, you would think he would get the hint after I haven’t answered any of his calls or text all day. Court “the traitor” will be my new nick name for her because she seems to be very much on Reed’s side lately. I’m going to kill her for this—well, at least have her take me to Waffle House every day for a year just for payback.

  As soon as I open the door, Reed stops pacing. He looks relieved, and then pissed the minute he eyes my bruise. I turn to Courtney and Lance, they both look at me funny and eye what I am wearing. I take a look down at myself and, of course, I’m wearing one of Reed’s old sweatshirts. Just shoot me now.

  “Hey, come in. I’m just watching some TV, you want to join?” I gesture for them to come inside.

  Courtney comes inside the doorway first, hugs me, and gives me a cautious smile. “We can’t stay long, we are going to the movies but wanted to stop by and check on you. Why don’t you change and come with us? It’s just some stupid action movie with some old actors from the eighties the guys are excited ab
out. It beats sitting around this place by yourself.” I can’t tell what Courtney is up to, but she seems to be jumping on the “I love Reed” train fast, and I’m staying far away from that.

  Et tu, Brute.

  “That’s nice of you to offer, but I’m good staying here. Matt went to go get food and as you can see, I have no desire to get ready. You guys go, have fun. I’m walking my happy ass upstairs to my chair and cat.”

  Courtney makes some excuse about showing something to Lance that he just has to get for his kitchen. I know a set-up when I smell one, and right now, the air around me reeks. Reed and I alone is a great idea, it worked out so fantastic last time.

  Reed reaches up and his rough fingers touch my face, sending a nervous shiver down spine. “Wicked bruise—must hurt like shit. Mix some Vaseline and cayenne pepper and put it on that, it won’t stay long.”

  “Thanks, I’ll be sure to do that. You guys can hit the road, Lifetime is calling my name.”

  Reed stops looking at my cheek and locks into my eyes. “Listen, Hadley…about that shit from last night, I’m sorry, if I could have told—”

  I raised my hand to cut him off. This is the last thing I need to hear from him now. “Reed, last night is done. I meant what I said. You and that girl can do anything you want—it’s not my business anymore. You certainly don’t need to explain it to me, either. And, honestly, I don’t want to hear about it one bit.”

  Reed looks over my shoulder to Courtney and Lance, whose heads pop back behind the wall, eavesdropping on us. He leads me into the living room, sits me on the couch, and then plops down right next to me. “That’s the thing, though, nothing happened between Krystal and me.” I swear my eyes are going to be stuck in the back of my head with how hard I just rolled them. What a load of b.s. “Yes, Hadley, something has happened before, but not last night and certainly hasn’t for a while. She was a pussy filler, that’s it, something to help me not feel so fucking lonely all the time. I thought you gave up, but please, just let me explain everything to you. I’m here for you and you alone. I left all that shit in Vegas when I moved here. Please, just let me fucking show you.”