Fighting to Start

by S. L. Ziegler

  “Okay, so her being around to be—what was it you so nicely called her, oh yeah—a pussy filler, is supposed to what? Make me feel any better about her… Yep, sure doesn’t. How about all the other ones she was talking about, or the girls with you on all the magazine covers with your hands all over them?” I stand up. There is no way I can stand being this close to Reed right now. The thought of him with other girls makes me physically sick. I can’t do this, and certainly not in front of him.

  He grabs my arm before I can get away. “Hadley, when I left, I thought I was doing the right thing. Fuck! I really did, it just took me a long time to understand it wasn’t what I really wanted or needed. I was just lost and fucking petrified that you found someone better than I ever could be for you. It took me—”

  “Stop, Reed. Just stop!” I cut him off again, because no matter what he says, no matter what he does, it’s not going to change a thing or replace any the pain I went through. “You can it say over and over, but it won’t change shit how I feel about you! Fuck you—how about that? You know what I think? I think you did all those girls to get your fucking kicks off, to get your dick wet. I bet you laughed at me every time you screwed another one because you knew I was sitting around, waiting on you to come back to me! I waited eighteen damn months for you. Eighteen months, Reed! I was so in love with you, no words were enough. I would’ve given up everything for one more night with you, one day—hell, one minute. I would have done anything to have you back, but that’s gone. I would fall asleep crying, dream about you, wake up and think of you, breathe for you, wait for you. I was a fucking mess and I’m not going to do that again. Loving you was easy, easier than breathing. Falling out of love was anything but. Each day I would tell myself this is it, this is the day I am officially over Reed Collins, that I won’t be so damn broken anymore, but each night, I fell asleep still fucking loving you. So if you can excuse me, I’m through with this fucking conversation. Stick a fork in me, I’m done.” I walk out of the room without a single tear coming down my face. What do I have to do to get over him?

  Reed

  I swallow what’s left of my pride and get the hell out of this place. I didn’t expect a parade when I came to her, but I didn’t expect the hatred from her, either. It fucking guts me that I can’t take any of this away from her, and I’m lost at any way to heal this shit.

  I sit on the hood of the car and try to calm myself down when Matt pulls his car into the driveway. I only came over here because I knew he was gone, and I’m not in the damn mood to deal with anyone else yelling at me.

  “Hey, Reed. Do you got a minute? I need to talk to you.”

  “Matt. What do you want? Are you going to slam me against my car and threaten me like your brother, or knee me in my balls like her best friend did, or did you have something else in mind? Shit, I know I fucked up, I get it.” What else can be said or done to me that I don’t want to do to myself?

  “You’re the guy who left my sister alone and broken, so I’m not going to apologize for protecting her and neither will anyone else that loves her. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

  “Listen, Matt, I never meant to hurt her. I fucked up back then. I don’t know what else to say to you or her or to anyone else to have you guys understand that. Damn, I moved my whole life here for her. I know I don’t deserve her but fuck, I love her,” I tell him quietly.

  “Damn, why do I have to keep going over this shit?” Matt rubs the back of his neck. “You had me convinced when I heard you moved here. I may not know a lot, but people don’t pick up their whole lives unless it has something to do with love. Mark has his issues and that’s deeper than I want to even think about. And Courtney and Hadley have some fucked up blood bond thing going on, and because of that, she is going to be hard on you. We all saw Hadley at her lowest and trust me, it wasn’t a pretty scene. We had to witness from the sidelines as her heart broke because the one person she will always love left her. That’s it. She may not know it yet because there is so much pain left behind, but Hadley wants you. And me trying to keep you away from her will only hurt her more in the long run—that is shit I know. I always liked you for some fucked-up reason, but it doesn’t mean I am going to help you, either. She is our Hadley and I will do anything for her. If you are serious about getting her back, okay—great even—because I can tell she still loves you, always has. But if you are here because Hadley used to be someone you cared about and you’re lonely, then just leave because Hadley can get over pretty much anything, but I don’t think she will come back to us again if you break her heart one more time.”

  “Matt, I came here for her. She was it—she is it—and I fucked up bad, but I am not going anywhere again.” He seems to accept what I said since the tension that was in his shoulders is gone now.

  “All right, prove it then…but this shit isn’t what I wanted to talk about. Bennett did this to Hadley. I paid a visit today to the doctor that saw Hadley. He was friends with Bennett and has become friends with her through him. He saw some stuff he didn’t like a while ago when they were out and he confirmed it. Hadley doesn’t want anyone to know, no clue why she’s protecting his ass but she is. But he fucking vanished, and now I can’t find him anywhere. Last anyone saw, he stormed out of the gala last night when he found out Hadley left. I did some deep digging just now and learned that his business is nearly broke, holding on by a thread, and what little money he had, he cashed out this morning. With all the shit with Mom, I can’t tell my Dad right now so his contacts can’t be used to find the fucker. And the guys I usually use may be more loyal to him because we both do business with them. With that being said, I heard you have some contacts now.”

  “Fuck yes, I’ll call my friend Bash right now, don’t even have to ask. Lance told me the same shit earlier. Seeing her face, someone hit her, no doubt. But why the fuck would you let her be with someone like that?” Matt doesn’t like drama, but if he knew this was going on…

  “Shit, calm down. I don’t want her to hear. Sure, he was a possessive piss-ant all the time, but last night was the first time he’s ever laid a hand on her—I’ll bet all my fucking money on that. Hadley may not be in the right state of mine, but she wouldn’t have stayed with him if he knocked her around.” Matt waves over my shoulder. “Listen, if I find anything else out, I will let you know. You do the same. I don’t expect Hadley to tell me if she didn’t already, but perhaps she will. Keep an eye out for her, too,” Matt says as he grabs the groceries out of his trunk and walks through the door at the same time Lance and Courtney are hugging Hadley goodbye. I can’t help but look at her and the bruise that covers her perfect face.

  If that ass had anything to do with Hadley getting hurt, he is a fucking dead man.

  Chapter 16

  Hadley

  I have been to my parents’ house every single day since my father’s visit a week ago, and every day my mom gets worse, constantly sleeping, and I don’t have the heart to wake her. I’d sit next to her for hours and read, but she would only stir. Part of me is glad that I didn’t have to talk about my face with her, but spending quality time with my mom is way more important than what happened to me. Everything else is simply irrelevant.

  My mom’s nurse, Margret, walks out of my dad’s old study that they’ve turned into a bedroom for my mom, arms filled with bottles of medicine.

  “Hey, Hadley, Ms. Julie is having a good day and I’m sure you being here will make it even better. You have about an hour till it’s time for her afternoon meds and those always make her tired, so hurry because she will want to chat the whole time.”

  I run inside the room, so excited that I finally get some time with her. I stop dead in my steps when I notice my mom has been moved out of her own bed that she shared with my dad into a hospital bed, all done since yesterday. The dreadful fear of losing my mom lingers in the air, and I absolutely loathe that we can’t do anything to stop it. The nurse in me knows the end is coming soon, but the daughter in me wants
to grasp on to any speck of hope for a miracle. Except, cancer doesn’t do miracles, it doesn’t care who it takes to the grave, it doesn’t care how hard the person wills it away, who loves the person…doesn’t care about the family and friends left to pick up the pieces.

  It’s simple, cancer is a bitch on hormones.

  From the spot I’m standing in, my mom looks so fragile, so defeated, her tiny body doesn’t even cover half of the bed. I can’t help but smile, though—she isn’t letting this cancer stop her from being her. Mom’s wig is still on and styled perfectly, and she’s dressed in one of her favorite boutique nightgowns. Margret is right…today is a good day for her.

  I grab hold of one of my mom’s hands and say, “Mom, sorry about not waking you up, you just seemed so tired. I read some books to you and we watched some movies, even some of our favorites.”

  I lean down, kissing her gently on her forehead. My mom cups her tiny hand on my cheek and her eyes shine. “It’s okay, baby girl, I understand. I overheard your brothers and dad talking about what happened to your arm and face this morning. That Lucy better be more careful getting your attention. Also, word around this house is that Bennett and you broke up, glad you got rid of that boy. I never did care for him much. Now sit down and tell your mom all about what’s eating you, and don’t you even think about not telling me everything. I’m still you mother, and it makes me feel needed since there’s not much I can do nowadays.”

  I drag a chair up to the bed, never letting go of her hand. “I don’t want you to worry about it. Nothing to talk about really. I am fine now. I was just having a bad day and needed to blow off some steam. I had a little too much to drink, Lucy tripped me on the top of the stairs, and I fell. And with Bennett gone, it was just too quiet there, and it’s been so long that I’ve been by myself. I was staying at Matt’s for some space, but he doesn’t want his little sister around to ruin his fun so I went home two days ago.”

  My mom smiles, knowing exactly the type of man-whore Matt really is. “Your brother can keep it in his pants for a couple of weeks to have his only sister stay, it’s good for him. Maybe it will help him find an actual girlfriend.”

  “Ha ha, Mom. We both know that isn’t going to happen. He is thirty-five now and if he hasn’t found a wife yet, I don’t think he will. Matt’s going to pull the hot bachelor card till he can’t, and after that, he’ll play the rich one. But he didn’t tell me to leave or anything, I just don’t want to keep anyone from their lives.” I take a deep breath and, for the first time since Reed entered my life again, let out the words that have been in my head. “I may want to get away from things here, too. I’m not sure I really want to stay, I mean, in Atlanta much longer. I just feel lost right now. Maybe leaving will help. I could find something that balances me out.”

  My mom grabs onto my hand a little harder. “Hadley, I know my time here is fading. I can feel it. So I am not going to waste time talking about things that aren’t important, so let’s stop the bullshit. I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay here after I am gone just for the family, but I also don’t want you to leave here because you want to run away from your problems. Because, darling, you will always end up running, and problems have a way of following you. Our family will be one unit no matter where we are in this world or the next one, but think things through before you decide to drop everything and move somewhere new. Your dad did tell me Reed is back, too. Reed even called a few times to check on me. Can you believe that one? Only one reason for that, and it wasn’t for me. He was really checking on you. Reed is still in love with you, baby. Five years is a long time to be apart, and maybe you both needed that time to come together now and be stronger than either of you could think of.”

  I can feel my face morph, what is up with everyone?

  “Don’t look at your mother like that. I know I wasn’t in the ‘I love Reed fan club,’ but all I have left to do is think, and I seem to do that a lot. Reed had to uproot his life in Vegas and move here for something, and the something is you, baby girl. Believe him or not, that’s your choice and yours alone. But men don’t do that just for nothing. You two had a love that I know very well. I feel it every day when I look at your daddy. Out of my three kids, you were always the one to guard your heart the most, even when you were little.”

  “Mom, you seem to forget that he uprooted his life with me to go to Vegas. And if men don’t do that for nothing…then I don’t want to know what that something is. Clearly, he didn’t love me enough.”

  “Or maybe it’s because he didn’t love himself enough. Sweetie, he was your first love and a real love at that. It is simple really…if you love him, go to him.”

  “Simple? This is anything but simple, Mom. I can’t, I mean, I won’t go there with him. Do I love him after everything? No…yes…well, maybe—oh, hell, I don’t have a clue. I thought I knew that answer before he came back. I was over him a hundred percent, no questions asked, but seeing him…now I’m not so sure anymore. He’s changed. I’ve changed. I don’t even know if I can move on from what happened—if I even want to. God, Mom, do you remember what I was like when he left, and then the baby, and the icing on the cake, when I found out about all the other girls? Not sure at all.”

  My mom struggles to sit herself up and pulls my hand to her chest with more tears in her eyes. And then she speaks softly to me. “In order to forgive, I mean the type of forgiveness that no matter what, you never feel the need to remember the reason you were forgiving the person in the first place, is the hardest thing you may ever do. But trust me, when you do forgive like that, your heart and soul are about thirty pounds lighter. I am not saying forget all the stuff that happened between you two because that would be like it didn’t happen at all. And those decisions changed both of you into who you are now. You both grew up during your time apart, though. Listen to your mom, I think it’s time you let go of all the bull and love him again. But if you can’t find it inside of yourself to do that, you at least need to forgive him. If not for him, then do it for yourself. This has been weighing on you far too long and it’s time, baby girl…this I know. Don’t be afraid to feel anymore, please.”

  The tears gather in the corner of my eyes. Like mother, like father, they always say the things that need to be heard the most. I’ll miss this time with her the most, where it’s just me and her and nothing in between. I will always want more, always want one more day with her. “What if I let him in again and Reed breaks my heart? Oh, Mom, what if he decides to leave me again? I know I can’t come back from that.”

  Mom picks up our entwined hands and wipes my tears away. “What if he doesn’t? You can ‘what if’ every decision you ever make in life, but you can’t change them, so why would you do that to yourself? Would you rather live life how you are now and just move through the motions of a normal person, or be in love, complete, and truly happy? Life is a game of chance, baby girl. Listen to what is here.” She points to my heart. “Instead of what is in here.” And then she points to my head. “Because your head doesn’t understand love, it never will. Its job is to keep you safe, but your heart’s job is to make you feel alive. We all deserve a chance to feel like that, even if it’s just for a short time. You had it before with him, and I am sure you can have it once again.”

  I get up from my seat and carefully lay beside her, curling into her as I silently cry.

  For a love I used to have.

  A love that may not happen again.

  And talks like this with Mom I will never have again.

  Reed

  “So, Riker, your fight is against Redman the fifteenth of December, and I want you back in Vegas two weeks before. We already scheduled photo shoots, promos, and some parties we need you at. If you win this one, the fight for the belt will be in June. That will put you on your eighth fight in contract, which means we need to start negotiations for another. Look at the papers I had overnighted, and let me know later today if you have any questions. I’m going on vacation tomorrow, s
o unless it’s an emergency, you need to go through Krystal first.”

  I look up from my desk into the camera on my computer and see Daily with the biggest fucking smirk on his face.

  “Told you before you started with her, Riker—she was here before you and if you stop fucking her, the consequences were all on you.”

  “Fucking dick. Thanks for the reminder on that, boss. I’ll look over the papers and let the agents and lawyers deal with it. See you in eight weeks.” Slamming my computer screen down and propping my feet up on my desk, I look over at Laura, who is sitting in the corner with my agent Colton going over my contract. I know I should be paying attention to what they are talking about but, honestly, I just don’t care. I have all the money I need and they are just trying to negotiate my terms for even more of it. I guess that’s what I pay them for but really, this part of the business bores the hell out of me. Funny shit: I left Hadley so I can have all this shit, and it cost me everything that really meant the most. I would give it all away to have my girl back. Fucking careful what you wish for.

  I start to mess around with my phone when a text from Lance comes through.

  Lance: Dude I need your help! Some guy from a bar called Court and said Had is trashed and needs a ride, we are an hour away can u do it?

  ME: I will try, going over contract shit here

  Lance: Court is freaking saying she is doing heavier shit, you need to get there now!

  ME: WTF!!!

  Lance: Bartender said to get her fast.

  ME: WHERE THE HELL IS SHE????

  Lance: Docs off Peachtree