Fighting to Start

by S. L. Ziegler

  I bend down and place a gentle kiss on all of them. “We came back together, just like I fucking knew we would.” Goose bumps cover her whole body, and I love that I still get this damn reaction from her. I flip her over and tug her pants off, taking a minute to just look at her, and I swear, she has the best damn body ever. A couple more tattoos inked into that perfect skin of hers that I’ll have to pay more attention to later, because right now, the only thing I want is her. I rip her panties in one tug.

  Hadley bites her bottom lip and smiles up at me. “Hey, good thing those were the cheap ones, because if not, that would have been priceless if you couldn’t do it.”

  I laugh into her stomach. “Fuck those, if it was up to me, your ass would never wear them.” I reach down between her legs and dip my fingers into her. She sighs and grinds against my fingers. “Damn, babe, you’re so fucking wet for me. You know what that does to me.”

  Hadley pulls my hand away from her, sits up, pushes her hand in the waist of my pants, and drops them to the floor. She crawls over me and goes straight for the sparrows on my chest, and then whispers against my skin, “Madly.”

  She starts licking all the way down my chest and puts the head of my dick in her mouth. Fuck, I forgot how good getting head from her is. “Damn, babe, you are always the best at that.”

  It’s been too long, wanting her too fucking badly to come anywhere but inside her. I lift her off me and spin her around, one hand goes straight to her breast while the other goes in between her legs. “Does that feel good, Hadley?”

  “Oh God, Reed, yes. Please don’t stop.” She clenches around my fingers, but I don’t stop until she is done riding out her orgasm. I don’t give her enough time to relax when I move right over her, my dick straight at her entrance.

  “Fuck, I don’t have any condoms here. I didn’t think this would happen.”

  She looks up at me with pinched eyebrows and narrowed eyes. “Reed, what do you mean? Please tell me you haven’t been fucking all those girls without one.”

  “Hads, I haven’t done anything with anyone in almost a year, and before that, always with a condom and certainly not in this fucking house.” I kiss her again and then she rubs her clit against my dick. “You got to stop that shit, babe, or I am going to take you, condom or not.”

  She doesn’t stop, only reaches up and puts her hand on my cheek. “I want this. I haven’t been with anyone without one, either. It’s always just been you.” And with those words I thrust myself into her.

  “You feel so good, so tight, fuck, damn…nothing is better than this, perfect.”

  Hadley bites down on my shoulder and I almost lose it. She squeezes my dick and she’s so damn wet I feel it all the way down her legs. I move her toward me, making sure every single inch of my damn dick is inside of her.

  “Harder, please! So close.”

  With one hand on her waist and the other gripping her hair, I pound in to her. One more thrust and I have her screaming. The moment her insides clench around me, I erupt. We both collapse on the bed, trying to catch our breaths, praying to whoever is up there that this isn’t just a one-time thing.

  We hold each other for so long I think Hadley falls asleep. I look over at her, and for the first time since I came back, I see love in her eyes. I put my forehead to hers and whisper “madly” against her lips, and then gently kiss her. Tears start rolling down her face.

  “Babe, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

  She reaches up and rubs my shaved head. “It’s surreal we’re here right now. Earlier today, my mom made me see something I didn’t really want to before. I am too tired of fighting us. You were right. What we had, we can have it again. One life, that’s all we get, and I’m giving us a chance, but please be careful with me because I can’t go through that kind of hurt again.”

  I climb off her and pull her into my chest, holding her. “Your mom, babe, she was an amazing woman. I’m here for you—you know that, right?” I place a kiss on her shoulder. “I can’t say we won’t fight because that’s what we do—we fight, we fuck, and we forgive. We’re intense. You’re stubborn and I’m a fucking douche more than half the time. We’re fighting to start again. This is it. I promise, I’ll always put you first from now on. I would never do a damn thing again to break us apart. Hand me that pinky.” I stick mine out and Hadley smiles up at me, wrapping hers around mine. I pull it up to my mouth and kiss it.

  “Whoever would think big bad Riker Collins would do that? That’s the first time you ever made a pinky promise. Did you lose your man card?” she says with a laugh. “I promise not to be a bitch to you anymore. Well, not when you don’t deserve it.”

  “It’s only for you—always, just for you. But now I’ll fucking show you my man card, woman. You’re ready for me again, aren’t you? Because, babe, we got a shitload of time to make up for.”

  And just like that, we make our kind of love. Loud, hot, and sticky, just the way we both like it until we can’t move.

  Hadley

  “Babe, wake up.”

  “No, leave me alone. It’s too damn early.” I groan and lift the pillow over my head, hoping he gets the hint.

  “I know, but I have to go train. I didn’t want to have you wake up later and not know where I am. I’ll kick ass fast and come straight back so we can go to your parents’ house to help out.”

  I lift the pillow and pucker my lips without one eye open. Reed’s lips land on mine and then he laughs. “Five years and you’re still not a morning person, I see.”

  I stick out my tongue, put the pillow back over my head, and fall back to sleep.

  I stretch my body and, for a split second, I forget where I am until my insides hurt in all the right places and visions from last night flood my mind. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Reed still makes everything right. It feels like no time has passed between us, but yet at the same time, so much. I sit up and the first thing I see is a travel mug. Taking a sip, I smile and, just like all those years ago, he put the perfect amount of pumpkin spice creamer in it. Big check mark next to something I’ve missed.

  I grab a T-shirt from his drawer and run downstairs to the kitchen to make sure he has all the ingredients to make my famous protein pancakes. They are his favorites and I used to make them all the time for him when we were together last. It felt right making them again. I pull everything put of the cabinets I need and even decide to make some turkey bacon and eggs with it.

  I set my phone up in the speaker and turn on Sam Hunt while cooking, feeling light for the first time. Loki comes over, smells me, and lies right down on the floor next to my feet, and for a split second, I envision Lucy here, too—us living in our own world with our animals playing around, and watching them with smiles plastered on our faces. It’s official—I’ve lost it.

  I’m too busy dancing around to Sam’s “Ex” to notice my favorite tattooed arm wrap across my waist. Hot breath greets my skin as he speaks against my neck. “I love seeing you in my kitchen, wearing my shirt, and dancing like that. Shit does all kinds of things to my dick.” Reed flips me around and, damn, this man has everything I find sexy: tattoos, his face covered in a five o’clock shadow, and the damn snapback hat I love so fucking much. When he starts kissing me, gliding his hand up my stomach toward my chest, I hear my phone go off through the speakers.

  I reluctantly push Reed away from me. “Perfect timing or your breakfast that I’ve slaved away on would be ruined. Will you grab my phone for me? It could be from my dad or brothers.” He hands me my phone, pulling me into one more kiss.

  Where are you???????!!!!! You BETTER tell me you are ok!

  HELLO?!? Matt just called and said you aren’t at his place

  Please tell me you are ok

  Where the FUCK are you??

  OK sorry just talked to Lance he said Reed came in today happy! Took you long enough! Details bitch call me xoxox

  I chuckle at Courtney’s texts as Reed looks over my shoulder at my screen, laughing as we
ll. “Sorry, babe. I’ve been awful since I saw you at the bar. Lance saw me smile and he knew what was up. I had to tell Kenny and Bobby, too. They wanted to know why I can only train twice today and why I needed a whole day off sometime this week for your mom’s funeral.”

  “The words funeral and mom in the same sentence…not something I like too much.”

  He leans in and rests his chin on my shoulder. “We’ll get through this together. I know it sucks losing a parent. I have a fucking good, strong shoulder just for you when or if you need it.” Reed places his lips on my cheek and I feel his smile against me and steals two pieces of bacon. He hands one to Loki and pops the other in his mouth. Some things will never change.

  I chuckle, smacking him on the butt with the spatula. “Hey, don’t eat all of them before your pancakes are ready.” And then it hits me what he said about his parents. “Reed, did something happen to Doug?”

  The smile that had been on his face a moment ago falls, leaving an unsettled frown in its place. He pulls out the stool at the breakfast bar, still watching me, and sits down. “About a year ago, he died. He had a heart attack and was gone before he even made it to the hospital.”

  I put the last of the pancakes on the plate and go right to him. I move his legs apart, stand in between them, and pull his head up so I can see his face. “Reed, baby, I’m sorry. I saw him right before I moved down here and he looked good. He seemed like he had his stuff together.”

  Reed takes his hat off, throwing it on the counter. “He did, and that’s what’s fucked up about it—he got himself clean, just a little too late I guess. He even had a pretty serious girlfriend that he met in NA. They did an autopsy and found too much damage to his heart from his prior drug use. Doug just used too long. But he gave me a letter and in some roundabout way, he sent me back to you. But that shit is waiting for another day.” He puts his arms around my waist and brings me closer to him until we were wrapped up in one another. Breakfast totally forgotten.

  I sit and look at the mess of pictures and boxes scattered on my bed. How can I only pick out only a few for the funeral? My mom’s life is just memories snapped with a camera now. Reed asked me a thousand times if I was okay to be left alone, but he needs to train and if I didn’t tell him I was fine, he would have stayed here with me. But Reed needs to go and I need time to process it all. This is his job, and his fight is coming up soon, so I sucked up my tears and pushed him out the door so he could train.

  I prepared myself for the loss of my mother, but I don’t think anything can actually help you with all the feelings that come. The stupid things you miss when someone leaves rather by death or just them walking away. For my mom, it’s the fact that I have no one to watch movies with, no one to talk about what book boyfriend of the week we are reading. No one to annoy me about my clothes. But also, those moments when you think your mom will always be there. No mom to tell me which wedding dress to pick, no one to call when I need advice, and I didn’t just lose my mom but also my best friend. When I got older, our relationship morphed easily from parent to friend. I went to her for everything and she held my hand through all the lows and cheered for me during my highs. She was truly the best and, one day, I hope I can be half the mother she was to me.

  I open the lid to the last box, and I’m transported back three years ago to when I put it there. His pillow lies on the top, and I gently pull it out, giving it a squeeze. I had boxed everything up and put it away the day after I watched him kiss Crotch Rot Krystal. I tried to burn the whole thing a dozen times but never could. Something in my heart wouldn’t let me get rid of anything that belonged to us. For so long, every time I walked into my closet, it stared at me, taunting me with the life I couldn’t have. When Bennett and I got more serious, I pushed the box even farther away and forgot all about it. But damn—memory overload for sure.

  I place the pillow down and lay my head on it, Reed’s scent long gone from it and stare at my ceiling; fighting the outpour of feelings the last twenty four hours has caused me. I hear the creak of my door opening but don’t bother to look because I already know who it is. Reed walks over to me and spoons me into his side. He doesn’t speak, just holds me tight and lets me cry on him. I can’t stop thinking that this was my mom’s last gift to me, to bring me back to Reed. To where I was happiest. Without her little “speech,” I don’t think I would’ve ever given him another chance to come close to me. I snuggle into him even tighter, and kiss him through his tear-drenched shirt.

  “What about Thanksgiving? I’ll have to learn to cook it all, and have no one to fight the crowds with shopping on black Friday with. Or Christmas, who is going to watch sappy movies with me, or who is going to make the roast on New Year’s? I don’t know how to do any of it, Reed.” He lifts us both up and places me between his legs with my head resting on his chest.

  “Babe, the only thing you can do is find a new normal with the rest of your family together. It won’t be fucking easy and it won’t be the same because she’s not here anymore. But it doesn’t have to mean it has to be depressing. Your mom is with you every damn step of your life, even if she’s not here physically. She helped mold you into who you are. It’s okay to be sad, but don’t you dare fucking stop living because she is gone. Julie wouldn’t want that and you know that.”

  Chapter 19

  Reed

  I wish I could take the pain away from Hadley and tell her that things will get better, but she won’t see that truth for a while. Hadley’s grieving and for the first time not holding anything back from me like she used to. It means we are getting somewhere because she at least trusts me enough not to pretend to be around me. Hadley screams, cries, hits, throws things; hell name any emotion she’s gone through it the last few days. Even with all that shit, I’m glad to be the one to comfort her, to support her through it, even if I’m at the receiving end of most of the blows.

  “Where the hell is my other black shoe? If I can’t find the damn thing, I’m not going to go. My mom would flip out if I wear my last year’s pair to her damn funeral. Where the fuck are you, you stupid shoe?” With her ass up in the air, she crawls on hands and knees, throwing everything on the floor out of her closet. I’m about to tell her that her mom doesn’t give a fuck about that damn shoe, but we both know that’s a load of shit—Julie would. I spot about twenty black looking shoes on the ground, I decide to take a bet by picking up one that looks closest to the one she is wearing. “Is this it?”

  “Oh, yes! Thanks so much, baby. You are my lifesaver. Truly.” Hadley gets off her knees and runs up, grabs the shoe from my hand, jerks my shirt toward her, and gives me a rough kiss.

  All this pent up shit that goes along with seeing someone you love hurt is doing wonders for my training, though, which is needed since Kenny has been more intense with my fight only seven weeks away. I haven’t gotten a chance to invite Hads to it yet because her focus should be on the here and now, not worrying about something so far away. Whatever we have going right now is too new and way too fucking fragile to add the tension of a fight to it.

  Hadley leans on me to slip the other shoe on and glances down at my watch. “Oh shit, is that really the time? Come on, were going to be late to meet my family.” She drags us downstairs, grabbing her purse and cards for her speech of the table, and then we head out.

  I take the key out of the ignition and watch Hadley’s knee bounce up and down as she bites her nails. “Hads, you know you don’t have to talk in front of everyone if you don’t want to. No one will think less of you. And if they do, I’ll just beat the fuck out of them.”

  She looks up, fighting through the tears. “Thanks for that, Reed, but I do. No one besides my daddy knew her better, and he’s too much of a mess to even talk to us, let alone a room full of people.” I nod and get out to open her door, offering her my hand.

  “Thank you so much for the last couple of days. I don’t know what I would have done if it hadn’t been for you being with me.”

  “I’m
glad you don’t ever have to ever figure it out.” And I mean every damn word of that. Hadley will never be without me to lean on, never fucking again.

  The funeral isn’t like any other I have ever been to. I shouldn’t be surprised because Julie could always throw one hell of a party, her funeral shouldn’t be any different. Hadley remains glued to me the whole time and tries to keep it together for her family and every guest that comes over and offers their condolences to her. When the service itself starts she remains silent, her hands shaking in her lap. I drape one arm around Hadley and place my other on her hands, but my touch only slightly calms her. Hadley has fucking amazed me with her strength through all the planning, she took control and let her brothers and dad lose it while she was the one that held them together, and saved her own melt downs for me.

  When Hadley frantically grips my hand, I whisper, “Hads, you got this. Just speak from your heart—that’s all anyone here wants.” I hope my words can give her just an ounce of the strength she’s given to everyone else. I kiss her on the head before releasing her hand as she slowly walks to the podium. She’s a nervous wreck and I want more than anything to shield her from this pain. She takes a couple of breaths and looks straight at me. I mouth “madly” and that seems to help her.

  “Today, I am not only speaking as her daughter, but as her best friend… My mom never saved the world, but she saved me. She used to tell me how lucky she was that she was the one that got to pick me to take home and make her daughter. But that’s not true at all. I am the one blessed by her and my dad taking a chance on a baby girl that may have never been loved like I was by them. I can never thank them enough for that.