Colour My Ugly

by A. Giannoccaro

  To be honest I will take whatever I can get right now. My whole body is already on a knife edge after she grabbed me through my jeans in the barn. I reach for her soft hand and pull her closer to me so I can put my arm around her. She fits right next to me; we are perfect together like this. I slide my hand under her tight little top and brush the top of her breast. I can feel the goose bumps forming as I slide my fingers over her skin. I know I have wanted this, whatever is to come but I was never unhappy with what we already have. I would have waited an eternity for this woman to give me her trust. It was never something I could take from her. It is so different with Lauri. Sex has always been about taking what I wanted or needed before, but with her I want her to give it to me. I want to give her what she needs, what she wants.

  We walk up the patio steps and into the house next to each other as close as we can get. I am tired and I know I have a job to do tomorrow so I want to make the most of the time we have right now before once again reality comes crashing into my dreams. There are so many things racing through my mind right now that I also just need a second to breathe and absorb the idea that she may be ready for this. I love this woman, this fierce amazing beautiful woman that turned my world upside down the second I killed her old self and gave her life back. I didn’t realize that I would get mine back too.

  We walk straight down the hall to the bedroom we share. I can see her nerves building, her body tenses and I can see her pulse in her neck, and I need a way to calm us both down a little. The anticipation of this is scaring her already. She has no experience to work from; this is completely new to her. For her this is the prelude to terror and pain and abuse, I want to change that perception once and for all. As soon as we are in the room I pull her into my arms and just hold her there for a minute, just a moment of being still to try quieting her mind and mine. When I feel her tightly wound muscles relaxing in my arms I kiss her sweet lips and she kisses me back slowly rolling her tongue into my mouth and her hands move into my hair and down my neck as her desire becomes even more evident.

  When our kiss breaks so we can catch our breath I ask her softly “Shower with me tonight?” She doesn’t answer me with words just pulls away from my arms and walks straight into the bathroom. Good Lord I was not expecting that response at all, I thought she would hesitate that I would need to convince her, coax her. Maybe she is more ready than I thought.

  I give her and myself a minute before I go into the bathroom she has turned the water on and is facing away from the door as she slips out of her sinfully tight jeans, as she stands upright again the hummingbirds are all I can see before she lets her hair down to cover them, it skims just above her ass. I peel my eyes off her body for a second and see her watching me in the mirror next to us. She has a nervous smile on her face and her eyes dance with something new. An emotion I haven’t seen in them before. I make quick work of my clothes and move so that I am standing right behind her our eyes locked on each other in the mirror. In that moment I am afraid, terrified that she will stop me that she won’t let me touch her colourful, perfectly beautiful body or that she won’t put her hands on me. I don’t want her to panic; I don’t want her to stop wanting this. I need her to need this like do right now. Because right now I need Lauri, every part of her that she is willing to give me I want to take and keep.

  The colours of the tattoos that we both wear on our skin make us look like we are made from the same piece of fabric. I don’t feel naked with my clothes off because my skin is covered in Robin’s art; I can tell she feels the same. Our skin is clothing enough to cover what we hide inside. She makes no attempt to cover herself at all allowing me to drink her in and commit her curves to my memory so I can call on these images later when she isn’t in my arms. The way her breast are rising and falling with every breath, the curve of her hips where my hands rest perfectly. The way her mouth is slightly open and her eyes are dancing with want. Right then I know she wants this.

  I step closer still and I run my hands over her shoulders and down her arms, the shiver that moves through her causes a loud breath to escape my throat. I need to keep my head; I have to stay in control so I don’t scare her right back to where we were. Go slowly Rowan, do not break her.

  Lauri turns around slowly so her breasts brush against my chest, fuck she is trying to kill me I know it. She puts her hands on my chest and pushes me backwards into the shower. The whole room is filled with steam the hot water scalds my back and I flinch reaching for the tap before she can step into the water and burn. When it’s bearable I pull her against me, my cock rests against her stomach and I am sure she can tell what this is doing to me. Just that alone has me ready to explode all over her. Her eyes are down and I lift her chin so I can kiss her I want her lips right now. Those soft sweet lips. Her hands are running down my back burning every nerve ending with a fire that I have never felt before. I allow my hands to mirror her movements and I run them down her bare back and stop at the curve of her ass not wanting to push my luck. She feels like heaven under my touch, as if reading my mind her hands travel down my backside and stop just at the top of my thighs. I slowly let my hands drift down to the curve that I have been dying to grab onto for so long and as I get them around the firm cheeks of her ass I use my grip to pull her closer against me.

  She brings her hands around and in between us starting at my shoulders she combs her fingers down the ridges of my chest, I feel my cock twitch between us as she gets lowers. She rests her head in my neck and softly whispers on my skin “Show me how Rowan, show me what you need, please? I don’t know how to do this.” Her words are strained and needy, heavy but laced with fear. I grab her sweet soft hand in mine and drag it down until it brushes the tip of my erection. She tilts her head so she can see, biting her lip as I guide her hand over my length and then wrap her fingers around me. I let out a growl at the feel of her touching me. Her grip is soft and her fingers ghost over my hot skin before she holds a little tighter. I hold her hand still, if she moves I am going to come right now. I kiss the top of her head before I plead, “Slowly baby, please I won’t last long I have wanted this so badly. Just give me a minute.” She looks up into my eyes, this time it’s not fear I see. There is nothing in her eyes other than lust at that moment I kiss her sweet mouth biting her lip free from her teeth and I move her hand slowly with mine up and down its almost more than I can handle. I lean myself against the shower wall pulling her backwards with me. I stop kissing her to let out a growl that is clawing to escape. I bend my head to talk to her as I look into her eyes I need to see the look in her eyes right now. “If we don’t stop now Lauri I am going to come.” She gets a smile that tugs at the on the one corner of her mouth and she grabs onto me tighter before she says right into my ear.

  “I am not stopping now Rowan. Come if you want to.”

  Fuck, fuck, fuck that all it takes and I can’t hold it any longer I come harder than I ever thought possible. It’s almost painful. I pull her close and kiss her hard and run my hands over every sweet inch of her body as the hot water washes the evidence of my release off of us both. My mind instantly worried that it may have been too much for her, but the Cheshire cat grin she wears tells me she is rather proud of herself right now. I turn her around so her back is to my chest and I begin to wash her with her vanilla scented body wash. It’s no wonder I just want to eat her all the time it smells so good. I am gentle with my touch as I move my hands over her breasts, and then up her thighs I want so bad to touch her right there but the slight tense of her muscles when I get close lets me know not yet. Tonight has already been more than I could have ever dreamed of or imagined I won’t push her any further. We share the most tender quiet moments in the shower neither of us try to say anything. Once I have washed her and myself we get out and I dry her with a fluffy towel in the steamy bathroom. She leaves me there to go and get dressed in the bedroom. I breathe in and out trying to steady my racing heart and the thudding in my ears.

 
I let out an audible groan. I, without a doubt, am in love with everything about that woman. I am in all kinds of trouble if just the touch of her hand can do that to me. I am exhausted and I dry myself forgoing boxers because I am too tired to go to my room and get any I crawl into bed next to her and pull her close to me. I smell her still wet hair and I can feel she didn’t bother with PJ’s either.

  “I love you Lauri. You are my everything. Please don’t ever let me go.” I beg her in a whisper as I drift off to sleep with her in my arms.

  LAURI

  “We know so perfectly how to give birth to the monsters inside us, but for reasons I will never figure out, we have not the slightest clue of what to do with all the love.”

  ~Christopher Poindexter

  I wake in the middle of the night to Rowan’s naked body entwined in mine. The bed covers are off and I feel the cold night air on my naked skin. I snuggle myself closer into the warmth of his body and he pulls me into him growling into my ear even though he is fast asleep. I plant a soft kiss on his naked chest and try my hardest to dose off. All I can see when I close my eyes is the look on his face from the shower earlier. The feel of holding him my hands, the power that my touch had over his body and the desperate need I feel to do it all again. The flaming butterflies are back I don’t have any pants on so I can say without a doubt they are in my crotch not my pants, burning me. Pulling my body closer to Rowan’s, I wonder if I can just touch him whenever, I have no clue what the boundaries are. I want to touch him right now in his sleep. My hand with a mind all of its own trails down his torso slowly I don’t want to wake him, just feel him. Just touch him again. My breaths are a little ragged as my nerves and this damn fire build in me while my hand inches closer to his cock. My feelings of want conflict with fear ingrained in me by the torture of the past. But curiosity, yes that thing that killed the cat it has a hold of me and I cannot fight it. I decide to face the fear, isn’t that how they cure things these days…scared of a spider here hold one. Scared of a man, here hold one. My hand moves down until I feel it brush over him. I am not sure what to do without his hand guiding me so I just move my hand softly over it. I feel it start to harden under my touch, this gives me the confidence that I might just be doing this right and I take his hardening shaft in my fist moving my had slowly like he had me do in the shower. I cannot take my eyes off of how it looks in my hand, I want to lick it. Shit where did that thought come from? I have never done that I have read about blow jobs, Renzo said my mouth was too filthy for that and never tried. I wonder if I can. I start to move myself down, now not thinking just letting myself go with what I feel. Maybe I should wait till he is awake. He won’t remember it like this. Well that way I won’t be embarrassed if I do it all wrong.

  His cock is front of my face now, still with my fingers wrapped around it. I let out a breath and it twitches in my hand making me let go for a second. I lean in and lick the head softly and it twitches again. I slowly without thinking wrap my lips around it while I hold it. My grip tightens without me noticing. I am about to move my tongue when I am shocked back into reality. “Holy shit Lauri what are you doing?” Rowan’s almost horrified voice cracking through the silence causes me to let go and flick my eyes up to meet his in an embarrassed state of panic. I can’t speak my breaths are coming so fast at the mortification of being caught. I feel like a fool. He senses my impending melt down and pulls me up towards him. I whisper into his neck now too embarrassed to face him at all. “I’m sorry I thought you were asleep.” Tears start to form in the corners of my eyes I can feel then threatening to pour out.

  “No one could sleep through that good God, I didn’t mean to scare you or make you stop. That felt amazing; I thought I was dreaming again.” His words stop the tears and my pounding heartbeat that I am sure he feels, but they fuel the flaming butterflies. I slide my hand back down his body with a new found confidence and take him in my hand firmly. The loud moan that falls from his mouth lets me know that I am not doing anything wrong at all. “So I can just touch you?” I manage to force the words out my mouth. He pulls my face to him so I can do nothing but look into his eyes and I see the fire, the fire feeding my butterflies is burning in him too. “You can touch me anytime you want to. I am yours Lauri.”

  His words are ringing in my ears; I’m yours not you are mine. I was never allowed to touch Renzo, at all. He made it clear that was not my place and I learned quickly not to. But Rowan wants me to and my mind may need time to break from its conditioning but right now all I want is to feel him. To see that look he had in the shower when those blue eyes rolled back in his head when I could feel every muscle in his body fighting to control himself and I held the power to make him lose that control. I don’t want to control myself anymore I have no desire to make him either. I wonder if he can see it my eyes like I do in his. “Touch me Rowan, right now. Touch me. I won’t stop you. I want to feel like you felt in the shower. Please.” My words are breathy and needy and come out strangled. Rowan moves his other arm from behind his head so he can lift me into a kiss forcing me to let go of him, his growl in my mouth let me know that he missed the touch I had been so afraid to give him. This is better with him awake I think. “You know how to stop me if it’s too much, because I won’t stop unless you tell me Lauri, once I touch you I am going to make you come. You will feel. You will feel things that you have never felt before. I want to make you feel.” I want to feel everything with Rowan.

  “Please Rowan.” It’s all I needed to say and he was rolled on top of me his full weight holding me down crushing the breath out of me and feeding the butterflies. His lips find the skin beneath my ears and they kiss and suck and oh God bite making my writhe beneath him. I am glad he has me trapped so I cannot push him away my hands tangle in his hair and I let out a strange whimper that may or may not sound like a cat being murdered. I can feel every inch of Rowan’s hard frame against me. Every single inch. He seems to have grown even more since I had my mouth on him earlier and now I don’t think it would fit even if I wanted it to. I try to reach down and touch him again, but he stops me. “Not yet, you first sweetheart.” His words are breathy and sexy as hell with his accent thicker now. Nothing could have prepared me for what a loving touch would feel like, when someone touches you for the right reasons. Nothing. The way his fingers cause my skin to burn with need not pain. The way his lips trail that same fire down my collarbone to my breasts that are coloured with beautiful flowers and filigree. It hurt like hell when Robin had tattooed them, but the pictures cover the burn and bite scars that I am sure he can feel under his palms. The butterflies’ combust into a raging fire when he sucks my nipple into his mouth. I did not expect that and I am gasping for air underneath him. I want him to stop, but I want more. I am being torn apart my body, heart and mind want to many different things. He lets go and looks at me, to make sure I am not panicking. I try to tell him with my eyes what he is doing to me, because there is no chance I could form words right now. What is he doing to me? He smiles that cocky grin, oh he knows exactly what he is doing and moves his very talented mouth to my other breast and bites my nipple. The feeling is overwhelming I cry out and arch into him involuntarily forcing my breast further into his mouth. He was so right, I feel. I feel everything and it’s not pain, its beautiful pleasure all of it. I want more, I want it all and I want this feeling I want it always. My breath hitches when I see Rowan’s head between my legs and I want to stop but I can’t say the word, it’s too much, not yet!

  He senses my hesitation and crawls his large frame back over me to kiss my mouth but his hand reaches between us skims over the fire that is burning between my thighs. He touches what biology taught me is my clit but I have never felt it this way before. I shudder with the electricity of that one soft touch, my body moves involuntarily. Rowan moves so he can whisper to me, his breath hot on my ear. “Relax; let me show you how much I love you, how much I need you. Allow yourself to feel me Lauri.” With that he pushes his
finger against me the pressure causes my heart to pound in my ears and I lose all control of anything right then. Rowan’s stokes over my clit make me arch my back and mewl in his ear and yet I want more I can’t get enough. He slows down and dips his finger inside me slowly. That and the brush of his thumb over my clit is all it takes. For the first time in my life I have an orgasm. I shudder and shake and squeeze my thighs around his hand and he talks into my ear I don’t hear him I just feel his breath as my butterflies turn into an inferno and I see stars. I will never have enough of this feeling. I want to feel forever.

  When my body stops quaking and my brain can register what’s happening around me again I hear his words “I love you, I want you to feel like this always. My touch will always be full of love. I will never hurt you Lauri.” His breaths are short and uneven, heaving his chest against my body; I can feel the film of sweat that is sticking to every inch of his body.

  My short breaths steady out and I pull Rowan closer he rolls us over so we lie on our sides facing each other. The realization of what has just happened creeps in and I blush with embarrassment. I can’t believe I actually let him do that to me, I feel shameful for acting the way I did, but I had no control over my mind or my body. Rowan moves my hair out my face and kisses me softly. As his eyes rake over me I feel foolish as I admit to him. “That’s never happened before. I um, I’ve never felt that.” My eyes are cast down to his chest now. He pulls me into him I feel is rock hard cock on my stomach. It somehow ignites the butterflies again. “You have never had an orgasm?” He asks not making me look he knows I’m feeling vulnerable right now. I shake my head; no I never had an orgasm until now the only thing I ever felt was pain. “I am glad I was your first. I plan to give you as many as you will let me.” He seems rather smug and proud of this little achievement.