The Mistakes I've Made

by J. L. Berg

  “So, tell me about Officer Macon,” I finally said, a cool breeze blowing through my hair. “It sounds like you know him. I mean, as more than just a local cop.”

  “It’s actually my brother, Dean, who knows him best. They were in the same year in school.”

  “So, they’re friends?”

  He let out a small grunt of a laugh. “Not exactly.”

  “Oh.” I got the feeling there was a plethora of stories to go along with that single sentence. “Is he normally so charming? Or did we catch him on an off day?

  His head shook back and forth. “He’s not exactly known for his stellar personality around here,” Taylor explained. “The guy has been through a lot, though. His wife left him for his boss a few years ago.”

  “Ouch.”

  “I know,” he said. “And then there was, of course, the ferry accident. He took a lot of the blame for it when the police couldn’t find a cause for the explosion.”

  My brows furrowed. “I don’t know anything about it really,” I confessed. “I’ve heard about the beautiful memorial. Some of the other guests at the inn were talking about it the other day at breakfast and suggested I go take a look.”

  He agreed, “You really should. A friend of mine from school, Millie, her husband sculpted it. He’s in a league of his own.”

  “Is it true that he’s blind?” I asked, remembering that little tidbit from breakfast as well.

  “Not completely. He can still see a bit when you get up close and personal, but for the most part, yes.”

  “Wow,” I breathed out. “That’s incredible.”

  “We’re lucky to have him.”

  “Did you know anyone who was…” I stumbled over my words. “I mean, were you close with anyone who—”

  “My brother,” he answered, understanding my meaning.

  My eyes widened. “Your brother? But he’s—”

  “He survived, yes,” he answered. “But only because his best friend, Molly’s husband, was there to save him. Jake saved a lot of lives that night.”

  “It must have been terrifying.”

  “It was. I’ve never felt so scared or so guilty in my life.”

  “Guilty?”

  He nodded. “It was my day to run to the mainland for supplies, but Dean volunteered to take my place. He was antsy to get away for a while, and I was more than willing to give up the chore. Usually, we took one of the boats up the coast to gather supplies, but I guess, that night, Dean was in need of some extra alone time. That, or he just didn’t feel like navigating the waters. Either way, he took the truck and ferried in.”

  “You couldn’t have known,” I said.

  “I know that now, but that night, when I got the call that my big brother was in the hospital, at risk of losing his arm because of an explosion on a ferry that he wasn’t even supposed to be on…”

  “I get that.”

  “Do you? Because most people tell me it’s ridiculous.”

  “Tragedy has a way of making you second-guess every decision you’ve ever made.”

  With his hand still encasing mine, the one he’d never let go of, he squeezed a bit tighter, sending butterflies down to my belly.

  “That bit of wisdom sounds like it comes from experience.”

  “My mom died when I was a teenager. A car accident,” I answered, not even sure why I was telling him this. “And for months, I analyzed nearly every single second of my life, trying to figure out every combination, every single scenario where I could have prevented that accident from happening.”

  “You must have driven yourself almost mad,” he said.

  “I’m pretty sure I nearly did. If it wasn’t for some of the hotel staff, I’m fairly certain I would never have made it through that first year.”

  “Hotel staff? Where was your dad?”

  I swallowed hard, the conversation growing a bit too heavy. “Oh, hey!” I said. “We’re here.”

  He looked up to find the inn coming into view. “I guess we are.”

  I could see he was visibly let down by the abrupt change, but I just couldn’t continue down that path.

  Not when it would have led to conversations regarding my father. I’d already bared enough of my soul tonight.

  “So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” he said hopefully.

  I nodded, although I knew it’d be much sooner, for I’d see this man in my dreams, a place where there were no rules.

  And where I could do whatever I wanted.

  A small smile spread across my lips. “Goodnight, Taylor.”

  “I think it’s time for a report,” Dean announced, not wasting any time.

  I’d just finished telling him about my weird run-in with Macon Green the night before, and both of us had decided to keep an eye out on the troubled cop, despite the bad blood between us.

  My brother, being the nosy son of a bitch that he was, couldn’t let go of the fact that I’d been stopped by the police with the one woman I seemed to hate more than life itself.

  So, here we were.

  “A report?” I asked.

  “How’s the compromising going?” His lips twitched, and I could see it took him effort to keep from grinning.

  Idiot.

  I took a long sip from my cup, the hot, creamy liquid jump-starting my brain. “It’s going good,” I said before adding, “I think.”

  “You think?”

  No, actually, I thought it was a complete disaster, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

  My mind and eyes wandered to the very spot in the room where, less than twelve hours ago, I’d pulled Leilani close to my chest and finally taken exactly what I wanted. Closing my eyes, I could still remember every breath she had taken, every whimpered sound she’d made as her body melted into mine.

  I’d never experienced a kiss quite like it in my life. It had felt like a live wire sizzling every nerve from my head, right down to the tips of my toes. And then, just like that, her hand had slipped to the center of my chest and pushed me away.

  I was a distraction.

  I’m a distraction?

  Fuck that.

  If anything, she was a distraction to me.

  No, not a distraction. A damn nuclear bomb that had just detonated right in the center of my perfectly okay little world.

  I didn’t need this. I didn’t need her.

  But here she was all the same, all the time.

  Right next door.

  “Taylor?” Dean’s voice slipped through my internal dialogue.

  “What?”

  There was that sly grin again, like he knew a secret I wasn’t privy to.

  “You were telling me about your progress.”

  “Oh, right,” I answered. “She’s hired an architect.”

  His brow lifted. “That doesn’t sound like compromise at all.”

  My hands rose in an attempt to calm his nerves. “I know,” I said. “But I think I’ve possibly chipped away at that rock-hard armor of hers.”

  His brow lifted further. “How so?”

  “I’m trying to get her interested in the island,” I explained, finishing off my cup of coffee and going for more. “She seems impressed with my historical trivia.”

  “Oh God, not that scheme again! How many poor tourists fell for that back in the day?”

  “Hey!” I grinned. “This time, it’s genuine. And for a good cause.”

  He chuckled. “You mean, other than chasing tail.”

  “Right,” I halfheartedly agreed, hoping my brother wouldn’t notice my hesitancy.

  Because if there was one thing I wasn’t sure about, it was my motives regarding Leilani Hart, and that kiss had made my indecisiveness even murkier.

  Did I want her to destroy our town with her overly indulgent hotel? No.

  But did I still want to run her out of town the first chance I got?

  I wasn’t so sure.

  The thought of watching her walking away and never returning?

  It made my chest t
ighten in a way I’d never thought I’d feel.

  “Man, you’ve got it bad.” Dean chuckled.

  “What? Why do you say that?” I wrenched my head around to face him.

  “Well, you can’t keep a conversation going,” he began. “And your eyes glaze over every time she’s mentioned. And then there’s the daydreaming.”

  “What the fuck?! I don’t daydream!”

  “The hell you don’t.” He laughed. “I just witnessed it. Twice.”

  I shook my head in disbelief but finally answered, “It’s being handled.”

  My brother leaned casually against his desk. “It’s being handled? What is that supposed to mean?”

  Shrugging, I replied, “It means exactly what it sounds like. I’m handling it. Just because I have feelings for her doesn’t mean I have to act on them.”

  His arms folded around his chest. A flash of metal from his prosthetic caught my eye and didn’t go unnoticed by my brother’s keen gaze. Like always, he ignored the extra attention and carried on. “Why wouldn’t you act on it? You clearly like her.”

  Like her? Were we in grade school again?

  “Well, I could think of several reasons,” I said.

  “Okay, shoot.” My brother wasn’t letting me off the hook quite so easily.

  I let out an exaggerated sigh. “Well, there’s the fact that we’re working together. It creates a sort of a problem, don’t you think?”

  Dean shrugged. “I guess so, but this isn’t an official job. You’re not being paid, and honestly, I don’t think anyone on the committee would care; especially if you have feelings for her.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Okay, fine. What about the fact that we can’t stand one another?”

  “I highly doubt that’s true.”

  “Why do you say that?” I asked.

  “Well, if it was true, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, now, would we?” His smug grin widened.

  Sometimes, I hated my brother.

  “Running out of excuses, Taylor,” he said, his voice full of satisfaction.

  But he was wrong.

  I’d saved the best for last.

  “She’s leaving,” I said, wiping that stupid smirk right off my brother’s dumb face.

  And mine as well.

  “She’s leaving. In less than six weeks. She’ll return to her life in Hawaii, and my life is here. We’re not destined to be together like you might think. We’re just two ships docked at the same harbor, bound for different destinations. We’re not meant to be.”

  Dean stared at me, those green eyes deep in thought. Finally, he opened his mouth and spoke, “You know, Jake once said something similar to me.”

  “Yeah, okay. So?”

  “It was just after the ferryboat accident. I was still recovering in the hospital, and he’d just returned home to Ocracoke after a twelve-year absence.”

  “And he was busy stealing your fiancée,” I added.

  “I broke up with her, remember?”

  “I know. And how long until she ended up in Jake’s bed? Doesn’t that piss you off?”

  He let out a sigh. “No,” he answered, “it doesn’t. Molly was never mine to begin with. Stop interrupting me.”

  I couldn’t help the sly grin that crept across my face.

  “Anyway, one day, Jake came to visit me. He said things between Molly and him were hopeless. He had a life in Chicago, and she’d never leave Ocracoke.”

  “Yeah, but they had history. It’s different.”

  “It’s not different, Taylor. They found a way to be together and not because they’d been in love longer than the rest of us. It’s not a long-distance race.”

  “So, you’re saying if I give love a chance, love will find a way?” I gave him a dubious look, and each word was said with a serious dose of sarcasm.

  “Yes,” he said, completely straight-faced.

  I merely shook my head, disregarding my brother’s attempt at love advice. But as I made my way toward the coffeepot for my third cup of coffee, I couldn’t help but hear my own words ringing in my head.

  Love will find a way.

  Dean’s talk had left me edgy all morning and well into the afternoon.

  And, thanks to a slow day, I had no reason to cancel my plans to go to the beach with Leilani. Not that I wanted to cancel.

  But the rational side of me knew I probably should.

  She’d said she wanted a friend on the island, but I wasn’t sure I could fulfill that particular request. What I wanted from her went far beyond the boundaries of friendship, and every second I spent with her only solidified that fact in my mind.

  Dean wasn’t wrong. I did indeed have it bad for this woman, but I could control it.

  I had to control it.

  Otherwise, I’d be lost when she left.

  “Just remember how much you hated her when you first met,” I said to myself, before remembering just how much of a lie that was. When we first met, I liked her.

  A lot.

  It wasn’t until I discovered her name and the fact that I was supposed to hate her that my feelings changed.

  No they didn’t, a little voice in my head chided.

  Feeling like I was already losing a hopeless battle, I headed over to the hotel, leaving the office to Dean for the rest of the day. We didn’t have any tours scheduled, so he’d agreed to close up, so I could take a few hours to take Leilani out to where the Ocracoke ponies were kept. He’d agreed with a wide, knowing grin plastered on his stupid, dumb face, knowing this used to be a signature move of mine as a wild teen. I’d reminded him I hadn’t actually taken anyone to see the real ponies. He’d just nodded and smiled wider.

  I guessed he figured that meant something as well.

  My brother, the love expert.

  Walking up to her hotel, I could always feel my heartbeat hammering in my chest. I probably should have called or checked in with her before just dropping in and assuming she could take off at a moment’s notice.

  But I liked the idea of surprising her.

  Maybe her heart would beat just as fast as mine.

  With a quick knock on the door, I let myself in, knowing she probably hadn’t heard me. In the vast space that was The Cozy Hotel, she could be anywhere.

  As it turned out though, I found her in the lobby, hunched over a makeshift desk she’d erected out of an old card table. Just as I’d thought, she hadn’t heard my knock, which allowed me a few quiet moments to watch her.

  The light from the large bay windows cast perfect rays, illuminating the beautiful way her hair seemed to flow down her back like a chocolate waterfall. It was long, so long it skimmed the edge of the seat. I wondered what it would feel like to be covered in it, her sitting high atop my body as she rode us both to ecstasy.

  “Are you going to stand there watching me all day, Sutherland?”

  Busted.

  I grinned and took a casual lean against the check-in desk that had seen better days. “Just appreciating the view; that’s all.”

  Her eyes met mine as a single brow lifted. “Now, that doesn’t sound professional at all. I do believe that is a rule-breaking sentence, if I’ve ever heard one.”

  I couldn’t help but notice a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

  “How do you know I was talking about you?” I said, taking a cursory glance around the shabby lobby.

  She let out a laugh. “Okay,” she conceded, clearly not believing me for a second. “What can I do for you?”

  I stepped forward. “It’s actually what I could do for you.”

  Her breath faltered. “Oh?”

  God, I loved messing with her.

  “You promised me a maybe.”

  Her face went through a series of emotions. First, confusion, followed by what appeared to be understanding, and then a sly smile tugged at her lips.

  “I don’t recall actually promising it, but, yes, I do recall agreeing to…what was it again?”

  Now, who was mess
ing with whom?

  “Ponies,” I said. “I want to take you to see the famous Ocracoke Ponies.”

  I actually just want to take you right here on this floor, but ponies sounds all right too.

  “Right.” Her pointer finger rose to her lips as she dramatized her decision-making process. “Well, I guess I could take a bit of time off. I mean, if you think it would help inspire me.” Her eyebrow rose in a way that made me think this was a deciding factor.

  “Oh, yes, definitely. Absolutely inspiring,” I said, going along with her insanity. “No hotel should be erected in Ocracoke without seeing the famed ponies first.”

  “Great.” She grinned. “I’ll grab my purse.”

  “Grab a swimsuit, too,” I added.

  She immediately turned back around and gave me a dubious face. “You know, you already told me that part of the hustle, right? I know the ponies don’t actually roam the beaches anymore.”

  I laughed. “I know. But it’s a nice day. I thought we’d end with dinner on the beach.”

  “So, why do I need my swimsuit?”

  She seemed pretty nervous over a silly swimsuit.

  “Because it’s the beach,” I answered.

  She bit down on her bottom lip.

  “What?” I finally said.

  “I didn’t bring one.”

  I let out a laugh. “You didn’t bring one?”

  She shook her head.

  I motioned toward her. “You’re like Miss Hawaiian Tropic, and you didn’t bring a swimsuit to a beach town?”

  She held up a single finger in my direction. “Okay, first, don’t call me that.”

  I tried not to chuckle.

  “And, second, I guess I didn’t plan on doing anything but working.”

  “That’s really sad.”

  “I don’t suppose you have a mall I could run to real quick?”

  My eyes ventured to the window. “No, but I have the next best thing. Come on.” I held out my hand.

  “What? Where are we going?”

  “Shopping.”

  “Together?” The idea seemed to mortify her.

  We headed toward the double doors of the hotel, and I waited for her to lock up, impressed that she’d finally figured out the tricky key.

  “Does that freak you out? Me coming with you?” I asked, leaning against the door as she dropped the keys into her purse.