Blind Devotion (Steel Jackals MC Book 1)

by Nancy Haviland

  Moisture rushed in, burning her nose and blurring her vision. Her heart cracked, and fury directed at her mother became an inferno. She tried to draw back, wanting to apologize again, to tell him she would do whatever it took to make up for the three years he’d lost because of Rachel, but he tightened his hold.

  “No, no, my soft little heart,” he whispered. “You can talk to me later. Right now, you’re going to keep your owner’s cock good and snug in his new favorite place.”

  Tish could have sworn she heard the sound of a record needle scratch across vinyl. Some strands of her hair ripped out and her lips made a wet suctioning sound as she tore herself off him.

  “My owner?” she sputtered, wiping at the corner of her lips with her middle finger when she felt saliva dripping. Had she heard him right?

  Josh took her hand and wrapped it around his wet shaft. He began jerking himself off, holding her fingers tight beneath his own when she tried to pull away. “Where did you learn to be such a lady?” He touched the corner of her mouth that she’d just wiped.

  “Josh. You said you’re my owner.”

  “That’s right. But you don’t have to call me that. When I’m inside you, you can call me baby, or Josh, if you wanna get real creative,” he said with a wink. “You know what I watched every fuckin’ day while I was inside? Reruns of I Dream of Jeannie. Every. Fuckin’. Day, Tish. And every fuckin’ night, without fail, I dreamed of you. And you know what you called me when I made you come? Master. It was so fuckin’ hot.”

  What. The. Fuck. She tried harder to pull her hand out from under his. The feel of his hard flesh was too distracting for her to concentrate fully on the outrageous shit he was saying. She was slightly ashamed to find she wanted to rub the soft tip of his dick across her lips. But then, they were both clearly insane, so where was the surprise in that?

  “Are you crazy?” she asked in a careful voice as she tried to identify that bright, excited light in his eyes. It made her hot, and a little bit furious. “You don’t own me. I own me! You think just because I sucked your cock that gives—”

  Her hand slid off his shaft when he jerked her to her feet. He dragged her over to her armoire. “The rest of what you’re about to say doesn’t matter because all I’m getting is ‘sucked your cock.’ Coming from your mouth, that’s sexy as shit. New rule: When I’m inside you, you’re going to lose those ladylike qualities of yours and talk to me like the worst kind of whore. Got it?”

  She was so gobsmacked—partly because that ridiculous spiel had stolen her breath and lit her core on fire—that she didn’t even protest when he lifted her by the armpits. He popped her ass on the top of the romantic-looking antique she’d found at a yard sale. It wasn’t a low-to-the-ground piece of furniture, either, standing at about four feet in height. It took her much too long to realize why he’d put her up there. His face was level with her breasts, and he’d barely have to bend to get at her—

  “Spread for me.”

  She kept her knees firmly together. “You’re not my owner, and never will I call you master.”

  He tipped his head and scowled up at her, looking big and mean even from her vantage point. “I am your owner now, and you’ll call me anything I goddamn well tell you to call me.”

  She stiffened as anxiety poked at her. “Not master.”

  His brow arched with something akin to satisfaction. His chin came up, reminding her of a smug little boy who’d just gotten his way. “But you’re conceding I own you?”

  “No!” she said quickly, utterly charmed by him when she probably shouldn’t be. And, really, he did own her. He owned her body and soul. He’d owned her heart from the moment she’d met him. Guess she was that over-loving monkey ready to perch on his broad shoulder…

  That made her pause.

  Only hours ago, it had been her thinking of Josh in terms of her owner. Now she was insulted. Why? Because he’d voiced the dynamic before she could?

  She shook herself. What he was implying wasn’t cute and funny, though. He didn’t want her endless adoration; he wanted her as his possession.

  Like she should have expected.

  “I simply don’t see the need to repeat myself,” she said, even though she knew her defense was weak.

  “Didn’t you just tell me you’d always be accommodating?”

  “Uh, no. You asked if I would be, then you pushed that huge piece of meat into my mouth so I couldn’t answer.”

  His lips tipped up. “Mmm. Yeah. That was good, wasn’t it?”

  The full-on amusement lighting his face was such a rare thing, and she hadn’t seen it in so long her heart softened. Feeling too many things at once, she rubbed her palms over the short bristles on the sides of his head, then sifted her fingers through the longer hair on the top as she bent to kiss him. “Yes,” she admitted. “It was very good. It was the most obscene thing I’ve ever been a part of. Especially when you choked me.” She kissed him after each comment. “It probably makes me weird, but I can see why gagging is a turn on for some people. God, I like kissing you.”

  “And I like gagging you.”

  She giggled and went in to sample his tongue for too short a time. “I know you’re going to get sick of hearing this, but I really did miss you so much.”

  “You missed me so much…what?”

  She straightened and remained silent, not giving him what he wanted. The request wasn’t a deal breaker, but it was unsettling. It wasn’t as if she’d never heard of subs and Doms, and sex slaves and their masters. She didn’t live in a cave, and she read a lot. Her problem stemmed more from never expecting to be involved in such a dynamic. Especially with Josh. Who she loved beyond words and was so happy to have home that she could already feel herself wanting to shrug off this first little blip she wouldn’t even label a disagreement. Would it be that big of a deal to concede to something that most likely wouldn’t affect her anyway? She’d seen the show he’d mentioned, and it was sweet and sexy in a demure sixties way. It wasn’t as if Josh was threatening to keep her tied up in the backyard. Or to his bed post.

  Excitement and a lascivious need played around in her tummy like two happy puppies. Okay. She’d let this sit for a while before making a definitive decision. What if she found she enjoyed being the submissive party?

  Oh, who was she kidding? She would totally enjoy it. She’d find more pleasure in obeying and pleasing Josh than she’d ever find if the tables turned. The very idea of this proud, sometimes arrogant man catering to her was a complete turn-off.

  “Have I always taken care of you, Tish?”

  Her pulse sped up when his tattooed hands ran up the length of her legs. On his way back down, his thumbs dipped in to perform a firm caress to her inner thighs.

  “Yes,” she admitted without hesitation. Now she had the urge to spread for him. “Always.”

  “Think that might change now that I’m out? Do you think things might swing over into something a little more…intense, now that we’re going here? Even though I’m doing this ass fuckin’ backward and getting ahead of myself, you do realize where ‘here’ is, don’t you?”

  “Probably, and, um, not really.”

  “You will soon enough. Do you care for me, honey?” Again he looked right into her eyes, keeping that contact, mesmerizing her with that golden stare.

  Tish found herself being more honest with him at that moment than she’d ever been with another human being. “I don’t just care for you, Josh. I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I first saw you. You walked into our apartment, smiled at me, and then you kept me company. You listened, and talked to me, and were so patient while I did my homework. You didn’t even show how bored you must have been helping me do word-find after word-find.” She smiled, remembering. “I went to bed that night and asked God to make me grow up faster. I begged him to save you for me because I knew if only I had the chance, I could make you so happy.”

  “Now that’s insane,” he murmured as he leaned in and touched his l
ips between her breasts. He lifted his mouth and added, “And never once was I bored,” before pressing back and performing a light suction. He held the position for a long time until his hands came up to cup the firm mounds on either side of his cheeks. “So fuckin’ beautiful. Look at these nipples.” He made her moan quietly when he brushed his thumbs over them. “Like little berries.” He took one into his mouth and, giving one deep pull, raised his eyes before taking the peak between his front teeth and flicking his tongue back and forth. He covered half her breast and sucked hard before popping his lips off. “I want to memorize your every reaction to the things I’m doing to you. Sorry, but it does make my cock like steel knowing I’m the first to get at you.” He lifted her breasts as though weighing them. And speaking of his steely cock…

  She leaned to the side and looked down to see it was still on full display, as hard as ever. It stood straight up from his hips, pointing at her.

  “I couldn’t take my eyes off you the day you opened that door for me,” he said, continuing with their oddly-timed conversation. “I watched you go about your business. And I don’t mean that in some fuckin’ pervy way. It’s just that I’d avoided being around kids since I was one, and you impressed the fuck out of me because you were ten years old, yet you were more mature than your fuckin’ mother. I kept expecting you to drop the act and get silly or some shit but you never did. And you were right, you’ve never been a little kid, and that pisses me off.” He smoothed his hands down her ribs. “From day one, you’ve been my own little angel with the eyes of an adult. Man, I wanted to lock you away so bad. I was terrified something was gonna happen to you, too.”

  She frowned and paused her tracing of the ace of spades on his throat. “Too? What does that mean?”

  All expression fell from his face. “Nothing. Just that bad shit happens to people all the time. I didn’t want you to be one of those people.” He got her nipples between his thumbs and fingers and rolled them, pulling hard enough to send a powerful longing shooting through her. “We’re gonna do some stupid shit, you and me. Shit you should have done when you were a kid and never got the chance.”

  “You’ve already done that for me, Josh,” she said breathlessly. She curved her back and pushed her breasts into his hands. “For my fifteenth birthday, you hired a petting zoo and a clown to come to the clubhouse. I still laugh when I remember Nick and Chase riding up and seeing all the straw and turds littered around the parking lot. That was more suited to a five-year-old’s party, yet you gave it to me then because you knew I’d never had it before.”

  She glanced at the door, wondering if the reason she’d never had a birthday party before coming to Queen Creek was still in the house. Had Rachel gone to the bedroom in the basement, where Tish had grudgingly given her permission to sleep if she ever needed a place? The only reason Tish had made the offer was because she’d never forgotten all those little things their old landlady had done for her for seemingly no reason. As she’d gotten older, she’d realized the lady with the bright pink lipstick had been a genuinely good person. To honor that, Tish tried to emulate it whenever she could. As role models went, she considered Mrs. Reed a good one.

  She passed her pinkie over Josh’s brows and traced the permanent furrow between them before traveling down the bridge of his nose to test the bump she’d always wanted to feel.

  “Every time you did something like that for me, I fell more in love with you.” All the years they’d known each other, and all the thoughtful things he’d done sifted through her mind. “No wonder it grew into what it is today,” she murmured. And to have been repaid for his generous spirit in the way he had. “When they took you away, and when I found out what Rachel did—” She shook her head. “I’m so sorry you gave up your freedom so my ungrateful mother could stay out here and dishonor that sacrifice.”

  “Hey. That’s not on you.” His hands began roaming, his touch firm, demanding. “Rachel’s shit is Rachel’s shit, not yours. I learned to separate you two long ago, so don’t ever think I’ll get pissed at you for something she pulls. It won’t happen.”

  He touched her everywhere, possessively, greedily, as if she’d always been his. And the whole time, his tongue lazed from nipple to nipple. He pinched one between his fingers without taking it out of his mouth, and she felt that deep pull he’d mentioned earlier. When he came off, he glanced up.

  “You’re looking at me with hearts and flowers all the fuck over you, Tish,” he said with a warning in his voice. “I don’t know how to respond to that shit. It makes me edgy. Like you’re expecting me to say something, and I’m gonna fuck it up and disappoint you.”

  She hooked her feet around his back so she could squeeze him between her knees. “I don’t know if it’s possible for you to disappoint me. And, I’m sorry, but I am a girl. I’m supposed to make you uncomfortable by smothering you with my syrupy feelings. But it’s okay if you don’t return…well, whatever, I just wanted you to know—”

  He interrupted her. “Did you hear me say I don’t return, ‘well, whatever’? I’m just not gonna tell you about it. I’m more likely to show you by eating your pretty pussy until you come a few times rather than throw that fuckin’ word around you females like so much.”

  She laughed around the bubbles of sheer joy that popped and fizzed inside her chest. Content with that for now, and almost afraid to jinx it by lingering on it, she tucked the knowledge that he loved her away and set aside the hearts and flowers.

  Taking a quiet breath to still the butterflies that suddenly filled her stomach, she released him from her clasp and opened her legs in a blatant invitation. “Maybe it’s time to quit all this yakking and get started. Otherwise, I’m going to be as old as you by the time I get around to having sex.”

  He shoved her knees closed and to the side and dipped his head down. Without warning, he sunk his teeth into the flesh at her hip. She squealed because it was no mild love bite.

  “Ouch! Josh! That hurt.”

  He licked the boo-boo. “It was supposed to. Lippy little bitches who demand shit shouldn’t expect anything less. You’re lucky you’re up there. Otherwise,” he mimicked. “I’d spank this tight ass that now belongs to me.”

  “For what, grumpy? A joke?” She rubbed at the sting.

  “Say you’re sorry.”

  Her jaw fell. “Seriously?” she said after an extended pause.

  His brow quirked, and she couldn’t tell if he was playing her or not. “I might be feeling you, but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna run this show. That title I plan on convincing you to use won’t be an empty one.”

  Wow. Had she honestly thought she liked this heavy-handed side of him? “Sorry.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Try again. And say it like you mean it. Here, I’ll help.” He made a come-on motion with his inked fingers. “‘I’m sorry I lipped off, Master. It won’t happen again unless we’re fighting about something stupid’. Come on. You can do it.”

  “I’m sorry I lipped off. It won’t happen again unless we’re fighting about something stupid.” She was smiling by the time she was through. He wasn’t, which made hers slip even as a weird thrill snuck through her. Why was he pursuing this? Did he have some sort of fetish?

  “Do you want me to be your slave?” She genuinely wanted to figure him out. “Or is this about our age difference? Do you think because you’re older you’re better than me somehow?”

  He pulled a face. “Fuck, no. I know, and so does everyone else, that you’re so far above me you’re barely visible anymore.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” she said dismissively, not even giving it airtime. “And the slave thing?”

  He tipped his lips down and gave a casual shrug. “Well, once you get my cock, you’ll be a slave to that…”

  She slapped his shoulder, making him grin.

  “Seriously. Why are you insisting on this?”

  “Because my title reflects your level of happiness,” he surprised her by saying. “In my head, you
allowing me ownership of you means I’m taking care of you, and you’re secure enough, and feel treasured enough to surrender yourself to me completely. It isn’t about an abuse of power—despite what you’re thinking right now. It’s about you yielding to me. It’s about you opening yourself to me, body and heart, nothing held back.”

  His forehead was creased in concentration as if he were trying to find the right words.

  “When the boys hear you’re mine, they’re not going to hear we’re fucking. They’ll know, because of our history, that I earned you. They’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt you’re content to stand behind the man who’s publicly vowed to protect you. The man who respects you. The man who wants you to be nothing but happy. You being mine will let every last fucking one of them know I’m doing my job, and doing it well. I don’t expect you to understand the pride I’ll feel when you settle back and let me rule. I know you have what it takes to do it yourself. I mean, look at you, at this place, at where you are today despite what you’ve had to work with.” He looked around, then brought his focus back to her. “But for you to place yourself and your happiness in my hands, especially you, you’d be honoring me, giving me one fuck of a goal. If I give you a good life and make it so you want for nothing, I’d be proud of that. And I need to be proud of something good, Tish. You’re wet.”

  As he’d wound down the most words she’d ever heard him say at one time, he’d slowly spread her knees apart and was now running the pad of his thumb down the damp panel of her panties.

  “You’ve just made it impossible for me not to want to go out tomorrow and buy a genie costume.” She could barely speak.