Mercy for the Damned

by Lisa Olsen

  Adam seemed almost nervous as the time drew near for my mother’s arrival, and I caught him looking in the mirror more than once.

  “Hey, she’s going to love you,” I assured him, leaning up to kiss his smooth cheek.

  “I know, everybody does,” he replied without a trace of humility. “But sooner or later I rub everybody the wrong way, and…”

  “Trust me, it’ll be fine. If anything it’ll be the other way around.”

  He certainly looked handsome enough, in a pair of dark slacks and a crisp blue button up shirt that set off his eyes particularly well. I had on my standard holiday party dress, a pretty red number with a wraparound bodice and a cinched waist that fell to just above my knees. So what if I’d worn it for the past three holidays in a row? By next year… I’d probably be wearing sweats and a spit up rag over my shoulder. I couldn’t resist the urge to dress nice while I could.

  My family arrived with a suitable amount of ruckus, my mother strolling right in without knocking, followed by Matty loaded down with packages. Oriana trailed behind, wearing white from head to toe, with the exception of a pink scarf wound round and round her neck. She eyed me warily, keeping to my brother’s side as I hugged my mother and Matty in welcome.

  “Are you very angry with me?” Oriana asked from behind the scarf as I came to stand before her.

  “No, you’re welcome here. But we should talk more later, there are a few things I want to say to you.”

  Oriana broke into a radiant smile, unwinding the scarf from her throat with a flourish. “I’m so very glad you wish to confide in me, I’m pleased we’ll truly be sisters now.”

  Becoming besties wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but I smiled back in keeping with the festive mood. There was time enough to read her the riot act once my mother was safely on her way back home.

  “Who’s this?” My mother looked expectantly to Adam, who hung back by the breakfast bar.

  “This,” I sidled up to him, linking my arm through his, “is sort of a long story, but the gist of it is, this is Adam.”

  “I don’t understand. You met a new boy named Adam?” she blinked.

  “No, actually the person you met the other night isn’t Adam at all. He’s my boss, Parker.”

  “I think I’m going to need a drink.”

  A few minutes later, having tucked my mom onto the couch with a glass of my special eggnog, I ran through the basics of the cover story I came up with. Basically, I said I wanted her to see I was happy and not making Adam up as a figment of my imagination, but he’d been away on business when she arrived and we hadn’t thought she would stay in town for very long. But seeing as how he’d gotten back sooner than expected, I decided to end the charade and introduce them properly. Any annoyance she felt over the misdirection was quickly eaten up by a few charming smiles from Adam and the sight of the diamond ring on the significant finger.

  That quickly became the topic for the majority of the dinner conversation. Weddings, engagement parties, dresses… all of it. Matty was surprisingly involved in the choices he and Oriana had already made, they’d obviously given it a lot more thought than we had. I shared a few private smiles with Adam across the dinner table as my mother yammered on about her own nuptials and how she really felt a wedding wasn’t a wedding unless it took place in a church with family and flowers and attendants and… the list went on and on.

  “We aren’t getting married in a church,” Oriana declared when my mother paused for breath. “I want to be married in the embrace of Mother Earth, as the Gods intended.”

  “I have the most wonderful idea! You four should have a double wedding!” My mom clapped her hands together in excitement. Oriana clapped her hands delightedly as well, catching on to her enthusiasm, and I could see Matty’s mind churning through the more economical benefits to joining our blessed events together, but Adam shook his head.

  “I’m sorry, as fun as that sounds, it’s not gonna happen.”

  “No? But think of how special it’ll be to share the day,” she pleaded.

  “Sorry, Mercy deserves to have her own special day, and I’m here to see that she gets it,” he winked at me across the table.

  I could tell my mother’s sense of practicality warred with the inherent romance of that statement and the romance won. “Such a thoughtful man you have, Merceline,” she gushed. “Of course, he’s right. You both deserve your own special day.”

  “I wouldn’t mind,” Oriana piped up, reaching for a glass of water. All she drank was water, I noticed. “As I said, I’ve always wanted to be a sister. And an Auntie, I’ve never been an Auntie before,” she smiled and I felt my stomach clench. Did she know something?

  Adam’s smile hardened. “I hate to break it to you, Sis-to-be, but I wouldn’t count on being an Auntie any time soon.”

  “No? And here I tried so hard to be allowed to join the party,” her face crumpled in distress. “I wore my finest dress, and I’ve been ever so careful with my manners, haven’t I, beloved?” she turned to Matty. “Won’t I be allowed to bestow my blessing when the baby comes?”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “What baby?” my mom blinked, and I tried to laugh it off as best I could.

  “I don’t think we can always take what Oriana says at face value.”

  “I have never spoken falsely,” Oriana frowned. “Don’t fret so, your head will stop spinning come summertime. Oh… would you like me to cast an auger to see if you’ll welcome a girl or a boy?” she brightened at the prospect. “Or shall you be surprised? I do love surprises.”

  I couldn’t look at her, all I could do was watch Adam who stared at me in growing horror as he started to grasp the truth behind her words. His hands gripped the edges of the table hard enough to scar the wood.

  “Oh, Merceline, how could you let this happen?” My mother’s plaintive cry drew my attention, and I snapped back at her in annoyance.

  “I didn’t let anything happen, it just did. Adam…”

  “How long have you known?” His voice was quiet and devoid of life, it scared the hell out of me.

  “Not long. I tried to tell you, but you didn’t want to talk about it, remember?” I wanted to see him react instead of just sitting there, but his face remained completely passive. Even yelling would have been preferable to the deadly calm that settled over him. “Adam it’s going to be fine, it’s not ideal I know, but…”

  My mother continued as if the tension in the air wasn’t thick enough to slice with a knife. “I suppose it’s alright, with the two of you getting married, but no long engagements now. You’ll want to pick a dress out with a little room built into it. Maybe an empire waist gown.”

  That was the last of my worries, and I only had eyes for Adam who continued to sit in silence. “Could you maybe give us a few minutes?”

  Matty stepped up, wiping his mouth and tossing the napkin onto his chair. “Yeah, why don’t we take you back to the hotel, Ma? They should really be alone for a while.”

  “But we didn’t even get to exchange gifts, and…”

  “We can do the presents some other time.”

  “Are we going then?” Oriana pouted as Matty reached for her elbow to guide her from her seat. “But it’s just getting interesting.”

  “Is it mine?”

  Too stunned to reply, my eyes closed as the pain of those three little words lanced through me.

  “You watch your mouth.” My mom stopped on her way to retrieve her coat to point a finger at Adam. “I raised my daughter better than that.”

  “It’s fine, Mom. It’s a valid question, Adam travels a lot, and apparently he has some self esteem issues,” I retorted, finding my voice. “Should I bother to answer that, or will you not believe me anyway?” My anger burned brightly, no doubt fueled by a good dose of hormones and the realization that I wasn’t the bad guy in this picture. Why did I have to defend anything?

  “Oh, it is Adamiel’s child,” Oriana interjected helpfully. “Its light is blin
ding to behold, can you not see it?”

  “Come here,” Adam rose from the table, stalking towards me, his face intent and I admit, for an instant I was afraid of what he might do.

  “Adam, I…”

  “Don’t you dare lay a hand on her!” my mother cried, and I saw real terror on her face. I flashed back to seeing that same look on her face time and again when I was too small to do anything about it. This was different though, I knew Adam wouldn’t ever harm me physically.

  “Mom, it’s alright, he’s not going to hurt me.”

  Adam blinked, his brows drawing together in confusion. “Hurt you…? No, I just need to know.” Pulling me out of my chair, he backed me against the wall, his hand laying flat against my abdomen. All at once I felt his Grace touch mine, and the tiny flare of something else… something new. His eyes went wide with wonder before clouding with pain and what might be worry or regret, I couldn’t tell.

  “Adam, I tried to tell you, really I did.”

  “This can’t be happening, not again,” he murmured, eyes closing as he pressed his forehead to mine.

  “It won’t be, I mean it’s not. I’m not her, you know that. You can’t think the same thing will happen as before.”

  “I can’t…” he backed off, eyes darting around like a caged animal.

  “Adam please, let’s talk this through, just you and me.”

  “Come on, Mom, we’re going.” Matty hustled them towards the door, and I flashed him a grateful look. In the space it took me to look away, Adam was already going for the rear slider.

  “Adam wait… don’t go. We need to figure out what to do about this. I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay. I need you to tell me you still love me.” I already knew he loved me, and I thought that might shake him out of the unreasoning panic with the realization that I needed him, but the helpless look he shot me was still charged with a terrible fear.

  “That’s the problem, I do love you. And it’ll never be okay as long as I do.” His eyes told me he believed every single word he said.

  “Don’t you dare run away from this. I need you,” I dashed after him, but he was faster, through the door and vaulting over the balcony railing. “Adam!” I howled into the night sky as the wind whipped my hair into a frenzy.

  It couldn’t be happening again.

  Not after all the promises never to leave me again, the life we talked about building together. The future he spun for us seemed impossibly out of reach when he panicked and ran at the first sign of danger, even if he did think it was to protect me.

  I don’t know how long I stood out there in the freezing cold, staring into the dark skies for some flicker of movement I could recognize, that would tell me Adam was on his way back to me. All I know, is when I felt Daphne try to usher me back into the living room again, my hands ached from gripping the railing so tightly for so long.

  “Toss me that blanket,” she gestured to Sam, bringing my hands up to her mouth to blow on them, the heat hurting more than the numb of cold. I let them bundle me up in the blanket, not paying much attention as they talked about how best to warm me up.

  The hot mug almost fell when they wrapped my hands around it, I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t want to. The pins and needles that came with the return of warmth didn’t penetrate my heart, which stayed numb for my protection.

  “Mercy?”

  I realized they required a response, and I blinked, having no idea what had been asked.

  “What?”

  “What happened? Why were you out there all alone in the cold like that?”

  “Adam left.”

  “Adam was here?” Daphne traded looks with Sam, and I knew, she knew.

  “You told her.” It wasn’t an accusation, more like a statement. I was still too numb to be angry.

  “I am sorry, I know I promised,” Sam hung his head in shame.

  “It’s my fault, Mercy. I wormed it out of him, especially after I knew the secret was about you. I was worried, I’m sorry,” she gave me her most winsome smile, but even that didn’t penetrate the fog of despair I found myself wrapped in.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I shook my head. “He’s gone.”

  “He’ll be back though…”

  “I don’t… I don’t know if he will or not. You should have seen his face,” I shook my head.

  “Yeah, but he loves you, he… OMG, is that what I think it is?” Daphne suddenly grabbed my hand, the diamond flashing as she turned it first one way and then the other to get a good look at the ring. “You really have been holding out on me, when did this happen?”

  I’d almost forgotten about the engagement ring. Did it still count? “This morning. He surprised me this morning, with pancakes and a proposal.” My lips curved at the memory and I swallowed back the urge to cry. “That was before though, now…”

  “He’s just surprised, I’m sure he’ll be back, won’t he Sam?”

  “He has never been able to stay away overly long in the past,” Sam allowed, his head canting to one side as he thought it over. “Though he has not always chosen to reveal himself.”

  “But you knew how to find him, didn’t you? I mean apart from that one time he went to Midian to hammer out the details of his deal with Raum, you’ve always been able to find him before, right?” My eyes lit upon Sam, a speculative gleam coming into them.

  “I have always found Adam in the past, yes.”

  “You can find him for me then. Talk to him. Tell him it’s not the end of the world. You can bring him back for me,” I pleaded with him, nearly knocking over the mug in my haste to catch hold of his hand, demanding his compliance.

  “Mercy, I think it best if you let him come back in his own time.”

  “When? After the baby’s born? Sam, I need him with me now, I can’t do this alone.”

  “Oh honey, you’re not alone,” Daphne wrapped an arm around me.

  “I know, and trust me, I’ll be counting on you plenty, but that isn’t what I meant. I can’t help but feel like he’s not out there processing things, Adam is really gone, gone. You have to find him for me, Sam.” My eyes pleaded with him, drawing upon every thread that bound him to me in friendship.

  “I will find him,” he agreed with a nod. “But I can’t guarantee I can bring him back.”

  “Tell him…” I hardly knew what to say to get through to him in the state he was likely to be in. “Tell him I love him, and I need him, and his child needs him too.”

  “I will,” Sam rose to his feet and Daphne followed after him.

  “You’re going now?”

  Sam’s eyes flicked to mine and I let him off the hook, I didn’t want to steal him away just yet. “You don’t have to leave right away. You’re probably right, he needs some time to cool off, think things over a little. There’s no reason to ruin your Christmas on my account.”

  “It will be more difficult to track him the longer I wait,” he shook his head. “I will return to you as soon as I can.” He touched Daphne lightly on the cheek and I looked away, not wanting to intrude on their private moment. Instead, I gathered the blanket around me and shuffled to the kitchen to reheat my tea.

  Daphne settled on a barstool on the other side of the breakfast bar a few minutes later. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I couldn’t talk about it, not until after I figured out what to do.” I left out the part where I’d gone to see Luz, I couldn’t really explain why I hadn’t wanted to involve anyone I was close to at the time.

  “Did you figure it out then? Are you keeping the baby?”

  It had never occurred to me not to keep the baby, not once. Not that I didn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose, but it wasn’t ever an option to consider. It was Adam’s child, his and mine, a symbol of our love. If Luz was to be believed, things happened for a reason. Even if I couldn’t understand the reasons why, it comforted me to believe that too.

  “That’s the easy part. The hard part will be convincing Adam I’m not ab
out to be butchered by the Angel of Death just because I’m carrying his child.”

  “Are you sure about that? Raziel won’t be trapped in Midian for that much longer, what if he comes to pay you a visit in his official capacity when he gets out?”

  A sharp protectiveness swept through me, and I knew I’d defend my unborn child with my dying breath. The shining sword came with the barest of thoughts, its deadly weight a comfort in my hand. “Then I’ll be ready for him.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  With less than two weeks until the wedding, we were hard pressed to get everything done in time to make it as magical as the bride and groom wanted it to be. The fact that Oriana didn’t have much concept of what anything cost, or what was even possible in the real world made it a bit of a struggle, but finally we had the details hammered out to everyone’s satisfaction.

  No one had seen or heard from Ben in the past few weeks. Not like he was missing and I was a suspect, or at least Detective Santiago hadn’t turned up on my doorstep again. I’d locked myself away with Sam’s books for hours, and I hadn’t been able to find any other ways to purify his soul without killing him, but I also didn’t hear anything about any acts of evil in the works either. Wherever he was, Ben was content to bide his time, and I was glad for the respite.

  Neither had I heard a single word from Adam since Christmas night. Daphne spent most nights hanging out at the club or my place if I wasn’t working, just as gloomy as I was without Sam around. I felt bad for her love life suffering on the count of mine sucking, but I gathered that Sam at least called her on a daily basis. Me, he didn’t call at all, relying on Daphne to pass on his lack of success in finding Adam.

  It was only a matter of time before Daphne let something slip around Parker, and then it seemed like everyone knew I was pregnant. Half the club believed my story about a fiancé who traveled a lot, which was helped by the sparkly ring I still wore, but the other half whispered Parker might be the father. It probably should have bothered me, but I couldn’t make myself care. Mostly I tried to slip back into my regular routine, albeit somewhat modified since I had a bun in the oven.